My son was saying he wants to get a (folding) kayak to keep at work and go out after work. He works in Redwood City at a genetics company.
I loved to paddle around Catalina. I would lose track of time. I had a rowing machine, but I wore it out and my husband sold it when I was away. It was stupid, but it made me cry. I had figured I could fix it. He also made me sell my Alfa. I guess I still hold a grudge. Idiotic of me.  I think it was more than the loss of the things that hurt, but the disrespect it showed toward me. He made me feel insignificant, plus he snorted like a pig at me when I ate. He said I was no longer the person he married. I ended up bulimic.
I have never told anyone that.

I had always thought he was nice, but I overlooked things. He was perfect at everything. I was not.

Sometimes I think I would have been better off if my kidnapper HAD killed me.

My husband's best friend said he felt sorry for me because of the way my husband treated me.  I was stunned. He never indicated anything like that to me before.

Of course, my husband's family seems to blame me for his death; I guess because I was not feeling well enough to go sailing with him that day.

It is why I was emotional about you sailing. I could not bear losing you, but I may have done just that anyway. It tears me up each day.

I truly love you.