I just didn't feel like there was any joy in life, so I stayed in exile. I still feel that way. Also, with those terrible people wanting me (and maybe you too) dead, I felt no desire to do anything. I am frightened for you. That is the product of not knowing. Normal people don't go through such elaborate plans and no doubt a lot of money, for any good/positive reasons, but their own. Hating people is not good, but hating evil people cannot be wrong.