- Dercum's disease can be easily mistaken for a multitude of other diseases, especially in the elderly population, so a high index of suspicion is needed for early diagnosis and correct treatment of this disease entity.
- Dercum's disease most present as a multilesional disorder but can also present as a unilesional disorder as in our patient.
- As genetic factors are involved in the pathogenesis of Dercum's disease, relatives should be instructed and educated about this disease and their enhanced risk of developing similar symptoms.
- The use of intralesional lidocaine injection need to be considered as an alternative effective therapy in patients with Dercum's disease, avoiding systemic side effects, cost, and frequent cardiac monitoring of patients receiving intravenous lidocaine infusion (Table 4).
- Further research is needed to define the genetic basis of this condition, hoping that a subsequent curative treatment will be available.
Saturday, March 28, 2020
I need to get Naltrexone and ALA infused. LDN needs an RX
| Newsletter #182 Lee Euler, Editor |
| Web Version | Subscribe | Back Issues | Resource Center | Feedback About Cancer Defeated! |
The doctor who cured too many patients
by Andrew Scholberg
Editor's Note: Following is the second of two reports on the 5th Evidence-based Complementary & Alternative Cancer Conference held recently in West Palm Beach, Florida.
When he was a newly-minted medical doctor, Dr. Burt Berkson's bosses found it annoying that he was having so much success healing his patients. To teach him a lesson, they assigned him two patients that were definitely going to die within two weeks. These patients had eaten poisonous mushrooms, for which there was no known cure. Dr. Berkson's bosses told him to watch them die of liver failure, take notes about it, and fulfill his responsibilities.
What happened next was the beginning of a revolution in medical treatment. . . Continued below. . .
Dr. Berkson considered that one of his responsibilities was to try to heal his patients. So he called a scientist at the National Institutes of Health and asked him, "Can anything regenerate an organ?"
The guru replied, "We're looking at alpha lipoic acid." On the basis of that tip, Dr. Berkson injected alpha lipoic acid into both patients. Each one regenerated his liver and fully recovered.
His bosses blew their stacks!
When they didn't die, Dr. Berkson's bosses became really angry with him! They asked him, "What right do you have to treat liver disease? You're not even a hepatologist [liver specialist]."
Other doctors in the Cleveland area were furious because his successful liver treatments interfered with their liver transplant business. Apparently too many liver transplant candidates were choosing Dr. Berkson's inexpensive liver cure instead. Remarkably, alpha lipoic acid also works for hepatitis C, said Dr. Berkson. And it also reverses diabetic neuropathies, helping diabetics avoid amputations of toes. Regarding pancreatic cancer, Dr. Berkson said that the cure rate at M.D. Anderson (one of America's top conventional cancer hospitals) is just about zero at the end of a year. But he has had a lot of success reversing "hopeless" cases of pancreatic cancer with alpha lipoic acid and low dose Naltrexone (often referred to as LDN). Many of his pancreatic and liver cancer patients have survived for years and are now cancer free. (You can check out Issue 43 for more info about Naltrexone, and Issue 47 for more about alpha lipoic acid.) The oncologists in Las Cruces, New Mexico, where Dr. Berkson now practices medicine, are angry with him. Perhaps they envy his success. Patients at his out-patient clinic stay in a luxury condo because it's less expensive than a hotel. He recommends four to six servings of green vegetables a day. He says stay away from fake sugar, refined sugar, sugar substitutes like stevia, and fake butter. Although Dr. Berkson has had spectacular success with cancers of the pancreas and liver, and some success with breast cancer, he said he has had "no luck" treating colon cancer with alpha lipoic acid. "The older I get, the less I know," he said. The beginning of wisdom, as Socrates pointed out, is to realize you don't know anything. Our medical establishment is anything but wise. In addition to treating cancer, Dr. Berkson has also found a better way to treat auto-immune diseases. Most of his rheumatoid arthritis patients are off their prescription drugs within a month! (I wish I'd known about that in time to tell a cousin about his treatment for R.A. She was on Enbrel, a popular, heavily-advertised drug for R.A. She died of a massive infection, one of Enbrel's well known side effects.) Dr. Berkson is the author of The Alpha Lipoic Acid Breakthrough and also Syndrome X.
Runaway stress can kill you
Dr. Berkson's remarkable talk was one of the highlights of the Evidence-based Complementary & Alternative Cancer Conference. But there were so many outstanding talks it would be hard to single out one for special praise.
Dr. Susan Silberstein spoke about "Breast Cancer: The Stress Connection." She said, "We ask patients, 'Why do you think you got sick?' Ninety-five percent of them say they knew exactly where the disease came from: stress. Stress triggers a whole cascade of physical effects that can result in cancer. Stress may even be the most potent cancer-causing factor. And stress that's perceived as inevitable or uncontrollable is particularly damaging." What's needed, she said, is a balance between the sympathetic nervous system (the adrenaline rush that produces the "fight or flight" response) and the parasympathetic nervous system (the "rest and digest" relaxation response). The sympathetic nervous system is like the accelerator of a car, and the parasympathetic nervous system is like the brake. Both are necessary, for obvious reasons. But in the typical cancer patient, the "accelerator" is stuck to the floor, and the "brakes" are out. Stress management and stress reduction techniques are essential to restore the cancer patient's proper balance. Dr. Silberstein recommended changing the stress-inducing environment -- if not permanently, at least temporarily. She suggested a number of helpful ideas, such as exercise, biofeedback, hypnosis, meditation, yoga, massage, laughter, play, prayer, pets, support groups, and counseling. She affirmed that relationships and having a purpose in life are essential. Dr. Silberstein said, "The kind of disease the patient has is less important than the kind of patient that has the disease!"
Stress makes cancer worse, but these two minerals help!
Author Helayne Waldman, who wrote The Whole Food Guide for Breast Cancer Survivors, spoke on five minutes' notice when one of the scheduled speakers failed to show up. She said cancer patients have much more power than they believe they have, and she gave several valuable health tips.
She said cancer patients generally have a deficiency of magnesium and zinc because that's what people excrete when they're anxious. It's wise to replenish these minerals through supplementation. Another key substance that's necessary for health -- especially for breast and thyroid health -- is iodine. She recommended a urine test that shows whether one has enough iodine.
How to cancer proof yourself from your day of diagnosis
Tami Moehmer, the author of Incurable to Incredible: Cancer Survivors Who Beat the Odds, introduced the Breast Cancer Symposium's main speaker, Gwen Stritter, M.D.
Dr. Stritter posed the question: When "Jane Doe" is diagnosed with breast cancer, what can she do to increase her chance of survival immediately, that very day? The answer is: plenty! Dr. Stritter described this scenario, which is something any cancer patient can use to make herself practically cancer-proof:
Jane Doe has just found out she has breast cancer, but the cancer hardly stands a chance because she's making her body a hostile environment for cancer to grow.
Dr. Stritter pointed out that there's no longer any doubt that integrative cancer treatment beats conventional treatment hands down. The integrative clinics get results that "blow conventional medicine out of the water." She cited a study involving two integrative cancer clinics: Dr. Keith Block's clinic in Skokie, Illinois, and the Pine Street Clinic near San Francisco. "Terminal" cancer patients who sought integrative treatment at these clinics lived about three years longer, on average, than similar patients who sought conventional cancer treatment. "That's a huge difference," Dr. Stritter said. "Integrative oncology works!"
This woman's doctor's left a daily voice mail message:
"You're going to die..."
Holistic life coach Jill Schneider took the microphone and told her unusual story. Back in 1975 at the age of 29 her doctor gave her the horrible news: she had malignant cervical cancer. She decided to do a cleanse, and she knew it would help. She did the brown rice cleanse for 10 days, chewing each mouthful of brown rice 50 to 100 times. She said, "It purifies the blood." In addition, she started doing acupuncture and changed to a macrobiotic diet.
Meanwhile, her gynecologist called her every day and left this message on her answering machine, "You're going to die unless you come back [for conventional treatment]." She ignored these messages. She decided that to heal herself she needed to get away and spend a lot of time in nature. So she went to Venezuela and Peru, where she could live on $5 a day, and stayed in South America until her money ran out after four months. When she returned to America, her cancer was completely gone! Today she rides her bike 12 miles a day in the Everglades. She feels fantastic. She knew her calling was to help people, and she now does one-on-one holistic coaching. Her book is Oy Vey to Joy Vey, and her website is www.circle-of-life.net.
Every American will be diabetic by the year 2050!
One of the top cancer doctors in the world, Rodrigo Rodriguez, M.D., of the International Biocare Hospital in Mexico, spoke on "Detox and Diet." He got right to the point: "The junk diet is literally killing us. For the first time in American history we're raising children that won't outlive their parents! By 2050, every single American will be diabetic if the trend continues. We have to learn how to eat right."
Dr. Rodriguez described his "100 year rule" for eating: if the food you're about to eat was available 100 years ago, you should be all right. But if it didn't exist 100 years ago, you should probably avoid eating it. He says one of the major mistakes most people make is not chewing their food enough. Chewing is absolutely essential for proper digestion and nutrition. Many cancer patients arrive at Dr. Rodriguez's clinic dehydrated and malnourished. Often they lack even the desire to eat. Dr. Rodriguez solves that problem with an IV to hydrate and feed the patients. "They snap back to life," he said. And the cancer treatments work better when the patient is given enough hydration and nutrition.
Veterinarians give better advice
Dr. Rodriguez made this intriguing observation: When a patient goes to the doctor and complains about dull hair, eight out of 10 doctors will say, "Change your shampoo." But when someone takes their pet to the vet and complains about a dull coat of fur, eight out of 10 vets will ask, "What are you feeding your pet?" Dr. Rodriguez concluded, "For nutrition, you're better off with a vet!" The audience laughed.
Incidentally, I've personally interviewed Dr. Rodriguez and toured his clinic as well as the other top integrative cancer clinics in Mexico. These clinics are among the best in the world, and they are affordable. Quite a few Amish people go to the Mexican clinics when they get cancer because they prefer natural treatments rather than conventional American treatments. For more information, click on Adios, Cancer. "Preventing Lymphedema" was the title of the talk by Daya Fisch, an expert in the lymphatic system. She said the lymphatic system is one of three systems that can't be separated. The other two are the muscular system and the energy system (the meridians and pressure points identified in Chinese medicine). Exercise, she said, addresses the lymphatic system and muscular system and probably the energy system as well. She said, "You don't need any acupuncture needles to open up the meridian system. If you find a sore acupressure point, it means the energy is blocked. Work the bad spots. Touch the sensitive areas." She also recommended stretching, physical therapy, and massage. The entire audience was grateful to Ann Fonfa, the head of the Annie Appleseed Project, for presenting another informative and inspirational conference. If you missed the first part of this two-part report, you can scroll down and read it now.
"Honey, throw out the roast,
we're going vegetarian!" Editor's Note: Following is the report of one of our star writers, Andrew Scholberg, who represented Cancer Defeated at the 5th Evidence-based Complementary & Alternative Cancer Conference held recently in West Palm Beach, Florida. The conference is sponsored by the Annie Appleseed Project, a nonprofit group that challenges conventional cancer treatment and seek alternatives.
One of Dr. Keith Block's patients with metastasized prostate cancer called his wife after his initial consultation. He told her, "Honey, throw out the roast. We're going vegetarian!" She did, and he's still alive 25 years later.
Keith Block, M.D., is one of the world's leading integrative cancer doctors. He related this story at the 2012 Complementary & Alternative Cancer Conference, where he was the keynote speaker. Another patient came to Dr Block with metastasized kidney cancer. The doctor he'd been seeing had given him one month to live. He's alive 22 years later and free of disease. And Dr. Block says he actually looks younger today than he did 22 years ago! Keep reading to find out how Dr. Block brings about these remarkable cures. . . Continued below. . .
A woman with inoperable pancreatic cancer was given three months to live. Her doctor told her, "We have no treatment for you." She went to Dr. Block's clinic and is now a long-term survivor.
Dr. Block has many other such stories that prove how foolish it is for a doctor to presume to know how long a patient is going to live -- something only God can know. The founder of the Annie Appleseed conference, Ann Fonfa, first met Dr. Block in 2005. She introduced him by saying, "We know what Keith Block does is working because we hear from people all over the country."
Doctors use this alternative secret,
but you can't have it
Dr. Block rejects the notion that a cancer doctor should use only conventional treatments or only natural remedies. Rather, he combines the best of both. He uses chemo sensitivity testing, designed to match a patient's cancer cells with the specific chemo drug that's most likely to kill the strain of cancer the patient has. He only uses chemo when the test indicates that a chemo drug will be effective against that cancer.
Ann Fonfa pointed out that some conventional cancer doctors are well aware of the value of the chemo sensitivity test, yet they withhold it from their patients! She found out about that by accident from a doctor from the Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center who attended one of her conferences. This doctor told the audience that when he got colon cancer his fellow doctors at Sloan-Kettering gave him a chemo sensitivity test to find the best treatment. But he said the same doctors tell all their patients that "chemo sensitivity testing doesn't work." This dishonesty, hypocrisy, and greed is par for the course in the cancer treatment racket. But Dr. Block's clinic is different. His sole focus is to give his patients therapies that will actually help them get rid of their cancer. And he has put just about everything needed to beat cancer under one roof.
The six key factors in treating cancer
The treatment plan at Dr. Block's clinic focuses on a few key factors, and he named six: the eating plan, the mind-spirit connection, physical care, nutrition, fitness, and attitude. The treatment is individualized, not one-size-fits-all.
The first thing you see when you enter Dr. Block's clinic is the kitchen. And that's no accident because he regards food as either a help or a hindrance in getting rid of cancer. Eating the wrong foods -- like sugar, bad fats, and junk food -- will feed cancer. But a solid eating plan that includes a good variety of vegetables helps cure cancer. He recommends a colorful variety ("rainbow") of vegetables, whole cereal grains, and mostly plant-based proteins. He offers his patients cooking classes, which he says are fundamental and basic for medical care. Inflammation is a common problem that can lead to or aggravate cancer. In fact, inflammation more than doubles the mortality from cancer. Yet conventional doctors don't even test for it. Dr. Block does, and he prescribes a treatment plan that reduces inflammation. Correcting the ratio of bad fats to good fats is one way to reduce inflammation. Dr. Block said that omega 6 fats can drive up inflammation. The typical American has a ratio of 20 to one of bad fats to good fats (omega 3). Kids may have a ratio of 40 or 45 to one. A ratio of two to one or one to one is ideal, he said. He pointed out that cutting dietary fat lowered the risk of breast cancer recurrence 24 percent. Sleep is "super relevant" for health and especially for cancer patients, according to Dr. Block. Being exposed to light while sleeping increases breast cancer incidence by 22 percent because light suppresses melatonin. Using black shades with velcro to block light from a bedroom can improve the quality of sleep, he said.
Air travel industry would be shut down
if it had a record like the cancer industry
Dr. Block posed the question, "Why are we losing the war on cancer, which costs America $225 billion a year?" He said you could fill 12 jumbo jets with the Americans who will get diagnosed with cancer today -- and another 12 jumbo jets tomorrow and the next day and the next. That's bad enough. But he said the number of people dying of cancer each day would fill three or four jumbo jets. He observed that "the FAA would shut down all flights if the prognosis for flight safety were that bad!"
We're losing the war on cancer, Dr. Block declared, because "our system is topsy turvy" and because "there's no foundation for true prevention." Screening procedures aren't prevention because they only catch disease -- early, one hopes. But even catching it early is too late when the cancer could've been prevented in the first place. Dr. Block, who has seen over 18,000 patients, declared, "People don't die from cancer. They die from complications and consequences of the disease -- from things that are treatable." He listed sticky blood as an example. Sticky blood can lead to an embolism. But an integrative treatment program can change blood from sticky to slippery, which is much more healthy. How important is exercise in a cancer treatment program? Dr. Block declared, "No patient has done a three-mile speed walk and died the next day." That being the case, when someone has cancer it'd be an excellent idea to do a three-mile speed walk every day! Dr. Block wants all of his patients to get moving. And he even has a treadmill next to the chemo suites at his clinic. Dr. Block often treats his patients while they're exercising. For example, he can give a chemo drip by IV while a patient is doing yoga.
This doctor follows his own advice
Dr. Block practices what he preaches about exercise. His favorite hobby is cold-water surfing. Believe it or not, he surfs the waves of Lake Michigan during the cold, windy Chicago winters. He has also surfed the waves off the shores of Alaska, and he even surfed 1,000 feet from glaciers in Antarctica!
Of course, few cancer patients will follow him in that extreme hobby. But just about all cancer patients can walk three to five hours per week. For those who like to ride a bike, Dr. Block recommends 30 minutes of cycling per day. Dr. Block is the editor-in-chief of Integrative Cancer Therapies and the author of Life Over Cancer. For years, the Block Center for Integrative Cancer Treatment was located in Evanston, Illinois, a suburb of Chicago. He recently moved his clinic to the adjacent suburb of Skokie.
Doctor apologized for not listening
The next presentation was a panel discussion of long-term cancer survivors. Moderator Julia Chiappetta found her breast cancer herself. She'd formed the habit of checking herself for cancer, and she felt her tumor.
But when she first saw a doctor about her concern, he gave her a mammogram, which was negative, and told her not to worry about it. She pleaded with him to do a biopsy because she could feel something wasn't right. The doctor had to apologize to her when the biopsy came back positive for stage 2 breast cancer. He promised to listen to his patients better in the future. Julia says mammograms are only about 50 percent accurate. She prefers other cancer detection tools: ultrasound, thermography, and MRIs. To get rid of her cancer, Julia used a natural protocol with no drugs whatsoever, and that worked for her. For a detailed description of thermography, see our Special Report Breast Cancer Cover-Up.
They used alternatives — and lived
Panelist Eddie Dutton, the executive director of the South Florida Cancer Association, had stage 4 neck cancer with a cancerous tongue and throat. One doctor gave him four months to live. His doctor gave him the conventional treatment -- surgery, radiation, and chemo.
When Eddie asked the doctor about alternatives, the doctor said, "I don't know anything about it, so I wouldn't recommend it." He decided to use alternatives, including laetrile (apricot seeds), resveratrol, and hawthorne berries. These alternatives helped him get rid of his cancer. Panelist Billy Lewter is a prostate cancer survivor. He'd decided to get surgery but changed his mind in favor of alternatives. His doctor was shocked and offended upon learning that Billy wasn't going to have surgery. He shook Billy by the shoulders and said, "You're playing Russian roulette! You have 12 months to live." Billy sought treatment at the Hippocrates Health Institute, a Florida clinic. Later he went to Germany for cancer treatment at the late Dr. Hans Nieper's clinic in Hanover. Dr. Nieper gave him Venus fly trap extract and other therapies. The doctor who once told him "you have 12 months to live" was dead wrong. Billy has survived for 19 years without conventional treatment. Unfortunately he was recently diagnosed with lung cancer, though he's not a smoker. He hopes to beat that, too.
The doctor was talking through his hat
Panelist Florence Ferreira learned she had cancer 12 years ago. Like Julia, she found it herself despite a mammogram that was negative. Her doctor gave her "six months to live." She never believed him. She had a sense that he was talking through his hat.
To outlive her doctor's death sentence, she used both conventional and alternative therapies. For her, this integrative approach has worked. But two years ago she had a setback. In September of 2010 she learned about two tumors growing in her spine, pinching the nerves going to her legs. This caused intense pain. She couldn't sleep at night. She was screaming. Steroids didn't help. When the pain kept on increasing she went on morphine. Dr. Martin Dayton of Sunny Isles Beach, Florida, helped her get through the crisis. Florence calls him a "great doctor." To get rid of the tumors, she concluded that she needed extreme hyperthermia -- a treatment that's only available in Germany. So she got her passport, flew to Germany, and checked into the clinic of one of Germany's leading cancer specialists, Alexander Herzog, M.D. (I've personally interviewed Dr. Herzog and toured his clinic as well as the other top clinics in Germany. For more information, check out our Special Report German Cancer Breakthrough.) Florence needed wheelchair service to make it to Dr. Herzog's clinic. She had hardly slept for months. She was swollen just about everywhere. She had local hyperthermia on her spine the very first day, which gave her immediate relief. "It was pretty amazing," she said. On the third day Dr. Herzog gave her extreme whole body hyperthermia in which her core temperature was heated to 42 degrees Celsius (107.6 degrees Fahrenheit) for four hours under sedation. Healthy cells can take this kind of heat for four hours, but cancer cells can't.
Florence came back to America dancing and jumping!
She said, "I came back to America walking, dancing, and jumping." Florence's oncologist couldn't believe it. Instead of looking into the German treatments he told her, "It HAS to be the placebo effect." What an ignorant remark!
From the time Cancer Defeated first started in 2006, we've repeatedly and forcefully recommended hyperthermia. It's a treatment every cancer patient and everyone who might become a cancer patient (in other words, everybody) should know about. The best source of information is German Cancer Breakthrough. The youngest panelist, Johnny Cathcard, was diagnosed with brain cancer at the age of 12. He started getting headaches in sixth grade, and they became worse in seventh grade. After an MRI, a doctor told his parents, "My gosh, your son has a fist-sized tumor in his brain. We've got to cut it out now!" The next morning he was on the operating table. After surgery, he got heavy doses of conventional treatments, including a "super dose of chemo" 11 years ago at Sloan-Kettering. The side effects were severe, including some damage to his hearing. Johnny's high school cross country coach once told him, "When you get to the end of what you can do, that's where faith begins." And Johnny holds onto those words as a metaphor for life. He says "bad things often happen, but life is all about how we deal with them. Life isn't meant to be easy, it's just meant to be worth it!" Johnny is wise beyond his years. He says faith got him through his many health crises: faith that tomorrow will come, faith that there will be a future, faith that he's going to get to the other side. The panel also included Jennifer Rozman, who became a full-time caregiver when her mother was dying of breast cancer. That experience revealed her mission in life: to help people be proactive with health. She started a juicing company and brings juice to people's homes. She teaches others that connecting the mind and the body is the path to true health. Next issue will feature our concluding report on Anne Fonfa's excellent conference.
Kindest regards,
 Lee Euler Publisher If you’d like to comment, write me at newsletter@cancerdefeated.com. Please do not write asking for personal advice about your health. I’m prohibited by law from assisting you. If you want to contact us about a product you purchased or a service issue, the email address is custserv@cancerdefeated.com. Editor in Chief: Lee Euler Contributing Editors: Mindy Tyson McHorse, Carol Parks, Roz Roscoe Marketing: Shane Holley Information Technology Advisor: Michelle Mato Webmaster: Steve MacLellan Fulfillment & Customer Service: Joe Ackerson and Cami Lemr | |||
| Health Disclaimer: The information provided above is not intended as personal medical advice or instructions. You should not take any action affecting your health without consulting a qualified health professional. The authors and publishers of the information above are not doctors or health-caregivers. The authors and publishers believe the information to be accurate but its accuracy cannot be guaranteed. There is some risk associated with ANY cancer treatment, and the reader should not act on the information above unless he or she is willing to assume the full risk. Reminder: You're getting this email because you purchased a special report or book from us and gave us permission to contact you. From time to time we'll alert you to other important information about alternative cancer treatments. If you want to update or remove your email address, please scroll down to the bottom of this page and click on the appropriate link. We're an online cancer bookstore offering Outsmart Your Cancer, Cancer Step Outside the Box, Stop Cancer Before It Starts, Natural Cancer Remedies that Work, Adios-Cancer, Cancer Breakthrough USA, Missing Ingredient For Good Health, German Cancer Breakthrough, How to Cure Almost Any Cancer for $5.15 a Day and Keep Your Gallbladder! To ensure delivery of this newsletter to your inbox and to enable images to load in future mailings, please add custserv@cancerdefeated.com to your e-mail address book or safe senders list. You are receiving this email at #listrak\email#.
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Changes of Life~
I reach to the depths
of
my primordial soul
The mixture I find
fills a
a mutable bowl
Could I belong in a place
where
cruelty abides
and truth exists on
a
ruler that slides?
I found in your eyes
a
home of compassion
In a thick sauce
of
love
and divine interaction
No one desired your time
and
bountiful selection
They thought of your
heart as a common
transaction
I'll never forget the beautiful
days
where laughter was
binding a friendship
that stays
You'll always be
the one
I forever adore
who saved my
small life
from the ones
I abhor
~Haviva
(c) HVM 2020
Friday, March 27, 2020
If I knew someone had been forging my signature, aka stealing my identity, I would file a complaint with my PD. Callous people who only care about money and had been forging my signature left and right, do not have good intentions. They may write up a will, forge your signature and do away with you. Don't let that happen. Hopefully you have taken measures to prevent that. The people who have been involved in the "thing" are not nice.
All I care about is that you are safe and happy. The shorter the time gets for the
the more desperate they will get. Go to , or call the DA's office and ask for Inspector Decker and give a statement. People who are motivated by money are scary. I think they were doing this entire thing against me from the start, not to hurt me as a stalker, but to blame for hurting you. Please protect yourself and get to safety away from them. You need to stop playing into their hands and be proactive. I will help you, or not, it is up to you. I love you. Be safe.
All I care about is that you are safe and happy. The shorter the time gets for the
the more desperate they will get. Go to , or call the DA's office and ask for Inspector Decker and give a statement. People who are motivated by money are scary. I think they were doing this entire thing against me from the start, not to hurt me as a stalker, but to blame for hurting you. Please protect yourself and get to safety away from them. You need to stop playing into their hands and be proactive. I will help you, or not, it is up to you. I love you. Be safe.
Thursday, March 26, 2020
The MRI was a good experience and the people very nice.
This pandemic scares me for you. I am scared for everyone, but my heart is with you. Sorry if that makes me wrong, but I cannot help it.
I wish you were here.
The only thing I would ever say that would sound way beyond my business, would be retire, get away from them and go elsewhere, or nothing and enjoy rest and fun. You deserve to do whatever you want, but most definitely get away from that Mafia run place. I would support you for anything and welcome you here.
This pandemic scares me for you. I am scared for everyone, but my heart is with you. Sorry if that makes me wrong, but I cannot help it.
I wish you were here.
The only thing I would ever say that would sound way beyond my business, would be retire, get away from them and go elsewhere, or nothing and enjoy rest and fun. You deserve to do whatever you want, but most definitely get away from that Mafia run place. I would support you for anything and welcome you here.
I think that a-hole attorney wrote the police report and paid the guy to write it up as if he did it. He said he researched and saw I had been previously arrested 3 times. That is the attorney. He was arrested 2 times, so he is such a big baby, he had to say I was arrested 3 times and made it sound like the officer said it. I have never been arrested for anything, NOTHING! If you had nothing to do with it, that attorney needs to be turned in!
He called mxe obese! That is not you. That attorney needs to be in jail! His real client is probably paying a bundle to keep you her prisoner.
They need to be stopped.
He called mxe obese! That is not you. That attorney needs to be in jail! His real client is probably paying a bundle to keep you her prisoner.
They need to be stopped.
The "Mind body Connection" Audible book is pretty helpful. There were guided meditations to help give people more independent thinking and keep them from falling into the social trap of age. People, he said who live into their hundred + years, do not accept being put into categories as they age and reject certain stereotypes that would apply to certain ages.some don't reveal their age at all. I kept listening for quite awhile.
Wednesday, March 25, 2020
I had written 5 hundred, or more poems (for you) but I deleted around 100 of my poems because I thought they were embarrassing.I wish I could find them again, because they told a story, if nothing else. I have at least 400 left.
Always be well. I will do whatever I can when I am gone and with our angel who loves you too, to keep watch over you, but you must be strong, my dearest friend of my heart and find freedom, or you will not last. You are so precious to me, I could never express it strongly, or meaningfully enough. I was so blessed to have met you, because you showed me what love felt like, or meant.
I get to go to Heaven with you in my mind. How wonderful is that?
I love you forever.
Always be well. I will do whatever I can when I am gone and with our angel who loves you too, to keep watch over you, but you must be strong, my dearest friend of my heart and find freedom, or you will not last. You are so precious to me, I could never express it strongly, or meaningfully enough. I was so blessed to have met you, because you showed me what love felt like, or meant.
I get to go to Heaven with you in my mind. How wonderful is that?
I love you forever.
I read a police report of lies that was supposedly filed by my former doctor. Some of it is true and most of it is false. I am not even certain if that doctor actually filed it. It was mean and it has many lies and hurtful comments. It does not sound like my doctor. It certainly would be nice if my doctor would deny, or confirm. It makes no difference to my feelings, but it shows how corrupted is the legal world. My old address was purposely put on it, so I would not get it before a warrant was sent out. I know who has pulled that cheap crap in the past. Using people for personal gain. Those people are desperate and dangerous. People who are motivated by money are heartless.
No one should have to worry about their safety in a place of healthcare, or anywhere, really. It is absurd! How is anyone supposed to feel safe? I worry with the time getting shorter to the legal thing, etc, being over. That can create desperate people. They thumb their noses at law. They can create a stroke and who would question it? I have warned many places of authority, but the best place is the DA's office. Don't be a sitting duck. When a person's signature has been forged many times, that person has damning evidence that will leave them a retaliation target. If the victim called, it would convince them to give protection. Great caution must be taken.
I guess I have become very jittery about K. Some of them must not be influenced by what they think I did, but I DID hear that bad things are written about me at the beginning of my chart. That would be such a HIPPA violation, right? At least immoral, or indecent. That is so sad that someone would want that done to someone else. It actually sounds like Trump behavior.....pathetic and.....nuts. A quality place would not allow such a thing, but they have allowed terrible behavior to go one. It certainly sinks their reputation in my book. Look how they allowed that wall to go up, with a locked door? Is it meant to keep virulent gift givers out, or give the mental impression that they who are locked in
were in danger? They will go to any lengths to make certain their prima donna is happy. Do they realise that what was being requested by her,with this entire things shows she is
mentally ill and a criminal?
People who think they own a human being are not stable. No one should indulge them, they should be treated for their mental illness. Someone could die someday because of it. Maybe she is also abusive.....? No one is doing her a favor shielding the illness. I know the Hell they
can put people through. That place has such a high school mentality. It is so beneath you. I would ALWAYS stand up for you. People who love someone, don't do this to their loved one, but certainly would to their "property!" This is not a third world country. Not yet anyway. I would show respect and love, not that abusive crap. That is why they abuse me there, they kow tow to a powerful person's wishes, even insane ones.
were in danger? They will go to any lengths to make certain their prima donna is happy. Do they realise that what was being requested by her,with this entire things shows she is
mentally ill and a criminal?
People who think they own a human being are not stable. No one should indulge them, they should be treated for their mental illness. Someone could die someday because of it. Maybe she is also abusive.....? No one is doing her a favor shielding the illness. I know the Hell they
can put people through. That place has such a high school mentality. It is so beneath you. I would ALWAYS stand up for you. People who love someone, don't do this to their loved one, but certainly would to their "property!" This is not a third world country. Not yet anyway. I would show respect and love, not that abusive crap. That is why they abuse me there, they kow tow to a powerful person's wishes, even insane ones.
K. May have some nice places there, but their doctors who have loyalty to a cruel narcissist and treat me like crap because she whined to everyone that I am a "bad guy" for....then, I will never find good, honest medical treatment. Forget them. I will do without. How could anyone trust abusive liars who allow a "hit man" to work over their patient. It is a criminal act, one to be avoided. I cannot afford to have the tests redone elsewhere. But, I will look around to see what I can find. That quackery needs to be shut down.
When I can have the person I trust help me, then I will believe
I believe that the people attacking me and claiming "You're going to die, you're going to die!" "You have spots on your lungs, we need to check to see if the cancer has gone to your brain!" "CANCER IS NOT PAINFUL" "I was thinking you have emotional problems, because you do not seem emotional!" I do not appreciate their hysteria. I think they will hope to discourage me and make me go downhill, whether I actually have cancer, or not. When so much doesn't make sense, I have to rule it out. That cruel attorney tried to make me die and did not succeed; I think he is still trying to use the doctors to bring me down. I do not trust any of them! Even if they take MRIs or anything else, how do I know the one they show me, is actually mine?
Dr. Z gave me an exam, said nothing about cancer. He yelled at me saying cancer is not painful, but I went to see him thinking I had an infection, not cancer.
I do not even trust them with an MRI, or bone scan.
No one is trustworthy, except the one I trust. When he can help me, then I will get back into it.
Dr. Z gave me an exam, said nothing about cancer. He yelled at me saying cancer is not painful, but I went to see him thinking I had an infection, not cancer.
I do not even trust them with an MRI, or bone scan.
No one is trustworthy, except the one I trust. When he can help me, then I will get back into it.
Leave abuse behind....
Are you able to leave an abusive place? It doesn't seem healthy to stay. The abuse can manifest in ill health. You don't deserve that. You deserve the best, because you are the best. They have abused you terribly. You deserve peace and happiness. They have treated you like a caged animal they can push around. No place, no person has the right to disrespect you and from I have seen, it has been severe. They have no right to treat your beauty, dignity and intelligence without the respect they all so rightly deserve in the wonderful form of you.
Those who have abused you are criminals. Criminals have no right to make rules for anyone. They belong in jail. They need to understand that they are beneath you. You should call your own shots, not done by people who have no right to do so. Command the respect you naturally and worked hard to deserve. People who don't see it or want to show respect, should be dropped. Those people know how great you are, they just take advantage of your kindness. Only bad people do that. Your kindness is special and should be revered, not used for other's benefit, like a beast of burden. Live for yourself for once.
You automatically take care of your responsibilities, because it is who you are already. You must be compassionate to yourself too. I think you have neglected being compassionate to yourself, and those who want to keep you as subservient for their own purposes are happy about it. They don't care about you and your true happiness. You will harm your health. I allowed it to happen to myself. It did hurt me. I cannot let it keep going on with you; I could not call myself a friend if I did and I most certainly could not claim to love you if I saw you were in peril and allowed it to continue.
I love you, admire you and respect you. You are in peril. Time to make that peril stop!
When you smiled at me, my heart went out to you and I wanted to do anything to care for you, or give you anything just to see you happy. It became automatic, like it was a part of me and it actually was, because it has been so tough to miss you. An important part of me has been missing.
I so very look forward to seeing you again.
Those who have abused you are criminals. Criminals have no right to make rules for anyone. They belong in jail. They need to understand that they are beneath you. You should call your own shots, not done by people who have no right to do so. Command the respect you naturally and worked hard to deserve. People who don't see it or want to show respect, should be dropped. Those people know how great you are, they just take advantage of your kindness. Only bad people do that. Your kindness is special and should be revered, not used for other's benefit, like a beast of burden. Live for yourself for once.
You automatically take care of your responsibilities, because it is who you are already. You must be compassionate to yourself too. I think you have neglected being compassionate to yourself, and those who want to keep you as subservient for their own purposes are happy about it. They don't care about you and your true happiness. You will harm your health. I allowed it to happen to myself. It did hurt me. I cannot let it keep going on with you; I could not call myself a friend if I did and I most certainly could not claim to love you if I saw you were in peril and allowed it to continue.
I love you, admire you and respect you. You are in peril. Time to make that peril stop!
When you smiled at me, my heart went out to you and I wanted to do anything to care for you, or give you anything just to see you happy. It became automatic, like it was a part of me and it actually was, because it has been so tough to miss you. An important part of me has been missing.
I so very look forward to seeing you again.
Remember when I was waiting for an MRI and I sent you a quote by Henry Rollins and you said, "I didn't know you were into punk rock!" That was fun. I was always so amazed that you remembered nearly everything I said to you and I remember everything you said to me too. It felt like you knew what I was thinking too. That was so nice. Looking into your warm, dark eyes was even better, (except the time you looked sad.) I miss that so much. I was starving myself to lose weight, so I could make you proud of me....and we high fived the weight loss. You always tried to make me feel better about myself. I think if I had your eyes to look into all of the time, I could accomplish anything. I melted around you and my bp went crazy. I tried to overcome my flaws, but it seemed like you didn't care about them. It was the absolute best time of my life. I never felt so pampered and cared about before, until you. It was like a dream. I knew when they made you act mean. It hurt horribly, but I knew it wasn't you. It was a set-up by disgusting people. I know those people have no remorse for the bad they do. Cold blooded. Murderous. Only what they want matters to them. They used you and it terrifies me.
I don't want to die before seeing you again; life could not be that cruel, could it?
I don't want to die before seeing you again; life could not be that cruel, could it?
Tuesday, March 24, 2020
I bought a bidet awhile ago, just never figured out how to install it.
I put some of my supps under my tongue to get more benefit from them. I make shots of supergreens powder and just throw them down my throat, but I hold some of it in my mouth to absorb under my tongue. I also got an enema bag to use for some of the supps to avoid the digestive system. Yes, I am freaked out!
My breast never hurt like it did/does after having pieces removed. It is what is frightening me now. I felt great after I beat back the lipedema and there were no lumps, or pain. I should never have had the biopsies. I do not have a good feeling about them.
CAN someone die from an MRI, or bone scan? If I do, they prob gave me a injection to create a stroke.
Actually, what scares me even more is being there by 8 am. 😪 At least it is just Santa Rosa.
I want to run away with you and see the Pacific NorthWest (Might as well be honest, esp since I never have lied to you and never will). I want to catch salmon with you and cook it over a fire. Forage pine nuts and add them into a dandelion greens salad, or cook them in the drippings of the salmon. Little wilderness adventure. Play the guitar and write music, or poems and just talk, talk and talk! No one else would I want to bond with than you! I love you.
Lovely!
I put some of my supps under my tongue to get more benefit from them. I make shots of supergreens powder and just throw them down my throat, but I hold some of it in my mouth to absorb under my tongue. I also got an enema bag to use for some of the supps to avoid the digestive system. Yes, I am freaked out!
My breast never hurt like it did/does after having pieces removed. It is what is frightening me now. I felt great after I beat back the lipedema and there were no lumps, or pain. I should never have had the biopsies. I do not have a good feeling about them.
CAN someone die from an MRI, or bone scan? If I do, they prob gave me a injection to create a stroke.
Actually, what scares me even more is being there by 8 am. 😪 At least it is just Santa Rosa.
I want to run away with you and see the Pacific NorthWest (Might as well be honest, esp since I never have lied to you and never will). I want to catch salmon with you and cook it over a fire. Forage pine nuts and add them into a dandelion greens salad, or cook them in the drippings of the salmon. Little wilderness adventure. Play the guitar and write music, or poems and just talk, talk and talk! No one else would I want to bond with than you! I love you.
Lovely!
I made my version of sweet and sour chicken. No rice. It's okay. I had ordered a case of pineapple awhile ago on Amazon (no sugar), but they said the order is delayed, so it is missing from my sweet and sour. I never seem to have all the ingredients at the sametime.
Thursday is my MRI/Bone scan day. 8 am!!! Yikes!!!
I will keep from being frightened by thinking of you!
I love you forever! Stay safe!
Thursday is my MRI/Bone scan day. 8 am!!! Yikes!!!
I will keep from being frightened by thinking of you!
I love you forever! Stay safe!
I am sure this breast cancer issue is their opportunity to either kill me, or add more time to the R.O. or wait period. The timing is just too obvious. Something will happen. They already have been attacking me at K by saying and doing crazy things. I would go elsewhere, but financially I could not and now with a bad diagnosis? I just keep wondering what was injected into me that makes me get strange pain I never had before. I am tired and beaten down. This home is
your refuge. Get away from the vultures. They stole your identity so many times by forging your signature, they could be arrested...ALL OF THEM! People who hire criminals to do dirty work are just as guilty. If you file a complaint with the police, they will be arrested. They will not be able to harm you. I have the evidence. They did terrible things to me in your name! I would be furious!
your refuge. Get away from the vultures. They stole your identity so many times by forging your signature, they could be arrested...ALL OF THEM! People who hire criminals to do dirty work are just as guilty. If you file a complaint with the police, they will be arrested. They will not be able to harm you. I have the evidence. They did terrible things to me in your name! I would be furious!
I want to sell my cemetery plots, pay off back prop taxes, so they don't go for a grab, buy
an RV and run away to where twisted minds cannot reach me.
Come along, if you would like. (I would love it!) It
would be fun. Still in the formulation stage. I am feeling so lost and sad.
I don't believe the breast cancer stuff.
Could they kill me somehow during the MRI, or bone scan? Not saying I want that, but I know they want it. I mentioned to the DA's office that this is strange timing. The vultures are circling.
I am a scapegoat for what they want from you.
I don't care about anything but your safety and happiness. You made life lovely for me for awhile and that meant everything to me. I don't want you to deal with their horrible craziness any longer. Life is not supposed to be walking on eggshells. Live and enjoy. You are the most beautiful person I ever met and loved.
an RV and run away to where twisted minds cannot reach me.
Come along, if you would like. (I would love it!) It
would be fun. Still in the formulation stage. I am feeling so lost and sad.
I don't believe the breast cancer stuff.
Could they kill me somehow during the MRI, or bone scan? Not saying I want that, but I know they want it. I mentioned to the DA's office that this is strange timing. The vultures are circling.
I am a scapegoat for what they want from you.
I don't care about anything but your safety and happiness. You made life lovely for me for awhile and that meant everything to me. I don't want you to deal with their horrible craziness any longer. Life is not supposed to be walking on eggshells. Live and enjoy. You are the most beautiful person I ever met and loved.
I still have a substantial amount of storage clutter in the house and the kitchen
is a renovator's dream,
feel free to come here any time you want to run. It is yours too. (Sorry to make it sound bad, but it actually is pleasant).
I was just not prepared for a much smaller place, or such inhospitable people. I had worked so hard in the garage to get it in shape, but the emptying of the storage unit and bringing it here took me back to square one. I will take care of it again, I am just a bit more tired right now.
is a renovator's dream,
feel free to come here any time you want to run. It is yours too. (Sorry to make it sound bad, but it actually is pleasant).
I was just not prepared for a much smaller place, or such inhospitable people. I had worked so hard in the garage to get it in shape, but the emptying of the storage unit and bringing it here took me back to square one. I will take care of it again, I am just a bit more tired right now.
Please, no matter what our personal feelings turn out to be, let's band together and look out for each other, okay? I never want you manipulated, humiliated, frightened, or sad again, or feeling alone in it all. I will be well and I will be there for you. You are my kindred spirit and I am drawn toward you. You should not be bullied. I would love to go and have nothing but beautiful nature and you to absorb.
Please help me sort through the bullshit and get away from the crazies and self-centered narcissists. If I have something, I will get over it, but I will NEVER have any of them perform surgery on me!
Please help me sort through the bullshit and get away from the crazies and self-centered narcissists. If I have something, I will get over it, but I will NEVER have any of them perform surgery on me!
It just seems rather odd that Dr. Z did my exam and sent me off with a clean bill. Then a phone call from Dr. Z yelling at me that CANCER ISN'T PAINFUL TO LATER CALLING ME AND SAYING I COULD DIE IF I DON'T GET FURTHER TESTING TO SAYING HE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANY OF IT and washes his hands of it all!
SOME YOUNG SURGEON WITH HEAD HAIR OVER HALF HIS FACE SAYS HE IS GOING TO DO THE BIOPSIES. NATURALLY I SAID NO. TO HIM, BUT COULD GET NO ONE ELSE. I DROP OFF THE RADAR FOR OVER FOUR MONTHS, NOW SUDDENLY I AM A PRIORITY!
I get terrorized by a Radiologist telling me my situation is dire and "REALLY, REALLY BAD" TO JABBING ME WITHN NEEDLES AND A HOLE PUNCH WHILE ADMONISHING ME FOR A LACK OF EMOTION! THEN FINDING RELIEF WHEN I CRIED!
Now I am on speed dial for an MRI and BONE SCAN!
WOULD YOU TRUST THEM?
WHAT ARE THEY COVERING UP? I DON'T TRUST THE TIMING OF THIS! IT SEEMS FISHY THAT WAITING IS NEARLY UP AND SUDDENLY IS INTERESTED IN MY HEALTH!
I DON'T TRUST THAT PLACE! I BELIEVE THEY SUPPLY STROKES TO PEOPLE THEY WANT OUT OF THE WAY! ANYTHING TO KEEP THEIR NARCISSIST HAPPY!
SOME YOUNG SURGEON WITH HEAD HAIR OVER HALF HIS FACE SAYS HE IS GOING TO DO THE BIOPSIES. NATURALLY I SAID NO. TO HIM, BUT COULD GET NO ONE ELSE. I DROP OFF THE RADAR FOR OVER FOUR MONTHS, NOW SUDDENLY I AM A PRIORITY!
I get terrorized by a Radiologist telling me my situation is dire and "REALLY, REALLY BAD" TO JABBING ME WITHN NEEDLES AND A HOLE PUNCH WHILE ADMONISHING ME FOR A LACK OF EMOTION! THEN FINDING RELIEF WHEN I CRIED!
Now I am on speed dial for an MRI and BONE SCAN!
WOULD YOU TRUST THEM?
WHAT ARE THEY COVERING UP? I DON'T TRUST THE TIMING OF THIS! IT SEEMS FISHY THAT WAITING IS NEARLY UP AND SUDDENLY IS INTERESTED IN MY HEALTH!
I DON'T TRUST THAT PLACE! I BELIEVE THEY SUPPLY STROKES TO PEOPLE THEY WANT OUT OF THE WAY! ANYTHING TO KEEP THEIR NARCISSIST HAPPY!
Where you work is an insane asylum. A well paid prisoner, where even the personal life is invaded. The only way to freedom, is leave. You don't have to be obligated to me, but I would help you do what feels right to you. It was painful to see what was being done to you. You deserve so much better.
You should have love and freedom.
Maybe I am getting it wrong, but what I saw was inhumane manipulation and treatment.
You should have love and freedom.
Maybe I am getting it wrong, but what I saw was inhumane manipulation and treatment.
It ripped my heart out for you.
I love you, but I don't own people.
My heart only wants to love you and forget any bad stuff. I am tired of bad. I actually want to stop with anything to do with health, or terrible people attacking. What is the point of getting healthy, if life is crap? They will always try their miserable behavior to get what they want. If you were poor they wouldn't give a shit about you. Good people don't do the things they have done. They are mercenary and evil, no matter how they disguise it. Don't be a Stockholm Syndrome victim.
So much does not make sense that all I can do is have faith. It would devastate me to find out that the person who means the most to me, allowed me to be harmed for some unknown reason to me.
It would end me. But I want to believe in him so much, I know I would ignore it. There would have to be a good reason for it. Even my terror was a part of it.
My love is so strong, I think I would ignore almost anything. Maybe it is pathetic, but maybe the beauty of love comes at an ugly price.
It would end me. But I want to believe in him so much, I know I would ignore it. There would have to be a good reason for it. Even my terror was a part of it.
My love is so strong, I think I would ignore almost anything. Maybe it is pathetic, but maybe the beauty of love comes at an ugly price.
Article re Dercum's. I do believe it is what I have. So, what I don't understand is what did it look like under the microscope? Cancer, or fat? Both? Any relationship to my son's severe rheumatoid arthritis? Were the medical workers mean and callous merely out of misplaced loyalty? Are they pretending it is cancer to get the testing done?
https://academic.oup.com/painmedicine/article/11/9/1430/1859964
https://academic.oup.com/painmedicine/article/11/9/1430/1859964
Some people have a variety of reasons why they think they are better than others and they think it is fine for them to hurt their victims, because they are inferior. But it doesn't make them better, it makes them Hitler.
They merely have power.....for now. They will flame out and be only a horrifying memory in the end and take anyone they want with them.
They merely have power.....for now. They will flame out and be only a horrifying memory in the end and take anyone they want with them.
I write my thoughts as they come to me, so I can feel better. This has been a very difficult time with very cruel people involved. I now have serious health issues. I think stress has been the core problem. My body is reacting the only way it can, by kicking my ass and trying to kill itself. Life has been very hard because monsters have been very cruel. They inflict pain, because monsters feed off of the misery of others. That is not normal. They are mentally ill. They think only they are important. They think only they hurt. They have no ability to empathize. If they are narcissistic they will hire others to inflict pain, not because it bothers them to witness it, but because they feel it is beneath them. Somewhere deep inside they know they are monsters, so they have their victim accused of their own illness. Is the monster really the one you want to have holding your life in their hands?
I thought Dr. H would be better than the others, but even she said something ominous about tiny black spots on my lungs, making me worry, but when I looked it up, it said that it was common and most likely nothing. Then she said, "I want to make certain the cancer has not spread to your brain." Wow, nothing like borrowing trouble! I really would not trust those assholes to treat an ingrown toenail!
Keep me safe, okay? They really do not like me. The feeling is moooootual!
Keep me safe, okay? They really do not like me. The feeling is moooootual!
Monday, March 23, 2020
I write my bits of anger poems to relieve some steam. I would only say what you would approve in official situations, if possible. I think the the thing will soon be over, but the virus will add complications too, perhaps. Safety is the primary concern.
I know you and I think you know me well enough to figure that if you see a weirdly/awkwardly written thing, it is just to be taken in the most positive light. Being able to talk remedies it all. Hugs! You are loved.
I just want to be free and natural with you again. Hard after so much time, maybe, I am happy to give it time. I am kind of shy in person, but I want to see you so much, shyness may disappear after seeing your smile.
Now, I just have to stay alive.....
I know you and I think you know me well enough to figure that if you see a weirdly/awkwardly written thing, it is just to be taken in the most positive light. Being able to talk remedies it all. Hugs! You are loved.
I just want to be free and natural with you again. Hard after so much time, maybe, I am happy to give it time. I am kind of shy in person, but I want to see you so much, shyness may disappear after seeing your smile.
Now, I just have to stay alive.....
I had said before I should not worry what you think about me, but then I think I have written something that is confusing and with worry. I guess so many worrying things going on has me on edge. That is why I try hard to relax. I still think about that unemotional comment by the doctor. I was thinking about it and I realised that I have gotten so much verbal abuse from the people associated with the "thing" that I kind of learned to shut down to keep myself from saying angry things back. I knew they were looking for me to seem volatile to be thought of as dangerous, or something. It took will power to have that judge to have everyone leave and then just reamed me out with threats and insults. I did pass out and the next day my face was covered in hives. That asshole attorney got 2 inches from my face and screamed that you hated me and he could make it go on forever. What a Nazi!
It was not going to stop me from loving you, nor would jail......nor anything else.
It was not going to stop me from loving you, nor would jail......nor anything else.
I may have worded what I said incorrectly. I should have said I love you and then said I may really be ill from cancer. I was not believing cancer because I have been missing you for so long, how could this be happening? It isn't fair. Hope I can get Dr. Ayyar to follow up.
It is just that I never get the truth, so how do I know who I can trust? Only you.
I hope you get copies of everything. I could not just be getting to know you again and then die? Can't exceptions for people who suffered for nearly 5 years (or at least 5) and now may have cancer get a break?
Just know that I will always love and be in love with you, even if I am dying. I want your face in my mind forever.
It is just that I never get the truth, so how do I know who I can trust? Only you.
I hope you get copies of everything. I could not just be getting to know you again and then die? Can't exceptions for people who suffered for nearly 5 years (or at least 5) and now may have cancer get a break?
Just know that I will always love and be in love with you, even if I am dying. I want your face in my mind forever.
Reign of Terror~
I lived in agony
and
tormented
soul
The only way out
was to be
in
control
Before I could
meld
two halves
to a whole
I
owned their abuse
and
set a new
goal
Those champions of evil
and
admirers of hate
should look to
tomorrow and ponder
their fate
The Universe remembers
each cruelty
inflicted
and
down a short path
will find culprits
convicted.
~Haviva
(c) HVM 2020
My former oncologist, Raji Ayyar, used to give me hugs after my appointment. It was nice. She also had me go to see Amma, when she was in the area. People would just hang out in the ashram, sleep, etc. I would love to take you there. Dr. Ayyar used to pick Amma up from the airport and she would make sure I was upfront to see Amma when she came in. Amma's hugs heal. I guess I really need to go. Dr. Ayyar works in Amma's hospitals on and off. I need to get ahold of her, if I can.
Amma's hugs make you float. They are so beautiful. When the people in the ashram chant OM the place shakes with amazing vibration. It is an incredible experience. I would love to have you experience it, if you have not already.
Amma's hugs make you float. They are so beautiful. When the people in the ashram chant OM the place shakes with amazing vibration. It is an incredible experience. I would love to have you experience it, if you have not already.
Got better sleep. It helps improve mood. Sometimes I actually feel sorry for myself, but I shake it off....until next time. I need integrative med. and it says online it is available, but no advice, or operator, or Dr. Z knew about it. I don't want to hear crappy news from anyone else, just you. I need an ALA/LDN protocol from Dr. Burt Berkson. If it is cancer, what kind? It may not be breast. I had a sarcoma before. I should have been more prepared, when the attacks started and stress became intense, even though I have been pretty good with supps and my "dirt" shakes. Were you ever given a copy of my will? I mailed it in 2015, but Mr. Ed was stealing your mail then. Hugs.
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