All I know is that the way I always felt around you was nothing less than magical. I wanted to be near you all the time. I just could not get enough. I wanted to hear anything you had to say, but looking into your eyes, was incredible.
I just felt where I belonged.
Not enough lovely adjectives for you.
You could not believe how much I miss you.
If I did not at least write these things to myself and have my prayers I would not have lasted this long. I find innocuous ways to get by. My happiness is when I know you are safe, well and happy. But my heart hurts from missing you.
I was so enjoying life knowing you, but now I get (got) people screaming in my face like a drill Sargent telling me how you want nothing to do with me. Believe me, if you told me that yourself, you would never have to see me again.You don't anyway. I just sit here, yet I have often been made to sound like Public Enemy Number One. When those people want to railroad a person, they go all out. It is the desperation that is so weird. Some of them seem absolutely apoplectic!
Friday, May 3, 2019
I still feel awful, but thinking about you helps. When I get sick, I feel at death's door. I wish I could just get a peek of you, or a small sound of your voice to me. I would be happy for a crumb. I don't know what entirely is going on. But I know that some people like to play mean mind games. They like to erase hope
I am no one who is a problem.
I am no one who is a problem.
It appears I have been bitten by a spider. There are so many around here.
I painted the wooden walkway steps I put down so people don't get their feet wet when it rains. All the water gather in one area by my front door. It annoys my dog getting her feet wet. I bought her little booties, but it takes too long to put them on, she gets impatient.
She really does act like a princess, just as her T-shirt says.
it's after 4am, guess I should sleep. Hope you have a nice day. I will be thinking of you.
I worry that I will be shy if I get to see you again. I know I would relax if I saw you smile at me.
I wonder what the record is for the amount of times someone has watched, "Bridget Jones...."?
That dimwit with the fake tan admires Bridget's costume bracelet and makes no mention of her Tiffany necklace. Some people! Oh well....
Be well, okay? I worry. A hug would be so nice.
I painted the wooden walkway steps I put down so people don't get their feet wet when it rains. All the water gather in one area by my front door. It annoys my dog getting her feet wet. I bought her little booties, but it takes too long to put them on, she gets impatient.
She really does act like a princess, just as her T-shirt says.
it's after 4am, guess I should sleep. Hope you have a nice day. I will be thinking of you.
I worry that I will be shy if I get to see you again. I know I would relax if I saw you smile at me.
I wonder what the record is for the amount of times someone has watched, "Bridget Jones...."?
That dimwit with the fake tan admires Bridget's costume bracelet and makes no mention of her Tiffany necklace. Some people! Oh well....
Be well, okay? I worry. A hug would be so nice.
Thursday, May 2, 2019
Wednesday, May 1, 2019
My seagull friend with the deformed foot is my favorite, because he just sits on the deck rail and doesn't bang on the window like the other one. He is very polite. I gave him my dog's left over food that I get online from Amazon, because it is natural and it costs less than around here and I get it with my Prime account, so free shipping. Great deal! I use it so much, they will probably want to charge me more!
Anyway, happy doggie, happy seagull!
Anyway, happy doggie, happy seagull!
I am still having such a hard time getting out from under all my "stuff." I looked in the garage and it seems impossible to deal with it all. I had it looking good, but now it has gone back to ick! I was hoping at some point to get the R.Rover back in there. It is endless! I had no idea how much smaller it was here. (The other house seemed endless with storage space.)Then, I get sad, or lazy, or apathetic and progress stops for too long. I am so disgusted with myself! Remember I was doing so well getting into personal shape? (Your assistant sneered at my weight loss progress, but only your opinion mattered to me, but I know she was told what to say and how to act toward me, by my detractor, such childish behavior) Walking on the trail was my release, my therapy, my meditation, my health, my way back to you....but it wasn't was it?
I feel so lost, so undefined, so useless.
I feel so lost, so undefined, so useless.
Tuesday, April 30, 2019
Hi! How are you doing? Thinking a lot about you. Feeling sad that I will miss your birthday and then another after that. I am sad that so much time has gone by and then so much more too. Couldn't the time be cut down? Please don't let that hideous man make any longer. I am sure there were reasons, but he likes to make it like he is so in control and powerful...kind of reminds me of Trump. All of that group are cruel and pretty much twisted. They will never go down w/o a fight. I am sure they wish me dead. All I want is to see you and talk to you and be near you. Why should they hate me and be so cruel to me? I guess they don't like that I love you. Love doesn't create hate. I want to know you again and see you smile and take care of you, if you want.
Monday, April 29, 2019
https://apps.library.und.edu/archon/index.php?p=collections/findingaid&id=1162&q=&rootcontentid=123337#id123337
There is an old collection of early Rx's. I have not managed to get the "box" opened yet, though.
Scrapbook 4: Prescriptions 12,575 - 15,714, undated (late 1880s)
There is an old collection of early Rx's. I have not managed to get the "box" opened yet, though.
The fourth scrapbook dates from the late 1880s, prior to North Dakota statehood in November 1889. Most of the prescriptions were from Grand Forks pharmacies, including Eckles & Morgan and D.M. Holmes. Two pharmacies from Larimore were also included: Bennett & Knight and R.B. Holmes (Druggist and Apothecary).
The prescriptions were written by several different doctors in Grand Forks, including F.J. Duggan, A.R. Herriman, S.V. Martinitz, M.W. Scott, and C.E. Teel.
My cousin, Art, has been in contact with a Czech genealogist/historian, so he is sending a few things at a time. We are pooling our resources and getting bits and pieces at a time. Too bad it couldn't be like the PBS show all there in one glorious display, but I am glad for what we are able to get at all. How nice that my Great Grandfather could spend months in Europe and do some studying there.
I am supposing that eclectic, in medicine means integrative? That would certainly resonate with my thinking. He really championed eating correctly. May have been why my great aunt lived to 100. (She would have lived longer, but her parachute failed to open....... :-)
No, but she was active at all times, plus she liked to climb trees and do her own pruning, like me. Of course, I had a favorite tree I sat in as a child to read my Nancy Drew books. In Sunnyvale, I liked to sit in my orange tree, just to be in nature. (It produced the biggest, sweetest oranges I have EVER had! I watered it a lot and fed it, plus loved it.
Isn't that what everyone needs?
I am supposing that eclectic, in medicine means integrative? That would certainly resonate with my thinking. He really championed eating correctly. May have been why my great aunt lived to 100. (She would have lived longer, but her parachute failed to open....... :-)
No, but she was active at all times, plus she liked to climb trees and do her own pruning, like me. Of course, I had a favorite tree I sat in as a child to read my Nancy Drew books. In Sunnyvale, I liked to sit in my orange tree, just to be in nature. (It produced the biggest, sweetest oranges I have EVER had! I watered it a lot and fed it, plus loved it.
Isn't that what everyone needs?
St. von Martinitz
One document that very well summarizes Stanislaus von Martinitz' time in Minnesota was published in a 1951 Journal of the Minnesota State Medical Association article titled "History of Medicine in Minnesota":
"St. V. Martinitz, native of Bohemia, was in southern Minnesota in the eighteen seventies and perhaps longer. For a few months in 1874 he was in Owatonna, Steele County. Beginning in August, 1874, the newspapers of Rochester, Olmsted County, published his professional card, “Eclectic physician, office over Central Meat Market. County and city practice,” and various notes about his activities. His practice extended as far as Rock Dell to the west and Greenwood Prairie to the east; his hazardous experiences with floods in the Zumbro River and its tributaries, and with storms, were those of his contemporaries
"When in 1878 Dr. Martinitz with his wife spent several months in Europe visiting Bohemia, studying in Vienna, Munich and Paris, his practice was conducted by young Dr. Seth Scott Bishop, newly arrived in Rochester from Fond du Fac, Wisconsin
"In January, 1879, Dr. Martinitz removed from Rochester to Northfield, Rice County. In 1893 a letter came from him, then practicing in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, under the “time act” of that state, informing a Rochester resident that he had been appointed a member of the “Official Council of the World’s Congress.” In 1896 he was listed in a four state medical directory as of Cedar Rapids; his name did not appear in the first edition (1906) of the directory of the American Medical Association or in later editions."Rochester, Minnesota, as you might know, is home to the Mayo Clinic. Although the Clinic didn't formally come into being until after Stanislaus left town, he would have certainly known the Mayo brothers and their father, William Worrall Mayo.In my next email, I'll send documents relating to his time in Grand Forks, Dakota Territory.Best regards,Paul
Sunday, April 28, 2019
It would be easier to wait if I knew you you would see me at the end. But, knowing your sweet heart, you will.
It is just difficult when that a-hole yells at me and tells me you hate me.
But, as you once said, "I thought you knew me better than that!"
I do, but I never think someone as wonderful as you would ever care about me, so it is easy to believe people who say cruel, their own self-interest things (probably big bucks in it for him).
They are desperate.
It is just difficult when that a-hole yells at me and tells me you hate me.
But, as you once said, "I thought you knew me better than that!"
I do, but I never think someone as wonderful as you would ever care about me, so it is easy to believe people who say cruel, their own self-interest things (probably big bucks in it for him).
They are desperate.
Saturday, April 27, 2019
It is funny how that awful man keeps saying that I did this to myself...did what?
Fell in love, gave thank you gifts?
I have been beaten up for a long time and still love you. Just tell me that I will never see you again, as your desire and I will go away and never be heard from again. By anyone at all.
Fell in love, gave thank you gifts?
I have been beaten up for a long time and still love you. Just tell me that I will never see you again, as your desire and I will go away and never be heard from again. By anyone at all.
I haven't slept yet. I have been doing some worrying. I was trying to get help, but it blew up in my face. I wanted help with something and he surprised me by saying he was calling ***** I didn't want that. I wanted him to investigate the bad people, I just wrote and said forget it. I don't want to risk trouble for my friend. I will just take my lumps and allow them to say I did deserve it. Oh well.
I love you,
no matter what.
I love you,
no matter what.
Friday, April 26, 2019
Thursday, April 25, 2019
I never read that becoming a friend entailed enduring so much covert plotting, making traps, leading to false restraint, including brutality and derision, plus jail time. That might just be a deterrent for some. For me, it just made me worry for you, because they might not curb their cruelty after me, they might just get caught up in the behavior and spread the cruelty to all, meaning you. If it were de rigueur to go through abusive sessions, then at least I would understand and not fight back.
But as it stands, I am tantamount to a blind person who is required to pitch a shutout for the World Series, while being pelted with rocks. I have been at just such a disadvantage and also expected not to say a word of complaint, while being taunted by cruel people....cold blooded cruel people.
Please, again, I beg you, cut me some slack while this is going on. You know my heart, I am trying to only find truth and keep you safe.
I love you and would even give my life for yours.
I love you and would even give my life for yours.
My belief, trust and my faith are only in you.
http://www.findaspring.com/uncategorized/bonny-doon-moon-rocks-spring-santa-cruz-ca-95060/
Toggle map
BONNY DOON (MOON ROCKS) SPRING, SANTA CRUZ, CA, 95060
Details of this spring:
Posted: March 7, 2017
Category: California,North America,Uncategorized,United States
Description:
Disclaimer: I don’t know if this spring has been piped with a tap to properly collect water from, I’ve personally drank from where the water comes out from the ground and in my opinion it was very pure.)
The trail to the spring is located just off of 850 Martin Rd. Located on the right side if your coming from Davenport or on the left side if your coming from Ice Cream Grade Rd.
- You will see a gated property lined with Eucalyptus trees (usually open; this is the Deerhaven Herb and Flower Farm)
- Enter through the gate and take the trail about 40 feet just to the right
- Continue on the trail (Don’t take the trail to the right that goes along the road) headed south for about 5 or so minutes (You will see a building structure about 200 yards to the left if you are on the correct trail)
- Along this trail you will find another trail on the right (almost a deer trail) take it. (To know if this is the correct trail soon after you take it, you will have to climb over a large fallen tree)
- Continue on this trail for a about 15 to 20 minutes, you will then start to notice how the ecosystem changes dramatically from desert like climate into lush forest. This is a exciting sign that you’re nearing to the stream (spring)
- Once you are in the midst of the forest you will continue walking until you come up on the stream (there will be a large fallen tree stump just left of the stream)
- If you take the deer-trail right, up the small stream, you will find a location where water gradually comes out of the ground, key indicator to look for is bubbles.
- Optional: For a nice refresher continue on the main trail and follow the sound of the water until you find a nice spring water concrete bath, embrace the chilling water and take a dip in the hole! Give appreciation to nature and the local Bonny Dooner for making a lovely spring bath.
I just think it will crush me if anything makes it go on any longer. I was so sad when I was hit with 2 more years last time. I was so excited when I thought it was nearly over, but it was not. I think it was split up so that horrible man could feel powerful. Then to say he could make it last forever...why? He acts like he has a personal stake in it....maybe someone is paying him big money?People who do that kind of thing are not nice people. They feel like their lives are the only important ones. I want to make certain you are safe, then you can decide what you want. It isn't really my business, but I care so much. It really concerns me when people act so desperate and are willing to hurt people to get what they want.
You are my beautiful friend. Be safe and happy.
You are my beautiful friend. Be safe and happy.
My nice neighbor said she backed up into my car. She said she wanted to pay to get it buffed out, but it already has dings and scratches, etc, so I said that it would be like popping one pimple on a face full of acne....she liked the analogy.
So, she invited me and my renter to go sit on the hill on some old Adirondack chairs and drink wine. That was very nice and it was very enjoyable. I hadn't eaten all day, so when I cooked beef liver for dinner, I forgot how I usually make it, so it came out different, but tasted good. I shared some with my dog. I hope she doesn't wake me up with an urgent need to go.....
I haven't been around strangers that way for a very long time. It was nice. But, it made me think how nice it would been to have you there. (But, I wouldn't want to share you with anyone else for awhile...)
I want to walk on the beach with you.
Wednesday, April 24, 2019
I hope you aren't upset that I posted the long thing about the situation. I worry about doing it and I worry about not doing it. Sorry, they have made it mean and very confusing. I need to follow my instincts.
I need to stand up for you, against the wrongness of it all, for future potential victims and last ....for me.
As you know, I don't lie.
I will post it. remove it....post it....
I need to stand up for you, against the wrongness of it all, for future potential victims and last ....for me.
As you know, I don't lie.
I will post it. remove it....post it....
If I have made you hate me because of the only way I knew of to protect you, then I am sorry. I have been kept in the dark, but I knew that their forging your signature was wrong and identity theft and the cruel way I was treated made me figure you might be treated badly too. I was so frightened. I thought the only way to keep you safe was to keep what they were doing to you/me out in the open. I have had no life but this for over 3 years. I go nowhere, I do nothing. I have cruel things said to me to make me worry. They act like thugs and spies.
I had no other way to protect you. Believe me when I say I would give my life to save yours, but if you have grown to dislike me because of my efforts to keep you safe, then I guess I have to live with it. No one has ever impacted my life so much before you. My efforts to help you stay alive were honest and out of love. I have been confused and taunted. They behave in such weird, covert ways, how could I be wrong to fight back to help you? I have been the target of derision and abuse because of my efforts, but I forced them to take a look at what has gone on.
I could not figure out why they would go after me, since I am no one. I figured it was a distraction to go after the real target: you. That wall around your office against someone who gives gifts? How absurd. I think it was merely to make you feel as if you were in danger...from me. My life for over four has been worrying about you. If it made you dislike me, then I cannot do anything about it, but to wish you well. I have been confused and my heart was broken. I only cared about you and your safety. The people surrounding you are vicious and only think of themselves. Their cruelty makes me understand that they are cold blooded and could take a life with no remorse. I only did my best in an extremely bad situation. I have been looked at as a criminal and some stalker. You know those things are not true. They were punishing you, not me, but I got all the pain, in your place, I guess, I hope. But it scared me to see and hear you seem frightened. I pray each day for help and guidance. My life is frozen. Their lies and forgeries and cruel behavior could not be ignored. Transparency, spreading the story, is the only thing I know to do to not have you robbed and disappear.
It is love and it is protective when danger seems obvious. Too many unanswered questions for me to feel comfortable and not worry about you. I am sorry if it gives you unwanted attention, but it is better than you disappearing. You may like your home, but I think it will always make you a target for criminals. It is too opulent, in an opulent area. You always need to be very careful.
All I want is to know you are safe. These people who are doing this will never make me feel that you are safe. They keep me away to stop from me from protecting you. They saw my papers to you, they saw my lie detection report. They know I would risk my life for you, so they had to keep me restrained.
I will always be there for you, so know I will be your haven, should you desire.
I had no other way to protect you. Believe me when I say I would give my life to save yours, but if you have grown to dislike me because of my efforts to keep you safe, then I guess I have to live with it. No one has ever impacted my life so much before you. My efforts to help you stay alive were honest and out of love. I have been confused and taunted. They behave in such weird, covert ways, how could I be wrong to fight back to help you? I have been the target of derision and abuse because of my efforts, but I forced them to take a look at what has gone on.
I could not figure out why they would go after me, since I am no one. I figured it was a distraction to go after the real target: you. That wall around your office against someone who gives gifts? How absurd. I think it was merely to make you feel as if you were in danger...from me. My life for over four has been worrying about you. If it made you dislike me, then I cannot do anything about it, but to wish you well. I have been confused and my heart was broken. I only cared about you and your safety. The people surrounding you are vicious and only think of themselves. Their cruelty makes me understand that they are cold blooded and could take a life with no remorse. I only did my best in an extremely bad situation. I have been looked at as a criminal and some stalker. You know those things are not true. They were punishing you, not me, but I got all the pain, in your place, I guess, I hope. But it scared me to see and hear you seem frightened. I pray each day for help and guidance. My life is frozen. Their lies and forgeries and cruel behavior could not be ignored. Transparency, spreading the story, is the only thing I know to do to not have you robbed and disappear.
It is love and it is protective when danger seems obvious. Too many unanswered questions for me to feel comfortable and not worry about you. I am sorry if it gives you unwanted attention, but it is better than you disappearing. You may like your home, but I think it will always make you a target for criminals. It is too opulent, in an opulent area. You always need to be very careful.
All I want is to know you are safe. These people who are doing this will never make me feel that you are safe. They keep me away to stop from me from protecting you. They saw my papers to you, they saw my lie detection report. They know I would risk my life for you, so they had to keep me restrained.
I will always be there for you, so know I will be your haven, should you desire.
"Ignited Love"~
I feel that I've loved you
each day of survival
You know what I want
with no word on arrival
You bless my heart with
your sweetness and light
I pray devotedly for you
at the end of
each night
I haven't seen you in
forever
it seems
But I meet up with you
to
delight in my dreams
I lose my breath many
times
in a day
I tell myself that your
thoughts flew my
way
How did you know that
my soul's need and desire
was one
who ignited
such
a passionate
fire?
(It's always been you)
~Haviva
(c) HVM 2019
Tuesday, April 23, 2019
Have a nice lunch. I am thinking nice thoughts about you. Be very well. I do miss our emails. They were my reason to awaken each day. I read one of your articles last night, it was informative and fun. I like the ending, ""It is a beautiful Sunday, go for a bike ride" something like that. It was encouraging, not preachy.
Believe me, if you said you never wanted to see me again, you wouldn't. I don't want to be around someone who doesn't like me either, if that is the case. You know I have never insinuated myself on you. I say these thing because the awful man yelled in my face that you wanted nothing to do with me. Even if that were the case, I know you would have more class than to decimate information like that through such a cruel method, or cruel individual. All that makes me feel good is to have you happy and live that life you enjoy. Being legally/illegally kept away only puts a strain on me and makes me sad. After all the kindness you have shown me, kindness is all I want to show you back. When I have said that I would give my life to save yours, that is not an empty promise. When I have said that what is mine is yours, that is just as truthful. You are welcome to give me a lie detection test.
I am happy with "whatever happens, happens." I just don't feel that philosophy co-exists with those who force their will into it. That isn't natural. Those people are cruel, so they have worried me as to their intentions for you. How could I claim to care about you, if I merely ignored such a huge red flag? I do not give up on someone I care about because helping them could be dangerous for me. That is not who I am. So, along that same train of thought, neither would I want to make you miserable by forcing myself on you. I have no idea how one would do that anyway. They do scary, cruel things, I give gifts and try and keep you safe. I like openness and transparency, they like covert and sneaky. Whatever I have is yours, in their predatory minds: whatever you have is theirs.
I would always only be whatever you wanted of me. Your happiness is all that matters to me. You already gave me mine, with your incredible kindness to me. I would merely love to see your face one more time, if I may.
You made me understand true caring and I was able to experience true, amazing love. How can that be anything but wonderful? It will carry me forever throughout this life and beyond.
Thoughts of you will always be behind my smile.
I am happy with "whatever happens, happens." I just don't feel that philosophy co-exists with those who force their will into it. That isn't natural. Those people are cruel, so they have worried me as to their intentions for you. How could I claim to care about you, if I merely ignored such a huge red flag? I do not give up on someone I care about because helping them could be dangerous for me. That is not who I am. So, along that same train of thought, neither would I want to make you miserable by forcing myself on you. I have no idea how one would do that anyway. They do scary, cruel things, I give gifts and try and keep you safe. I like openness and transparency, they like covert and sneaky. Whatever I have is yours, in their predatory minds: whatever you have is theirs.
I would always only be whatever you wanted of me. Your happiness is all that matters to me. You already gave me mine, with your incredible kindness to me. I would merely love to see your face one more time, if I may.
You made me understand true caring and I was able to experience true, amazing love. How can that be anything but wonderful? It will carry me forever throughout this life and beyond.
Thoughts of you will always be behind my smile.
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