YHLTA

 I am so tired of the pain. So tired of being blamed for doing things I did not do. So tired of the scorn. What was that all for anyway? Why did I need to be the scapegoat? I went through such feelings of hate for myself and I did not even know what people thought I did. Even more recently, when I was being attacked by Dr. Moon for "her" I knew who she was talking about, but I did not know why. I suppose MP must have jazzed up what I told her. I never said anything more exciting than how I felt; I never said anything more than my thoughts, which she knew nothing ever actually happened. All she ever did was ask me how I felt about my friend; I never said anything untrue, but I wonder if she may have told "her" that I said there was more. "She" should have never gotten into that whole thing. Besides the fact that it was just wrong to lure a person into being a psy patient, which some woman came into the ER where I was; it was wrong to tell any of it to someone else and especially to someone who knew the people. Who comes up with such contrived pain? I don't get it. Did she want to feel bad over my personal thoughts? It was the first thing she asked me; how do you feel about ****? I had no idea where that came from. The woman who came into the ER said to me, would you like to talk to someone who is nice to talk to? She never said psychiatry. It was weird. I never knew what he knew. I got the vocal lie detection and even the guy who conducted it said, "he's a lucky person!" I guess it was because I honestly said that I could be only his friend if we were not romantic and that I did not care about him for money. I never thought about it. I haven't read it for awhile, but I did put it on my G+ page before this. I did it to give to MP, since I figured she thought I only cared about financial aspect, but that was wrong, so I wanted to prove it with lie detection. I knew it worked, since what I thought was what it said. I know now that lie detection works, so I always offer to take it if there is ever a question about my veracity. She is so ugly suspicious, she should not do such things to people, if she is not prepared for the answers; I just don't know what MP told her, since the reality was not what anyone would call scintillating.  I told her honestly how I felt, but that was it. I cannot understand where feelings of murder for me would come in. I was so emotional, though and I felt I could just say whatever, since it was confidential. I laughed a lot, so I know I was being silly a few times and she egged me on and said, "you're so funny!" I don't remember much of it, since I was nervous somewhat. Later on I found out that they most likely knew each other, because of her brother, etc. and I put two and two together and she began treating me so nasty, because I said I didn't want to go back to see her any longer. I saw her 4 times and she put 5 bogus mental illnesses in my chart. I think she is a fraud as a psy. She was also very untidy in her cleanliness habits. Her hair was greasy and stringy and her personal hygine couldn't have been much better. She took the break up badly and wrote me a letter saying I needed to leave you and herself alone. I had no idea where that came from; I did not know there was supposed to be anything personal between you two. She was the most unprofessional psy I could ever imagine. She must have been so damaging to anyone whoever came in contact with her. She even said she wanted to go to Prague with me. Yuck! That was quite presumptuous of her, plus unprofessional. I suppose she probably told "her" a lot of lies to keep the "gig" longer, or get a bonus. He last outgoing phone message was hilarious. She kept getting more and more discouraged sounding in the one message and then just said. "oh never mind, don't leave me a message!" I laughed and laughed! She was such a massive asshole! (I can imagine what "she" is like!) 

Anyway, I woke up thinking about this entire mess and thought, "we deserve to have this over." You deserve to never live again in fear. Please help me help you do that for you. You do not deserve to be jerked around by someone who is mentally unhinged. You need to get away so you can figure out what to do without a predator hanging over you. Please do not let a jerk hurry your life along into your demise. You have a lot of lovely times ahead. 

Hugs, love.