Friday, July 31, 2020

I am here. Or if you feel scared, I will be there. That is all I can say, I guess. Do what you want, or what you can.
Just be safe and try to be happy.
You are loved.
I enjoy being near you and I care deeply about you, what is the crime in that? People just bug the shit out of me! They are nothing but evil to say terrible things about others and smear their names! I suppose you must go along with it, that is what you must do, but they are dehumanizing you! They dehumanize, and do criminal acts, and keep you prisoner and when I say you should be free, I get excoriated! How is living the life someone wants and not being locked behind a buzzer door, a bad thing? You could sue K six ways to Sunday for the way you have been treated!
They make people and their lives into a big deal, when I just care about a person.  They really don't care, they worry about money! Well guess what? Money doesn't mean shit to me, except to get food a roof and do a few things to get away to some place beautiful! Those who want bigger and better and lord it over others, make it a big deal! What good is it w/o freedom? I had money and was always terrified it would be stolen! I had a business manager who was wanted by the FBI and had an Irish passport! I think of money as being good to be able to hire an attorney to stop people from treating you like a prisoner, or taking advantage. Had I been wealthy, G would not have been able to jerk me around as much, but then, the people who turned me down for allowing me to hire them, did not know my financial status, but he seems to have far reaching tentacles....he and MP are so underworld, spy-like and subversive. Not even the IRA  people I used to know were as odd as they, but they were brutal. MP and G are more sneaky brutal.  I just despise them.  I hate bullies and liars. If they are like that, they cannot be good people. People who cut off communication and use intimidation are not good people. You know they are keeping someone prisoner when they stop giving phone calls, mail and put in a wall and a buzzer door. They pretend it is to keep you safe, but it is to keep you feeling like a prisoner and afraid.  It is beyond disgusting. What is the point of all the education and dedication, if you cannot enjoy it? I just feel so sad. I know I am nothing great, but I sure loved your sweet eyes and lovely smile. I would dearly love to see both again. 
If that jerk attorney thinks I am prejudice, or make fun of people of different lifestyles, he is more of a moron than I thought. Who thinks of using something like that against someone w/o even knowing them? It says more about his fucked up mind-set, than anything. I know more gay/trans people than non and told MP I had no preference myself. My dog was given to me by an owner of Asia SF. and a former business partner. Fuck Gu He is too twisted! He must have used some form of bashing against me, which is why no one would let me hire them and why I was getting snide comments from people! Dave Pine told ME to go get mental help! Yeah, nice, huh? Why? Because I love another human being? Or what WAS it Gu said to him? It is SO wrong to be smeared that way, or any way! My close friend was married to another woman, but her partner got jealous and so we had to stop being friends.  People are so weird! I think jealousy and greed are the worst, except people who keep someone from freedom. That is NEVER acceptable! That stops a person from being a human. It turns them into a piece of property, or a pet! That is just pure crap! It is illegal for a job to allow that to go on! K should be ASHAMED!

Thursday, July 30, 2020



"Hunger Pangs"~
The hunger there inside me exists for more than food
My kindly actions taken as something far too shrewd
My deepest feelings for him away from me they forced
The love for him I strongly feel, I openly endorsed

From day-to-day I do endure to stave off abject sadness
While dreadful hunger stays inside to drive me into madness
Milk of human kindness was never meant for me
Its massive price is far too dear; it doesn't come for free

Those who fight to exist for a thirst of endless retribution
Will gladly add into the mix their deadly contribution
Cruelty carries a much lower sales tag
It's given freely on away by bushel and a bag

They keep me firmly shackled to something too erroneous
And taunt me with the lurid lies of nearing to felonious
I live each day on a wing and a prayer
And know in my heart that you really do care

~Haviva


(c) HVM 2017

Wednesday, July 29, 2020

I think it would be healing for us both to be able to have some time together (if you are agreeable) to be in a place of beauty, comfort and healing as in nature and being able to get to know each other and trust and heal.
I think you need time to trust and believe in the caring and love that comes your way. I know you may have some trust issues. I think I do too, but I am so ready to trust you with my entire being. I trust you with my life, but I think I may have an undercurrent of abandonment issues.

I have stamina and tenacity when I am determined to help someone I love. I have a deep desire to show how determined I am to show you that I would stick by you to make you feel confident of your beauty and your amazing personality and capacity for love and realise that you deserve respect and love.  I know you have been hurt. I know you need to take things at your own pace. I can promise I will be here for you. I love you for who you are. Just get away from negative influences and begin to get your confidence back. Maybe I am overstating things, but I am thinking how it might affect people who have been treated less than kindly. I wish I could hold you and show you how sincere I am about wanting to take care of you. I adore you and want to soothe your fears and scars. I don't want any false negative lies that may have been told to about me to you as a kind of mind control method to influence you. Give me a chance to show you who I am and how much I am dedicated to your smile and your happiness. It is what I want the most in my life. Bless you, sweet one.

Thank you.

Monday, July 27, 2020

Please stand up for me. I did nothing wrong. Now I stood up for myself. Please don't let me down.


Don't mind me, I'm just someone who has been brutalized for five years......every facet of my life invaded, treated like a perv scum, people telling me I have cancer and then attacking me with a terrorizing biopsy session. Just a day in the life....
If you enjoy being abused, that is your business, but it isn't my idea of fun. If she has done it before, she will do it again. Most normal people do not hit an innocent person with a TRO/RO and have that innocent person put into jail. You are living in a deadly insane asylum, work and home. I hope you can escape, but only if you tell the truth. I did not do anything to start this. That was the cruel, crazy woman and her crooked attorney who want to use you and then.....what? Keep you prisoner, until you just can't take it any longer? I have guts, but I am not about to let anyone kill me. If you are upset with me, then you have Stockholm Syndrome. If you don't stand up for me and for yourself, you will end up going to jail for their crimes. Please don't let that happen. You are a victim too.
She did this because she doesn't trust you ....and she is not hooked up right.
PS. Dr. L's life is in danger from the crazy, desperate people around him who are keeping him prisoner and trying to force him into a situation he may not want. They put him behind a special walled area with a door buzzer meant to only approve entry to certain people and to give him the impression he is in danger! From who? Me? Mr. G has smeared my name everywhere and is saying vile, untrue things about me. Now, the false restraining order has run its course, but G has said to Dr. L's staff and him, that I am not legally able to speak with him. That is not true! He is lying to Dr. L so we cannot compare notes and resolve this. I know what Dr. M's goal is and I have known it from the beginning after Dr. M's friend, MP was hired as a hit man to "get rid" of me! Her line of questions were not subtle. M P did not mind what cruelty, or lies she imposed upon me either! None of this has been for the safety of Dr. L; it has been done for the desires of Dr. M and keeping him from having free will. He is a prisoner. It appears to be nothing less. Why otherwise are they so afraid of allowing me to speak with him? He asked me to be his friend prior to the false restraining order and observed my surgery to keep me safe. Why lie to Dr. L? Why are you allowing Dr. M to keep him lied to and under guard? Not a word of truth have I ever seen fall from the smarmy lips of G. His only motive is to please his real client, Dr. M who wants him as her creation. You don't think it is wrong for her to have me threatened and beaten up under the guise of a medical procedure while Dr. Moon delivered M's message of hate to me? Dr. M clearly has, along with G, been terrorizing him to keep him as a Stockholm Syndrome victim! Have you no decency? No concern for the welfare of Dr. L? I know what is going on! He needs to be free and your attorney Guasco is helping to terrorize him into staying her prisoner and victim! Why do you think he wanted to be my friend? He knew I was someone he could trust to help him! I was harassed, beaten and jailed and under mind control by that Serbian spy Psychiatrist! She says she has gone to Florida, but I still see signs of her here. You need to tell Dr. M and G to stop lying to and intimidating Dr. L! He needs to decide for himself how he wants to live! From indications and from what his local PD said to me, she could very likely be abusing him, what she had done to me by Dr. M and M P support what I was told in regard to her. Your allowing free access to an unethical attorney and law firm, and doing nothing to stop it and remedy it, makes you an accessory! So, if Dr. L dies under the hands of G and M, will you have any regrets, or remorse, or will you remain silent as you are now? It would be the end of your career and likely that of K too. Why, why are you allowing people to be harmed, merely so a mentally unstable surgeon can achieve her dream partner? ASK HIM WHAT HE WANTS! I want nothing but his safety and happiness! People like G and M, P, S, de G helped to put on a show of false restraining order, where I have been terrorized, demonized, vilified, scapegoated, and mentally abused in an attempt to lead to my death, with false mental disorders put into my chart to point to as the cause. The people who have done this to me and who are keeping Dr. L as prisoner, even now and made to think I am a stalker and predator, when the captors who create those lies are the most terrifying monsters! They attacked an innocent patient who was grateful to her kind doctor and developed loyal feelings toward him! They endanger him and keep him from autonomy and freedom! They put him in legal danger by putting his name on a false restraining order! They humiliated him! There was no respect in how he was treated! He spoke up in court and spoke kindly, directly to me and told me my gifts were"very nice and expensive!" That should have ended it. That M M. P was hired to "get rid" of me, should have invalidated it. It was also illegal, because she used her special skills to try and kill me. The proof is that she is Dr. M's friend and on a temporary basis at K. She is gone now. She kicked me out of my online account because I pointed out that Dr. L's mother died at that K right after her official arrival, but she quickly changed her hire date from June to August and to keep me from showing I was at her office in June, she locked me out of my online account, using Dr. K's name. He knew nothing about it, but refused to change it. She had whisper campaigns against me, doctor's refuse to treat me and say odd things to me, or berate me. Dr. M got her(?) money's worth! 

Don't you even wonder about this situation, or just hope it goes away? Maybe that job is too big/much for you! These are CRIMES that have been committed and still going on! Call Dr. L and tell him he is allowed to speak with me now, if he would like! Tear out that absurd buzzer door that is supposed to make him feel like a prisoner! I did nothing to be labeled as a criminal or predator! I am INNOCENT, but no one cares! It is easier to have a scapegoat! Well, the scapegoat was just physically attacked by Dr. Moon! Why would Dr. M do that, unless she felt like Dr. L still wanted to be my friend and that was screwing up her plans for him? Should he be forced to be with her? Is that what you would want for YOUR LIFE? FORCED TO LIVE WITH AN UNSTABLE PERSON WHO WANTS TO HAVE YOU AS HER CREATION AND PUNCHING BAG?  I DOUBT IT! STOP THE CRUELTY! TELL GUASCO TO TELL DR. L THE TRUTH, AND THEN KICK HIS CRIMINAL ASS OUT OF KAISER AND DR. MOAYERI'S TOO, OR AT LEAST GET HER MENTAL HELP! LET DR. L LIVE A FREE LIFE! FOR GOD'S SAKE FREE HIM! IT IS DISGUSTING WHAT HAS BEEN ALLOWED TO GO ON AGAINST ME AND AGAINST HIM! DO IT NOW!

CP

Sunday, July 26, 2020

I dearly love you.
Sometimes I crave a doughnut! Yumm! If only veggies tasted like doughnuts! If I could figure that out, I would be very popular!
I took my dog out shortly before darkness. By the time we turned around, the very wet fog had rolled in and gave the walk back a dramatic and eerie feel. It was rather romantic and made me wish I had a hand to hold and a lovely warm hug to end the stroll. I found a ripe strawberry in a big pot of mine that was my delicious evening sweet. I am trying to train the strawberry runners to go through the fence, so the strawberries will take hold in the "Common Area." When I think of strawberry "runners" my mind always turns to Sylvia Plath. I stop my mind from going too far into her story than that. Might as well stay upbeat.
But, I always think of you and miss you. It always makes my face somewhat warm and moist. It is nice actually.
They are making Povitica on BBing show. I made it only once, but it was great! I had an antique square table that I could use for baking projects. I made the apple strudel on that table too. It was magnificent! That would be a fun (yummy) project! 
Hugs!
It was an agonizing decision, but I sent/emailed a complaint in to the PD.

Re: https://www.smclawlibrary.org/needhelp/MarsdenFarettaMotions.pdf
Yahoo/Sent


  • On Friday, July 24, 2020, 04:53:08 PM PDT, Cheryl Chapin <cherylchapin@yahoo.com> wrote:


    Dear ****** and *******,
    As far as I was aware, I have been In Pro Per since at least Feb. when Attorney A J did not show up to court, but the judge had him down as my attorney although I had told him and the Pvt. Defender Program that I did not want him. Mr. J did nothing but scream at me over the phone and said he would not use the best defense for my situation, which is that the restraining order was false. I believe Mr. J was influenced by M C. G, because my proving that Mr. Guasco falsified the restraining order against me, he broke many laws. Mr. G gave me a TRO at the behest of a Dr. N. N M, domestic partner of my former doctor, Dr. L, who had asked me if I wanted to become his friend, October 9, 2015, the last day I had an office visit with him, or spoke with him directly. Then about 97 days later I was in the ER with chest pain, thinking it was a heart attack. It was an infected gallbladder. Since I trust Dr. L more than anyone in the world with my life, I asked the ER doctor, if Dr. L could observe. He did and I was extremely grateful. I called a phone number given to me by B P, manager of Pt. Relations, that was supposed to have been Dr. L's message line. I believe that number was actually hacked, or was a trap line. Around a week later, I was served a TRO at home in Millbrae, while still recovering from surgery. I was absolutely stunned.  I never believed he gave it to me. He risked reprimand to keep me safe! He would not give me a TRO for giving him gifts that I could have only given to him around 100 days prior. He sent me at least one email and called me to thank me for the gifts. Also, when Dr. L got on the witness stand, he said my gifts were, "very nice and expensive!" It does not sound like someone who was angry I had annoyed him with gifts. But, who I DID annoy was his domestic partner, Dr. M. Just recently, I was at Kaiser getting biopsies on my breast to verify breast cancer. Dr. M, radiologist, was performing the biopsies. To my surprise, she waved a very large needle in my face threateningly, as if she were going to jab my eye with it or something.

    Dr. M had assistants holding down my arms (I had bruises on one arm and I took a pic of a fading bruise) and she began a tirade of cruel language against me. She said I was self-centered, selfish, only wanted for myself and did not care about anyone else and that I had no compassion for anyone else. I did not even know the woman! It was horrific that she would pull out a piece of my breast as she punctuated it with severe castigation! She waved the vials of tissue in my face.) Then, when it was over she sent me for a mammogram. The machine was closed down on my injured breast so hard that I screamed loudly out in pain and blood flowed to the floor and made a large puddle. My MS had gotten bad and I nearly fell off the mammogram, but a tech caught me. The ultrasound tech from the biopsy portion was walking down the hallway to go home, she looked up and saw me and quickly looked down at the floor. I said thank you and good-bye to her, but she said nothing back and did not look up. I am sure she was ashamed about what had happened.  That was not testing, it was torture! It shows that even after 5 years, Dr. M hates me and is actively trying to harm me. She got Dr. M to do her dirty work. Nothing else makes sense. Dr. M had also hired her psy friend, M. M. P. to come to Kaiser to interrogate me, find out how I felt about Dr. L and she piled 5 major false mental diagnoses in my chart. I believe she figured they would be her support proof about my mental instability just in case I "happened" to die by my own hand, or that of someone else's. She nearly got me to drown myself in the bathtub with mental manipulation, but Dr. L knew I had been crying when he called and he knew people with whom I had spoken and had them call me, most notably Sgt. P called me to ask when we were going to get together to work on traffic on Millbrae Ave. more and more people called me and it occurred to me that those were all people Dr. L knew I had spoken with in the recent past. I even spoke with D P at one point. Then, the hotel manager knocked on my door, said she was worried about me and gave me a free night. Yeah, right, like they give out free nights on a whim all of the time! My kind guardian angel did that. Does that sound like a guy who gives out TRO's to people he saves from a "psy"chiatrist from Serbia and comes at their peril to make sure they are safe during gallbladder removal surgery? (And a nurse said she saw him leaving my room when I was still asleep after surgery.) He obviously thinks highly of me, but these other people want to keep him as their prize. My lie detection report verified my lack of interest in what he has, but instead for the person he is himself. As I mentioned, I am a former multi-millionaire from the tech industry, money has not proven to be my friend, it has proven to merely attract predators, but I was never equipped to deal with them. They and mostly Merrill Lynch relieved me of my money.

    Anyway, I believe Mr. G got to my Pvt Def Attorney and made it so Mr. J will only deal with the contempt charge itself, not that the entire R.O. was false, thereby keeping Mr. G, etc, safe from the court knowing all the affronts he used against the court. G also compromised an attorney I hired who called me and he took my court file from an attorney, M P, who I was interviewing and told me that he accidentally shredded my file, but when I called G he actually admitted having my file in his safe. He described the contents and said "someone" delivered it to him. I wonder how much P made off of it? I confronted P and he screamed at me and then broke down and sobbed. (He had already been reprimanded 2 times by the Bar.) The world of law is such a smarmy place! (Although I did not find that when I worked for a city attorney's office.)  So, Dr. M hired 2 people (hitmen) to do anything to get rid of me, had someone else's name put on a false restraining order, had a judge berate me until I fainted, and although Dr. L refuted the TRO/RO on the witness stand, Judge N still heckled me, called me "STALKER" and interrupted every other word I said on the witness stand and had it stricken. Then she said, "no wonder the doctor is afraid of you!" I had no idea what she was talking about! Then, she sentenced me to 5 days in jail and cut it to 3. She also said I had tried to get someone fired. I think she was speaking about Edward Souza, who always followed me around Kaiser and chased me off a bench if I sat down to rest. He even did that when I was waiting for a ride home after being released from gallbladder removal surgery. He did not care I had just had surgery, he told be I had to get up and go away. Later, he made up false contempt charges to give to G to make up for telling me that "M M. P was hired specifically to get rid of YOU!" I said, "well that means this entire matter was made up to get a restraining order, so it is invalidated!"  



    Best,
    Cheryl









Note of
Love

Music is your voice
in my ear
That reverberates
In my lonely
heart
a solitary sweet
note
of love and desire

How long must one
suffer
In despair and longing
Until the end is
released
as a dove from
its cage...

Is it arbitrary
or by design?

Passionate devotion
turns reverie
Into daydreams
and reality into
Avoidance

Truth becomes an
abomination
to a lover's soul

Time grows flowers
and trees
But my heart grows
more timid
in hope

and yet
Increased in
ardent yearning

creating a
melange of intense
pain

from which
there exists
no relief

Until your music
returns to
me.

-Haviva
(C) HVM 2019

Make you smile


Worry


Just as you are


You


Get on with it


Words of wisdom.


I want to be a haven of happiness and comfort for you.
I have become kind numb in some ways. They did not care about me for a second. They are terrible people.
I am going to look for a low cost clinic to check for breast cancer. It was weird that after I said I would only have surgery if you were there, no one ever called me back. They had been calling frequently and trying to scare me, but now nothing!
Think about it. They made a false restraining order against me. None of it was legal. They are in deep shit. Do you think it has suddenly become real? It was under your name, you had control of it with everyone but them. They must have said ugly things about me. G smeared me from everywhere to everywhere. Do you think he is protecting you? He is imprisoning you so we don't compare notes. You had your rights taken away, so did I. You don't have to love me, but I want you to have freedom to make up your own mind.
I may just file the police report against her anyway.
I have been so fucked over by them! They have smeared me over like mad. If she doesn't want competition, why not be nice? Why keep you prisoner? This needs to stop! She knows I could go to prison for 5 years! She's fine with it! That is disgusting!
Please speak up. The DA'S office knows everything.
Those people doing this will not hurt you, because they know who is doing what. If you call, or talk to me, there will be no punishment. Call when you want. I am so looking forward to speaking with you. It has been too long. It has been so unfair. Not sure I even need to file a police report.
She needs to know that I will file a police report and sue her, if the wall against our communicating isn't dropped. You have a right to feel free to talk to whoever you want and it is not fair for them
 to have done this to me. It was disgusting. Five years of absolute torment is beyond revolting. If I don't put her and all involved in prison, they will be lucky. I need to know soon, please; I could have cancer.
You know, I put 2+2 together a long time ago. I have been around the block. I love who you are without condition.

Please be who you are around me. It wasn't fair of them to do all this legal crap against me. I would have much preferred a meeting, honesty. I am angry that I lost all this time that I could have been knowing you.

I know you, I love you and it is your business who you want to know. You do not have to wait for some jerk attorney to tell you. They made this into a bigger deal than it needed to be. All they had to do was ask. Why they thought you should be treated less than an autonamous human being, I don't know. What I know is that I want to know you, not own you. No one deserves that. I understand. Why did they feel it was right to keep me away?

Please talk to me when you feel comfortable, but we have lost so much time. The RO is over, you can call, or see me when you want. I've missed you so much it hurts. It has never been fair. I hope you trust me. I would never hurt you. I have been hurt so badly and frightened to death. No one should ever have to go through this. Neither of us. It was completely wrong.
There is nothing stopping us now. I need to speak with you as soon as you want. No legal binding us. It is up to you.
❤️šŸŒ¹
I am having a hard time deciding what to do. I am very angry, but my empathy is giving me a difficult time. Of course, as I said, it could be out of my hands anyway. I don't like bullies or people who don't care what happens to others. I could use input. She doesn't seem like redemption is her thing. That is why I have worried like crazy for you. I really did not understand what she meant through Dr. Moon by saying I am selfish and don't care about anyone else and something about taking away things that belong to others. That tirade was astonishing. I had people holding my arms so hard I had bruises. I did not think of taking pictures until they were, or had faded.  I guess it was something trying to warn me off and also so I would not go back, and if I do have cancer, I would die. Of course I believe that is a reason that attorney is trying to prevent you from helping me. So far, it is obviously working, which is rather puzzling. Cancer is nothing to mess with....but I guess he has you frightened more than the urge to help me. I guess it is unfair to put you in that position. I can only go by my own feelings. I would not hesitate to jump on it. People do not bully my mind. They are mere mortals.

Saturday, July 25, 2020

Sleep very well, beautiful heart.
I think you have gone through some very hard times and I want to help erase them.

I have no choice but to wait for you to contact me, should you desire. I would need to know though, that you know you are  able (allowed).
I love you any way you are, or might want to be. I love you and support you no matter what. I mean that sincerely. I will never hide anything from you and you never have to hide anything from me. I am your protector and defender just as you have been mine, even under very difficult circumstances. That showed me love.

I would love to be known as your friend. I want to know you forever, if that might resonate with you. No one will harm you, or humiliate you and get away with it with me as your friend. You will always feel loved and respected. That would make me feel so happy.
If I am able to speak with you sometime, I will follow your lead. I will not interrogate you, or ask you anything much past how are you? I want to hear your voice and give you my support. We need that delicate treatment at the beginning. So, just know I love you and I am not angry with you. I am angry with them for doing this and dragging you into it. Call me when you feel able. I just want it to be back to normal with you and better. Okay? I wish we could go away and just get back to speed after 5 years. I know it feels raw. Always be gentle with yourself and be very careful.
You are loved.
I know I was pretty upset when I had left those messages. I can only remember a small part, but I know they were full of love and concern. I was also frightened. That deputy who came here said they all knew at his office that the order was over and I was in no legal trouble. I also told the DA's office, no problem there either, but I figure that attorney would love to make it into another court thing. If your partner could be trusted to not create more trouble, I would not file a report. It is just that I went through so much terror.  It is hard for me to do that to anyone, even to someone who deserves it. Up to you, really. She would have to sign something drawn up by an attorney that is legally binding. Also, she should at least apologise. After my intense pain and terror, it would be very difficult. I only want what you want. 
I decided to file a police report against your partner. I will work on it tonight, unless you give me a reason not to do it.
You do know, that with the entire matter attributed to you, under your name, you would never be reprimanded by the PD, etc, if you contacted me. If he is trying to say it has to do with the waiting period, that attorney screamed in my face "there IS NO WAITING PERIOD!" and the rest of his obnoxious tirade. Believe me, you DO NOT want to be associated with that CRIMINAL, LYING  LOW LIFE, POS! He and his REAL CLIENT are GOING DOWN! I know that he feels that telling you not to talk to me, will buy him time as far as any cancer possibility is concerned since I said I would not have any other cancer treatment without you; so that attorney probably figures I could die before seeing you again. He is a damn liar who is also astonishingly heartless. Also, who is in charge of a wait period, HIM?If nothing else, DON'T LET HIM/THEM RUN YOUR LIFE! Get free and live a free life! Get your own attorney and show all the controlling, mentally ill people THE DOOR! They DO NOT treat you with even the BASICS of RESPECT! They INSULT YOUR INTELLIGENCE and YOUR INTEGRITY, PLUS THEY MAKE YOU SEEM WEAK instead of COMPLYING! I am sure they laugh at your subservience. They get away with murder. I think they take advantage of your kindness and size. You could seem imposing, so you probably feel you must be nearly be a monk in calm attitude. If they are holding anything over your head, get your own attorney. I will always stand up for your you and against them, plus I can prove they are criminals.....but more importantly, SO CAN YOU! But it needs to be done soon, so they don't do something drastic.
Is there a police report of her abuse? It sure sounded like it when I spoke with an officer there. That attorney doesn't even want you protected by the police! He doesn't care about your welfare! I heard you sound frightened and could never relax afterward. I bugged the crap out of everyone to keep you safe. I even lied about who I was, because I was so worried. I could have gone to jail for it. I wasn't stalking, I was protecting. They don't say how things turn out anyway. I was encouraged one time by the officer saying, "better safe than sorry!" That was my motto. I would die if I did nothing and you were harmed.
If there is a report, the DA will get it. You really need to tell them the truth about the case. It will look so bad for you, if you don't! You will be an accessory to my being jailed, brutalization, etc. Everything they did, you did too as far as the law goes and there was a lot! The false contempts asshole Souza wrote to put me in jail! The brutalization by Dr. Moon for your partner! Truth is the best! Call me and I can give you the DA inspector's phone number and call him to set up an interview. You have been used and that attorney just wants to save his skin at your expense. He will throw you under the bus as easily as your partner did to me under your name! That is not love, that is self-centered! Get a new life. Tell the truth! My armpit is hurting too, I may have terrible cancer and could die soon! Please don't wait!
YOU have this:
Please don't forget me, or stop from calling me if in despair. I cannot bear thinking of you in any pain. It hurts too much. This situation is a crime against all that is good and of beauty in life. I know it has never been right. You cannot put monsters in charge of something good. Our friendship was good. They don't understand good. They live to destroy good. They have stolen your independent mind. That is the biggest crime of all. They think you are a push over and you proved their point. Such a lovely person kept imprisoned, body and mind. For some reason I have been made into the Boogyman. It is so absurd. I wish you would quit. They are killing your spirit, thereby you too.
I have been made to feel like a low life criminal, when the one who actually IS a criminal, feels vindicated. She is not. She is just insane and evil. I pity her for being so insecure and so driven by greed. She does not care if she destroys lives as long as she is happy. It is a reflection of the place you work. They don't care what happens to you or to me, as long as she is happy.
I know I will never mean as much to you as you mean to me. You were sweet and magical to me. We had fun. Missing out on those wonderful feelings is awful. Seeing the sadness on your face made me know you knew what was about to happen. Why didn't you warn me, or stop it? I am the type who would never allow a friend to be harmed to help things be easier for myself. I worry about how much they might suffer. I couldn't do it. You were actually mean to me several times, but very nice too. It was confusing. That is no kind of way to live. I know you were looking for a friend. I take that seriously. When I say I would die for you, that is not a joke. But all I know is that my heart is broken and so sad and I am dead inside.
I guess what I was saying when I said I wanted to kill myself was that I was so humiliated, I could die.
But I DID NOT SAY that I would kill myself if I could not see you. Hell, look how long it has been already? BTW, that K attorney is NOT YOUR attorney! He is merely USING YOU as a piece of K property! He has been endangering you legally! Do any of them give one good shit about you? HELL NO! If you told me what was going on, I would understand, but you need to understand my worry! You are dealing with ruthless people! The rough way Dr. Moon treated me was terrifying! Do you think your insane partner would be more gentle? Why does she care? Don't/didn't you have an understanding? I figured it was for kids and investment, not a love thing. I mean she is a lesbian, right? Does she want to make you one too? I don't know, the mind runs amok without truth present.

We did not have a real chance to let our friendship grow. But I fell in love. But, I also have a strong sense of being protective. I know I would hate life if you weren't in it. If I couldn't know you were okay. Why do you allow people to think I am awful? We are friends as far I am concerned. Remember the lie detection report said I could just be your friend? I gave a copy of that to MP thinking it would help, but instead it made things terrible. "Your" attorney stole my court file with my will and my lie detection report in it. He is a bad person, who is for your partner, not you. You need your own attorney outside K. They don't care what happens to you,they want what you have. If you died, think they would shed a year? You said your family ignored you and didn't pay attention to you. All I could think was why? He is so fun and fascinating. You know how much you brightened up my life! I knew from the time you called to apologize, that you were going to be in my heart to love. I know you are someone with many unusual facets, a gifted person. My son is gifted, so I understand, plus I passed the test to join MENSA but the membership was too expensive. I just wanted to see if I could pass. My husband was also gifted. I cannot abide being around unintelligent people for too long. It isn't snobby, it is boredom. I have never been one to care that much about having many friends.
I know you resonated with me on all cylinders. Plus your sweetness tugged at my heart. I want to take care of you. I knew that our laughter was just the tip of the possible fun. I only survived all the five years, because of my love for you. That attorney knew it would crush me to have you say no and I guess it is why it rolled out of my mouth. It was meant to upset, I guess, but the staff made it worse. You could have spoken to me, just to soothe my pain. Nothing would have happened to you. Maybe it would be hard after all this time. I wish not. You are being their puppet. It is undignified. They do not respect you. They have you frightened, not rational. Tell them to fuck off. They lie to you to help their agenda, not you. I feel really angry at them for humiliating you and mocking you by pretending they are doing anything in your favor. We were friends. Nothing will change that. You are their trained monkey. God Damn them!

1.Thank you.
I may sound upset and disappointed in you, but I would still welcome you with open arms and lots of love.
Do you know how shitty it feels to have people revile you? Do you think it is easy? Do you think it is nice to have people not believe you? Now they think even worse of me because you said you were going to call your attorney, as if you were afraid of me! Don't you think that made me want to die? After looking forward to the day of the end of the r.o. and then you say you are going to call your attorney, the most reprehensible asshole on Earth, who put you in legal danger? Did you get an extra bonus to sell your integrity? Why not just sign the papers instead of letting them be forged? I went through times that were so excrutiatung, I nearly could not take it any longer. I hope to God you did not know they were going to harm your mother. I cannot imagine why MP changed her hire date to the world if she did not do something awful, that looked very suspicious.....then kick me off my online account. I could understand how they might hold it over your head as a threat and have it be effective. It doesn't explain why you could not help me. I see how damn insane your partner is by twice having people harm me. I am going to report her to every PD, every news source, every place I can find. She will be the pariah, not me. When she hired hit men to go after me, that could be considered attempted murder. That has no statute of limitations and can carry a life sentence. I asked that attorney about my giving everyone "hold harmless" papers to have him stop attacking me, but no. Do you think if you are older and need care, your partner could be trusted to care for you? I have experienced exactly what she will do in practice and threat. She will give you a stroke and no one would question it. She would control your assets. You might just be a veggie. Those people don't love you, she most certainly does not. You need to tell the DA's office the truth and she will be blamed no matter how it happened. I am not afraid of her, but I will not go into surgery with her minions in control. I would face her and talk to her like adults, not her cowardly attack methods. I do not have one crumb of respect for her. She is a thug. I have told everything to the DA anyway. I had to do some very persuasive talking to justify your role in it. I even had to persuade myself, because you were pretty active in destroying me. But I thought of the nice times and your warm eyes and I told myself you had no choice. I still want to believe it, but you let me stay in despair for 5 years. How did anything I did make me deserve that? I wrote emails that were just fun and informative and gave gifts because you seemed so happy and I was grateful for your help and your friendship. They really messed with you, didn't they? MP said you were insane, but she liked to say that about everyone, but I do think they did mess with your mind. They are predators. That asshole jerk Souza is such a whiney little prick and wrote false contempt charges against me and rummaged through my chart and lied about me on the witness stand. He can get some big prison time. Let's see how well they will all fare with the DA PROSECUTORS grilling them! Your social climbing partner will lose her status and instead be headline news as a low life who hired hitmen to attack me! All you had to do was talk to me for a moment and I could have understood, or not made me sound like some creep to your staff. No one would have known. That POS attorney just lied to you to let more time go by, so I would not be able to have you help me with a possible breast cancer situation and just let me die. That does not sound like you. Why did all this happen over a few gifts and emails? It is massive overkill. I guess your partner decided she would show you what your next friend and you would have you endure. Just tell the truth! I do not enjoy my role as your insane partner's punching bag and my disappointment in you to some degree. I know I will always love you, but it just makes this crap hurt all the more.
You let me be jailed and now humiliated,are you going to let me die too?

Friday, July 24, 2020

It seems like the Glass family spent an inordinate time in the bathroom, smoking ciggies and chanting mantras.
Right?
I only trust you.

Thursday, July 23, 2020

I need to find out if I really have breast cancer.
I think we had a sweet friendship. It lifted me to the heavens. We still can. I know it.
I think we would have a great time on the trail, or lookout.
Remember you said, "I thought you knew me better than that?" I do, I just didn't believe in myself to feel confident.
Please trust me.
I need it desperately.
Why can't I see you? It has been 5 years. I have been been pretty good considering. Please help me. Doesn't love count for anything? People perform very awful acts, but I must be perfect. Why? The time I called, it was to warn you of a lot of identity theft, forgery. I worry. I will always worry. Love.

Wednesday, July 22, 2020

I would never do any of this legal crap to you. It does not say love at all.
I could not believe you were upset with me, when I had done nothing wrong and you knew it.

Tuesday, July 21, 2020

Monday, July 20, 2020

Zen Center


News


Inspired by the Japanese tale that promises to make a wish come true to anyone who folds 1000 cranes, City Center resident and artist Paula Pietranera started the 1000 Wishes, 1000 Cranes project. She is using social media to ask people to send her their wishes which she will make into a 1000 piece Renzuru origami piece. Today she reached a 500 wishes milestone! To view Paula's art and contribute your wish, go here.
Coming Up Soon:
Join a weekend online Zen and Yoga workshop with Vicki Austin and Brian Hogencamp (7/17-19); listen to Dharma talks by Crystal A. Johnson (7/18) and Kiku Christina Lehnherr (7/19); develop skills to take care of yourself by Transforming Depression and Anxiety through compassion (7/20-8/24).

Online Offerings


With Ryotan Cynthia Kear and Koshin Steven Tierney
Tuesdays, July 28 – August 25, 7 – 8:30 pm

Study sessions will include sitting and walking meditation, dharma talks, discussions, and experiential learning activities. The course is for those who are new to meditation and/or recovery and also for those who know that Beginner's Mind can be a gift to us all.

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With Suiko Betsy McCall and Fu Schroeder
August 28, early evening - August 30, late afternoon

Whether you already have an art practice or are looking to reconnect with your creativity, this workshop opens the door to marrying the Dharma with artmaking and, as a result, deepening both practices. Beginners welcome. No experience necessary.

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Fierce Compassion: Enacting Bodhisattva Principles in a Troubled World
Led by Tenzen David Zimmerman and Rinso Ed Sattizahn
September 29 – December 5

Archetypes of wisdom and compassion, the bodhisattvas of Mahayana Buddhism are powerful and compelling images of awakening, courage, and fierce love. This Online Practice Period is a chance to develop and deepen your practice together with others in a supportive environment. It is open to beginning and experienced practitioners alike.

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Rescheduled Events

The following online workshops have new dates:
Gentle Yoga and Compassionate Presence with Christy Brown and Meg Levie is now being offered on three dates: 9/8, 9/10 & 9/12

When Breath Becomes Words with Cynthia Cummins and Laurie Senauke is now being offered 9/25 - 9/27

Online Dharma Talks

Saturday, July 18City Center10:00 amChrystal A. Johnson
Sunday, July 19Green Gulch Farm10:00 amKiku Christina Lehnherr
Wednesday, July 22City Center7:30 pmSozan Michael McCord
Saturday, July 25City Center10:00 amTenshin Reb Anderson
Sunday, July 26Green Gulch Farm10:00 amJiryu Rutschman-Byler

Online Practice Groups

Saturday, July 18City Center11:20 amSaturday Sangha
Monday, July 20City Center7:30 pmMeditation in Recovery
Tuesday, July 21City Center7:15 pmYoung Urban Zen
Thursday, July 23City Center7:00 pmZen en EspaƱol

Wisdom from the Tassajara Library

Featuring a quote from a book found on the Tassajara library shelves.
“Don’t forget, there’s nothing small about ‘small acts of kindness.’ Can anyone know where the tiniest compassionate action will lead? How many people it will reach and how many lives it will change?"
Eve Myonen Marko
Wendy Egyoku Nakao
The Book of Householder Koans
Please consider supporting the practice centers and expanding online community. We are grateful for your support!

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