I have been so miserable. I have a very hard time being left in mystery. You cannot imagine how stressful it has been. I panic, become anxious, worry and try and understand it, then get angry, then try and be philosophical & spiritual, then I think I will just give the decisions about it to you, or whatever..... Then the process starts over. It has been nearly 5 years of this torment. Forgive me if I screw up.  I am caring, loving, compassionate and I would never do this shit to anyone....EVER!
I need to get this worry and anxiety out of my head and just know you again. Forgive me, if forgiveness is needed and just know that I love you and would die for you.