I do go through a lot of emotions. I go through the wringer. It is because I am not someone who wants to see anyone suffer, even if they have been mean to me, but then I resent that I suffer every day and they are all happy and carefree and getting their way and keeping a prisoner. I also wonder if I have something wrong like cancer. It worries me about that and hoping you are okay.  I think of you and feel all warm and melty inside and then sad, because you were the nicest part of life (and still are for my survival mentally). I never felt as close to anyone as you and I know I never will again. I would not even try to know anyone else. I just want you to live a free and happy life. It is your right. That person keeps attempting to terrorize me and make me think I might die should I submit to their treatment.  I think I have a right to tell my story, but I want you safe, first and foremost. You will be my last thought.