Maybe it is my attitude that keeps me alive, plus keeping up what feels like writing
emails to you. Except worry for someone's safety, or someone's death, I manage to hit low and come back, well sometimes I get pretty damn low and feel restless and anxious. I do not feel in control about certain aspects of my situation, which in some ways is good, but it also makes me more creative. I find ways to know if he is okay, even just by prayer. It just feels calming somehow. I know the angel loves him too.
My problems are mostly easily resolved. As I said, they will hopefully melt away at the end. He always made it easy to do better for myself. I loved to see him happy and also proud of my efforts.

I am basically an optimistic person, disguised as an Emo. It is an outlet.