As I said, I want her to know what could happen to her. She wanted me to be looked down as the lowest of low and it often did happen, but I spent nearly 5 years worried what such a person could do to you. I also worry how much such a soulless individual must eat away at your beautiful heart. I pray for strength for you....and for myself. I have lived so long in a world of disrespect and secrecy. I was robbed of my humanity, but I never lost it. I never hated you. I wanted to hug you. I had scary worries in my mind. I thought they might push you over the edge. It drove me absolutely crazy. I begged people to check on you. Otherwise, I froze. I lived for any tiny bit of info that I could use as hopeful as far as your well being. The more I was held in the dark and away from you, the more I prayed. I felt connected. I felt like I was heard. I worried I might be making up what I thought were coming as the positive answers, but many times I got tangible evidence, which relieved my mind.
I took each bit of positive news I could find to stay upbeat, when I only wanted to die to stop the pain. I knew I had to stay alive to be there for you, but I never thought anyone would ever allow me to see you again, or perhaps you wouldn't want to anyway. They took every opportunity to run me down and remind me that I was not good enough to know you. All I could do to keep up my self-esteem was to tell myself that everyone could use a dedicated friend to be of support. I am hard on myself, so I am as difficult on myself as were my enemies.  I was confused and I cried and cried in unbelievable amounts and intensity. It has been a horrible nightmare.

All I want is to hug you, see your dark eyes and sweet smile.  I want you trust me and give me a chance to prove myself. Let me take care of you in whatever way you might want. Seeing you happy, would make me eternally happy.
Stay strong and be true to yourself.