Knowing puts the mind at ease. Not knowing is a cause for anxiety, stress and sadness. I have spent over 5 years not knowing. I think I deserve a lot of understanding for my insecurity and worry. I have always looked for answers. I have had to effect a sort of zen attitude to get by and a lot of writing, but I still suffer the effects of the mystery. It is purposely confusing and cruel. This was always intended as a mind game. I would not wish it on anyone. Not even terrible people. I gave thank you gifts to a beautiful caring person and punishment is what I got back. That is awful.
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