FY

 Are you lonely?

I am.

For you.

 I know, corny. (okay, maybe somewhat obnoxious too....)

🚗

 Do you drive places alone?🚗

H

 Are you ever threatened with bodily harm?

Good for me

 Because of what has been done to me, there are days I can barely move. I know that is what those miserable excuses for human beings love hearing, but it just gives me more strength and anger reserves to make me want to hurt them a lot in a legal way. 

I know hurting people to death is their forte, but I have no desire to do that. I would never be incarcerated over such insignificant, twisted degenerates.

The only time I would put my own life in jeopardy, would be to save yours.  Doing evil is not my thing. Good is what keeps my motor running. It is my high.

Hugs!

Care

 What I want to understand is WHY?

Was it all initially a scam to get property? That is what I thought MP was there to accomplish, but was it actually just a jealous woman afraid of losing support, money, a vested interest in you as a project? I mean, if someone really cared about you, wouldn't they want you to be happy? I could not watch you day-to-day looking miserable and knowing how limited your life had become. (Maybe I am just naive and you have been whooping it up big time, with a basket of fruit on your head, platform shoes, all a la South American Mardi Gras, Carmen Miranda style....! I know you seemed to like fancy shoes.......)

I enjoy fun. I place no judgments, or inhibitions. We are all a blank canvas. All potential, all creativity. I like people who have the nerve to be who they want.

Anyway, does she actually care about you?

Goal

 I used to always have hope, but the people who seem to be in charge now seem to love being destroyers of hope and take it for themselves. I cannot enjoy life if everyone around me is miserable.

Universal happiness would be a lovely goal.

Smile

 Keep in mind that I (as well as you) have been beaten up to shit and I even worse, because being smashed in the face by someone I care about was an added blow. I never know what is coming and I must work extra hard to recover. It is not easy. Those people have tried to KILL me and I don't get to trust my only insurance. I suffer a great deal of pain and a lot of fear. So, whatever my little attempts at fighting back are, I am one person, on a budget, trying to keep my dignity, in the midst of being called every rude, foul and suspicious thing imaginable! What was it again that I was to have supposedly done? Oh, yes, gave a few gifts? Was that it? The ones for which I was thanked? Yet, there in court, I was ripped from stem to stern like a road kill carcass in the center of the road, being enjoyed by a wake of vultures. I have been to JAIL! I was torn apart by a nasty judge! I was confused, I was taunted, reviled, too embarrassed at times to speak to my son, to my mother..... I lost two of my loved cars, had my license taken away, my taxes questioned. I tried to keep myself from ending my life out of despair, or because I was being attacked by insane people. There were no hugs for me, no kind words, no joy. No love. I had to rely on myself. I was too frightened to enjoy life; not as much out of fear for myself, but for someone who warms my heart, even far away and silent, except for some bitter, cruel words that I had to swallow like sharp shards of glass as the people I was supposed to trust, had their hands around my throat in a death grip. 

I have been so unused to kindness, that I bask in even the tiniest  semblance of it, or compassion and am grateful for even a small memory what actual caring was like. I think about others and worry about them, if people do it about me; I am not privy to that information. I am in pain each day because of the cruel insanity of the people who initiated this horror show of greed, terror, self-indulgence and misuse of money and power, ever! Torment and corruption flooded the scene like a storm creating a flash flood. I was attacked by a well practiced machine, used to decimating anything that got in its way. I am ONE person on her own, trying to keep her head above water, while being attacked from all angles, by devious criminals and mad minded individuals. 

I have weathered the insults, the attacks and the heartbreak, but I hurt badly and I intend to have it STOP and the terrible people who caused it, pay for their crimes. I have been so nice, for so long, but now that is OVER! My pride has returned and it does not like being insulted! As my friend used to say, "your Countess is coming out!"

It is out and on the warpath! 

It would be nice to smile again before I die.

Compared

 I want to talk to you so much.

Even if I can never speak with anyone else ever again. They are nothing compared to you.

Your voice and your face are all I care to experience ever again.

I see you

 You are so lovely. 

Just not when you are tight lipped 

and angry at me.

That scared me. I have never been 

more frightened, or sad.

My love didn't die

it just hurt a lot. It's been in the  

ICU all this time.

Lazarus

I want to watch schmaltzy rom coms with you, while holding your hand and sneaking peeks into your gorgeous eyes and face.  Thoughts of you sneak into my mind during the day and my heart goes beating wildly and I feel exhausted and exhilarated simultaneously. 

I don't think I will ever feel casual about you, if I ever get to see you again, that is......It doesn't feel I will, which makes me feel like the walking dead and supremely sad, if the dead have emotions.

......I have it on good authority they do.

I feel pretty dead myself on many an occasion lately.  but I've managed to resurrect myself so far. 

Hope my luck holds out. 

I am watching "Notting Hill" a g a i n  and I am already tearing up over the slightest emotional comment, or sweet musical note. That does not bode well for a tear free ending.  

I can't help it. I have loved you from nearly the moment I met you. 

"When You Say Nothing at All"

Alison Krauss, Alison Krauss & Union Station

It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word you can light up the dark
Try as I may I could never explain what I hear when you don't say a thing

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all

All day long I can hear people talking out loud
But when you hold me near you drown out the crowd
Old Mister Webster could never define
What's being said between your heart and mine

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
A touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all.....

I never want to say "good-bye" forever. I just can't do it. I will just fade away, I guess. Not my call.  

Yet

 I don't want to miss your birthday, yet again.

always

 I love and adore you.

There

 How are you?

Please keep thinking about getting away.

It is abnormal to be kept prisoner.

Some people like them are just lacking in humanity.

They are called criminals, because they are warped and hurt people, because it makes them happy.

I hope prison makes them happy! I would love to put them there!

Froggies and more!

 Isn't that the cutest name? I just found this for organic fruit. It is a bit pricey, but from the great reviews, worth it! Remember when I was driving to the lighthouse and the road was covered with frogs? (You said, "sounds Biblical") I must have given the vultures French food for a week! Have you ever seen a vulture's eyes? They are cold and dead looking; just like an attorney's I've seen. I was driving by when a big "wake" of vulture were feasting on a skunk and paused while I went past. I got close to one and it looked like it was saying "What are YOU lookin' at? Move along!"

It IS a jungle out here!

Rumor has it

 I heard, "through the grapevine" that there are plenty of rough types who are "gunning" for that attorney and his life may soon be at an end.....

Nauseating

 I used a new shampoo last night and it has a lingering scent to it that is annoying. Obnoxious actually. Sickenly sweet. Ewww.

Good vs. Evil

 Crooks don't seem to care about what awaits for them for eternity.

I am no religious fanatic, but I have seen some pretty scary stuff on paranormal shows about what waits for bad people.....being a decent human being is so easy too. 

Dark and

 Just to see your beautiful eyes again, would be my joy.....

Eternal Springs

 It is sad when an attorney is so stupid that they have to buy off everyone just to win. It means they have no confidence in their own ability. I wonder how they would like it if they ran into a doctor who went by the same ethic.....or lack thereof? They'd be hopping mad! (But at least there would be more of a chance that the attorney would be gone from the face of the Earth more quickly!)

Karma is waiting to strike!

Hope springs eternal!

Both

 I would always be your best friend. I would never let you down. I really can love you and also just be a friend. 

Still

 I wonder if I can still get laser lipo with weird kidney pains still happening?

Rom

You know, of course, that if I ever saw you, or you came here; I would just be all normal acting, just as usual. I am not what those people  (and you) made me sound like. I never did anyway, so why think I ever would? I was only where I was supposed to be, when I was was supposed to be. I'm not a perv. 

I am a romantic, not bizarre.

It actually does sound like she is trying to make me into her. I have decorum and class; she does not.

What I want to do.

 https://www.sonobello.com

Laser fat removal.

Being

 I want to keep being in love with you.

It hurts too much to think of stopping.

WoW

 Of course, you know you are the sexiest person on the planet, right?

I shouldn't let out that secret, but people DO have eyes.....not just me.....

Maybe you just "tick all the right boxes" as people like to say now. :-)

Coo

 I DID send in a complaint about Dr. Mengele.....I mean Moayeri. Hee heee!

Let's see how everyone responds.....

jump into the volcano and keep kissing her ass, or.....?

Whatever, she IS mentally deranged. 

Magic!

 

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Evening

I hope your day was good. 

 

I do still have the idea of getting an RV and

just traveling around. It would be fun, but I

wouldn’t want to go alone.

It is overcast today and breezy.

I have a lot of work to do around the house,

but I put it off. I did so much work leaving

Sunnyvale and then Millbrae; I feel exhausted

just thinking about it. There was 50, or so years

of stuff in Millbrae, so it was quite a task.

Seems like life is just full of janitorial work. 

Eating, trying to stay amused, staying healthy

and getting rid of stuff. If we humans are lucky

enough to love and be loved; then we have made

it! The last bits are, to me, the most important, but

I guess it is over for me. Most likely a solo mission

from now on. I still feel love and the memory is

wonderful.

A good friend with freedom to do whatever they

wanted would be nice.

It would be lovely to speak with you again, but

since your owner has forbidden it; that is a

nonstarter

of an idea. If she puts you on Craig's list, or

Ebay,

I hope I see the listing. I would buy you and

set you free.

I guess it is bitter humor. Still limping. Some

people play dirty.....and illegal. Hope it doesn't

come back and bite them on the ass! (I DO!)

I am working on it.

But I am sad as shit and it is zapping my

energy and desire to do anything much.

A

 Going to sneak in a nap.  I know it is early, but was up all night.

You are adored.

Q

 If you are happy today, so am I.

I am hugging you.

I was doing some work in the kitchen.

I am trying to what I can with the shortcomings

A program about the queen holding a state banquet is on now

What a nerve wracking undertaking! 

Freedom!

 Lovely background program about Penelope Keith visiting picturesque English villages by the sea. 

Fascinating historic information that I eagerly ingest.

I seem to end up catching little bits of sleep between programs.

It becomes a surreal existence. 

Naturally, I have loads to do, but is it as desirable as being lazy?

Not often. Until the kitchen sink situation gets sorted out; it is going to be a nasty situation with which to deal. My renter volunteered to go in on 1/2 of a portable dishwasher, so that seems too tempting to turn down.

We've been subsisting on recycled/biodegradable paper plates, but there were still dishes that were neglected prior to the sink imploding. 

Oh well, no point in being full of anxiety over it.

I guess after being supremely razed to the ground recently and left wandering through a harsh backdrop to find the hotel where I was staying, left me bruised and beaten and feeling like a truck had something to do with my rumpled state and mental terror, but actually, it was an undignified cruel woman with a deadly eviscerating nature and an intent on destroying by cutting a human spirit to the bone and beyond. I am still dazed.

Did I deserve that treatment? Not according to me, but I guess in the twisted view of vicious, self-centered owners of sentient beings in the times after slave ownership was well past and looked at as repugnant, I am considered foul. I am not ashamed. Someone else has that distinction, not me. I celebrate human rights, not taking prisoners. 

Miss

 What did you do today? Did you work?

I want to come get you one day and make certain you are okay

I miss you terribly.

Not do it

 I hope you are having a pleasant day!

It is very quiet and very sunny here.

I remember when people used to say, "let's go for a drive!" Well, this is the place for it, if there ever was one!

Just up the road about 14 miles is the lighthouse where I stayed and nearly burned down. It was so strange, because my never before worn clothes had something spilled on them in the suitcase, so I washed them in the tub and hung them by the woodstove fireplace after they dripped off somewhat.  Somehow, I managed to get them too close to the fire and they went up in a smokey blaze and managed to catch the shag carpet on fire too! It terrified me!

I looked around the room and saw a smoke alarm, but even with all the smoke, it never went off. I pulled it open and all the wires just hung down! I left a note for them telling about the alarm, but not the fire, since there was no sign of it. I cut off any bits of shag carpet that were singed and it was normal looking again. I aired the place out night and day, so it seemed to smell okay. 

I did read online that the old lighthouse keepers place had burned to the ground........the place really did seem haunted and very noisy at night. It sounded like a lot of people speaking all at once, but it the wave activity was responsible for that; it was all around me, since it is a peninsula.

It's only 14 miles from here. I will see if they have a future events there.

I wish you could leave your prison for a visit. I don't know if you are just obedient, or handcuffed. It must feel weird not to be trusted, or have freedom. I could not do it. 

ted

 People can be so tedious.

Too grand

 It would be lovely to have a nice bit of normal life for awhile.

I think some people get a little too grand in their own minds and think it is their right to run the lives of others.

I'll bet there is a lot lacking in their own lives, much less thinking they can be in charge of more too!

So Sweet!

 I hope you don't mind my intrusion, but I saw a picture of both your parents and they looked so nice! (Really sweet actually.)

Memorial Day reflections

 

F

Understand

 You know, if you don't want my help you are welcome to not take me up on it.

I don't know why you asked me to be your friend. I felt like you needed my support.

I wanted to do that. No one else have I ever wanted to do everything for, or be everything for. You were so kind to me before, but you set me up to be looked at with future suspicion. You took away any help I could have been, but rest assured that if you sought out my help, nothing, not even law, would stop me from rescuing you.

You set me up as some stalker for the rest of my life. I need to know the threat that you were under that could make you hurt an innocent person so badly.

I sincerely hope you will feel remorse and want to do the right thing.

Of course, I want you to be safe, but I would love to know that you felt bad about doing it. I still get a sinking feeling at certain point of the day when I get a stab in the gut with sadness from that entire thing. I just feel like collapsing and sobbing out of control. Please, do what you need to do to stay safe, but keep your integrity. Don't let anyone steal it from you.

Nothing will ever make me dislike you.

Don't forget, you are not them. You are so much more compassionate and beautiful. They don't understand compassion, or love. You do.

Help you

 You really make a person work hard when they love you. I hardly sleep, and am always writing to help you.

want

 I know you, I love you and I want to take care of you. 

than you

 There is no human being, that I didn't birth, or who didn't give birth to me, that I could love more than you.

Excuse me

 "Pride goeth before a fall".

I bust my ass trying to help and not even a 4?

Fuck! 

Pardon my Irish!

sake

 I am the good person trying to help! For God's sake reach me!

know

 I need to know if you are here.

Not

 Do you think I am enjoying this? I am doing this because I am afraid for your life and because I love you. Smirk if you want, but this is no picnic for me. I am NOT going to let you die!

I am dedicated!

Mentor

 I say things truthful in law, or things will not come out right. It is like a cake recipe; you mess up ingredients and all you have is a weird pancake.  Also, something you say that is not true, can get  you tossed in jail, or worse. You've had a very bad mentor.

See here

 I have something you will want to see.  Watch this space as they say.....

I put it above here. You have seen it now.

why

 Why are you in a bad mood when I am waiting to love you and take care of you and give you reason to smile?

I would always admire you and tell you why you are wonderful. They run you down and make you grouchy, is what I think.

Don't

 You seem to like cruel people. Sorry, I can"t help you with that. I don't.

So

 I love you, so hate me. Makes sense.

To no one.

Devoted

 You do know I love you and am devoted to you, right?

Just making sure you know. Terrific reason to despise me and stay with murderers. Wise choice.....you chose me in the first place. I wanted to ease your pain, then I fell in love with you.

Sad

 But it doesn't make me hate you. It makes me sad.

HM

 I don't want to lose you more than I can express, but 

I am at a loss.

It is not in my hands.....otherwise, you'd be here.

Help me.

Love.

GB

 Are you happy with your situation? If so, 

I wish you very well and good-bye.

pls

 I will do anything.Tell me. Please.

do

 Can you go places alone?

soon

Walk away. 

Stay

Can you leave home on your own?

Nice!

 Just sitting down to my spaghetti. pretty good. getting full fast. Cooking took away my appetite.

Listened to Roch 2, I think Gershwin borrowed from him..... of course, I always think of "The 7 year Itch" where Tom Ewell makes a swift pass at MM in about as elegant a manner as Donald Trump would "move on her like a bitch" about as classy as flushing a massive BM down the toilet!

If it weren't such a misogynistic move, it would have been cute, but it had to be taken in the spirit of the times, I guess.

Don't fault me, but in my online perusing, I saw your HS pic. What a cutie! Harrison Ford had nothing on you! Bet you were prom king, but self-deprecatory! Very nice!

vicious

 I have a very nice attorney now. The last one was an abusive asshole. I think he slept through the entire trial. He was obviously in collusion with the Big Briber. They are all dirty, but why? They are clearly splitting up the K money. What a massive pile of crap. I'll bet "he" takes a portion of each bribe he gives. I know they do that with contractors and workers. Once, a teary worker at my house came up to me and said that hadn't been paid at all! I just thought crap! The contractor told me basically to mind my own business. Yikes! So, in the end, they just cleaned out my bank account. It sucked. I had only enough to get a moving company and that was it. I came here and the garage was a Jenga game. It was diabolical.

I know MP came here and directed the movers and also broke a few things and turned the HOA against me. Those people are more than vicious, the are deadly.

It is why I worry for you.

Today

 Are you okay today? I sure hope so. 

I would do anything to make it so. I really would.

Tonic

 If Prince Harry is depressed yet still gets up and out of his PJ's, for speaking engagements; his depression is a very different flavor than mine. Sometimes I am merely a lump with barely a difference from one hour to the next. 

Maybe being paid big bucks to have people show you devotion and eager for your words, is a "bit" of an antidepressant itself, whereas being called a "stalker" in a disgusted manner tends to have far less tonic effects. I don't know, maybe a tad?

I do both

 

“Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much as to be understood.” —George Orwell

Pains

 Guess I will make some spaghetti. 

Nothing else thrills my soul.

In fact, nothing in the food kingdom really does.

I get the freakiest pains.

It must all be kidney related. 

I just don't understand it.

One day it is kind of around the belly button, or down on the right in front. Just everywhere pain pops up for a few moments and goes away.

Then I take the Amazon rain forest herbal stuff and I forget about it until the next time. 

I will never forget your kindness staying up for me when I was sick. That was above and beyond. It touched me deeply. 

Lethargy

 I have not been doing much work for awhile now. 

I have a kitchen that needs a bulldozer.

The sink is still in a very silly, jaunty, unuseable position.

I kinda don't give a crap.

But I need to get it fixed so I can get a loan, so it is a two edged sword.

It will happen. I have just been rather lethargic. 

They know

 

Birds can recognize people's faces and know their voices

Date:

June 22, 2012

Source:

University of Lincoln

Summary:

New research suggests that some birds may know who their human friends are, as they are able to recognize people’s faces and differentiate between human voices.

I know my seagull friends do.

Too soon

Today is a day that would make a sailor very happy

and me hoping not to fall in!

I am not comfortable with being off balance.....

except in humor.

I hope you are able to think about your loved ones who have passed today. 

Taken much too soon.

I would like to visit B's resting place. I want to give her a rose for being there for me.

Hopefully that isn't too intrusive.

If

                                                

Sometimes images just won't cooperate.

        

Invented

 I am pretty gut level certain that the Irish invented the word fuck, so since I am 14% Irish, I will use it 14% of the day and call it when it gets dark, unless it is a 24 hr. thing; then maybe it will go into over- time....maybe a sliding scale. Why quibble?

Feel

 I am happy to feel so natural around you, or about you. I never knew that feeling before. It is lovely.

To

 I look forward to the day when I can just shut up and listen.

To you.

Tries

 If anyone tries to speak for me, tell them to fuck off. 

Evens

 I cannot define feelings. I accept them.  They come and go, but there is an underlying solid base of them that gives one a warm feeling of security. 

Sometimes things go awry. It is like nature looking lovely, but there is always a chance of earthquake, or sudden storm. But, you don't hate nature because it was having a bad day. You accept it and understand how to deal with it, when it happens again.

You are ready. 

You don't mind, because the wonderful was better than the bad. 

After awhile, you learn to find beauty in the rough times too and it all evens out. 

Love.

Subtle

 If people can't trust each other, what is it worth knowing each other?

I know you can trust me,

can I trust you? 

I know I could, without other people putting in their own will.

It is obvious, like the smell of rotting road kill.

I always knew when someone else was behind what was said, or written attributed to you. My instinct automatically tossed it out.

People are such fools when they think they can make someone else think they are dealing with the one they know. It is like a horn going off.

Bad people are usually pretty stupid when it comes to subtlety or forgery of the human spirit. They cannot erase their own stench from it.

More than

 Time is the destroyer of so much. 

It slips by and I realise how I have squandered it. 

People are so hung up on money, but it is time I treasure.

Fur

 You KNOW I will do ANYTHING for you, but my psychic powers have not fully kicked in yet! TELL ME!

Get safe, then, figure things out!

Don't listen to what those assholes say, about anything!

To them, you are a steak on a BBQ.

You helped them paint a picture of me as a predator!

Is that how you think of me?

When did I ever do anything out of order?

I was never there when I wasn't supposed to be. 

I didn't call just to schmooze.

I wrote emails, because you specifically said I could.

I enjoyed it immensely, but fuck, don't make up other shit about me!

I went from having no record, to a bursting folder!

Not the kind of thing I want lurking in my life's history, when a visit to St. Peter could be in my near future! Crap!

I DO expect that to be rectified.

A good person has been sullied, because she gave a few gifts to say, "thank you!"

Santa is quaking in his fur lined boots!

Shark Tank

 Do something to save yourself, or deserve what you get.

I am not more intelligent than you, but I see it.

You are languishing in the shark tank with a bleeding cut.

How long could that possibly last?

Duh!

Wakey, wakey!

What

 I am not angry, but you really should be ashamed of what you did to me.

Bane

 When you think of it, what did I ever do wrong? 

Nothing.

People with suspicious, deranged minds made it all up. That is why a big, fabricated story had to be made up.

It was shameful. They had agendas and needed a scapegoat. People with minds like that cannot be trusted.

Don't. They will always use you.

Just like they are doing now.

Users are the bane of existence.

A lot

 I never said what you had to be to me. Other people did that.

All I knew was that I wanted to be near you and take care of you. 

All these weird people made judgments, screamed at me. What had I done, but thank you and laugh with you and felt close to you? Why was I jumped on and treated so badly? 

It reminded me of when I worked at a dress shop and the old man who was the owner made us follow people of color around the place as if they were automatically assumed to be shoplifters. It made me sick. I quit, but still got unemployment, because of that man's attitude.

He also raided our bag lunches. 

Bastard.

I can love you to myself. I just enjoyed being around you. It felt so great. I didn't like it when I wasn't.

I never put a value on it. I just enjoyed it as it happened. 

Love can just be love. It is personal. 

But it makes me dedicated.

People don't understand. They take beauty and beat it to a pulp until it is dead. It makes them feel in control.

People are jerks for the most part.

Controlling people are a pain. I just want to enjoy life, not make it fit into a box.

I just know you were lovely and made life a joy. I don't need to define it beyond that. Nothing can live up to expectations.

Don't have any. It is nice that way. 

Anyway. Do what makes you happy. That is what makes me happy, but I would sure love to be around you again. 

Take care. Don't let them hurt you. That would hurt me a lot.

Better

 I don't want to lose you before I have the chance to know you better. I already know I love you, so that is a great start......

It isn't a death sentence, for God's sake! You have not been used to love. 

You have been used to possession.

Try love. 

Much better.

My Life is a dream

 

“The air was soft, the stars so fine, the promise of every cobbled alley so great, that I thought I was in a dream.” —Jack Kerouac

Bully

 I refuse to allow anyone to bully me about who I love.

Refuse

 

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." —​Maya Angelou

Rise

 

"We rise by lifting others." —​Robert Ingersoll

A little glue.....

 

"We are all broken, that's how the light gets in." —Ernest Hemingway

Chance

 I would love to go on a hike with you today! I want to get back into doing fun things like that. It looks like it might be nice today. 

Give me a chance, please? No? Gee, okay.

Always

 You are loved, always!

Cutie

 My little doggie is sleeping on the couch on her side and her round tummy is sticking out. She makes me smile. She is adorable. 

Anything for you

 Don't ever think I don't love you, or would not die for you, or give you what I have to help you.

It is to be understood as a given.

PC

 If people don't want to be found out for their disgusting actions; they should not do them.

Also, People are not property. She needs to realize that........

they need to be loved and cherished

I will keep going after her and that other one, until they end up in jail.

She only wants you because of money and because someone else loves you for yourself.

I remember you saying that she doesn't pay attention to you and they don't listen to you. Suddenly her spies say someone laughs and enjoys talking to you and all Hell breaks loose and it's a pissing contest. That is not love. 

She has no pride at all. She just wants to own.

Miss

 I am so hungry for even a tiny flicker of life from you. 

That is how much I miss you.

FT

 Do what keeps you safe from monsters. Please. It is all I care about.

Fuck them.

I love you. 

Stand

 I have been so sad for so many years. I can barely stand it.

hurt

 I don't like the sadness. I don't know how to handle the emotions any longer. I only know honest caring and then anger comes up because I hurt. 

CB

 I wish you very well. I just wish you hadn't destroyed me. I did nothing to you; it was the crazy bitch who did that.

Just release me from this nightmare and say good-bye.

I love you.

Mean a-holes

 I have to assume that much of the time I don't understand things, because they can often seem kind of cruel. But there are many mean a-holes out there too.

All I care about is how much I love the one I love.  It is all that is important to me.

Setting 😎

 Going through a town called Little River. Really scenic. Lots of cozy hotels and B&B's and lovely ocean views. Sun is setting.

Moods

 I hope you will give me a chance after all this time. I am rather worried that I have blabbed my way out of your concern. I have a  lot going for me, but the attacks made my life refocus on dull subjects. That isn't me. I have a lot of interests and I am very interested in what you know and enjoy. I remember how much we had in common only after speaking a few times. I remember floating on air. 

I felt so happy and like life had finally made sense and beauty.  I know it is why my moods changed according to what I would hear from you. You always came first with me; and do still. Don't let my anger with them and my frustration of the situation cause an annoyance. Thank you. With love.