My Life

I know you are pretty much a pawn to them and they use you, but it would be amazing if you turned the tables on them and surprised the shit out of them. I know what they made you do was to implicate you, but I never bought it. I do, however, think that you are sincere with your kindness. They had/have a scheme going on and use(d) you. They figured I would die and they would take what I left to you in my will. That security guard, Mr. Ed, always took your mail, even before the restriction, so my power of Attorney and will never got to you. I wanted to show my gratitude beyond the gifts. Basically, I wanted to put you in control of my life to show you how much I trust(ed) you. They wanted that trust destroyed, but that didn't happen, no matter what they made you do. I was confused, but did not waver. I frustrate them. They did all they could to frighten me about you, or have me die, or make my life Hell. Instead, like a cockroach after a nuclear blast, I am still here. However, if this is cancer, it could defeat me, because I was too frightened by your disgusting, greedy, social climbing friend to go back. Now I get no help at all. With you, she has her cake and eats it too. Someone she can bully, have as arm candy and distraction and privately have as her alternative lifestyle. I guess she had me called all those things like selfish and not caring about anyone else, she meant that she now had everything she wanted in you, but that I wanted to destroy her fantasy world just as she got it perfect.She could retire with the perfect, submissive partner, whereas, I would love you as an equal, free and enjoy who you are, not what I made you. In fact, you are someone I respect and admire and defer to in most every situation. I don't like her negativity; it cannot be a pleasant way to live. I wasn't trying to disrupt anything at all, I merely enjoyed any small bit of time with you as I could get. She didn't feel like being nice and making you happy, it seems, so always had to be on high alert, ready to pounce, if you were being extra attentive to anyone. Then the "plan" would have to be implemented with activating MP, and shutting down any "bud" of attraction. Why didn't she just appreciate you, trust you, be nice to you, care for you, love you? It certainly wasn't a chore for me.  It came naturally to me. I guess since she could not muster real feelings of love for you, she felt insecure in her position with you and had to shorten the leash. That is a sad, sick, cruel and fucked up "relationship!" Since I was not dissuaded, she had to pull out the "big guns." She got a crooked, smarmy, disgusting attorney involved. He cut off any means of defense and had people bully me, as well as he
himself bullys me and causes problems in my personal life too; there was always some annoyance, or expense nipping at me. I knew what was being done to me and why. They just threw the spaghetti against the wall to see what stuck and finally made me kill myself. It may have been why I said what I did, so I would get them falsely excited. What drives me along is my love for you and my promise to "B" to take care of you. It comes naturally to me anyway. I have no thought of protecting you only if you liked me, or you did something for me; no, there are no qualifications. You helped me from the shadows, that's good enough for me too. I think it is the definition of love. I am somewhat hobbled, because of a lack of money and my driver's licence being taken away (I know it was "your" attorney's doing) I will still do what I can to be there for you. I have nearly no information given me, so I must intuit nearly everything.  I am loyal and dedicated to you. Keep safe, okay? I hate that you must face germs and virus. My heart wants you to run away, or I would like to face it too. As I have said, life would no longer have any allure without you in it. My love to you always.