5 Years in Hell.

I have been the most insignificant, significant person that has ever existed. My life and it's consequences seem to matter to no one and everyone.

I feel like I became a part of a problem that had already been raging and yet somehow I managed to become made into the primary cause, a scapegoat. Kind of a hostage to the situation. I seem to be as much a part of the cause of this strange charade as much as a first responder to a fire is responsible for the blaze and makes about as much sense.

I came into the middle of a story, but with the help of some very strange and unethical people with more money and power than sense, was made into the one who caused the ills of their worlds, instead of merely being a symptom of of their poor relationship, I was turned into the cause. I think that one of them thought that if I could be made into the problem and they did not have to take responsibility for any of the work that goes into a relationship and with me made into some sacrificial lamb, that my destruction would somehow bring about a new and vital spark to make their relationship fresh and new.

I knew nothing about any of that twisted situation when I met Dr. Lukaszewicz. I merely responded to his help and kindness and his dedication. I enjoyed our conversations. We emailed mostly about my health and how to remedy it, but also a few comments about likes and observations. I think we were both happy to know someone who shared our interests and pleasant feeling of being around them. He was never improper and neither was I, but his domestic partner, Dr. Moayeri seemed to have a hypervigilant watch over him, like a dog guarding a yummy bone it wanted to chew on at a later time.  I always had the feeling of being watched when I was at Dr. Lukaszewicz's department. If I stopped at his office after a visit, someone would literally be breathing down my neck, the entire time I was there. It became clear that he was not trusted to be alone with people. It was overtly so.  He had a short leash.

I had given Dr. Lukaszewicz a few gifts to thank him for his kindness and because he had take on more responsibility for my difficult healthcare situation. I take pride in my gift giving and try to make them significant according to the person and their place in life and how much gratitude I felt. I had no idea that my few gifts would cause such an explosion of wrath and infuriated attack.....but not from Dr. Lukaszewicz it seemed to be like a lightning bolt from on high. Dr. Lukaszewicz, himself, showed enormous gratitude and it warmed my heart to see it. His gratitude seemed to match my own. That was why a TRO aimed at my gifts was an absurd premise for a legal matter, especially around 100 days after I had last seen him. Even Nordstrom only allows a limited time for returns and I think 100 days would be pushing it. Some feeble attempt at saying I said some kind of romantically charged overtures was added in to the TRO, since sex sells, but was never a topic in any future legal matters. It is because I am not "someone who would make a wife jealous", according to a man who pretended to be my attorney, but who was obviously on the Kaiser Attorney's payroll, (although I had given him a down payment of $1000).

Dr. Lukaszewicz asked me if I wanted to become friends on my last day of seeing him as a patient. I dropped him to begin the wait period to transition from patient to social acquaintance....whatever it was.....I had no idea. Around 3, or more months later, I was told I needed gallbladder removal surgery. I asked if Dr. Lukaszewicz could observe. I waited from Tuesday evening until Friday afternoon to have the surgery, which, at that time was his half day at work. I was told by the nurse at the station, that she had seen him leaving my room after he checked on me. I used a phone number given to me by Bertha Ponse, Kaiser Patient Relations manager to say thank you to Dr. Lukaszewicz.....a week, or so later.....I was given a TRO for unwanted gifts and romantic overtures.

So while I was recuperating from the surgery, I got a TRO served upon me. Gee, flowers would have been plenty...! Does that make a scintilla of sense to anyone? Me either.

I thought perhaps it could have been enforcement of the waiting period, but in time that did not seem feasible. There was too much cruelty, torment and JAIL included to enforce something with a sweet ending. No, this was intense anger and jealousy that fueled the beast that was this situation. I had no freedom to fight back. Each door to find help was magically firmly bolted against me. People treated me like a bad smell and people I had known seem to revile me. This is a brief synopsis, but suffice it to say, my life was made into Hell on Earth. I was made into a pariah and worse, A CRIMINAL!

Michael C. Guasco used his infamous TRO law to hobble, crush and basically destroy me. I suffered damnation on Earth and many times I just wanted to die. My instincts told me that the attacks against me were a desperate attempt at getting rid of me by a jealous partner. Later, when I was viciously and sadistically attacked during breast biopsy removal by an insanity charged radiologist, it was made absolutely clear who was behind the entire matter: it was Dr. Lukaszewicz's domestic partner, Dr. Moayeri.

Mr. Guasco indulged Dr. Moayeri's request to get rid of me by putting a false TRO against me, under Dr. Lukaszewicz's name. By making Dr. Moayeri's dreams come true and maybe giving her a bit of sadistic pleasure too, she was able to have 5 unfettered years to create a good relationship with Dr. Lukaszewicz, while I suffered abuse and humiliation at the hands of Dr. Moayeri's friends and colleagues. She failed at a relationship and took it out on me. She needs mental help.

What Mr. Guasco did was indulge the insane behavior of a narcissistic person didn't even bother, it appears, to find a solution to any relationship problems. It is my contention that my breast cancer diagnosis was supposed to result in my death, or brain death from surgery. Marija M. Petrovic's role was to get me as her patient, interrogate me, put a load of false diagnoses in my chart and use her covert trained mind to get me to kill myself, or have someone else do it and point to her phony diagnoses as the culprit. She nearly got me to drown myself. Dr. Lukaszewicz came to my rescue by having everyone call me as a distraction.

So, basically, it seems, Dr. Moayeri does not want to put in any time, or effort to salvage a relationship, she figures that a wealthy and powerful woman should not have to lower herself to be a reasonable, communicating, caring part of a relationship, when torturing a senior woman with several health issues is so much more amusing. I also believe that Dr. Lukaszewicz's mother was murdered as a part of a "package deal."

Dr. Moayeri and Mike Guasco seem to feel my life is expendable and think interfering in my personal life is a bonus. Five years torment, abuse, left in the dark, reviled, screamed at, jailed, made into a criminal, had my health worsen, alienated from my mother and son, because of the shame, lost friends who are public servants, stayed at home, out of fear, had a breast cancer diagnosis, and most importantly, lost for 5 years the most wonderful and important person in my life: Dr. Lukaszewicz!

I stayed alive through tenacity, love, hope and prayer. They were all I had. 

My attackers showed not one bit of compassion, my pain was their joy. I know that.