Rambling

 I feel that some days I am more confident about myself, others not. I am really nervous you will think eek when you see me, but there are no guarantees. Then again, you have never been superficial. But, I am really not all that different, I am just nervous. It is a scary thing to see someone again after so long; you feel on parade. Maybe they should conduct court business with cocktails..... 😄😃

I miss you so much. I want us to join forces and keep people from attacking ever again. It has been such an odd time. I think that together we could have a nice time. I always enjoyed talking with you very much! I don't know anyone I would rather know, or care about. I just hope I don't faint. 

I keep wondering if that attorney will pull some last minute crap. I may have an officer there. Not sure. 

I just want to walk out of that place with you and visit, or whatever.  Every so often, I think maybe you really didn't like me, but you did not seem like it, except when you were supposed to act like it. 

I hope you will not mind if I use a few pleasant emails to establish a lack of animosity, between us. It is obvious when the interloper arrived. MP made it sound like you and she were rivals for me. I thought that was strange, since I did not know her, but that is what she said. I usually changed who was a rival for whom, since it made more sense, but she did say she wanted to go to Prague with me. 

I want to pick a lovely day and sit by the ocean with you, maybe a picnic...I would also like to go to 1/2 Moon Bay and see how it is. I hope not too many shops have folded. Seems like quite a few have closed here. Terrible.  The most beautiful place in 1/2 Moon Bay is the Ritz Carlton. I go there even low on funds. One can sit on the patio by a fire ring, get a glass of water from the bar, put powdered fruit juice in it and then spike it with a flask. I rarely drink, but special occasions.....I know it sounds cheapy, but one should not have to be wealthy to have fun at nice places. Then the piper plays Amazing Grace as the sun sets. It is so lovely! I have had dinner there, and it is wonderful food, even if one gets soup (clam chowder) and rolls, it is a memorable experience. The Fairmont in SF is a lot of fun too, even to just sit on their comfy couches and have a wine, or something. It is my fave place to go after looking around in Chinatown. It seems that when I walk around fascinating places, I can go walking forever. 

I wonder if you did much during this long time. I hope no one was cruel to you. I know who had the radiologist terrorize me and scared me off of trusting anyone with surgery on me. I would not have done it anyway. I could imagine lying  on the table and waking up with the last person I see is......that woman, and never wake up.

Anyway, you know how I feel, so just remember that.  I never lost faith in you. It truly saved me. I want to just say, "screw you" to all the mean people and run out together.  

I'm basically just rambling and writing and thinking about you. Hugs!