All that matters....

During my work, reading old emails was so sad,some of the harsh emails. I think they could have been from MP hacking, but I was so frustrated because of not being able to talk directly to you much of the time. I thought I was being so good, by ignoring you. I should not have been there at the conf., I guess but I really did want to hear KH speak. I was lucky to have her sit next to me and give me a small exam. I just couldn't be normal around you. I was so nervous from my emotions. Then, when I got home, MP called me a stalker. She didn't care that I had been told about the conference and that it was my health issue. I told myself I was going to leave a wide path, but I guess that was impossible. That doctor from Taiwan really wanted me to move there. I thought maybe I should do that, so I would not be in your way, but he did not contact me again. I think I would have been so sad, but this has been pretty awful anyway. It was too many people involved that caused the confusion.....but that is how they intended it to be. I did not know how to deal with my feelings. I was a mess. I am embarrassed, but I have never had such nice feelings before. I know I would do anything for you. It is amazing for me to know that truth. I ran away to this area to not be accused of false bad things. I never even saw the place before I moved here and bought it. I have been accused of so many things. I was made into a monster. All I was, was in love. I still am. If I am stiff acting, it is just my feeling shy and under the gun. I am really tired. I just enjoyed being around you so much. You were so kind, then they jumped in with ugliness. But in their part in it, they treated you badly and I felt so defensive for you. They infiltrated, not tried to help. They set off a nuclear blast, not peace, or honesty; it was all subversive and covert. It made me so worried for you, I was frantic. I see now, it was someone who feared losing you, but it did not feel like a fear of losing love. If they loved you, they would not have put you through this and they would have spoken to you, not put you through it all. I think it was made bad to keep you from ever being nice to anyone again. You seem like a commodity, not a beloved, adored partner. If they had been actually in love, they would not handled it the way they did. Then to get that scary doctor to terrorize me and call me selfish, and someone who takes what belongs to others, really made me feel like you are a piece of property, not a delight of the heart. It seems like they figured you could be bullied into submission forever. I hated that. You should be free and loved. No one should be treated that way, but you are so lovely and so loving, you should not be deprived of love and respect. I have so much of it to give you. I want to give, not take. You need to always feel as amazing as you are, not beaten down. They want me to be blamed and for you to hate me. They don't like love, because it creates loyalty and a tenacity to never let bad happen, but they used law to cripple, not help. All I know is that no matter what, if you needed me I would not let you down and you would only find love and respect from me. Be careful around them. Let truth be the the shining light; it will defeat them. Love is all that matters and they don't have it.