All I can do is

trust you to help me to get through this mess and then you don't have to see my face again (especially if I am dead). I apologized a long time ago for being in love with you, but there was nothing I could do. You were fuzed to my heart. I have never had that intensity before and it has been like a dream. A most beautiful dream. As Charles Spencer said about Diana, "we have to be grateful for the time we were able to have with her" ; that is how I must learn to feel about you too. 

And it was such an extraordinary time.