I got a thank you note from my mother. It was so cheery! She said something was so yummy, but I don't remember what that thing was she was talking about. I need to go back and see what was in the order. Usually in the past she would only tell me what was wrong with the things I sent; this is a new mother. No one else sends her anything, so I send it from us all. She is never fooled. People are fine with taking her checks, but do little back.  I am glad, though, that my son has become devoted to her. I can't face the drive.

I wish the people running this thing would get it over and stop being subversive. It isn't right to keep a person wondering what is happening and when. It is awfully cruel. It is also weird how some people who were nice have become rather unpleasant now and get such delight over telling me you want nothing to do with me. Who could possibly derive pleasure from the pain of someone else? It is the devolving of a human being, NOT evolving. They cannot really like themselves. The crescent moon is beautiful tonight. I did a much shorter prayer, just the basics, but friendly and thankful. I get really chatty when I drive for awhile. I have no idea if my license is still suspended, or not. When I call the DMV I am on hold for hours then they just tell me I am calling the wrong place and they give me a number for a place that gave me a number for them. In this life now, one cannot expect people to be helpful, or have pride in their job.  I remember at Sunnyvale Medical Clinic, people who did reception work would double and triple book patients and not care about the fallout. It would get crazy. The doctors had very "interesting" habits and every so often one of the nurses would have a breakdown and she would have to be sedated and one doctor sat in a darkened room crying and told me her problems. One doctor going through a divorce was always yelling and having his schedule cleared and if court changed and he was free, he wanted to have his day filled up again. I would always stay late after clocking out and getting it all filled back in and he would just say nothing and just have his day as usual not even wondering how it all magically happened. It seemed to be the case a lot, no matter where I worked, or went. I used to walk everywhere, but that encouraged a whole set of odd situations to arise, like being asked if I wanted a ride in their expensive cars, or pose for adult magazines. It was always something, like Gilda Radner used to say.
I guess my problem is that I am nice and people love to dump on nice people. Now, I am a lot more cynical and think I am so tough, but I know that I am not really tough, or ever cruel. I mostly take things internally and it makes me sad that people would be like that. Mostly it makes me angry if someone is cruel to someone else. It is easier to stand up for someone who is on the bad end of things by a bully than it is to stand up for myself. Restraining me and making me worry for the safety of someone else is the biggest torment for me. I hate liars and crooks. I also cannot abide by hard drugs, or people who take them. I am compassionate for their situation, but I don't understand it. It is like smoking; there is no excuse for it. One must make a concerted effort to do it, knowing it could lead to a real crappy death and ....wrinkles!I have been mega dosing vitamin C, I have a hard time thinking someone actually doesn't care if they deplete themselves of vit. C; it's like smacking yourself with a rock, might as well do that....
I got cancer from working in a nuclear pharmacy, because of lax standards. I got fired because I busted the guy making the medicine. He was just making it "willy nilly!" It could have been either strong as a Chernobyl reactor, or as weak as a glass of water.  He even went to college for it! How could someone be so wrong?How could I ever know that giving gifts could push an unhinged person so far over the edge? It was the perfect opportunity for the crazies to go to town with their vengeance. I wanted to talk to you and have fun laughing over books, or whatever else. It was everything to me, but I did nothing wrong. I thought the lie detection would have been helpful to keep them from being upset, but I was wrong, it made things worse.  I know, at least, that I am not a criminal, or bat shit crazy like those who wanted this done. They should realise that at some point they will be revealed and the public will know and it will remove them from any further social climbing and will be merely reviled and completely avoided as criminal crazy and the shame of the family. People who indulge their cruel vindictive side will not smell like a rose forever.....just the manure that makes the rose grow healthy. Karma will be paying them a call....no one escapes. Not my business.
I am tired, Good night.