More

I get to look at a picture of you all of the time. It keeps me happy. No mystery, I found it in a magazine online. So cute!

You are modest.

You are the nicest looking person I have ever known and the nicest and the most interesting and fun too. Don't stop eating, you are getting so thin. I worry about you, dear one.

Know

 You know I love you, right?

Heart

I am hoping to get to see you again soon. You are in my heart.

 I keep getting pain that feels as if there is a giant stinging bug 

Support

I hope the email I wrote was a good one. I try to be reasonable, but persuasive. I think I deserve some fairness too. I sure could use support.

Dignity

 My son said that his friend, Isao, from childhood, told him his uncle, David Tsang, recently died. He was an amazing presence in the tech and philanthropy worlds. He opened many schools. Isao told my son that his uncle asked for fatty tuna, a Sapporo beer and then died. There is such a dignity in that ending. 

Stunned

 Terrible, cruel way I live. No one should have to go through the mental cruelty and the rest I have had to endure. To see someone I care about act like I am filth, when I thought it was going to be a time to rejoice, cut me so low, I am surprised I survived. Then, all I could do was wander the streets with no phone, no credit/debit card and very little cash. But then to have a dying man just somehow know my plight and pay for an Uber for me, with basically his last breath, was beyond magical....it was a gift from an angel. He looked at me with the eyes of a suffering Jesus. He really did. I am still stunned.

Which?

 I don't understand what the difference is between someone who says they are my friend, but hurts me like an enemy. Doesn't that make them also my enemy? Isn't that a case of actions speaking louder than words?

My friend seemed like he was in need of help, so being a caring, loving friend, I did. Then, I was falsely harmed legally and he gave witness against me. I was a good friend to him, but what was he to me? His actions said enemy. 

My heart knows him with love. All my heart wants to do is love him. My heart wants to be right. So do I, but what will happen to me?

Is my own heart betraying me? I think of others first, but does anyone care about me? Sometimes I'd rather be dead than have to decide what to do. 

Like now. I love him, even at my own expense. What does that make me? 

Loyal? A fool?  I wish I knew.

Sensational

 I would just like to have a nice, calm life from now on. I want a nice companion in life and just enjoy the little things and love.  To me, just being in love and sharing good times warms my heart. It makes even the mundane sensational.

Out

 The "Out of Towner's" is on. The one with Goldie Hawn and Steve Martin. I liked the one with Jack Lemon and Sandy Dennis. Jack Lemon did the best job of talking with a broken tooth. They were the most pathetic looking stranded people ever.  

Travel

 Found Rick Steves on this new system. He is in Egypt. I never knew it had such beautiful areas. I needed this show to get the bad thought of weirdness out of my mind from my "birthday" greetings.  I do enjoy Rick Steves programs. He is a nice person, helps good causes and he always respects the Holocaust in his programs. He also has a good sense of humor and enjoys a little aparatif too.

This is a very colorful edition. 

I hope you have an enjoyable evening.

TV

 The tech could not get the Internet going! Weird! All day he worked like mad. At least I now have TV. 

Believe

 Nice warm sun today. I am getting my vit d and it feels good. 

I usually take it in capsule form. I wish I were hugging you. That would make everything great. 

I do believe in you.  

Roadblocks

 The tech is having trouble getting the Internet going. It is weird. Naturally the jerk HOA was buzzing around acting important and throwing up road blocks.

Amazing

 I'd give almost anything to be on your call list. I want to lie back and talk with you for hours.

That would be amazing....truly amazing.

Pull

 I know that awful man does pre-emptive strikes against people he thinks are going to sue, but I most certainly do not fit into that category, so he just uses that same technique to hold me back. I really wish I knew what fueled that warped brain of his. Putting me through this must be just part of the revenge crap, or punishment for him. I am just a side car to the festivities. Why do they feel they have the right? Why get education out the ears, only to have others rule their lives? NO ONE HAS THAT RIGHT!

They cannot blame me for anything! All of the accusations were BS. 

Look at

 For my birthday I would love to have a picnique by the ocean with oysters &  champagne, pate and French bread and some grapes and strawberries and your gorgeous face to look at. What fun! Pure delight!

To do

 I feel sad today. I don't know what to do.

I wish .....

You always cared. I felt protected and cared over. I felt the same way back. I still do, but I get so harshly rebuked. There were times I wanted to die. I suppose it would make people happier, if I did. I just wanted to be able to know the person who made life sweet and made me feel like I was in Heaven and was so fun and had eyes that made me feel loved and welcomed. I am so tired of people saying ugly things about me. How did I deserve any of it?

It is up to you what you want. I am just here, hoping and praying.....and loving. You are my everything. But, I am no one.

Here

I want you here so badly.

Please? It has been so long, I have been so beaten up. Nearly murdered to now with possible kidney damage. But, I want to take care of you.

Eye out

The Sheriff deputy I spoke with said he would have them keep an extra eye out for my place.

I have been worried about unwanted people coming here. Now, I am prepared.

E=mc2

 My birthday is on Sunday. Will you send me a nice wish? I know there is another special one soon too. I just need good thoughts, they mean everything to me.

I don't care about birthdays except that mine is the same as Einstein's b'day. 

Cry

 Some times I find myself crying without even knowing I am doing it.

Wonder

Nan

 The painting of our family friend (from their childhood) is up for sale. Grant Wood's "Portrait of Nan"is expecting to sell for 15 mil. She was my great aunt's best friend her entire life. Sometimes I took care of her. I sang for her 90 birthday. She wanted.....wait for it...."Home on the Range".....and "There's a Long, Long Trail A' Winding". 

My thoughts go here, relax

My Thoughts.

Here.

Stay calm.

Anyone who doesn't like it....

Altar-ations

"Altar-ations"-

 

"My knight without the armor", my heart would proudly say

He took away the pain I felt and cast it far away

The miracles he worked were not the usual kind

He cured the body and the heart, especially my mind

 

His independent spirit threatened traditional conformity

Establishment who want lines toed made straits of real enormity

"How dare you buck our system", they grilled with open fire

"We'll make you turn her in to us and say she is a liar"

 

Her mind was gagged her hands were tied, her life was in a truss

She went to jail and got no bail and told her not to fuss

A kindly cancer widow who suffered with MS

She had to leave her clothes with them and change her mode of dress

 

They only called her prisoner as if she were a whore

She had a cell of brick and glass and blood down on the floor

It felt like in a movie or some outlandish game

"I know my life has lost a part and will never be the same"

 

They want me to feel hate for him, my knight without the glow

Their rigid rules make them the fools, but they will never know

The love they try and conquer will never fail, or falter

I'll be the sacrifice of love and die upon their altar.

~Haviva

 

(c) HVM 2017

Offer

Dear Dr. Isaacs, I am writing about the attacks upon my life by Dr. Moayeri and her group of doctor associates who have provided me with a false breast cancer diagnosis for the purpose of shortening, or impairing my life by surgery in relation to the false breast cancer scare she and her colleagues manufactured against me.  She initially had her colleague, Dr. Moon, attack me with sinister gestures while berating me using complaints only Dr. Moayeri would have had in her unhinged mind about me that are not true. She waved a long needle in my face, past my eyes, then roughly pulled 5 large core samples from my right breast and then had me get a mammogram on my bleeding breast immediately afterward. The blood ran like a river to the floor and hurt like Hell. I screamed from the horrible pain!

Mr. Mike Guasco has further impacted my situation in life by filing multiple false restraining orders against me and for the recent final order made it for 5 years so that he could be certain I could never have help/support from Dr. Lukaszewicz. I think you do a great disservice by allowing Mr. Guasco to obviously have free access to Kaiser's "petty cash" so that he could "grease" a few hands along the way. You are also keeping Dr. Lukaszewicz a hostage and not allowing him to a free voice. He had a script he memorized against me, so he bore false witness under pressure in court. The last time he said how nice my gifts were and expensive. Mr. Guasco never brought him back to court and the recent contempt charge came off of the extension hearing that he claimed Dr. Lukaszewicz did attend, but my grown son did attend and wrote a statement to that fact, but Guasco marked on the court filed form that Dr. Lukaszewicz had been present and also forged Dr. Lukaszewicz's signature. My hands were so tied, I was not allowed to give the evidence that would have exonerated me. No point in having having a trial, if it is all a lie. I am tired. Mr Guasco has been beating up an innocent widow, cancer survivor for doing nothing wrong. It is indecent to force Dr. Lukaszewicz to lie against me. It isn't right to compromise his integrity. It is no doubt that Guasco enjoys making those superior to him dance to his tune, because he is is jealous of someone of higher intellect and quality of character, since Guasco has none. He is taking his power and building his ego with it in an ugly, sadistic, megalomaniac type of way. He is tormenting lovely people. Please stop his harm if innocent people and get rid of his services.   

What has been done to me over the years has been severe and deadly and worth millions in lawsuits. Mr. Guasco is violent and hurts people. I am worried for my safety and the safety of my property. I have been apprised that he might very well likely have been behind a home invasion wherein an innocent man, Jeff Lusk and his brain injured son were roughed up and his medication, etc, was stolen and thrown from his home.

That is not the "Thrive" side of Kaiser! Mr. Guasco does not belong as a part of the team of positive humanity for the welfare of others. There is no place for cruelty and bullies in the world of  caregiving. Mr. Guasco is a predator and an opportunist. Please tell him to give Dr. Lukaszewicz the freedom afforded other human beings. Mr. Guasco is holding him hostage. The things Kaiser has allowed to be done to me and to Dr. Lukaszewicz have been beyond criminal; it is the stuff of horror movies. I was given a false breast cancer diagnosis and when one false restraining order was over, I was hoping to have Dr. Lukaszewicz observe any surgery I might need for breast cancer, but Guasco slapped a 5 year restraining order on me. He lies to judges, but they already seem to be on the payroll. Please stop giving him carte blanche to hurt people and defile our sacred and precious institutions. The money he must use to buy his victories is only harming our system of justice. Mr. Guasco is a terrible attorney, he is also a criminal. Don't you feel better knowing truth is being told and honesty is prevailing? He does none of that. You also indulge Dr. Moayeri, who has twice attacked me with deadly attempts on my life. She is not worth that indulgence. She is not normal, because normal people don't make plans to try and kill other people. Please, if she does end up killing me, or anyone else, like Dr. Lukaszewicz, it will reflect very badly on Kaiser and it will implicate you, since you ignored the warnings.  I could get awarded millions of dollars and she could be given a prison sentence, but I have been so saddened by the terrible ways Dr. Lukaszewicz has been treated and manipulated and held as a prisoner, I will make you a deal: give him his freedom to live as he sees best, remove all the false legal restrictions from me and I will sign a Hold Harmless agreement for Dr. Moayeri and not make public statements about her treatment of me. She could face serious incarceration time and I will pursue it vigorously unless we can come to an agreement. I will do nothing, if Dr. Lukaszewicz is given his guaranteed freedom. It is wrong to keep him under the thumb of criminals. Please consider my offer, otherwise, all bets are off.

Mike Guasco should be relieved of, removed from, his employment with Kaiser. He has only caused pain to innocent people. Kaiser will be a much better place without him.

Thank you!

Sincerely,

Cheryl Petrovich 

(I already fixed the typo)

There was a critical typo error in my previous email that I sent to you, wherein it erroneously said that Mr. Guasco claimed Dr. Lukaszewicz was not at the extension hearing. That was somehow a typo. Mr. Guasco always claimed Dr. Lukaszewicz was present at that hearing, but he was not. My adult son was present and wrote a statement saying as such. Dr. Lukaszewicz's signature had also been forged. I had an expert witness. It is funny how people think that because they say something is so, makes it so. Well, it doesn't. Dr. Lukaszewicz was never present. There can be no contempt charge with an invalid restraining order.  Period. Mr. Guasco is a liar and forces Dr. Lukaszewicz to be a liar too, just to save Guasco's own skin. That is pathetic. Guasco is the world's worst attorney. They are messing with Dr. Lukaszewicz and trying to make him into a robot. It is inhumane. Please free him.

Thank you.

Cheryl Petrovich

Show quoted text

Special

 It would be great to think about fun things at least occasionally. I mean, fun with you. It is the only fantasy I have.

Of course, my ideas of fun are pretty mild, picnics by the ocean, hikes in deep nature, sleeping under the stars, singing by a campfire and looking for shooting stars and giving thanks for those who have blessed us and cared about us.

I am grateful for what lovely times I can have with someone special.

🌟

 Any point to an appeal? It should say KP in blue letters on the courthouse.

I wish I weren't such a natural born fighter.

I can fight for others better than for myself. I am fighting for human rights. No one should live someone else's idea of living. I think it is keeping down some greatness from shining. Not me.....

Real

 The last few weeks have been rough. I wish people would get real.

M&C

 I am tired of the mean, creepy life I have fallen into. Aren't you?

Tiring

 The pain gets really bad. I would love to try the electronic stone breaking using vibration. The pain is getting really old.

Certain

 

---------- Forwarded message ---------
From: Haviva von Martinitz <countessprague@gmail.com>
Date: Sun, Mar 7, 2021, 10:12 PM
Subject: Dear Dr. Isaacs,
To: <Richard.Isaacs@kp.org>, <mark.zemelman@kp.org>

I am writing about the attacks upon my life by Dr. Moayeri and her group of doctor associates who have provided me with a false breast cancer diagnosis for the purpose of shortening, or imparing my life by surgery in relation to the false breast cancer scare she and her colleagues manufactured against me.  She initially had her colleague, Dr. Moon, attack me with sinister gestures while berating me using complaints only Dr. Moayeri would have had in her unhinged mind about me that are not true. She waved a long needle in my face, past my eyes, then roughly pulled 5 large core samples from my right breast and then had me get a mammogram on my bleeding breast immediately afterward. The blood ran like a river to the floor and hurt like Hell. I screamed from the horrible pain!

Mr. Mike Guasco has further impacted my situation in life by filing multiple false restraining orders against me and for the recent final order made it for 5 years so that he could be certain I could never have help/support from Dr. Lukaszewicz. I think you do a great disservice by allowing Mr. Guasco to obviously have free access to Kaiser's "petty cash" so that he could "grease" a few hands along the way. You are also keeping Dr. Lukaszewicz a hostage and not allowing him to a free voice. He had a script he memorized against me, so he bore false witness under pressure in court. The last time he said how nice my gifts were and expensive. Mr. Guasco never brought him back to court and the recent contempt charge came off of the extension hearing that he claimed Dr. Lukaszewicz did attend, but my grown son did attend and wrote a statement to that fact, but Guasco marked on the court filed form that Dr. Lukaszewicz had been present and also forged Dr. Lukaszewicz's signature. My hands were so tied, I was not allowed to give the evidence that would have exonerated me. No point in having having a trial, if it is all a lie. I am tired. Mr Guasco has been beating up an innocent widow, cancer survivor for doing nothing wrong. It is indecent to force Dr. Lukaszewicz to lie against me. It isn't right to compromise his integrity. It is no doubt that Guasco enjoys making those superior to him dance to his tune, because he is is jealous of someone of higher intellect and quality of character, since Guasco has none. He is taking his power and building his ego with it in an ugly, sadistic, megalomaniac type of way. He is tormenting lovely people. Please stop his harm if innocent people and get rid of his services.   

What has been done to me over the years has been severe and deadly and worth millions in lawsuits. Mr. Guasco is violent and hurts people. I am worried for my safety and the safety of my property. I have been apprised that he might very well likely have been behind a home invasion wherein an innocent man, Jeff Lusk and his brain injured son were roughed up and his medication, etc, was stolen and thrown from his home.

That is not the "Thrive" side of Kaiser! Mr. Guasco does not belong as a part of the team of positive humanity for the welfare of others. There is no place for cruelty and bullies in the world of  caregiving. Mr. Guasco is a predator and an opportunist. Please tell him to give Dr. Lukaszewicz the freedom afforded other human beings. Mr. Guasco is holding him hostage. The things Kaiser has allowed to be done to me and to Dr. Lukaszewicz have been beyond criminal; it is the stuff of horror movies. I was given a false breast cancer diagnosis and when one false restraining order was over, I was hoping to have Dr. Lukaszewicz observe any surgery I might need for breast cancer, but Guasco slapped a 5 year restraining order on me. He lies to judges, but they already seem to be on the payroll. Please stop giving him carte blanche to hurt people and defile our sacred and precious institutions. The money he must use to buy his victories is only harming our system of justice. Mr. Guasco is a terrible attorney, he is also a criminal. Don't you feel better knowing truth is being told and honesty is prevailing? He does none of that. You also indulge Dr. Moayeri, who has twice attacked me with deadly attempts on my life. She is not worth that indulgence. She is not normal, because normal people don't make plans to try and kill other people. Please, if she does end up killing me, or anyone else, like Dr. Lukaszewicz, it will reflect very badly on Kaiser and it will implicate you, since you ignored the warnings.  I could get awarded millions of dollars and she could be given a prison sentence, but I have been so saddened by the terrible ways Dr. Lukaszewicz has been treated and manipulated and held as a prisoner, I will make you a deal: give him his freedom to live as he sees best, remove all the false legal restrictions from me and I will sign a Hold Harmless agreement for Dr. Moayeri and not make public statements about her treatment of me. She could face serious incarceration time and I will pursue it vigorously unless we can come to an agreement. I will do nothing, if Dr. Lukaszewicz is given his guaranteed freedom. It is wrong to keep him under the thumb of criminals. Please consider my offer, otherwise, all bets are off.

Mike Guasco should be relieved of, removed from his employment with Kaiser. He has only caused pain to innocent people. Kaiser will be a much better place without him.

Thank you!

Sincerely,

Cheryl Petrovich

L & P

 Feeling somewhat low and in pain.

Smile

 You are the most beautiful person I've ever met. I want to know you forever.

Please let me take care of you and make you smile.

I did not like you looking so serious and under pressure.

It hurts to see someone you love in such agony.

Frozen

 Sometimes when I get really worn out and sad, I become frozen. 

Weird

My Internet has been out for 2 weeks. Something is fishy. My Driver license was also taken away under strange circumstances.  It has been a weird ride.

I tried to put a bug in Andy Cohen's ear about this. I hope he reaches out to me. I want all to be well.

Rise

 "What defines us is how well we rise after falling."

"-Maid in Manhattan"

If I need to say good-bye to you forever, I will, but I need to know you are okay. It has become my life. You have become the part of my life I love the most.

Best

 I try and remove things I write from view once in awhile.

Please do what makes you happy. Don't let people hold you back. That is not right. You know what is being done to you is for themselves. They have no respect for you, nor anyone but themselves. How you got stuck like this, I have no idea, but you don't deserve it. 

Of course I love you, but to call it an obsession denigrates it. Why does it have to be ugly, not romance? It has been many years. It is real. I am here. Come when you can.

I realized that I have never been in love before. Anything else was merely practice for you. 

Just don't come and ever see me, if you do not feel the same.I am not much anyway, so I would understand, but I will die for you, if you need. It would be the best end of my life.

After

 This is the weirdest thing ever.  Please, take your time, be prudent, but get the "f" outta there! Get safe and then work things out after. Please take a chance.

Deny

 Peter says to Him, “Even if it may be necessary for me to die with You, I will not deny You”; in like manner also said all the disciples.

Safe

 If you come here, I will protect you. Anytime. I have been getting ready to paint, so I have messes, but you will be safe. 

Scape

 You were already the target, right? I am the excuse, the scapegoat. 

Fell asleep

 Fell asleep and knocked my plate of food all over the floor! Eeek! What a mess! Good I was more tired than hungry!

Hmmmm

 For some reason, I find the humor in many situations.....and yet, I have never tried to murder anyone. WTF?

"Tonight, tonight...."

 All kinds of protectiveness from me, but it was turned into something mentally ill. I had 2 attempts on my life and the world turns just fine, with a 🎶 show tune in the background. Go figure!🎶

Face

 Remember, I was thrust into this situation. I never said I was good at it. I never thought I was going to be facing such traumatic times and legal threats. I very nearly went to jail and it is hanging over my head. I adore you, but threat of jail is not a great birthday pressie......it doesn't come in my color palate. I'm a spring.

Good

 I have been getting ins. payments at my local clinic. That is good news. It was from the blood infection I had. I am surprised since the first turned me down.

"Justice"

 When did this stop being "The land of the Free......?"

And instead become, "the land of "get a great education and throw on the shackles and leg irons?" Those work places are an opportunist's delight and  predator's playground. 

I am ashamed of our system of "justice!"

Ahhhhhh!

 I am trying to get my Internet service back. It is hair pulling! The modem is dead.

Out

 I have no TV. The modem crapped out. 😱

Keep moving

 Sf seems like a better place for a rendezvous. Go there and keep on going. That's better than an appeal.

Net

 I am writing to the CEO and just feeling my way around. Did "she" leave her job? Seems as if she had a few unhappy "customers".  When is the net coming?🤪

Truth is bad?

 I wish I knew what problems are faced by telling the truth. How can that be right?

In

 Are you in danger?

Make

 Should I make plans?

New additions, like a house

 I am contesting it.

I was pressured, so I thought, "why not?"

If I ever come after  you, don't take it personally just like I don't (😢) it is just to bring you out and get info. I don't do much good trying to help. I just end up looking like a crazy. I was being skewered royally. Still treating my wounds with bandages with your picture on them. It is all that soothes..... I got quite a paint job. I think the Titanic had the same artist.....

So much weirdness. I hope it isn't all hinging on money, because that can be gotten back later. Someone told me we have a great story. I think so. Whoever heard of anyone in such a position?  This is all her doing along with an opportunist? 

I want to go to the clinic here, but I get none of it covered. Maybe they will since it is an emergency of sorts. You would make me better with a touch of your hand. Can you make a deal and reason with her? She can't be happy and fulfilled. I would hold no grudges for her trying to kill me twice....(I have a hard time with grudges, but don't tell...) I don't want what she has, monetary wise. I would even cook her a Thanksgiving dinner, you carve.....just lightening the mood....maybe horrifying it, who knows, Stephen King is a bad influence. (He's a hoot.) Anyway, hungry as Hell, in pain and cold. Please eat more, gorgeous, but thin!

Conf

 Do you still go to conferences?

Decision

 Should I contest the outcome?(I was asked if I wanted to) I need to tell them.

Get

 Can you get away sometime?

Flowers

Will you ever be my friend?  Will just keep going along with them?

If you remain where you are, you will never get out. You already spoke out against a friend in a serious setting, that is pretty low. I was brought down to the lowest.

I know, it is weird. We need to figure things out. I love you.

Home again.

 I hate the drive back home. It is windy and tedious. In the day, it would be nice. 

How are you?

I don't like complaining, but my kidneys have revved up the pain.

Loser

 So, I guess I was supposed to lose. You know time is more  precious than money to me. All the time stolen away for what reason? Do they own you? Who all has the right to keep you from freedom (caged)? You are an independent human being! If you just don't want to see me, that is your business, but just let me know. Do you? 

Doesn't anyone care how much this hurts me? How much it might hurt you? Please, this is not right.

Again

 Will I ever really see you again?

W/o

 I had to have the room under my renter's name, because of a SNAFU with my DL. (I am pretty sure who was behind it.) Cheryl....... Michael levine 241

Come get me......!  Please? I am so excited to see you again.....forever.

 I miss you so much. Life is terrible w/o you.

Doesn't it

 Doesn't it bother you to be treated like a non-human with no independent mind, or thinking? That is not respectful.

Better Angels

 

“We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.”

― Abraham Lincoln, Great Speeches / Abraham Lincoln: with Historical Notes by John Grafton

tags: american-presidents, inaugural-address, us-presidents

Read more quotes from Abraham Lincoln

Entire

 I wish I didn't have to face the people who want to hurt me all alone. It makes me feel like crap. That is what has been done to me the entire time.

A Chance

 The truth is what we should always seek; not who can out maneuver and fool the other the best. Life is not a game, it is a chance to take care of each other.

In you

 All I can do is to continue to believe in you. 

Always been

 Your well-being has always been my first concern.

requirement

Your truth is my truth too. It should set us both free, right? That has always been my own requirement. 

all

 I feel so sad, all I want to do is cry. 

I wish

 I wish I did not have to go tomorrow. I wish you weren't busy. Kind of important......maybe it was just said to make it seem like you don't care.

No more +

 I wish you would just say, "This is over" and walk me out. It has been going on so long, it needs to be over. It has been at least 6 years+ of being beaten up and you, maybe more. I cannot imagine the horrors you have suffered. No more suffering for anyone. I beg you, free us both. I need to know you are safe and free.

Wouldn't want to

 Tomorrow they are going to have 2 police officers in the courtroom saying ugly stuff about me. I am not sure I can take it. They won't let me say anything about the entire reason I called. I was worried about the forgery situation and them cleaning out assets and killing the witness. It was getting to the end of the R.O. and I was not just going to let my doctor die. How could I live with that? I could not live. I wouldn't want to.

Thinking

 It is funny, it sounds like someone is blowing through a conch shell next door. Could it be voodoo? 💀👻

Reminds me, I have wanted to go to New Orleans for ages. I lived only 400 miles away from New Orleans when I lived in Dallas.

I feel like you attract spirits. 

I remember that you knew what I was thinking. That was fun.

Respect

 Do hidden court papers say I violated you, or something? People keep treating me like shit, so I just wonder if that attorney made something up. I don't violate, you know that. I respect people. I however, have had people behave very disrespectfully toward me.

Special

 When you took care of me, I knew I was being in your care. I felt like the most cherished person in the world. It was lovely beyond words. I never had that before. Anyone who does not treat you like a king, is crazy and does not know what they are missing out on.  It would be an incredible joy. I would enjoy to just plan ways to make you happy and feel special and so loved.

Memory

I remember your soft, gentle hand on top of mine.  How beautiful was that small gesture, but it has been a sweet memory to sustain me.

Weird situation

 I got so stressed from having to hear me talked about like some awful criminal. I got dizzy and nauseated and had to use the facilities often. I had to go back to the hotel. I could not call the taxi, no phone, and no Internet service. It was like they were talking about a stranger when they talked about my doctor. They could not say his last name to save their souls. The attorney was just out and out mean. I said I was sick and had to leave and he said, "oh JESUS CHRIST!" No compassion. Not a speck. What ungodly thing do they think I did?

I wish I could see you. I would never feel bad again. I had written I love you yesterday, but removed it, not to make you uncomfortable. I slip at times, which I will do, since I mean it. They said my doctor is busy tomorrow, but will come Wed., I guess. I am not going to ever get any help from my own attorney. I have thick skin, but it bothers me on a level I don't understand. You need to use the opportunity to let the truth get out. Otherwise, I will be in Prison and you will stay in yours. You are everything to me.

Care

 Please keep me in your thoughts. I am getting nervous. I did nothing wrong, but no one seems to care.

Carry

 I will carry you with me in my heart. (as always)

Why I don't believe it....

 I always rejected that it was a real R.O. because my doctor was the most caring, compassionate, respectful person I ever meant. He supported me and made me feel like I was no different than any 

 to improve myself that any new doctor I went to see for an appointment treated me with respect and wanted me to feel comfortable and not embarrassed for my body size that was of a chronic disease of which I was afflicted. It was not

 not his style to give me a R.O. He knew my life had been difficult, and as the compassionate one that he is, he nurtured me back to health, mentally and physically, just as does an excellent physician.

These 5 + years of cruelty and threat and demeaning behavior toward me that was piled upon me, was an obvious answer as to who was behind the restraining orders was the Kaiser contract attorney. He yelled at me, jeered at me and once even said to me, "I CAN KEEP YOU RESTRAINED FOREVER", no word of Dr. Lukaszewicz at all. ..... (to be continued)

Truth

Iron

 I set up the ironing board.  I nearly never iron; I am a perfectionist about it, so I hate doing it, but I will give it a shot. 

In case

In case something happens to me and I never get to see you again.....I love you.

Goes

 I don't know if my doctor goes to the jury selection tomorrow too.

Leave

 So will I be tossed into Hades? No meanness!🤦

I am being punished for trying to protect? They must have taken parts of it out, because I explained everything in my message, but what was played didn't have it. I was worried about identity theft and wanted to warn, because if they took everything they would not leave a witness.

Adults

 I keep having to get up. The light went out and I banged my mouth into something. Not sure if it is swelling up.

This is such a farce. Two adults should be able to run their own lives and not have others foist their own wishes off on them. People do not need law to run every aspect of their lives. This has never been morally, or legally right.

Walk

 My fantasy would be to just have us walk up to each other and hug! Blow them all away!😀

No matter

 I am scared. My neck is in severe pain and the kidney pain is on and off. I know that I will be so much better when normalcy reigns supreme. I still have to organize papers. 

No matter what, just remember I love you and never think badly about you, ever! (I know I am not attractive, but that can be remedied.)

Know

 I adore him.

(You know.....)

Matters

 I fall in love with a person through how well I engage with them how well we click and have fun. When I want to talk with them without stop is the real sign. That is all that matters to me; anything else is just a matter of passion.

Rested

 I rested much of the day. I hope it helps. I want to stay calm and not be in pain.

Portion

 The idea of this being a set up was shown clearly to me by their support team. I was attacked and threatened by Dr. Moon, given a false breast cancer diagnosis and lured to have breast cancer surgery. Then given a false R.O. so I could not feel safe. I was given a hormone ceasing medication that gave me terrible symptoms and appears to have rather weakened me. One doctor muttered under her breath, when she was suggesting the medication, "or some people just don't do anything at all". (I thought it was a strange comment.) Then adding on another false 5 year restraining order to keep me from having safety, or a witness. How could I be worth all of this attention? I am being used to help them attain a goal. I also think they want me dead to be able to get my friend's portion of my will. 

Strength

 When I feel unsettled and without an anchor, I read about ancestors and spiritual things to feel more stability, support and grounded. It is calming. I also gain strength to some degree. 

Broken

 I should have never been used in such a way. Nothing made sense, which is unsettling. He was being trained to be what they wanted, someone with no independent thinking; a trained doggie. A broken spirit.

Compassion

 It is hard for me not to think that my punishment was meant to be punishment for my doctor. It would be difficult to see someone else suffer because they did something out of gratitude for my kindness to them. It is like they wanted to beat the compassion out of him. I think that is disgusting.

Treatment

 My friend has been abused by all the people he should have been able to trust. It has to hurt and be confusing. None of it was loving, caring, or even decent, or legal. No one should blame him for walking away and giving himself a chance to heal and make clear assessments. He is important, but they make him seem inferior and should be grateful for anything he gets. It is pure narcissist treatment.