It was beautiful the way Victoria and Albert were so in love.....together.
I envy it.
Friday, April 30, 2021
1618 oops, not all of the story appeared!
It was so exciting to hear Prince Albert in the movie, "Young Victoria" say that their relative was King of Portugal, since the King of Portugal was the grandson of our ancestor Jaroslav Martinic, (or Martinice, or Martinitz,etc.) who was defenestrated. Many others were also related. I just love the connections.
My grandmother always also said "we were thrown out of the window." I had no idea what she meant. It was defenestration.
The Defenestration
On May 23, 1618, four Catholic Lords Regent, Count Jaroslav BoΕita of Martinice, Count Vilem Slavata of Chlum, Adam II von Sternberg (who was the supreme burgrave), and Matthew Leopold Popel Lobkowitz (who was the grand prior), arrived at the Bohemian Chancellory at 8:30 am.
BF
You are my best friend
and I love you.
"I 'll love until my last breath."
-Prince Albert to Victoria
Hope
"Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope." - Maya Angelou
Others
I sent my son some truffle items and he was so excited about them. He was sweet. I saw a program on John Turturro in Italy and he was talking about truffles and the dogs who find them. I found some reasonable items on Amazon. I like to send my son little things as small treats to enjoy. It is my way to say hi, since I can't see him very often.
I miss him and I miss others....
Mother
I am supposed to be finding a Mother's Day present for my mother, but I keep finding things for everyone else.
My mother always puts so many restrictions on what she can be given, so it becomes increasingly more difficult to find anything.
I am not as annoyed with her as I was after she said she believed in the people on Fox more than Dr. Fauci, or her own daughter. I truly resent the people who spread lies to the people who put their trust in them.
I feel, as many others seem to feel, that the Fox people should be held accountable for the lies they spread that end up with dire consequences. They know what they are doing.
Are they all like that attorney who said, "why would anyone believe me?"
Damn them!
Thursday, April 29, 2021
Won't
I get extremely depressed. I will just have to deal with it. They want it to take me down.....but it won't.
Wednesday, April 28, 2021
Contact
I AM going to the Medical Board and the Surgical Board....about her. I will also tell Stanford, Harvard and any other place with whom she is connected and tell of her evil ways.
To be
I don't care about anything but to be away from bad people,to keep you safe and to be happy.
I am watching an RV show, it looks great. I would love to get one and go away....with him, but I don't think that it's his desire.
I wish I knew. They will hold him prisoner until they kill him. Now, I know they have no problem with doing it.
Time
I just want to stop all this nonsense time waster crap and start taking care of you and loving you. Get free and then we can figure out what you want, but I want to take care of you and make you happy for the rest of my life. I don't care about anything else. I don't want to risk my attorney saying "he will have to be proven to be a liar and go to jail." I don't want that; I want you to be loved and happy. People in jail can be paid to harm others and that k attorney has endless money at his disposal. You need to not delay. You have yourself twisted into knots and deep trouble. Lying to the court was a HUGE mistake! Those people have always intended to take what you have and get rid of you. I have been a distraction. They set us both up. Don't be loyal to murderers. I don't to mourn for the rest of my life. I was to take care of you.
Please make it happen.
Do you want to stop all the waste of time and be my companion now, or soon?
Tuesday, April 27, 2021
Thought
I still think that if we joined together legally, it would stop anyone from doing anything to us ever again, but that is my simple solution and would be agreed upon as to conditions. I just think it would be an easy solution. Just bringing it up again, since I have been just coming up empty handed with solutions and I am frustrated.
Just a thought.....again.
Discussion
It is hard doing this because it kind of takes it out of me. I tell my story and I am worn out afterward. People are horrified. I always finish with the fact that I believe my friend is the actual target. I think we both are targets, because they know I will help him. No discussion no question.
Odd
I hope it is a good day.
Something a bit strange happened during the night, which was that an entire bottle of red wine was smashed in the middle of the kitchen floor. I have no idea where it had been, or why it was broken, or why I didn't hear it. How did it get to the middle?
Dreadful
I think K should have to pay my med clinic bill here, because that woman frightened me off from going there. I had septicemia and had to be treated. She is dreadful.
Wonder
I guess if my friend feels he must be untruthful about the false accusations against me again, I cannot count on him as a friend. I wonder if I could be able to count on him?
(I love him no matter what, but helping me and himself would be a relief and my dream answered.)
Sending
I recently tonight, gave my dog a bath and toe nail cut. I am totally worn out! She is getting worse about being groomed! She started screaming before I even got her wet! She was thrashing about when I was cutting her nails. It was like listening to a pig being butchered as she struggled to jump out of the sink! I nonetheless got it done! Now, drinking wine and eating crackers and listening to Mozart. I am turning into mush.
Thinking of you in my more tranquil moments. Sending you love.
Monday, April 26, 2021
Mucky
My friend should be at the meeting, so he can give his input and testimony for a lack of a better word. He will need to give his true memories of the events. This will be through the better powers, incl the govt, not the do nothing mucky mucks.
Enough
I have started the ball rolling with K and my complaint against "her". It goes through different channels. It has been through one and then goes through another. I will then file a report with legal and medical. I will take it everywhere I can figure. I will not stop. I am going big. I was recommended to do as much on my own before actually hiring professionals. I am going to ruin her. It isn't like me, but shit, it has been over 5 years of torment for me from her. She will end up being someone's bitch in prison. Maybe she will enjoy it.
Sorry, but I have had enough.
Business
I spoke with someone today and told him my story. He sounded like he was floored. I didn't really fit exactly into the topic of his business, but he asked me to call him back when I heard anything, because he is interested in how things work out and he might have more suggestions for me.Very nice person.
It lifted up my spirits somewhat.
He told me to be persistent. He already knew my blog about K!
Those people had better rethink their strategy! It just might be time for them to talk about winding up their foolish plan and call it a day. Otherwise I will find someone who can help me with the lure of making millions in damages.
But, if she just leaves me alone, signs over the house to her domestic partner and leaves him alone (also by restraining order as she will have from me) then, with a few other stipulations, she won't go to prison.....
I am so tired of her bullshit!
Pervasiveness
I saw a show about aliens and it has gotten me feeling down for some reason.
I am so tired, though too, of the meanness that has been such a pervasive force in my life and it is wearing me down.
I am seriously looking for help. More than the appeal. I am looking to go on the offensive and take people down.
I think that may be a large part of my depression; I don't enjoy being mean. I just wish mean people would stop and act like sentient beings instead. I don't want to hurt anyone.
I am getting a throbbing headache across the top of my head. Is that stress?
I just want to get a snazzy RV and go to Canada, or somewhere. I do like Quebec, but they were not all friendly. I ran into friendlier people in France. Surprise! I tried speaking French to someone in Quebec and I was answered in English! How is that for a slap in the face? In France a woman was speaking to me and picked up a tiny American flag and waved it to me. But then again, the house where I was staying while going to school, the woman was really nasty. She tried to charge me $100 for a rip in the curtain that she said I did. I didn't even know about it. Word got around and the other student families jumped on her ass and basically accused her of extortion.
People are such opportunists....some anyway. That is my problem with people, they love to take advantage of a sucker.....me.
I really resent it.
Every
I am just getting more and more frustrated and more angry.
I am going to look for every possible source of help.
I hope you do too.
Pay
I am going to make a flyer, so to speak, of my story and send it everywhere. I want people to pay attention. I have been ignored long enough. She has been getting away with attempted murder. She and he need to answer for what they have done. I may even find a company to promote my story.
I gave her so many chances to stop hurting me and drop all the crap, but I was never taken up on it. I will pull no punches. I was not planning to hurt her, but now I just don't care. She behaves like an insane person and she has an attorney who indulges her to extort money from her.
It has been the most difficult time of my life. I know your involvement will be questioned, because some parts are blurry otherwise, so if there is any way to get her to stop this, she can skip the humiliation for her and family. This needs to be worked out, or she could lose everything, including the reputation she so strongly wants to maintain, etc.
She wanted me to DIE! That is a BIG DEAL!
She just doesn't care who gets hurt by this! I have held off doing this because I didn't want to cause any embarrassment, but I have been humiliated and ended up with a misdemeanor and a fee I should not have to pay! It is wrong!
Tell her that she will not do well if she does not stop this!
Sunday, April 25, 2021
Walking
Watching a program about walking in Italy. How lovely! I was hoping to go on the St. Francis trail, but that was a long time ago. Still appeals to me, though.
Research
I was browsing online for a gift for Mother's Day and my mother's birthday.
In the background was playing a program about castles and stories about them and the ghosts that haunted them. It was fascinating and soothing. Such a variety of stories!
They said Queen Victoria died in the arms of Kaiser Wilhelm. My grandmother was always telling us Kaiser Wilhelm was a relative. I did not know until recently that she was not being fanciful.
I enjoy the idea of being closely attached to history and historical personages.
I must do more research.
Quite
Hot air balloons were invented in France.
As afraid as I am of heights, I went in one as part of a race, that itself was a part of a several day celebration of San Jose.
It was very glamorous and quite an epicurian delight. For 3 days, with the airport traffic redirected so fireworks would not disturb.
I was quite fortunate to have been invited.
Central
I know I have said it several times, but please don't be upset for things I say here. I worry and I know nothing, but I go by past and present treatment and reasoning. You and this situation, have become a central part of my life.
I want it that way. I want to be your support.
W
I am only trying to help. I am worried. Of I didn't care, I would just say forget it. I would not worry you for a frivolous reason; it scared me. She cannot be trusted and neither can he. Cold, cold people.
Saturday, April 24, 2021
Watch
I never went to sleep. I watched a program about the Osbornes doing a paranormal investigation. It was fun, but I felt like they could have gone further.
I wish I could speak with you. It's my wish.
πΉ
Mandatory
I would never hurt you, or make you feel insignificant. I would always stay loyal and devoted.
Snuggles would be mandatory.π
Friday, April 23, 2021
Fun
It would be so much fun to have you here.
I want to have fun times again. You would make anything good and so fun.
And
I know why they do all these things to me; it is because they want me to be overwhelmed by it all and kill myself.
Bother
I am in such a wistful mood. I wonder if it would help to write haikus, or a poem? It has been awhile.
I know they aren't for everyone, but they weren't for everyone, but they took some of my pain away. I had prayers, poems and dreams.
That man called me creepy. How did I ever deserve that? He breaks the law all of the time, lies to judges, uses forgeries, uses people and uses them against their best self-interests, puts them in legal peril, buys people to pave the way to hurt people......and HE THINKS I AM CREEPY? HE IS THE KING OF CREEPY AND CRIME!
I have never done creepy, but I am sure it is a primary part of his existence!
Loving someone is not creepy, but I can see where a criminal mind might think it is!
He preys on people, that is as creepy as it gets! He belongs in jail, not me! He had a terrible person make up lies that got me put in jail! That is criminal! As I have said, HURTING PEOPLE IS WHAT THEY DO; IT DOES NOT BOTHER THEM!
Last dream
I understand that you might very well not think of me as I do you, but if I knew you did, my life could go on in a happy note. I know all the time gone by makes that remote, but my feelings have never changed. I know some people think there are reasons I would be dissuaded, but they don't know me. My caring has no qualifications at all. I just wanted you to know. But, I am planning to shed some extra weight using a sculpting procedure. I would do anything to be more attractive to you. I would not do it for anyone else. As Dickens said, "you are the last dream of my soul."
I have never meant anything more.
Do
I wrote many romantic poems that were about you, but I apologise if you don't feel that way about me. Writing them did help me get through a very hard time. I would appreciate knowing you, if you would do so. You inspired me to write something like 600 of them. I do love you, but as I said in my lie detection test, I could just be your friend too. At least love makes a friend who will always be there for you and steadfast. I would be such a wonderful friend to you. It is what has been my dream and has kept me going. I would like the chance to speak with you and know you again, if that is possible. I never had a better time than when I visited with you. Connected. I do adore you.
Nice
No one needs to be my friend who doesn't want to be my friend.
Many people aren't even nice, but they are not nice people anyway, so who cares?
I don't mean you. You are a part of my heart and soul.
π§️☔
I made two apple burritos made with Stevia. One for tomorrow. I made scrambled eggs too, but I wasn't hungry for them. My dog was sniffing the air, so I gave the eggs to her. She really seemed to enjoy them.
Oscars Sunday! I've always enjoyed seeing them, but for awhile I did not have live Tv , so I had to settle for the next day on YouTube. I haven't checked my new system. I need to sleep like mad.
Another Friday, another weekend. It is supposed to rain Sunday here. I was going to put on the wood protection, but need to wait.
I keep nodding off, so will sleep now.
Take good care of yourself! Have nice times and be safe!
Take care always.
Keep
I worked so hard in the kitchen and for such a long time, I was worn out and so happy to sit down! I was getting in the cracks and crevices. And it was nice to go in depth but time consuming and tiring. I will be glad when I can appreciate the fruits of my efforts.
Have a sweet day and know I am thinking of you and keeping you in my heart.
Deserve
I guess I say wrong things. I don't mean to, but I worry.
It is probably usual for someone talking to themselves.
I have been through Hell, but I am so often picked on and called vile things. It gets me down, but I forge on.
I get sad a lot, but it couldn't possibly have anything to do with the terrible times that were inflicted on us.....
Sorry, but I am tired, angry and sad. Life should be better than this.
Neither of us deserves this, but I know who does.
The two of them.
Thursday, April 22, 2021
Side
Don't ever think I am not on your side. I am forever on your side. It is where I want to be and where I feel I belong by a feeling I don't understand. It is almost like they know it and it completely frightens and upsets them. They know they are doomed, if they think I will turn against you.
Never.
Only
I hope my friend gets that attorney before that attorney throws my friend under the bus to make himself look innocent and my friend look guilty. He is a street fighter. He cares about himself ONLY!
He has a way of twisting intentions, motives and making the innocent look guilty, or mentally impaired. As I said, they like to use that trick. It is easy, because it is nebulous, especially if a so called specialist throws in her two cents. The onus is on the accused to prove they are sane, not the other way around. My advice would be for him to even go as far as bite off his own foot to get out of the trap, it is THAT serious! Time mitigates nothing in this case; it makes it more serious and desperate.
There are so many ways it could go, but if my friend stays as is, it will be hard to say he was not complicit, but there was no real reason for an R.O. but for a lie and the time factor. It becomes harder and harder for him to stay as an innocent victim for them, so if he dies looking like he was on their side, they will look less guilty.
Look how I was attacked! They tried to kill me, so they would have had more of a clear path to harming my friend, if I were dead.
I am not trying to be frightening. I want him to be safe and free and be smart.
Just
I hope he does not take their side again. An innocent person could instead, be an accomplice. Telling people he now agrees with a false R.O. means he is just as guilty as those behind it all and it is going against all the evidence. A person cannot just give a person an R.O. for no good reason. There was no good reason. He could stop it now. He knows it was false and even knowing that and letting it keep going is complicit. They involved him to try to mitigate their involvement and make it appear he was as on board/guilty as they. He could also go to prison and even be up for attempted murder. When people are complicit, it spreads the guilt to everyone involved. He needs to cut himself loose from them, before it goes even further. He has a friend pulling for him now, which will help. People are confused. Often, so am I.
They think I am crazy for blindly believing him. Not crazy, just love.
Criminal Minds more thoughts
So, when the attorney is the criminal, and the accused is not, then what?
It seems like it should mean nothing is true, so why follow anything the crook attorney wants? Why not bust the attorney and not keep up the pretense? Where is the gravitas?
I mean is it law that has power, or is it the person, because every law has been broken by the person representing law, so it is false law. It is only people who bow down to that person's lies who give him/her power. Why not say, "you have been lying for your own benefit, breaking the law, but pretending you are not; that is exactly what criminals do, therefore you are the criminal, not me!" It isn't the law that keeps people in line, it is the people who believe in them that matters.
Even in law, it says that if you never believed that you were being correctly held under a law in the first place, you cannot be in contempt, because you need to purposely break the law to be in contempt. In my case, it was false from the beginning and I knew it. The attorney had to lie to judges, or bribe them, to get them to the point where judges on down the line just assumed it was all correct and the Defendant on down the line who seemed to be in contempt of court, was not! The only person who was EVER in contempt of court was the attorney!
I think that means they stopped being an attorney at that point, and became a criminal! As soon as anyone breaks the law as an attorney, they stop having the right to represent the law and are merely another crook getting their way. They are gaming the system and are merely crooks who have gotten away with their criminal behavior and spitting in the face of their own Justice family and their home, the court. That is when they have taken the law into their own hands.
To me, the attorney has always been a criminal. He is the Defendant, not me. He is nothing more than a thug holding people under his own law, not real law.
Why is ANYONE following what he says at all? It must be that he is mixed in with work and can hang that over people's heads.
More criminal behavior. That attorney holding law over people's heads, is just a crook, not an attorney.
The attorney is a coward by implicating the innocent person he has put as the Plaintiff. He is doing that to help himself. He does not give a damn about anyone but himself. I am sure he would not care if the person he has put as Plaintiff, went to jail, or prison, as long as he saved his own skin. He should never have taken a case that was against the law in the first place. I am sure he is extorting money from her.
He would throw anyone under the bus to escape problems at any time. He has no loyalty.
I don't feel sorry for her; she doesn't care if people are murdered just to get what she wants. She is vile and disgusting.
Time
Hi! Have a lovely day!
Woke up early, going back to sleep.
A tech is coming over to remove a part from from an Internet π‘ dish, but no one knows what time it is supposed to happen. I hate not knowing, but I try not to let it bother me.
I live my life for others, it seems!
Wednesday, April 21, 2021
✨⭐✨
I am doing a few things, resting and doing more things.
I heard there is supposed to be a meteor shower tonight. I see nothing yet, but maybe later.
Are you well? You know you are always on my mind. There is nothing I would rather have on my mind than you.
Of course, I would prefer to have you in my arms.
❤️
Dishes
Hi! How are you?
I just started "Death comes to Pemberley" a Jane Austen style piece, but by P.D. James, etc;
A nice snuggle movie.
I will "snuggle" up to the myriads of dishes while "watching" the show.
The people aren't as glamorous as the Jane Austen endeavors; they look like normal people.
I do enjoy them.
It would be more fun with you0l here, though.
Scammers
Wasn't well earlier, but doing fine now.
Just had a scam phone call from people claiming to be from Amazon saying there was unusual activity on my account. Of course I did not believe it, so I called Amazon directly and was told they do not make outgoing calls. So, scam city from the crooks. Beware!
Oh great! Vanita Gupta was confirmed! Things WILL change for the better!
S
Okay, my rendition of mozzarella cheese is cooling in the fridge. Not certain about my version. It never seemed to be as stretchy as crumbly. I have curds all over the place. I might have given it too much salt. Funny, since I rarely use salt on a normal basis. I used rennet, maybe it is salty. I am glad that people say it gets better after doing it a few times.....
My cooking abilities seem to be on the decline lately.
If the cheese comes out even partially decently, I will have some with tomato and see about getting some fresh basil.
Major kitchen cleaning must come next.
How is your day going? Busy? I hate everyone else who gets to see you....instead of me. Damn them! π’ (Not really that bad, but after all, I have been deprived!)
I kind of lost track of time in my mind and sped it up, thinking it was Thursday today.
I certainly don't need to speed up time ⏰......I'd rather be like Cher and turn it back. I would certainly do things differently. I would be more surreptitious about many things.
I really am not a good spy, contrary to popular rumor. π΅️♀️π️
Just teasing!
Late
I hadn't made a grilled cheese sandwich for ages and it was very nice. I made it will American, provolone and mozzarella. It was a great combo. I had some organic tortilla chips and Mandarin oranges with it. Nice late dinner!
Tuesday, April 20, 2021
P
I remember in high school my friend and I who were in the assembly committee, always got locked out of the meeting at a certain point, because they knew we didn't smoke pot.
They knew we were church goers and they wanted to protect our pot virginity. They did not know we weren't prudes. They just assumed.
Before
I saw an interview with Anthony Hopkins, it was a lovely interview and it was about a new, touching film. We were reminded of "Remains of the Day." That was an emotional rollercoaster. It made one hurt so much about the situation and how people are forced into situations that can take over the basic human emotional needs, of love.
I suppose I feel love comes before anything. I can't help it.
Seek
In times of sadness and deep emotion, I reach in my mind for comfort and my heart seeks soothing.
I think of you.
Fresh
I saw some areas on the deck that weren't in great shape on the walls, so I ordered some paint to freshen it up.
I am great at ordering things, but it takes time getting around to actually using them.
Last time I was down in that area, I didn't even go by the family home. I thought the new owners made it rather ugly, but at least it has a window now. My great aunt and uncle built it with their own hands. My great aunt had taken classes in architecture, so she was always making little "tweaks" here and there. She had a little cabinet put on the side of the house where she could stash her gardening shoes. She put in a tea house at the top of the yard, but it was falling apart, so I had to have it torn down. I put a portable hot tub in it, which I loved. I loved to soak for a long time and walk back to the house feeling all relaxed and wet noodley. Great way to prepare to sleep soundly.
That was before I needed to get renters. I tried desperately to hang on to the house, but it was a futile effort.
My Siamese cat, Topo, was/is buried out there. I figure someone probably got a surprise at some point. I had him buried in a plastic bag with a zipper. He was under a big rock that had "Dream" carved on it.
There was a city council member next door and he was a peeping Tom. I was looking in a mirror and I could see him on a ladder peering into the sun room behind where I was standing. He was wearing a hat, sunglasses and a face mask. He was bizarre. He drove around the city in his BMW with the top down, scoping out the ladies. I was working in the yard and he slowed down to tell me I was "lookin' good." He was so creepy.
Then, up the street was the mayor of the moment. Crook. He tried to help my great uncle's nephew forge a will giving him the house. My son happened to overhear him taking about it, so since my great uncle was still alive, he told him about it and he made a new will that could not be changed. Later on, after my great uncle died, the mayor was sitting by my house waiting to merge into traffic, so I walked up to his car to confront him, but he saw me and just stepped on it into oncoming cars.
Crooks should not be crooks if they can't face the music.
Time
I hope you are okay. I think of you all of the time.
Will I ever see you again?
If not, please tell me. My heart breaks each day.
Time is the enemy.
Pain
I was feeling much better, but pain is returning. I think sadness sets me back.
I hate this.
But,
I love you.
Monday, April 19, 2021
Pearly gates
One of these days I will stop being looked at by predators as a tasty snack.....then St. Peter will open the gates and let me in.....unless.....
Crazy
I feel profoundly sad.
It hits so often.
I feel violated and so alone.
I thought people in the business world were vicious, but nothing compared to those in the medical world. They are deadly and cover for each other, even for the dangerously insane ones.
π¦ π
I have to be truthful, I took a nap and woke up after 3.
I watched the Chauvin trial until I could no longer stomach it. The Defense was throwing the "spaghetti against the wall." I felt insulted for the murdered man, George Floyd. I know they had to give the officer a fair trial, but the Defense attorney was going to ridiculous lengths to try and make everyone think that the knee on the neck was not the reason for his death, as if he would have collapsed walking down the sidewalk and died that day anyway. That the knee on the neck was only a part of what was going to happen to him anyway. The problem was it was wrong to do to him in the first place. His chief even said so. Anyway, law is often a twisted travesty. I should know.
I was made to look like the most heinous bitch to walk the Earth! Like out of a choice between Jeffrey Dahmer, Jack the Ripper and Me, I would hands down be the most likely to be chosen as the stuff of nightmares!
And the attorney given to me sat silent.......it was astounding.
"All aboard the train......leaving at 3:25 for Kangaroo Court!"
With me
I keep getting sharp spiky pains in my chest. I took aspirin and put a half under my tongue. I just want to tell you that I always loved you and never stopped. You will go with me into eternity.
Just looked it up:
People also ask
What causes needle like pain in chest?
With an anxiety attack, the pain is usually a stabbing or needle-like sensation right in the middle of your chest. A heart attack often feels more like pressure or tightness in the chest. An anxiety attack is usually triggered by an upcoming event, such as a doctor appointment, speech, or other cause of nervousness.
Phew!
Sunday, April 18, 2021
Really
I am watching "Jack & Ozzie's World Detour" and they are eating oysters and geoduck. I would like champagne and oysters for a picnic and π strawberries for dessert. I think that sounds delightful and elegant.
A lovely picnic place is at the Fairmont SF on the 4th floor in the garden. Wonderful view and beautiful ambiance.
I love sitting in the lobby there too and talking and just relaxing. It's elegant. At the Ritz Carlton I love the bag piper playing "Amazing Grace" as the sun goes down. It is so beautiful. When I stayed there once, I was sitting on the balcony reading Kerouac and it began raining so I took the umbrella and propped it up on the back of the chair and sat up all night reading. I never even pulled back the covers on the bed. I wanted to absorb the ambiance. It was really nice.
I always take you with me, but always wish you were really there.
I hate all the sad news. It makes me sad, and wish I could hold you and keep you safe. I am tired of bad people.
You are loved.
See
Very sunny today. Besides the cheese, I will work on the deck.
I bought some wood hardener to prevent rotting and termites. The HOA puts on some wood protection, but it is so thin, it doesn't even look like they have done anything and before, they said I had termite rot and said they knew of repair people who would do it for around $1,500, or $2,000. I just took out the rotted bits filled it with rocks and wood hardener and cement and wood putty and painted it. I wrote to them, "why not just put wood hardener on it in the first place?" I was ignored. I think they want the wood to rot, so they can make money off of it, especially since they said I needed approval before I could put it on mine. I already had put more on the bottom deck and I am going to do it on the top too. No approval. We shall see.....
Before
Okay, today is REALLY the day I make the cheese! (I suddenly know why they say, "cut the cheese" but also not. I'll find out if it smells....maybe a different kind.) But you DO cut the curds...... yes, dumb humor....
I would still like to go salmon π£ fishing. My heart did fish flops on a deck when you talked about it with that jerk who made up contempt charges against me, that got me jailed. What a smirky little turd. He loved to bully me..... I have mentioned it. But damn, who does that to a person? I am always astounded by that place.
In a place of health care, I have never witnessed such cruelty, nor such freedom of attacking a person to the point of death! It makes me wonder how often it happens.....or where it stops? (Or does it?) I don't think anyone is safe.....a CEO, or sweet woman, an innocent patient, or even a doctor? I think they are skilled at making "it" look natural.....one has to know when to go while the getting is good. They seem to kill with the ease, or nonchalance of making a cup of tea. They appear to have been assured they will suffer no repercussions.....a murder haven.
It is like a Stephen King novel.
Just don't become a victim to that degree......please?
My heart hasn't had the pleasure of knowing you enough yet. What could be enough, anyway?
Be at least one step ahead of them, but be smart enough to go when you need. (Or before.)
π
My mother doesn't like me because I am not a right wing Fox "News" idiot. I didn't say much, but asked her to please give real news a chance. My brother lives in Georgia.....need I say more? I just don't like the feeling I get when I talk to them. I know my brother is a kiss ass because he wants something from her. He used to ask me to get things ($)he wanted from her, like when he was getting a divorce. Even my father made me the go between, or made me lie for him. I hated it. She never believed me.
I have longed for someone I really care about and feel like I could talk with for many hours on end. I am starved for any morsel of, or by you. My mind stays busy and my heart responds with hyperventilation. God, just when I was feeling so thrilled to have such a beautiful friend I felt was in tune with me and knew my thoughts....bye! π
You made life a breeze, interesting and so much fun. Now, it turned to sadness and darkness.
Oh what I would give to have even some of that back. I would be your Countess taking care of you hand and foot and never be sorry.
Saturday, April 17, 2021
Progress
Just stopped to rest. Working in the house and outside and doing a few things in the garage too.
I want to make some progress.
Rather
It is amusing that people who have everything make themselves feel better by absolutely trying to ruin someone who doesn't.
I sure hope that does it for them!
I'd rather be a nice person.
Creative
All I can do is fight as I see best and be persistent, no matter the obstacles and hope I don't get too much, "friendly fire".
Trust, faith and love head up my army.
They know I am hobbled and short on resources. It requires "the help of strangers" and creativity.
Some point
I never used the master bedroom, because I was saving it.....but it has been basically storage. This place was too small for all my crap. I have been too preoccupied and have had weird painful things happen to do much. My renter was supposed to help......nope.
That horrible man managed to even blacklist me here. I can't find local help. HOA was set against me with lies. They treated me so badly. My appliances were ruined. My things broken. My cars towed away. Lost. If I did find help, prices were outrageous. I have been treated like a criminal. I don't know what was said, but people acted like I ate babies.
The HOA president said I lowered property values. It was such an odd thing for him to say. That attorney and his buddy smeared me like mad.
It has given me the impression that the people doing this to me mean business.
It has been tough, but I don't need friends. I just want them to leave me alone. I have been attacked from all angles. I believe my son was even contacted somehow.
I am no spy, but the people against me sure seem like it.
At some point, I may have to leave. I am not up to it all. I can't be fighting so many battles. I am not wealthy and they are always trying to make me spend. I get hit from all angles. Your partner does not play nice. Of course, trying to kill me is really not nice. People who are evil are great at doing small and large things to hurt.
Keep
Does K force you to cooperate to keep her happy?
(I don't know why they won't help me, help you)
Friday, April 16, 2021
Deserve
You deserve to be loved by yourself and by everyone else too. You are a caring person, but it makes you vulnerable to bad people. You need to do what is good for you, not them.
Wednesday, April 14, 2021
Over and over
This has been like someone on the street being robbed and mugged over and over, with an audience and police cheering and applauding the robber over and over again, with no end in sight.
Something must be done!
Monday, April 12, 2021
Normal?
I swear, when things get normal, I will hire a handy person to help around the house. . . .it needs it!
How
I wonder if my friend is being clamped down upon? I wonder every so often.
I always wonder how he is doing.
Is he okay?
TC
I grew some amazing looking black oyster mushrooms, now I need to find the best way to cook them. They are almost too pretty and weird to eat! I don't think I've ever had them before, unless they just looked so different after being cooked.
So, everything okay? Take care!
Sorry
As an ancestor of Queen Victoria, I feel an affinity with her in the necessity of writing out my thoughts and especially my grief. The grief was manufactured by evil people and was unnecessary.
I think I will be able to find an audience and will tell of the people who attacked and hurt me. I will make them sorry they were cruel and tried to kill me and you.
Keep
Good Morning! Hope your day is lovely!
Did a lot of writing to some important people. Will keep it up!
Saturday, April 10, 2021
Friday, April 9, 2021
Cry
I am going to make mozzarella cheese today. I got cheese cloth and rennet. I will try a rennet alternative at some point too. I really love Caprese, so I look forward to that.
I am not always angry is but it is not far under the surface when I think about the abuse and injustice and loss of a friend I have suffered. Sometimes all I want to do is cry.
Thursday, April 8, 2021
Terribly
I really am so weary of being away from you. It is such a deep ache. It has been terribly cruel.
Wednesday, April 7, 2021
Much to do
I wish I could know how you feel and if you are happy and What thoughts you have. I know it is more than I should mention, but who else cares besides me?
I have so much to do; it seems like I could spend the rest of my life working on things and never be finished.
I would like to go back to writing more poems for my own pleasure and to pay tribute to someone who makes life lovely and unique and my heart speed up like a hummingbird.
Tuesday, April 6, 2021
Like
You know, I can deal with any reality and any situation. I merely ask for the truth. I know what you have been through and that isn't a situation that is anything to me that is an issue. If I am correct she thinks it would be a problem for me, but it isn't, if anything, I love you more for having gone through it and coming out of it. If I am wrong, please pardon me. What I am in love with is you, so nothing is a problem. I think they have tried to make people think I have done something to you, humiliated you, or something, when that was never the case. If you merely want a friend and support, that is fine, I'd love a friend. If it were more, then I would be blessed.
I truly do not judge anyone. (But, I can love like mad!)
Believed
I love you with every bit of me, but am I being blind?
You know I would risk life and limb for you. My heart is very tender. You hurt it so badly, many times, yet I always believed in you.
Grief
If you care about me, you KNOW I care about you, but after like 6 years and pretty convincing negative jabs of hate toward me, what would you think? I have been so devoted, loyal, supportive and so in love, the cracks are beginning to show.
Please, for God's sake take pity on me! I am dying of grief and sadness!
Do you care about me?
What
I am confused. Everything is the same! What help is that?
Should I hang in there for you?
(That is what I want to do.)
Hate
Can't you tell how much I am hurting? Have I ever sounded like this before?
If I didn't love you; I wouldn't be in such despair and torment.
Do you think many other people could last this long?
I hate this life.
Stop
Prove yourself to me.
Be nice to me.
Stop hurting me, start hurting them!
Turn her in to the police and tell about him too.
Stop being a coward.
Hit
That cowardly bitch is such a "class act" she had the children drive by my house and yell "Bitch" ,"Ho" at it.
Why did I deserve that? She is insane and you will be next on her "hit" list.
(That was Millbrae, obviously.)
Just
If you don't care about me, then just forget me.
If you do, please show it now.
(The actions spoke pretty loudly.) Why didn't you just stab me repeatedly?
Hurt
If you are going to keep things as they are and never try and rescue me, or help me, then I never want to see you again.
Do you want to stay with that insane, murderous woman and that crooked, murderer "attorney" forever?
Why not break away and leave? Punch her in her ugly, nasty face and leave?
Because you don't want to, do you? You would rather have me hurt, yes?
At all
Do you like me?
If so, why betray me?
Do you think I would ever do that to you?
Am I just a joke to you?
I gave my love and support to you seriously and honestly.
Am I just another victim?
Do you care about me at all?
Coward!
So, I sit here basically alone, no info, no help. I get tormented frequently. I treat people nicely, but am always treated like crap. What is with that?
Tell that nasty bitch that she is a coward and that she is too much of a little baby to face me and has other people beat up on me for her! She is no less than a TERRORIST, BULLY, COWARD!
Cowardice must be contagious!
Non
I guess I barely need to do anything and I seem to get negative responses.
This is a harsh world, even by those who seem to be victims.
It tends to take a nice person and make them bitter and maybe not quite as nice any longer.
Courage seems to not only be a rare commodity, but virtually non-existent.
Monday, April 5, 2021
Radioactive
I am very concerned about Russia planning on causing a tsunami of radioactive water from the Artic to New York. It is a nightmare.
Saturday, April 3, 2021
Barely
You gave me your good thoughts and prayers. I know it. I feel much better.
I can barely breathe.
Friday, April 2, 2021
Nail
Should I forget about you? It would not be possible, but I will do what you want.
I have dreamed of you for so long, but you have had more freedom you see people. I understand. I guess, but I am sad. I will never come there w/o an invitation.
You are the only one I will ever want to know, or love. I would do anything for you. Come as my friend or as my acquaintance. I just don't want to lose you forever, okay?
I have never been treated with respect, or even decently. Should I expect it now? I have been beaten down hard. I cannot believe I am still here to talk about anything. Your partner tried to kill me. I think she is used to doing it. You need to stay safe. None of those people are to be trusted.
I would do anything to keep you safe. It doesn't matter how you feel about me, just don't lie about me. That is death to me. Anyone else, I don't care. You, it is another nail in my coffin.
Mistake
I think my Internet has been perhaps "compromised" . I think I made a mistake with an app. situation.
I hate and love technology.
Need
I hope you enjoy your day. I would love to be there to enjoy it with you and help with anything you need.
Live
You made my heart sing when it had fallen silent.
The lyrics it sang were of hope and love and the beauty of your sweetness. The tune was light and gentle as a day in spring where life is carefree and pleasure is in the pure ecstacy of your smile and basking in your amazing care and compassion.
Life can have unlimited possibilities when freedom is unlimited in mind and body.
You are only in my dreams for now, but the mere anticipation of reality will have to tide me over until then.
I live for that day.
Thursday, April 1, 2021
Happiness
I still double over on pain, but it is less frequent.
I wish I could see you and stroke your forehead and soothe your worries and cares. I would hug you and love you and make you happy.
Roller
Don't take my down days deadly seriously, nor my days when I sound derogatory. I am going to have roller coaster times, but you can always bring me back with my thoughts of you.
I will always love you.
Never
I am still here. I am still supporting. I am still loving you without any restriction. I am always ready to help.
They will never let you go.
See
Spoke with someone to help me with the "thing". We shall see.....
I think taking things in one's own hands is often more effective and faster!
Met
I just want normal living again. We both deserve that. You are a human being with no obligation to anyone. You have met your responsibilities. No one has to dedicate their life to anyone else, that is slavery. There is always an exit route. Contracts can be broken, especially when they only benefit one side.
Your safety should never be at risk. Do what feels right for you, no one else.
Believing
I had always wanted to be upbeat and positive, but sometimes, it is just too much to ask of myself. It has been outrageous, what has been done to me. I know I am not the only one suffering, but why should anyone? I mean, when people's lives are at stake, it has gone too insanely far. People are not toys. When the people perpetrating it never come to their senses, or reality, or compassion, then drastic measures need to be taken, or forever cower under their dominion as their prisoners. That goes against my grain. I have been fighting not only against the assault against my human rights, but against my very life and various components of it as well. I am in pain most of the time and live in fear for my life and for yours as well, because one has a great impact on the other. The gaslighting also takes a huge toll emotionally as does being devastatingly blindsided.
Cruelty becomes the expected way of life, but NOT the accepted way of life! NEVER will I accept that behavior as normal! I know demons from angels and no one can confuse me as to who is who; even if they are talented actors. I just do not accept the status quo they are trying to sell me.
Sometimes the heart sees more clearly than what is presented to the eye.
I'd rather die believing my heart anyway.
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