Spirit

 It is so roasty toasty today. During the night it was so cold, now it it is sunny and warm. Trying to get things done and weeding out things to give to the charity shop and figure out my things for the trip down to San Mateo. I am creating more of a mess. I bought some paint online and am going to paint the floors first and then put rugs scattered around. I have a huge roll of carpet in the garage, but moving it is impossible. Was up late, slept late. I don't know what needs to be brought to the "thing." The attorney tells me little to not much at all, except to drop a few bombs on me once in awhile. My kidney thing is also causing some issues. I am taking the "stone crusher"again on a more regular basis. I found a different brand.  Got some new N95 masks and a cute one to go over them. It will be nice to be able to hire some help getting things organized and rid of things. It is limiting when few companies will come here to this remote town to work. 

I think I have written the hell out of "the subject" and not certain what I need to bring as my "evidence." I have managed to make my house a mess. I seems to do that before a clearing. I get too many things going and feel as if I have painted myself into a corner. 

How are you today? I always wonder how you are doing. You always seemed healthy and doing well, but who knows. You are stoic. I have always admired your strength, but it always made me want to hug you, because I knew how brave you were so many times. What I loved the most is that you trusted me with your vulnerability. It made me care so much. I always wanted to tell you how much it mattered to me. I wanted to give you things because I loved seeing you happy. It truly is my delight. I guess that is why they attacked it. It went to the core of my happiness and made it a bad thing. I had never known that before. I love to give special people things that made them happy and to have it denigrated and turned into a crime, was shattering. Anyway, it did not kill my spirit, or my caring. 

"The Antiques Road Show" had their Holocaust special on, so I cried my eyes out. I saw films of the poor ragged people, looking so barely alive and still managing to smile for the camera. I was thinking that no matter how hard I thought I had things at times, nothing compares to that.  

Be very well, my dear one.