Could we begin again as friends after all this my insanity is over?
It is what I hold as my hope.
Thursday, May 27, 2021
Will
I am absolutely devoted to him. I have no expectations, except his happiness and safety.
To think of never seeing him again saddens and panics me, but I have displayed my strength. I would not go into surgery without him. I trust only him.
I guess I will die. What else is living good for, if the person who is cared about is not there?
I will always be there for whatever he needs and not when he does not need, or want.
Than
Bad people should not be allowed to hurt friends. I will never allow them to take friendship down. A chip may form, but it won't cause a break. Questioning doesn't mean hate. It means I care enough to want to know the truth. Truth won't destroy. If I can get over the crap that has happened, it means I love you beyond the small stuff and even the bigger stuff. Knowing you is great and important and knowing that all of it can be understood, gotten over and trusted, even when it is a mystery, is important.
I will never trust anyone, or anything over you. I will never love anyone more than you.
Weird.....
I still can't go to get medical help, because the crazy woman is still loose.... isn't she? I have 2 places where I get pain after the initial kidney attack. The fear from her attempted murder is keeping me from going back. Weird, huh?
Wednesday, May 26, 2021
F & Z
Stephen Colbert just made a spoof reference to "Franny and Zooey"! He called it: "Franny and Zombie!"
I miss you so much!
Protection
I don't mean to sound like a jerk with the questions. I have been treated terribly every step of the way and I want to know if I am being a fool, or somehow jerked around again.
The moon has looked incredible!
I asked for your protection.
It has been an amazing time!
Turn
I am always in the dark. It isn't nice and it is frustrating, plus I was torn down to the lowest ebb. That awful woman came into the courtroom with both barrels blazing against me; saying the most vile things and accusations against me! It was horrible, demeaning and demoralizing! That could not have been correct/legal procedure! EVERYTHING said about me was a LIE!
I have been treated like garbage around every turn.
Ignore
I am not trying to be obnoxious. I just enjoy expressing my feelings at times. Ignore me. Most people do.
I was almost murdered. I am celebrating life.
My life is small and nothing. No one needs to give it any attention.
Truly.
Tuesday, May 25, 2021
Obviously
I know that if everything is left up to the status quo, neither of us will ever have freedom to do as we please. I am merely waiting to be told. I was slammed down so hard; it will only make me seem like a stalker. I was painted that way so well; I am sure everyone has that opinion.
But obviously, I am not.
Away
I am not certain about how you feel, but I want to spend as much time with you as possible. I hate this time away.
I don't mind saying that I love you deeply and have done for a long time.
A-holes
It isn't American to not have control of one's own life. The law is being twisted and denigrated to gain advantage over another. It was done to gain advantage over me as well as you. It was a fate sealer. All that can be said is that it was threat and fear. It hurt like Hell.
I sure knew how much I loved you then. I felt like dying. They wanted me dead; that was obvious. I will never die for those murderous assholes!
Lies
I miss you so much. I get down when I try and get people to help, because the money they pay to various places sadly, cripples me. The only one who could get things done w/o money is you, or clout. It is sad that just being correct isn't enough. Their forcing lies was a real blow.
Any opportunity.......!
Mendo
Have you ever gone to the town of Mendocino? All the charm of a quaint, fancy New England town down your way, at a fraction of the price and it's authentic. I know, status.... Pfft!
I could probably get a nice one there (Mendocino) for even the cost of my little dump.....with an ocean view. My ocean view in that cute town. Perfect!
Photos
The program about the death photos had a creepy twist ending.
The niece said, "in the future, people will have their own cameras and will be able to take pictures of happy events, so they won't need you, especially not for pictures of the dead."
I have seen those photos and they are weirdly interesting, but only to a degree.
Jet
My renter surprised me with a late afternoon sandwich! Yay! Half now, half later. 🦃 Turkey and 🧀 and 🥑 on a 🥐 croissant with mayo and Mendocino mustard. (Sweet and spicy.) Very good!
Nice pick me up!
How are you today? I always wonder.
Trump is getting a headache today.......wonder if they have his jet tethered.😉👍
Before
I would like to go to appts, but I can't until I know I won't be attacked. I was blindsided before.
That
Sorry that I sound rude sometimes. It really is not intended that way. Kind of blunt at times, but not that way in person.
Moon🌝
Thursday is a special moon🌝. I will go out @ 10:pm and pray to the Angel about you and ask her to keep you safe;👼 she does anyway, but it makes me feel good and it feels in touch.
She doesn't
They wanted me to continue to be their scapegoat, but why?
When they try and kill you are they planning to blame me?
All I could ever do is hug you and protect you.
I cannot hurt someone I love, guess that is why she can; she doesn't love you.
Does
Does she love you and want to take care of you?
(It would be my dream come true for me, that is!)
Destroy
Could you ever have caring feelings toward me? I know my feelings are really up there, but I would be thrilled even with being able to talk to you in the beginning. It was wonderful before. I would wait by the phone all dressed up and all made up too. I would sit in the window and just look at the traffic and people walking by. I felt like a princess in a tower. I loved that house. The planes and the traffic were being worked out. I don't understand why some people think they can take the life of another and destroy it just because they can.
It is reprehensible.
Monday, May 24, 2021
Depressed
All I want to do is love you and take care of you. I don't want a house, money, anything. I swear, promise, I will sign papers that can never be changed. I want to hear you laugh, see you smile, hear your wisdom, adore your kindness.
Why would anyone want to have a prisoner?
life
I will soon be completely vaccinated! It is the only time I get fast food to celebrate. I know it seems antithetical to doing something good for myself, but it is so infrequent, I figure it isn't going to harm me too much. My version of fast food available here is an occasional Hawaiian pizza from the bakery, or a chicken burrito. (I know, that kind of pizza nauseates most people, but what can I say? I like it, or LA VERA PIZZA MARGHERITA. I have some, and freeze the rest for another time.
I hear one of the insistent seagulls pounding on the window for leftovers right now. Bad manners..... I will check the leftovers later. (oh good, he left.)
Yes, my life is tiny.
I hope your day is going well. I remember you talking to someone about Spain. I have never been. My son went with his lady. She speaks Spanish. I want to see it and Portugal.....yes, ancestors from there. My ancestor who was defenestrated in Prague was grandfather to a king of Portugal. My son didn't believe me, so I will send him the finished family tree when I get it done. I think it is important for people to know who they are (bad grammar, but oh well). It almost slipped away, but I am bringing it back. The picture of an old family tree was sent to me by my grandmother's cousin is on my FB page. It starts in 1300's and goes to 1600's. Then, my great-grandfather in the US, but lots of gaps to fill in, but it appears to connect to the current royal family in the UK. I want an unbroken line, if possible. As soon as I set up an appointment with the LDS person, I will be on my way. The last one I had in person, died and I did not get the information he found beyond a few things. He said he was enjoying it. His wife said he was obsessed with it and seemed to blame it for his heart attack and hung up on me. I was really sorry, but it was his job! It was a long time ago, so I did feel very bad about it.
My life as a scapegoat......
see
New program (series) called "Dead Still" about a Victorian photographer of the dead in Ireland.. I like the vibe. It also seems to be connected with murder mysteries.
We shall see. It was creepy,but well done
Distracts
My life for the last several years has been like an extended hazing with very serious consequences. It has been terrible and tiring. (A few times I thought being shot would have been more humane.)
If I could know you in the end;
I could only say it was worth it.
It was the thought of love that was what gave me strength to go on, but I cried each day a few times a day for nearly 5 years when it would strike me by surprise. It was embarrassing, except I did not see many anyway. People here were mean. I know they were told to do it. It hurt, but I truly did not care all that much. They took my Range Rover and a small car a friend had given me, just to be cruel. I hate those people, but I don't waste much time on them. I have too much to hate as is. I must pick my battles.
One man, owner of a restaurant (Gypsy Cellar) said they should finish off with me that they started with my ancestor who was defenestrated in Prague. That was certainly not the response I was expecting after telling him about my ancestor during a conversation that had been going on. It had been so friendly too. As I say, brush it off.
But, this current crap will not brush off so quickly, or easily.
Too soon? (1618)
My 2nd cousin, by marriage, was Marie Antoinette's direct relation, but I believe my relation by blood was also related to her too. I am going to get genealogy help soon from the Mormons LDS who specialize in Nobility. I love that Dr. Lucy Worsley gives an honest version of the queen's life, not the "let them eat cake" lies and more! She was a much more serious scapegoat, but I was on the death plan too. When I get everything verified, I will be able to add it all into a book to make this awful event even more interesting.
Family history distracts me from my despair. It's all I have, besides caring thoughts.
I just saw that the Gypsy Cellar is still in business!
GypsyCellar. Hungarian Restaurant in Redwood City, California · 19 people like this · 19 people follow this · 4 check-ins.
Sunday, May 23, 2021
Sick of
Tomorrow, I am going to start work on "An Open Letter to Kaiser" and post it everywhere and mail it everywhere. No holds barred! No names left out!
I am sick of this shit!
Stay
Tell her that she is doing nothing but digging herself in deeper. If we all worked together and got rid of the predator attorney, we could work things out ourselves. Tell her I will NEVER give up on telling my story, which includes her attempt and her buddy's at murdering me. ...and the angel. I have proof that she tried to murder me, so my circumstantial evidence that she had the angel murdered will be very persuasive. There is no statute of limitations on murder, OR attempted murder!
That predator attorney will kill her, so reasoning with the two of us is a much better deal and outcome. I am only just beginning my telling of my story.....
She could keep her life, her dignity (such as it is) her lifestyle, the admiration of her children, if she stops her foolish behavior. Does she want to be in prison during her golden years? Revild? The subject of a number one best seller? Tell her that Tuesday, I will be sending out many letters exposing her. Say you happened to see it on social media.
I will get all the witnesses worried, because I know who they are and who helped the bad people help them and they will talk. I only tell the truth. They must prove me wrong, or a liar. I am honest.
I am worried about you. Stay safe.
Power
I feel so awful and sick. Please, send me healing thoughts. You have helped me feel better before.
I am feeling better. TY!
Rest
"He was my North, my South, my East and West, My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song....."
You are everything.
W.H.
Watching "Four Weddings and a Funeral" for the thousandth time. I think sometimes I watch it for the Auden poem alone.
Closeness.
Recover
I do not understand why life has to be so complicated, or so cruel.
I just love seeing you look happy. It is addictive.
Have been having terrible withdrawals. I may never recover.
I hope not anyway.
Saturday, May 22, 2021
If
I got conked on the top of my head. I hope it did not give me a concussion. I feel a teensy bit woozy.
It was a complete accident.
If I die, I love you.
IS
I am missing you so much.
Do you like me at all?
It is so weird that I suddenly begin thinking about you in the middle of doing something and I have to stop and rest because my heart goes all crazy, I get tired. It is lovely, though. I used to say I felt like I was going to faint. I COULD see that happening, especially after all this time. ; -....(
This is torture, you know....
No harm
You know I adore you, forever, but you can trust me to be only what you want. I do have dignity and I don't murder.
Truth
I would write a letter to the PD and say I never did any of the things...
Also, if anyone does a check, they need to tell the truth.
Blame
False law and criminals do not deserve respect!
Why was I being attacked if I could not do anything anyway? Just for fun?
People like that are not safe to be around.......no one would blame you....
Truth
When asked why she was cooperating with prosecutors, Weisselberg said it was because "it's so horrifying that Donald Trump could be president again, knowing what I know."
Variety
Ages ago, I was taking court stenography class. It was bizarre! I swear, I had a hand in about everything that existed! I was a dental assistant, medical, tech, currency sorter at the Federal Reserve Bank, worked in special investigation with the Treasury, phlebotomy, orthodontic assistant, ortho lab tech, law librarian, paralegal, law student, law office manager, hospital volunteer, Ronald McDonald House volunteer, Lucile Packard Children's Hosp. volunteer, dental office temp. food bank volunteer, YMCA babysitter..... I would have as many as 30 children/babies at one time and they had no equipment!
Dead
It's not just that they want me away, they want me dead.
Love is intimidating, I guess, because it is above their greed. It wants nothing, but to exist.
Talk
I know all the betrayal was created to make me hate him and it has not, but I can take a hint. His acting was just too good.
I will spend the rest of my days exposing the horrible people who behave illegally and tried to kill me. No statute of limitations. I will let everyone know what they have done to me.
Sorry about the loving talk. I just enjoy it.
Die
I have no expectations in life. I expect nothing from anyone. I do not think that others care about me, or will emotionally support me.
It is all just my own desires and fantasies.
If anyone seems to like me, it is only because I may have something someone wants.
I am not wanted for myself. No one likes me, because I am undesirable. My life is solitary. No one has to worry about me, since I will never go anywhere, except alone.
I do not deserve to be killed. I am not bothering anyone. I am alone and will be that way until I die.
After
Guess I will attempt sleep now. I ended up watching programs about people with very difficult, rare and painful physical problems. Since it was YouTube, they come one after another.
Terribly sad.
Sustained
I get into bad moods. I say crap I don't want to say, but do.
I don't think I would say it if you were here. I am ashamed. I feel unwanted and unloved.
The time I spend here has become the most favorite of any, because it is my connection. It makes me feel more spiritual than ever. I really don't care what people have to say elsewhere, because I'd rather think about you.
The Angel prepared me, you sustained me.
I want to be with you in whatever Heaven is too. It is my wish, my dream.
Afar
Would you ever give me a chance to be your friend someday when you get away from the evil people? I would love to hold you and never let go. I would take care of you and make you laugh and be happy.
There is a reason I love you, but I am on auto-pilot; it just is.
It is what I want, but if you don't, I will quietly love from afar.
I have people who could help me make a video. I could tell my story.
💪
If a person does not show strength and defiance, bad people will always do bad things and we will live forever under their thumb.
Friday, May 21, 2021
Never
Just live your life and be safe. I hope you can fight the evil. I don't seem to matter to you. That is your choice. I don't matter much to me either, so we are even, but I will never betray you.
I cannot betray someone I love, even if death were the end result. Only evil deserves betrayal.
But, I will always be loyal and steadfast.
Angel
Those people were allowed to take my life and trash it as if I were nothing and just went on with theirs as I lay ruined. I have to skulk around like vermin in the dark, like I don't have a right to exist. Why?
What did I do?
Care what was happening to another human being? What did that do? Get me looked down upon, threatened? Put through years of humiliation? Sadness? despair? Degradation? Going away wasn't enough. They wanted me dead. My mere existence was too much for them. My help only got me further ruin and humiliation and the demons triumphed.
I was a scapegoat.
The angel died.
So will I. But not for them.
hate
They tried to kill me, but I feel bad. That isn't right.
I guess I will disappear instead.
I live like a feral animal.
I hate it.
Stay safe.
What
Sometimes I just sit up and think about you and what I can do for you and how much I care about you.
Meant
I don't know if you were ever aware of all the things that happened to me. There were so many things, even little. I am not whining about it, but hardly any chance to be mean to me, was overlooked. I keep wondering if any of that nastiness was done to you. I think about it and hope not. You are too sweet. It would break my heart to think you had to go through anything but lovely. I feel that my life is meant to support you. It's all I want.
Thursday, May 20, 2021
Solitary
I suppose I will become a nomad and live a solitary life. I must accept the fact that love was never supposed to be mine. It is just the way it is.
That's all
I guess soon I will have served my purpose. I loved, but was not loved. I suffered and was hated. The end.
Gone
Take care today. Be very well.
This has been a travesty and the soul purpose was to humiliate me and make me into a supernumerary; less than human. Guess it worked. I am a nobody. Unimportant. Invisible.
No other
Nothing else matters to me except keeping you safe and getting you freedom; otherwise, I guess I have no further purpose in life.
Badly
I have been treated so badly (as have you) and I think it is time for things to change for the better. I am hoping I will get a break. I could use all the support possible. I hate to say that I expect nothing of loyalty. It is time for this crap to end. The longer one stays in the same situation, that is how one cemented in.
All I know is I never did anything wrong. You did nothing wrong, but you are making yourself look guilty by doing nothing.
I don't like doing this, but I have no choice. They will keep trying to harm you and trying to harm me too.
Wednesday, May 19, 2021
Tuesday, May 18, 2021
She
I do not care if someone I love hurts me as long as they no longer do it. Those people are criminals, you are not. You don't need to be anyone to me, if that is your wish, but you have shown me great kindness and I will not forget it.
But, I am sad too.
You helped the criminals, but it must stop there. You know, if she had killed me, you would be a part of those who killed me, since you are in my will.
You know I would help you with anything, but not them.
They need to stop, especially him. The one in charge, that is.
Gets
I was reading old papers and it was putting me on the defensive.
It was so strange how things turned out, after it was me who requested to have my friend there. I did that so he could be free to have his say and find freedom.
I never thought it would be turned on me.
That was as wrong as it gets.
Ring
"Passion Italy" on PBS.
They are making bells from an old process from the 1700's. They even have a priest blessing it. It is lovely that they have that aspect.
Monday, May 17, 2021
PBS
Had to sit down and rest. I am still dealing with everything to do with cleaning out the fridge, plus cooking a chicken.
Forgot to eat today, so very hungry.
Miss Fisher mysteries is coming on, on PBS. Fun show. 1920's outrageous wealthy female detective show set in Australia.
Back to work!
Hugs!
Cell
Time for a new cell. Mine won't hold a charge. I didn't like it all that much anyway.
Suddenly it has started to charge.
Plumb
I think I may have found the solution to my sink dilemma. First get a jack and somehow get the garbage disposal out from the bottom of the cabinet and rest it on jack stands and remove the (broken) disposal (never worked from day one) then take off the sink the rest of the way and replace it with a sink that goes over the counter and has legs to support it. The floor of the cabinet will be reinforced with sturdy, treated wood that will not rot. If the sink is wanted to be changed in the future, just lift it out and replaced with whatever desired.
No mystery mess, no rotted wood. Easy peezy. Just doing it is the problem. 😟
It WILL happen, one way, or another. (Remember my exploded hot water heater? Yikes! At least I talked the city into paying for it!😌)
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