TUFAFU

 I get so frightened, because I was so very damaged by the court thing. I worry that I cannot trust that devious influence will come along with disgusting threats against the person I care about most in the world and the hurt will be so great, that it will destroy me in unknown ways. It is really awful having that hanging over me and feeling guilty that I feel that worry. My prayer is that I will have trust without any reserve. I have never been so moved by anything that made me feel worse. I am in a hurry to get it over, so I can only need to think about making his world happy and safe and loved. If I heard of him running out the back door and off and away into my protection; I would be so thrilled and relieved. That is the mental hang-up I have to worry about that I ordinarily would not even stop to consider; I am the type who just jumps in to save a loved one, but now I fear the alligators at the bottom of the pool waiting to chop off my parts and go to prison; since I came out of the legal business with a criminal record outcome. What was it I did again? Oh yes, a paranoid narcissist decided my gifts were the sole cause of her troubles; not a murderous attitude and a heart full of guilt; that wanted to pass it off to the scapegoat, like a good little narcissist would do out of a sick mind. She had unfair information from someone I was supposed to trust with confidentiality. She got what she deserved for being unethical. I would kept it to myself had I known it would have been so disruptive to him. I was blind by love. Later I found out that she acts so possessive, but abuses him. That is not how someone treats a loved one. After seeing how she treated me and what she wants to do to me; I cannot leave him in her cruel hands. I felt guilty at first, but now I feel like I am saving a dear life, but worried I will do something to be put in prison. I am doing it by the book, but feel the "book" is skewed against me. Money is the root of evil. We both need to be brave and do anything to get to the truth against evil. They are using fear to keep us from helping each other. Fuck them! 

No matter what; you are the love of my life. I may be fearful, but love will conquer it.