I wish we could do that thing where we were negotiating about how often I could see you. I'd give anything to see you again. It was just fun and silly, I was serious about it. I wanted to see you all of the time. Then....nothing. How could I know that dropping you meant the start of the attacks? Who does that? They are such weird people. That whole thing was barbaric. I just figure people speak for themselves. I trusted that you would. It hurt so much and was so confusing. I figured that it was something forced on you. I was fighting against it, since it was like an invading army. I knew you and what they represented was not you.

Someone who cares about you does not put you through that. If I were the person who was feeling upset about the behavior of another, I would speak with them, not hire goons to attack them. They certainly had power over you.

I would just say to you, if I were yours, "they have great taste, because I can understand why they think highly of you, but I trust in your love for me, so I am not worried." "But, if you feel differently, we should talk and see what to do." People are not property and they have the freedom to live the way they want.

Instead, I was terrorized and brutalized. I hope my suffering did it for someone who needed it, but I have to say, it was immature and spoiled, and selfish and pretty narcissistic behavior. All I can do is
try and be understanding and available to you for your needs. I would love to show you how loving and rational people behave.

Someone like me, who thinks you are so amazing and makes me go all soft and dreamy inside when I think of you, just wants your happiness, would show it every day and would love you forever.

If I had the power of invisibility, I would go see you and take you in....but it would be so much like a ghost where I could not speak to you, or even touch your hand and I would again be very sad. Something like now. All I can do is pray for you, hope it works and then I go on each day with an ache and a heaviness in my heart. I try and find ways to soothe the pain, but it is a sad effort. Nothing could replace the massive canyon you left in my life.

Just to be able to look into your eyes, or feel the soft touch of your hand again.....