I have been writing a lot about the situation recently, my arm hurts. I want to see you so much that I feel restless and kind of anxious. It's been too long. This has been excruciating. You were so important to me, I feel like a big part has been missing. I never thought I would feel that way about anyone. I keep imagining how your hug would feel. I nearly cry. I was too shy to ask for one. I wish I had though. I don't know if I will ever get a chance now. I hope so.

You said and did such sweet, kind things, you made my heart melt.
It still does.
Your dedication and sweetness touches me deeply. I love you so much.

I just wish you could break free from those awful people and live the life you want (I am assuming, anyway) I have no idea what is going on in your life now, but you seemed kind of owned. I suppose I will sell my house and go away. I have been so in love with you, it has broken my heart over and over, but as I have said, love isn't possessive, or cruel. I just wanted to see you happy and at peace. I guess my heart was breaking FOR you as much as from missing you to the depths. I dream of hearing your voice and seeing your smile again. Be well.

The more I think about you, the more I appreciate and admire you. You are the person who has been there for me more than anyone else ever. I feel so in tune with you. How could I not love you...besides those warm, caring dark eyes and devastating smile?

The doctor from Thailand told me that my weight was due to lipedema/lymphedema. I understand that because I am not an over eater, much of the time I have one sandwich for the entire day of food. When I really put my mind to it, I was walking the trail up to several times during the week at a round trip of 6 miles and eating small amounts of food to where I was nearly at the stage of passing out all of the time. I lost a total of 40 lbs in 2 months, but all of the absurd attacks put me into a state of being a recluse and I probably allowed myself to deteriorate from the shock and sadness.

I read that poor circulation to the leg may imitate sciatica.

I will spend the rest of my life proving my love for you.

I want what you have in your heart. I don't want what is in your bank balance, let the cruel attackers have that; it's obviously all they care about. I want to give to you, not take from you.
They can keep beating me up until I am dead; it won't stop me from loving you.

There is so much serious, awful and horrible things in the world, let me finally see something good and beautiful. Let me see you.

I love you.

Sorry I repeat myself, I just write what I think about you, but obviously I think more times about you than I even know. People do think a lot about lovely, nice times and those they miss and care about. It is a dicotamy though because my thoughts make me happy, then, I fall into sadness that I no longer experience more of those happy times again.

I get sad that other people get to see you when I cannot. They are the ones who are blessed.

You cannot imagine how much I ache to hear your voice and see your lovely, sweet face and hear the sweet way you said my name the last time I saw you.  It has sustained me, but I get so sad at times. I guess my emotional pain is manifesting itself in my physical pain.
I need to write as if I am talking to you, it curbs the pain.

I feel so alone and sad.
Please be okay.

All I ever hoped for was to be able to talk to you more often and for a longer period of time. I would have kept my love to myself. Why was I beaten over this?

I have been through so much. How could people be so cruel?

I know your smile would cure anything....

I was so sick! My lunch/dinner....all gone. Too many days of lost sleep and aspirin and Ibuprofen. I am not good with any drugs. The hemp patch may be a lost cause. I tried a part of a pot cookie once and I was sick, so hemp may not be good either.

I so miss talking to you.

I am thinking of using a hemp patch, or oil to relieve the leg and back pain.

I would still "hold harmless" for those who officially drop this thing now and leave us to our own decisions. There could be some serious consequences for them and out of my hands otherwise.

Thinking of you really lifts my spirits!

I think all my little issues can be easily handled and I can be as good as new.....well....almost. If I saw you again, I KNOW I would!!

All I want is to take care of you and see that you are safe and happy. It is all I need.
(If you need, give me a lie detection test; I will be 100% truthful.)
or, I will just fade away, if you prefer, but I would love to see you again first. Anything is up to you. Maybe I sound pathetic, but thoughts of you kept me alive all this time.

My caring for you inspired the things I wrote that were an attempt at poetry, but it does not mean that you must have reciprocal feelings. I have always maintained that you could just be my friend. My feelings did get me through a major portion of the time I have endured, but I know that I am no "prize package" so I am realistic about expectations (I actually have no expectations, or ever did). You are the most amazing person I have ever known and the most caring. I so deeply love you, but that is just for you to know and not expected back. I want you to know that because, I will never allow you to hurt, or be harmed, or ever be alone. I will always be there for you for any reason, if I am not restricted, for some reason. like now, which is for no real reason. My goal is to hug you. It has been my dream for all this time. You were always so proper and so was I, but a hug seemed like it would have been okay, but I suppose it would have been difficult. I look at your picture many, many times a day and it makes me smile....but ache too.

My friend would have spoken to me, not allowed me to suffer. He is the most compassionate, caring person I have ever known.

It seems like everywhere I turn, there is a roadblock. It is difficult keeping up my spirits, but I always try. Having pain when I try to walk puts a damper on life, but I hope things get better. I cannot trust people at K to keep me going well, so I just back off. Non-invasive things like eye exams are okay, but I want to wait for someone I trust before I will allow something invasive to be done. It is what my instincts tell me.

https://lipocura.de/en/lipedema/symptoms/
Mine has developed to such a degree that the pain occurs without touching the affected area. I know it is all as a result of my year of extreme chemo, but all I can think is, "at least I am still alive." But, I wish I could see you. I always pictured myself as getting better and doing all the things as before. No one wants a burden.

Why did they have to be so mean? Why all the faux legal stuff? I know, they wanted me dead.

I feel so hopeless.

I may have to go to court in a wheelchair. I don't want that because it will make me look like a big problem and sad. I don't want to be pathetic, I want to look like someone who is fun and independent.

Now I know what it is like to be basically unable to walk. The pain in my leg is too intense for me to go very far before I need to sit down. I am wondering if any of the lipedema lumps could be pressing on my leg nerves and if I may need to have them surgically removed, or if there might be a less invasive way to remove them.

I cannot go for breast cancer biopsy, because I do not trust a place that would allow this to happen to both of us.

A soul mate is someone who wants your safety and happiness first, no matter what happens to them.

I never worried about what might happen to me, I was always frightened about what might happen to you. They knew I would do anything to keep you safe, so they decided to beat me up.

I am beaten to a pulp, but I am still here.

The funny thing is that the bad people would never want what they do to others done to themselves.
They are criminals. Victims are better than criminals. Hope they like orange.

Why should the bad people get their way? A person's place of work should never play such a role in a person's private life. It is not legal. It's creepy.

The pain in my leg is just taking the life out of me.

I just want to stay safe, so nothing goes wrong toward the end. Please do the same. Please. Cold blooded people who are desperate, like these, will strike out like a corned feral animal.

I am so tired of all the crap. All I want to do is hug you and make certain you are okay and happy. I look worn, beaten, and am in awful pain, but I am not important, it is you, dear one, it is you.

As far as I am concerned, if you are happy, then I am happy. Whatever those assholes who did this think....I don't give a shit. They have already taken too much time out of the lives of good people; they don't get more.

My friend said, "you have told so many people about this situation that no one would DARE to try and hurt him, because everyone would know who to go after!"
True.

Everything with the "legal" issue is strange. It has been the most twisted, convoluted, worrying, terrorizing, unkind thing I have ever experienced. I was so very worried that you were the real target and they knew I would do anything for you to keep you safe, so thery needed me out of the way. It scares me to think of you being vulnerable to those horrible people, who truly seem to have no conscience. I don't care if you want anything to do with me, or not, but I will not stop trying to make certain you are safe, just as you have always done for me.

When you love someone you will do anything for them and want them to be happy and I do love you. 

Tell me you are safe and happy and I am good.

I feel so frustrated. That pretty much covers it. It is a matter of degree.

I may end up needing to go to the hospital, but we shall see.

It saddens me that other people get to see you and be around you, but I can't.

I also hate it when creepy cruel people speak for you.

I need your advice and help.

I don't want to make your life difficult. I never thought I was, but I guess I could not hide my feelings. I feel awful and I look awful. I guess it would not be hard for you to forget me....maybe you already have....

I wish this whole thing were over. I don't want this crap. I feel so awful. They have stolen my life. Get away from those cold blooded monsters.
You are sweet. I worry about you. All I want to is hug you forever. Don't let anyone take advantage of you. I adore you so much. Will I ever see, or speak with you again?

Do you think I might benefit from a cortisone injection?  I need relief. How can I get that?

I wish I knew how to stop the pain. It has moved to my right foot and hurts like mad. It feels swollen and horribly painful, my knee hurts too. I can't go anywhere if I still feel this way.

77th Annual Golden Globe Awards Live | Golden Globes 2020 Full Show

77th Annual Golden Globe Awards Live | Golden Globes 2020 Full Show

Another issue causing back pain could be the imbalance of my legs. I just need to figure out how to stop it from happening again, because if I were a horse, I would have been put down; it was that painful.

I wonder if an L6 vertebra can cause sciatica.

Get away from the bad people.

I know if you hugged me and I hugged you, there would be no sadness or pain. I believe it with all my heart.

I love you.
 I just want you to really know that.

People who hurt others from the shadows are cowards. There is no other way to look at them.

The incessant pain is making me look weary and tired.

I have such oddly located pain that I end up in very odd sleeping positions. As long as I can get some sleep, I am doing okay. Not easy, though.

We both know that this was done over someone being afraid of losing an income to maintain a lifestyle. That is not my business. What I wanted to do was to thank a wonderful person for their kindness by giving a few small gifts of gratitude.  It was enjoyable to talk to him and discuss the things we had in common. I thought by becoming friends we would be able to have more time to talk. I dropped him as my doctor so we could begin the process. Then, those who did not want that to happen, jumped in and threw all their tricks and maneuverings in to sabotage the process....can't they understand that not everyone wants something from another person, that just being around them is enough? Why do they need to beat the crap out of another person? Aren't people allowed to have friends? I cannot understand people who think they have the right to beat up on another person and stay in the background. Life is meant to be enjoyable, how is fear enjoyable, unless it is a part of some game? But no one should suffer in a game.

I just want us to work things out ourselves. I want nothing from you and I want nothing from where you work. This has not made sense. The ones who were the problem were the people in charge. I offered the world to them to prove that I was not out for anything. I was sincerely grateful for the kindness I was shown. But having that quack Psy involved made things worse. She was a hit man who didn't get me to kill myself as I believe was planned. They were not out for understanding and truth, they wanted what they wanted and were not willing to compromise. There was too much covert maneuvering and lies and it did not make them trustworthy. They will all be exposed. It did not need too go on so far.

All I ever thought during this entire time was that I wanted to see your face again talking to me. It is what kept me going.

If you don't want to be my friend, I will sell my house and get an RV and drive around, until I crap out. Maybe live near an ashram, or temple and volunteer. I don't want to do much in that case.

I just want to feel better and then get all the other stuff worked out and have a life.

I think I am feeling somewhat better.

Described as a sharp, stabbing or burning sensation in the breast, the pain is most often found after age 30. This pain has been linked to fluid-filled cysts, fibroadenomas, duct ectasia, mastitis, injury and breast abscesses. ... Some noncyclic pain is also related to musculoskeletal causes.

Breast Pain - Suburban Imaging

https://subrad.com › the-breast-center › breast-education › breast-pain

You motivated me before to do better for myself, it will happen again. I have just fallen apart somewhat during this rough time.

Everything is a waiting period. It is absurd. I could have gone on seeing you when I could (status quo) and then be more of a social friend later. But, I forget, I was in their radar and I would have been ousted one way, or another. I should never have confessed to MP how I felt about you. I thought she was legit, even though I knew something was up. Things got really bad after the lie detection report. I thought it would relieve their minds that I only cared about you, not what you had, plus I could just be a friend. All I wanted was to be able to see you when possible, problem was it was too short and too public. I write my thoughts here to you, because I need to feel like I am actually writing to you. I never enjoyed being around someone so much before. But, I accept whatever life gives me. I am never one to force anyone into anything, even if I could. I am all about letting people live as they want. It may not be what I want, but who wants to be with someone who feels miserable by being there? I want to be around someone who enjoys it. 
I am owed nothing by anyone. I don't like cruel people and they should learn that this was not a normal way to treat a person, but as I mentioned before, I try and extract the good I could from it. I did nothing wrong, they did PLENTY WRONG! They will have to face whatever punishment the universe decides to mete out to them. The problem is that narcissist are a tough nut to crack! (Pun intended!) The people who think they can control the lives of others are a sad bunch, but probably won't ever change. Who wants to live with someone who is a prison warden? One easy remedy, be nice, but they are too far gone. If they will allow me to be jailed under a false TRO/RO, they have no heart, or soul. You need to live a happy life no matter what that may be and I would love to help you.

I think you are a wonderful person and so deserve to be happy; your certainly make me happy!      

https://www.icnr.com/cs/cs_31.html

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Case Study Index The functional connection lies in the dural tube that connects the cranio dental complex, spine and sacral/pelvic complex. E-Book (PDF), only $19.95. 300+ pages with 72 illustrations; 70 patient case summaries; 7 patient video testimonials. More info/Order Here.

Dental / Sciatic Pain Connection Patients with relentless sciatic pain have a tremendous burden to bear. Living with any kind of pain is not pleasant but sciatic pain can be especially disabling. A main symptom is sciatic neuralgia, or pain starting from the buttocks and shooting down the back of the leg and sometimes into different portions of the lower leg. The sciatic nerve runs right through the belly of the piriformis muscle and if the piriformis muscle contracts from being overused, the sciatic nerve now becomes entrapped, producing pain, tingling and numbness. Siciatic pain can come from many different sources (herniated disc, pronated foot, upper cervical dysfunction) however, one origin is not too well known- dental/cranial distortion. The Sacro-Occipital Technique developed by Major B. DeJarnette, DC and Applied Kinesiology developed by George Goodheart, DC are two chiropractic concepts that provide a global approach designed to treat the body more comprehensively. The functional connection lies in the dural tube that connects the cranio dental complex, spine and sacral/pelvic complex. The so-called "slinky" effect clearly describes this system. Two applied kinesiologists, Drs. Herbert Anderson and Carl Ferrari, recognized and demonstrated that there is a direct muscle interlink between the chewing muscles and the muscles, which help stabilize the pelvis (gluteus medius, obturator internus, quadratus lumborium, psoas and leg adductors). Another connecting link stems from the Lovett Brother relationship, which relates specific bone interlinks between the skull and pelvic complex. Distortions from either end will reflect upward or downward and the structures in between will compensate. Norma B. suffered with constant sciatic pain for three years. Neurologists, chiropractors, physical therapists and medical doctors could not resolve her pain. Norma's quality of life was non-existent. At her daughter's request, Norma made an evaluation appointment. Norma presented a primary cranial/dental distortion accompanied by primary pronation of the feet. A severe scoliosis was also present. When tested, her left piriformis muscle was weak. Interestingly, when her cranium was rebalanced and a "shim" placed on one tooth to support her skull alignment, the left piriformis muscle immediately strengthened. In 90 minutes of treatment, Norma got up from the dental chair and in total disbelief stated that her sciatic pain was totally gone. The key to successful treatment was the fact that the underlying structural imbalances were diagnosed and properly treated. Figure 1. A 'shim" was placed on the lower right second molar to level the cranial bone alignment and remove the strain from the dural memebrane tube. Figure 2. A minor occlusal interference was removed from the lower left second molar. This neurological abnormality of the bite was a factor in causing the weakness of the left piriformis muscle. Figure 3. Norma had bilateral pronation. The right foot pronation was worse than the left. Norma's therapist placed a 6mm proprioceptive stimulator in both shoes to correct the structural imbalance. Figure 4. The function of the piriformis muscle can be directly affected by a malocclusion and/or mechanical interference in the bite. The piriformis muscle is attached to the scarum, which is directly influenced by the dural tube.

(800) 272-2323 • International Center for Nutritional Research, Inc. • © 1996-2015

I hate missing you.

Making a "one pot meal." I have a chicken carrots and potatoes that are all cooking together. I look, no doubt, like the "Hunchback of Notre Dame," or a demented Igor with my wonky posture to accommodate my awful pain. 

I am taking turmeric. I heard that it repairs the body and I need repair. Yesterday, I actually cried out when I walked to the bathroom. I bought a stand mixer with dough hooks. It is sitting on the table taunting me. :-)
I am excited about using it and making some type of dough.
I am watching Monty Don's French gardens show again. He seems nice. He was talking about how some people of power put other people in prison, so they could take things from their garden. Some things never change...money, power and evil are a bad combination.

I feel so sick. The pain is terrible.
Sending love.

I keep wondering if I could have an infection and not just a sciatica problem.

The pain seems to be in the highest concentration of lipedema. It is not just in the back; it is hurting on the side of my thigh/leg, lower back my knee, my shin, my feet are swollen and hurt. The pain hurts at times, so much, I feel like dying. It is relentless.

It seems like this pain is more sinister than sciatica. It is insane! I never use this much aspirin, or Ibuprofen. I think lipedema is a part of it.

When this pain has subsided, I will be so grateful that it is over, I will never take a pain free day for granted again. The same will be said about seeing you again. All the lovely things you have done and the kindness you have shown me, will come back to you from me, many times over.

You don't need to make any decisions right away, (or ever for that matter) just do what feels right. You know how I feel about you, but I may be more of an acquired taste for some. You are so precious to me, I would be so happy to see your sweet face. I have never suffered for, nor anticipated seeing anyone more, than you.

I am sure people will soon be ramping up attacks against me....

I just need to hire a crew to help clean up and rid the house of excess items, then I can maintain from there. (My funk has not been a happy place.) I can see why people are mostly here for vacation; it's too hard to find many things and those here with businesses gouge. 

I keep thinking about that "Twilight Zone" episode you were talking about in the hallway when I was lying in the darkened room. I looked for it, watched it, and because I hung on everything you said, every meaning, I was trying to figure out what might be in it as a "deeper meaning". Everything you said was fascinating and meaningful. Now, I have only the morsels that were tucked away in my mind to pull out and remember (I leave out the parts that were forced upon you to say to me. You are not cruel, but those manipulating me were. None of this was normal and cannot be judged as such. The people concocting it were/are mentally ill monsters. I could never work for a place that allowed such torment to be allowed, but I do not walk in your shoes and cannot judge. I know your heart and that is good enough for me.

Just resting to try and feel better. Have a sweet day! Hugs!

Ideally, I would always want you to be the decision maker for me, if desired.

Sometimes, the pain is so bad, I actually involuntarily let out a moan. It does have me bit worried, but I know that when things settle, I will be in better shape. It must be due to restricted movement. I shall go up and down the stairs more frequently. I am sure stress never helps with physical ailments, no matter the kind.

I will never do more than you want me to do and no matter who deserves to be reprimanded, I will merely put the information that I have out there. I would appreciate an apology, but I doubt if that would ever be forthcoming. Using cruel, underhanded methods is never acceptable, so the professional person(s) who applied the terror and nefarious methods should feel the full brunt of the law. One of them has already run off to a far off place, but should be brought back to pay for their part in this. 
I did nothing wrong.

I still hurt so much. I don't know what to do. Just wait it out, I guess.

I hate this pain!!! Ugh!

So, basically I was being punished for doing nothing wrong....that's pretty insecure of "someone".......but whatever. You are important to me, not someone who needs to have the last word and punish people just to feel powerful. Hope their narcissistic cruelty keeps them warm at night. I just want to enjoy someone I care about. Whoever had a part in this against me is a criminal, I am not.

Starting to see a bit less pain. Damn! That was nasty! It is not gone, but stay'n positive!

I really cannot even walk.

I hope this pain stops soon, because I cannot take most prescription pain meds, and this is excruciating.

I don't think this is normal sciatica. It feels like an infection. The pain is phenomenal. Hard to get any relief.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/complementary-medicine/200811/eliminate-nerve-pain-naturally

Happy New Year!

Took more Diphenhydramine and aspirin and am stretching; seems to help somewhat, along with massage, but wow, this is horrible!

This could be the worst pain of my life.

It may be that in my attempt to rid myself of the breast mass, that I disturbed other issues that are causing problems (pain). I think you would be stunned by the amount of painful masses I have. It has to be a record. I have no doubt it is chemo related. Yes, I am one for the books. Glad they are under the surface. I am trying to knock myself out with Benedryl, because the pain is too intense to sleep.

I never felt such intense pain as this sciatica (?) pain!
 Can't find relief. AGONY!

!!!!

 

I toasted you for the New Year and sent my love. The sky was absolutely beautiful!
I do love you.

May the New Year bring happiness, truth, freedom and vindication (and may Karma give those who deserve it, a massive awakening and appropriate punishment!)