The gardener was speaking in a threatening manner to my renter. He referred to the car I had that had a rainbow sticker on it. He said, "I hated that car with the rainbow sticker on it." At one point he said, "....man, or WHATEVER you are!" He seemed like he wanted to punch my renter just because he thought he was gay! Prior to that, the gardener piled all the trash on my front door step!  He thought someone here was gay and he was attacking him! He said Michael was not an owner and he did not have to pick up his trash! Wow! This is homophobe city! I hate these people!

I don't know if you will ever know how abused I was by those people. That is why I have worried so much about you. I remember your sweet face the last time I saw you. It melted my heart. I am glad you didn't have to see me handcuffed and chained, or told to "hurry up!" as I struggled to keep up behind the officer, or how he bullied me to get into the van, but it was too high up for my legs. I had nothing to grab to pull myself up except I managed to put my little finger in a ring on the front seat and somehow pulled a muscle in my upper leg area. It has been a nightmare. I dont know how it was/is justified.

If you wanted me to go through this, I would know it was for a good reason.

You touched my heart.

Check Out What's Happening.....

‌ “Every single thought, every moment of experience, has a silent nature within it that we can contact directly. If we understand this silent, meditative quality, there is no need to fight or subdue anything or anyone” Tarthang Tulku Dear Friends, Our founder, Tarthang Tulku, was thoroughly trained in the traditional Buddhist teachings in his homeland of Tibet. But once he arrived in this country, in 1968, he realized that to convey this profound knowledge to a modern society would require a new approach. In over forty books, he has illuminated the values of developing a mindful awareness and caring that can free us to be our best, most authentic selves. Through meditative practice, we learn to care deeply for ourselves and from there our caring can radiate out towards all of the beings in our universe. Please consider joining us for a retreat to explore your own connection to mindfulness in the modern world and perhaps attend the After Mindfulness Festival in Berkeley, June 29-30! Best Wishes, Rosalyn White, Co-director Calm & Clear in the Modern World with Tara Ristau, Christine DeCristofaro, Rosalyn White and George Wiegand June 21 - 23, 2019 Are you looking to find peace and groundedness in your daily life? Do you want more tools to keep you balanced and happy in your work, home, and relationships? This weekend will offer you useful and transformative teachings that come from the Tibetan Buddhist tradition. This retreat will be taught by students of Tarthang Tulku Rinpoche and include discussions about the nature of mind, ways to practice meditation, and tools to relax and feel into joy. You will leave with a deeper understanding of yourself and how to bring caring and mindfulness in all of your actions. REGISTER NOW Community Service Retreat - A rare opportunity to live & work at Ratna Ling with Gloria Baraquio, Tara Ristau, and George Wiegand June 27-30, 2019 Experience different ways to serve at Ratna Ling while learning how to use work as a means for mindfulness, compassion, and generosity. In this weekend, we incorporate 4 hours of work a day, amidst classes in meditation, yoga, and discussion around the spirit of service and the offering of one's self. How do we approach all of our actions and work? How do we cultivate harmonious and meaningful relations with humans, plants, animals, and other energies in our lives? How can work and action transform our inner being? We will explore how all of life can be opportunities to practice meditation, patience, love, and kindness. REGISTER NOW Ratna Ling offers an array of retreats throughout 2019. Click here to view our entire schedule:  2019 Ratna Ling Retreats Schedule Take a Spring Break | Personal Retreats Personal Retreats at Ratna Ling are Back! Options include: 2 night weekend stay 3 night weekend stay Shared or Private Cottage Options are available Ask about our discounts and promos! Included in your stay: Accommodations in one of our serene 2 bedroom cottages All vegetarian meals including organic coffee and teas Two of our signature Ratna Ling classes Access to our Library with an extensive Buddhist and other mindful practices texts Wellness appointments are available in our Mandala Wellness Center Ask Reservations about adding a yoga mat or meditation cushions to your cottage. Please call Reservations (510) 809-4995 for more information and available dates. Please note: our office is closed on Sundays. What's After Mindfulness? Urban Retreat, Berkeley, CA featuring Ajahn Brahm, Imee Ooi, and Richard Dixey  June 29-30, 2019 Please join us for the 11th annual “Global Conference on Buddhism” held on the UC Berkeley campus, June 29-30, 2019, entitled “What’s After Mindfulness?” Teachers from diverse traditions, backgrounds, and locations around the world will join together to share their insights and personal stories, each bringing a unique perspective on how we can move beyond mindfulness alone to something greater. The world renowned Ajahn Brahm, from Australia, will be a key speaker, and musical legend Imee Ooi, from Malaysia will be performing her soothing chants in the beautiful Zellerbach auditorium.  REGISTER NOW FOOD AS AN OFFERING "Food becomes an offering to the senses. When we learn to enjoy all the feeling-tones of tasting, distributing them throughout the body and beyond it, eating is truly a meeting of the senses with their object, a ceremonial act of appreciation." - Tarthang Tulku Food and nutrition play an important role at Ratna Ling. We are happy to share the recipes which feed our bodies and souls with you. This months recipe, "Russian Cabbage Borscht" from Mollie Katzen's Moosewood Cookbook, stars the amazing beet. Beets offer great nutritional value. providing antioxidant, anti-inflammatory, and detoxification support to our physical bodies. Energetically, eating beets is a great way to ground the root chakra and keep us rooted in earth energies. Consider practicing Malasana postures before or after your meal to build a deeper relationship with your root. Russian Cabbage Borscht 1.5 cups thinly sliced potato 1 cup thinly sliced beets 4 cups water 1-2 Tbs butter 1.5 cups chopped onion 1 tsp caraway seeds 1.5 tsp salt 1 stalk celery 1 carrot- sliced 3-4 cups shredded cabbage freshly ground pepper 1 tsp dill 1-2 Tbs apple cider vinegar 1-2 Tbs brown sugar or honey 1 cup tomato puree Toppings: Plain yogurt and dill Boil roots until tender (20-30 min) Sautee onion, caraway, salt with butter. Add celery, carrots, cabbage and two cups water from the root veggies to onion and cook 8-10 minutes. Combine all ingredients and top with yogurt and dill before serving. Enjoy! Ratna Ling Volunteer opportunities are available. For information please email us at volunteer@ratnaling.org | www.volunteer.ratnaling.org Ratna Ling Retreat Center | Cazadero, CA | 510-809-4995 | reservations@ratnaling.org | www.RatnaLing.org 

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Are you going to forget me?

Wouldn't Italy, or France, be the best?

I read this was Princess Diana's favorite flower. A couple of years ago, or so, I threw that flower seed around here and they grow all around now. I put some in a small bouquet I scraped together from the sparse varieties around here. It was pretty. We can make beauty wherever we really want it.    

"I hurt in my heart."

-"Under the Tuscan Sun"

I wish I could take all the happy parts of my DVDs and meld them together.  It would be nice for life too. I am so weary of sadness. Another year sounds impossible, with the horrible attorney's threats hanging over my head. 
It stresses me, harms my health and it is inhumane.

You add so much joy to my existence, I want the chance to do it for you too. I want to stop worrying about you and start putting the same joy in your life as you always have mine.
Tell the predators that I want nothing from you. I hope they can say the same...but sadly they can't.
That is the REAL reason I was restrained, to keep me from protecting you.

What I truly resent, is a horrible person like that attorney claiming to represent your feelings, or desires. It makes me sick to have a decent, caring person like you represented by someone even Hell would reject as being beneath it and too cruel and foul for its accommodations.

He is so sneaky, cruel and underhanded. Why does he feel he needs to yell at me and say weird, mean things to me?  Yelling at me that you don't like me and don't want anything to do with me is unprofessional and odd. Why do that? It is the same thing Marija Petrovic used to say when she would call me and hang up. They are strange. It is so childish, actually. It makes me worry about their mental stability. They are not hooked up right.

I am sure that some of the mystery surrounding this thing was to leave options open. No matter what you think of me, doesn't mean we must never have a pleasant acquaintance and maybe even friendship. I am easygoing, except when I worry about someone due to the cruel actions of others I perceive to be predatory. You can always count on me to be a true friend.
As I have said, I may love you with all my heart, but it should not be intimidating. Love is above bad, it wants only good...real love, that is....of course, it could not be called love if it were anything but caring for the best for someone and letting them feel the freedom to choose their own way.

I have gone through a long period of introspection and thought. The way I thought about you never changed, but intensified in my devotion. It is not some crazed thing, it is a better understanding. It has been a difficult time, but I feel more enlightened and get more meaning out of things that come my way.
I am just me. I love people, but I have a hard time understanding them, when they purposely hurt others. I am not young, but my spiritual journey continues in its need for development.

Thinking about you made me feel so good today. I am fortunate to have memories of you to keep me going in a sweet way.
I feel like Queen Victoria, or Alexandra in the way I express my love, but at least they got answers and knew the situation. I run on mystery, suspense and cruel people who try and derail me. 

I know they don't treat me that way for your benefit....

Whatever happens, they cannot take way the beauty of your soulful eyes, your charming smile, your delightful wit, nor your caring heart from the memories I hold most precious. They will be the last thoughts of my life.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Queen_Mary%27s_Dolls%27_House

Sweet article about Queen Mary's doll house.

I really want to understand how Guasco, et al got away with this, thus far. All that bribe money all the lies and sticking me with an attorney who only screamed at me (Charlie Smith IV) who wasn't in any program that would pay for him for me.  Someone is really desperate not to lose their second income, or I am merely a distraction to their plan to steal someone's identity, take everything and then get rid of him. I know I am a distraction, but I am not sure to which plan. Either way, I think someone will not come out of it well, or at all.  They are melding two ideas and using me as a scapegoat for their opportunistic plan. I am not their real target....the one with money and property would fit that bill.
I would say, "give it all away and be safe", but it isn't my call.  I just worry like shit about him. Nothing in the world could bring back, or replace such a beautiful person as he. I would have a very hard time wanting to live, if I knew bad things happened to him. I have a home with a welcome mat out for him 24/7. He would be safe and loved, no strings, just freedom and safety.

Your eyes just captivate me. I cannot think of a better word that encapsulates my feeling, unless it is "home".

There is a place across the street that has an Eastern spiritual vibe to it. I want to bring them a Buddha head I made, but the one I think is the best, is one I really like myself. Usually, that is my own test. The more I want to keep something, it means I should part with it. Just my own little thing I do.

How are you today?
Are you having a nice lunch?
I usually don't go to sleep until the sun starts showing. My schedule is turned around. I am starting to be less traumatized. It is weird, because I had so much respect for the court and all its components, but now pfffft!
It is all up for sale.
It is sad that you got mixed up with a place of employment where they allow some unethical people come in and take over and basically terrorize their targets. I am so tired of that crap. All I want to do is get away from all of that and live a simple life of kindness and enjoying someone I love. I know they expected me to kill myself, but all I could do was think about how much I wanted to see you again. It really is what gave me the strength to go on. 

Sorry if I sound corny or over the top. It is the situation.

I will do whatever necessary. I have waited so long.

I love you.

Hold my love always with you and let it keep you warm and happy.

I want to take care of you.

This morning, I dreamed I saw an elephant with no trunk. It looked like it had been purposely cut off.
I felt so awful, I was worried he would not be able to eat.
I had watched a program about a photographer who had taken pictures of starving children in Biafra and a man about to club a baby seal....
Is the world going to die soon?
I am so desperate to see you so I may be able to get your blessing again.
The blessing of knowing you.

I love your beautiful, caring heart.

The ocean looks beautiful; the area where the river meets the sea is clearly visible. Sunset portends to be lovely and romantic. For someone alone, it can be a sight that sharply reminds them of their solitary existence. (Especially when missing someone who fills the heart with every lovely emotion of love).

"These constant partings wear out the heart"-Empress Alexandra to Nicholas

Just another day.

I want to run
away with
you
Where life is
fun
and bad is
through

Your hardest
choice
to make
each day
enjoy the sites
or wisk
away

I love the
smallest
word you say
Enrich my life
that special
way

I may be old
but I feel
new
from seeing
by your point
of
view

Who needs
time
when
love
makes
sense
It bathes us in its
elegance

The moon will
light
our carefree
path
of
enchantment
and
desire

To celebrate
sweet
blessings
in
our hearts
that
eternally
transpire.

-Haviva

(c) HVM 2019

End Times-

Devotedly I wait

for him

through

darkened nights

as stars

grow dim


I search in hope

of

velvet dreams


That prayers will soften

flowing

streams


I mourn a love that

stays

inside


It can't escape

nowhere to hide


The pain

intense

 a

cross I bear


A worried mind

A somber

stare


I look to find a

noble deed

To calm my mind

and

stop


The need

to watch

each moment

ticking by

I don't have

strength

To even

Try


My tears have stopped

My soul descended

Sometimes my life

feels nearly

ended



-Haviva

(C) HVM 2019

The world scares me, but you made me feel safe.
I want to make you feel safe too.

I want to spend time in happiness and beauty.

You.

What I would love is to spend lots of quality time with you. You inspire me. You make me feel life.

Watching a movie on Netflix about Ted Bundy. It was long thought that he was the one who murdered a law librarian at the Palo Alto county law library where I worked, many years prior. Not long ago, it was said a German man did it. I still wonder...

Never and Forever-

I never see
him
I never speak
with
him

Yet I am
threatened
and
bullied by
Cruel
Goons

By my
Health

By false law

That is real

only
For me

Why?

What is the
actual
plan?

Who is the
actual
victim?

It is a crapshoot

It is inhumane

It should be illegal

But, I feel the
same
way
I did
when it
started

In love

Forever.

-Haviva

I really wish I had known you earlier in life, but I think it was meant to be this way for a better understanding. All the things that have happened in life brought us to this point and I love who you are and I appreciate you so much. I think it is funny the way I breathe harder and my heart beats faster when I think of you.  That has happened for such a long time.  I was wondering if I was having some kind of heart issue, until I noticed it happening each time you came to mind. I never had that happen before.
It is SO very nice.

I will rest today. I cannot take any more talk of Trump, or climate change. It is depressing.  It makes me wish I could be around you and enjoy life again. You made even the ugliness of the world bearable, even beautiful. You are beautiful.

I never did anything wrong. They have done everything to cause false problems. They want to derail it all. I worry about their motives and how they will carry it out. I think I have been their cover. I hate them, but
I do love you very much.

"We will take care of each other, won't we?" "Forever."
-"Queen Victoria"

All I know, all I have ever known, is that I love you with all my heart.

I got a weird new health symptom. It hurts a lot, but I am trying to ignore it. I think it is from stress. I should probably have an MRI, but what good would it do? I am pretty sure it is the MS getting worse. I need the stress to end.

If you wanted this, just tell me and I will be gone forever. But all I can think is how much I would enjoy being around you, but if that is not what you want, please tell me. You have always been kind to me, don't stop now.

I hate feeling awful and scared. Why do the people in this have to be cruel monsters? To leave me feeling wondering and horrible is not humane.

I think I make a small loaf of banana bread.(no sugar, of course)

Watching an "Anne of Green Gables" on PBS.  It is as dramatic as I can handle now.

I stood steadfast and firm and always believed in you. They knew I could not be bribed like the judges, etc. So they didn't try. They knew my loyalty was strong. I tell my story to make certain you stay safe. Knowing you are safe is my happiness.

You don't know just how much I would love to take care of you and make you happy. You could always stop if you did not like it.

I am not someone who would ever even consider putting you, or anyone under the thumb of people who are watch dogs, liars, or threaten you, or anyone around you, like the current people.

I would never have anyone claiming to represent me, be bullies, or push others around, frighten, or torture them. Those are not good people. Those are predators.

Anyone who limits your true freedom as an autonomous human, is not a friend, or nice. That kind of person wants to take from you, not give to you. You are so loving and caring, you deserve better.

I am not perfect, but I am passionate about my devotion to you. It is why I put you in my will and gift of what I have now. You will never be ignored, or dismissed with me. I have fought for you and worried over you. You have done the same for me. It will never end on my part.

I have loved you since the same day I met you, after you called me to apologise. Since then life had a sweeter meaning and existence. I may sound corny, but I mean it with everything in me, plus I have no idea what you  think, or how you have been swayed. I have no problem proving anything to you. Plus, I know you can see it in my eyes. You have always made my heart beat faster. I like that. I always have.
Be well.

The days go slowly by in a meaningless drone. Life is a time of observation and introspection.

I already had beauty in my life. Nothing could match that, so why try any longer?

I exist.

As long as I am left in the dark and that horrid man says ugly things to me, then I will make certain to put my story out there to keep you protected. No one can harm you when I have told them my very reasonable suspicions. They had to get me out of the way so they could do whatever they wanted to you. I will not let them hurt you. No matter what you may think of me, I will not sit by and let them hurt you.
Frankly, it would do me in, if you were harmed.

I get this kind of stab in my chest and it is all cold and weird when I think about missing talking to you. Do you know how much I loved looking into your eyes? I mean it just was everything I loved all in one. It was warm, cozy and loving. I hated leaving them.
I hated leaving you. I hurt too much. So much.
Please don't make me lose you forever. Whatever kind of knowing you that you want, but I would love to see you again.

I will love you and take care of you forever, no matter how you feel about me. I am devoted.
If you want me, or need me; I am there, or you come here. I will never say no to you.

If they didn't want me to fight, they should not have lied to me, or taunted and threatened me. All it did was make worry more for him. I don't like putting suspicion on anyone, but treat me like crap and try to blame him for it, annoys me. Telling me it could go on forever is low and vindictive and illegal. So all those a-holes can roast, for all I care and they had better not harm one hair on his head, because he is better than all of them put together...and I will NEVER LET THEM GET AWAY WITH IT! SO THEY'D BETTER GET THAT IDEA OUT OF THEIR HEADS!

I wish I could hear you talking to me.

I adore you. I will adore you forever.

"....it feels like a part of me has died...."

-"You've Got Mail"


Me too.

I think I killed my computer. It won't turn on.

I think that all the lying to me and the terrible treatment they did should shorten the time.

You are the only person who could make me take meds I don't want to take.
I trust you.

Someone gave me a book to borrow, but I have specific tastes in books. I hope she doesn't want a book report.  I tried skimming, but there are certain details I shoulnot miss. I may leave it on her porch with a note of thanks. I still have trouble reading books after chemo, but the ones given to me when I was at the "spa" were ver welcomed. I read them voraciously. The shorter one I read twice and was going for another time, but my time was up. ddd

I miss your pink shirt.....

It is easier to love you than miss you.

I was thinking last night how nice hugging you would be. Then I got sad.

I have been having sleep problems again. I wake up sitting on the edge of my bed. I have been so upset.
It hurts not talking to you. It was my favorite thing.

I was standing on the deck and I called out, "Hey Buddy!" and the seagull with the different foot, came flying straight toward me and landed on the railing. It was like when someone has a trained hawk. I was giving him part of my dinner. He really seemed to like it. It was noodles, tomato, spinach, cottage cheese, cheese. It really was quite nice.

Why is it that some people find it so easy to be cruel? Some seem to really enjoy it.

I feel terrible even if I just stand up for myself. Standing up for others is much easier.

I just can't stand the taunting and cruelty. That horrible man makes me worry about you and he tells me he will keep me from ever seeing you again. Please don't let that happen and please be safe.
I want to know you forever.
I don't want to lose you.

I wish I could see you now.

"My God you are brave"

~"Out of Africa"

I have a hard time watching the sad parts of, "Out of Africa."

"He prayeth well, who loveth well Both man and bird and beast...."

The Rime of the Ancient Mariner  (used in "out of Africa"

"Think of it, never a man made sound, then Mozart!"

~"Out of Africa"



Watching it now, and smiling....

I don't want to go through all this, but I am worried about you and people doing things to others. I lived through it, but someone else might not. I just want to talk to you. I am worse for wear, but still hanging in there. Those people are cold blooded and liars. Seeing you again would be the sweetest thing and the biggest relief I could ever imagine.

You know, if nothing else, we could be wonderful companions, being supportive of each other. I would do anything for you and I adore being near you. I love you, so it means I would never let you down.

ALL the people involved in the false R.O. should be smart, because the brutal treatment that was done to me, was not ethical, nor legal. I cannot in all good conscious let it happen to anyone else in the future. Maybe if people admit what they did, it would not be as rough, because I am pressing for attempted murder.  My contention is that my friend was threatened into it and was not informed as to the real purpose of it, but if another "someone" hired the attorney and psychiatrist to go after me, not even caring if I were to be harmed from my pre-existing condition, that person could as easily go to prison as the person going on the attack of me. Also, depending on intent, there may be NO statute of limitations. Someone NEEDS to stop the false R.O., because I am going to pursue it fully.

They could drop the R.O. and apologise, or promise never to do it again, I would drop the investigation, unless the DA decides to move forward. Punishment could be life in prison.

I keep thinking about that awful man getting right up into my face screaming, " he doesn't want a relationship with you." He did that 2 times! I have been pushed around, been the victim of false law, been incarcerated, barely get a chance to speak, yet he has to scream that in my face? He didn't even have anyone with him! He acts like I ever said anything, or made demands! He is bizarre. All I do is sit at home. All I want is to do is find out what happens. I am not insinuating myself on anyone. I figure no truth is ever present, so I don't take what he says for much worth. People like him are pathetic, because he just wants to be mean, which scares me for you. He is so desperate. Why? It seems to me that he is afraid he will lose out on something he expects. I wish you had a bodyguard. Not that little weasel, he is more of a prison guard. He went to janitorial so he could have the run of the place and go anywhere. They are the ones who built the wall to keep you in. It was to give you the idea that they were your protectors, but from who? They made this entire thing up! When have I ever said anything, but wanting to be friends? Is that  intimidating? Do they believe their own lies? They just seem too desperate. They foist their own crooked plans on others. It does make me worry for you. This really IS the Twilight Zone!

I hate missing your birthday!!!

I wish I could be there!

Any place where you are is Heaven to me.

"It's so overt...it's covert!"
~"Sherlock Holmes, a Game of Shadows"



Speaking of which, avoid the bad people, please. I want to enjoy knowing you....again. You are a delight to the senses and a blessing to the heart, mind and soul.

I like the new Sherlock Homes movies, I think they are elegant.

I think you are the most elegant person I have ever known....and I have met and known many wonderful, refined people....even a princess, my great aunt.

I am so tired of mean people and spy types!

I just want happiness and sweet times.

You have been my protector, my support, now I want

to be yours.

You have always been there for me, you sweet darling man. You make my heart so happy and I feel so honored.
My love will always be for you.

If I knew you felt even a fraction toward me as I feel about you, I would be floating like a lovely blue balloon and never settle down to Earth.

All I want to do is write, I MISS YOU, over and over!

I would alternate it with I love you!

I was feeling sick, so the kitchen is a wreck! I am the only qualified dish washer it would seem. My dishwasher smells like dirt after I ran it once, so I stopped using it. The real estate woman kind of "F'ed" me over in the appliance dept. Her answer was, "well, you didn't require the inspection...!" Gee, maybe that had a "little" something with the sob story she gave me about the seller's partner dying, etc. So, basically she was telling me I was a fool for being soft hearted. Yeah, I am such a schmuck! She told me to have it all covered by home owner's ins. No, it doesn't work that way, plus I am no fan of ins. fraud. Oh well!
I'd rather be the victim than the victimizer! 

You are cute. I hurt not being able to talk to you.

I just want to see you and have a nice time and laugh a lot and just be glad it is over!

All I ever care about is taking care of you and making you happy. I would be thrilled to show you.

They want to steal what you have and then kill you; give you an injection to give you a stroke.
Get away from them! Don't trust ANY of them!
See me, or not, just get safe and expose them! I WILL keep you safe. I love you, they don't; you are the one I will love forever. I am warning you, because you are good....they are not! I would risk my life for you.

This was punishment for you, not for me, wasn't it? It was so you would hate me. Well I don't hate you. (Fuck them!)
Also, they want to steal what you have and then kill you; give you an injection to give you a stroke.
Get away from them!

If this thing were for anything good, or honorable, why the deception? (or cruelty/terrorism?)

I would not be so worried if it weren't for the cruel jabs at me, their desperation and their cold blooded cruelty. They make me worry for you. Mr. G acts like he can keep me restrained forever. Why? What is it to him? He acts like it is his entire show. I think he has the goal of getting something big out of this. His desperation is creepy and frightening. His accomplices are that way too. I want this over so you can just do what you want. This way, they have a reason to control you. Drop it and say you are tired of it and you want to run your own life. They make me sound like I am terrible. It is wrong. But they want a reason to keep you from getting any help.  Don't let them give you any shots/injections. Maybe I sound over the top, but who goes to all the trouble and expense of buying judges, etc? They know this is fake, yet they are putting an awful lot into it. They are after something...and if they get it, then what? They cannot steal from you and then leave you to blab. They forge your sig. without a blink of an eye...that is so wrong. They cannot be up to any good.

My friend w/pancreatic cancer needs to have her ALA infused. For some reason her doc stopped it, but now her numbers indicating cancer are going back up. It is upsetting. She has a port. I need to find an integrative doc to do it. She won't let a non expert do it. I just don't think oral ALA will be as effective. I am worried about her. Dr. Berkson, MD is the ALA champ, but is in New Mexico, and he requires now that someone going to his clinic lives no more than 2 hours away. I am frightened for her.

That thing is under your name. Tell the court to drop it and you can be free of them! You are the real target for what you have. Don't let them hurt you. You are what is important. I will help you in anyway you need.

I miss your kindness and wonderful sense of humor.

(I miss everything about you.)

I want any predators to know that if anything happens to you, I will have authorities down their throats, because I know who would be involved.  I want that false R.O. dropped when it is over, not go on "forever" as Mr. G said he could do. I don't care if it looks bad for me, but I will do whatever I can to keep you safe. Please do whatever possible to keep yourself safe too.
You are loved.

Part of an email I sent to someone in authority.

***Please, keep Dr. L alive. Even if I look like a fool, I cannot ignore all the danger signals. If I were Dr. L, I would be glad someone cared, wouldn't you? I could not live with myself, if I didn't bother. I pray each night for his safety.

No matter how G tries to explain things away, you do not brutalize a person, terrorize them and put them in jail. That goes much too far. There has been a LOT of time, effort  and money for whatever this is; they are helping to placate an important K employee who is worried about losing an income. So, to make certain that never happens, what would one do? What could be done? However it is done, the outcome doesn't appear too bright for Dr. L. I think greed is the culprit behind most of the world's ills and criminals. 

Someone always wants what others have. 

************

I cannot relax knowing you could be in danger. Even if I cannot ever see you again, I need to help you. You are the most wonderful, caring person I have ever known. I cannot even bring myself to think I might never see you again, it hurts too much.

If I die, please help make certain you are given your fair share, even my investments that are still waiting to be fruitful, but should be at some point in the near future.
Did you ever get my will and powers of attorney? I think that little whiny weasel took them all.

Be also very careful around someone close to you, who may be worried about losing money. I am just worried that they all might be in on something that could harm you. They have not gone to a LOT of trouble and expense, paying off judges, etc for nothing.

Please be safe and very aware. I think many, if not all of my detractors are predatory and that would involve them possibly harming you at some point. Never hesitate to leave if you feel alarmed. You may have thought it was for us becoming friends, but I think they melded things and are opportunistic. It has been their perfect opportunity and set  up. You know if I were free, I would be a threat to them and any plans against you, but you know if you called me, I would be there as fast as I could, no matter what. Nothing would stop me from being there for you. Nothing.

I was so enjoying life knowing you, but now I get (got) people screaming in my face like a drill Sargent telling me how you want nothing to do with me. Believe me, if you told me that yourself, you would never have to see me again.You don't see me anyway. I just sit here, yet I have often been made to sound like Public Enemy Number One. When those people want to railroad a person, they go all out. It is the desperation that is so weird. Some of them seem absolutely apoplectic! Take that as a warning that they are not nice or up to any good. You are their target, not me. They know I truly love you. They know I would do anything for you.