You always made me feel excited to be alive.

I love and adore you and will always be there for you. I would give you everything if you asked.

A few months ago I called and asked patient services if there were a waiting period to become friend with your provider and she said no. She also said there was no problems with giving gifts. She said she does it all of the time. So, I wonder who has created this waiting period. I think it is from someone in your circle, not your employer. I think they just backed that person. It is not right to do this to someone, but that isn't as bad as the awful treatment and the deception. Please, if you want nothing to do with me and stay around cruel people, please let me know. Because I do not think you are like them. They could be jailed for what they did, to both of us.
I would not retaliate against anyone you wanted to have kept from it.

You said that I should know you.....I do. You are the most thoughtful, fun, sweet, humble, wonderful to listen to and look at person I have ever known.

I hope you know me too. I don't have as many delightful attributes as you, but my heart loves and appreciates you and would strive to be better. You inspire me and make me want you proud of me. 

I want to forget cruel people and their bad deeds....I wish you could help me do that. I know you could do it in a moment.

Even if I feel crappy most days, I look at the picture of your sweet smiling face and feel much better.  Of course, then I wish I had the real you here. I have been doing what I can to keep from being sad.

Just one little word from you said directly to me, would be Heaven....

You just don't know how much I loved talking to you.

Some days like today, I do not care at all if I live, or not. It takes everything in me to keep from letting the sadness from taking over. It is the mental abuse and the worry of Guasco's threats that get to me.

Just live the life that makes you happy. That is all that matters....and be safe.

I hope you had a lovely weekend.

There was no need for them to have added brutality into the mix of this thing. As I have said, they wanted me dead.

I need to have faith and trust in you only. I get jabbed and have mind games played against me and I let them shake me up. There are just so many unfair taunts that I withstand and I wonder what is said to you about me that is obviously untrue. They had all the advantages, yet they still try and make me depressed and worry about you...and the one who is a big part of it all, most likely the one who started it all....is someone close to you. I am sure it is a multi-layered situation, because people jumped on with their own selfish desires, not caring how they tried to obtain them. It must feel so weird having vultures pulling on you. You just need to stay strong and do what you want. Just be safe.

I am so glad I printed up your picture. It just makes me feel nice.

I love that you care about things. I was so happy that you wanted to make the cemetery look nice again. It really touched me and showed me how much you care. You also did such lovely things for me and never boasted about it. It let me know you cared.
Those are the kinds of things that I think about when you are at the center of my thinking (so much).
You can understand why I love you. You are in my heart and always in my thoughts. I dream of the day when I can see you again. 

But, as I have said, my feelings are not important, I would never let them come between our friendship.

I feel really alone. I hope you are doing well.

Will spend the day cleaning, downsizing, making room in the garage for whenever I can finally afford to get the Range Rover out of towing and then go out and plant the lily bulbs my neighbor gave me. Keep busy to keep away the blues, right?

If I saw you again, I would not care about who did what, or bother with them further, because knowing you would be all I would care about then. I would not waste precious time on low lifes.

I would really like to understand the cruelty of Judge Novak and the others, why she/they acted like I was some horrible person, when I wasn’t. I don’t understand the taunting and cruelty. I gave my doctor some gifts, that was all. Why all the extreme strange theatrics? I wanted to become a friend of his, so I dropped him as my doctor. Then all Hell broke loose and Marija M. Petrovic ramped up her attacks and made no secret about it.  She was hired by Kaiser to come after me and get rid of me. I know that. The security guard who was/is a part of the plan, confessed it. She did get rid of me, but I wonder what she was telling people I was supposed to have done, because Judge Novak’s comment, “No wonder the doctor is afraid of you", makes absolutely no sense. (He risked getting reprimanded by coming to my surgery at my request. He did get into trouble, because a week later he was forced to give me a TRO. It really was his punishment, not mine, but I have suffered so much, many times I wanted to die.)

Out of all her cruelty to me, and all the brutally mean things Judge Novak said, that hurt me the most. It was like she found my soul and tore it open and poured poison in it. It removed a large piece of me. Yes, something in me died. I am still alive but I do not have the same life I did before. Maybe the reason I haven’t killed myself, is that I am already mostly dead now anyway.

Throwing me in jail was a nightmare. She looked at me like she had just captured the biggest criminal on Earth. I really want to know if people seriously thought I did something bad, or if they were paid a lot to pretend I was terrible. To see someone crumbling in pain, and crying so hard, I could not have been a part of it. I just wonder how the people involved did it. No amount of money could make me terrorize anyone else. Hurting someone else, hurts me too.

I can’t even think about someone else being subjected to it. It scares me for them. People must have to tell themselves that they feel vindicated for being so cruel, but what did they believe, or is there something in people that if they have a chance, they will hurt another person no matter if they deserve it, or not. I was so confused by the intense anger that came from the judge and the way Charlie Smith screamed at me. Judge Novak made me take him as my attorney, just for him to keep me quiet and treat me like dirt. Strangely, it still hurts me and I feel like I don’t deserve even the smallest of kindness.

The inhumanity of man astounds me.

Can you imagine how a loving one like Jesus must have felt? How it felt to be so reviled for no reason, but for having a loving heart? I think about it all of the time.

Why do people do horrible things to each other?

Cheryl

I go through this the best I can, but it is hard to beat the sadness.

Especially with cruel people at the helm. They would not be so desperate if they did not have a monetary reason for it. They must be expecting a windfall to act so carelessly.

How are you tonight?

You know you are missed big bunches!!!!

I am in the process of just going through the house and taking things down and washing them. It really seems to get exceptionally dusty here.

I feel a bit numb emotionally.

Have a lovely weekend!
I think of you warmly and with love.

You have been the joy in my heart
and the blessing of my soul.

I will always thank you and love you.

I wish a kind person would tell me the truth. It is like no one cares about my suffering.

I hope you have a lovely day!

I feel rather forgotten.

Maybe I was supposed to understand everything, but I didn't.

I have been hurting.

Just figure while this is all going on things will be weird and I will be an emotional wreck.
Please stop it all if you have no intention of seeing me again, then I will sell my house and go away.

I don't suppose you know how hard this all is for me. It takes everything in me to not feel completely in despair. It really wasn't fair, legal, humane for the people who are trying to fight against me to say or do cruel things. I know everything they have done. That gang is the most corrupt, unethical, cold blooded group that ever raised their destructive heads. I was told they will keep me restricted as long as I seem like I want a relationship. What bizarre people. That kind of taunting makes me worry for you. They act like you are a piece of property, not a human being. Why even reach a level of success, if you are going to be restricted in your freedom? You should be enjoying life without people watching you and keeping you under their thumb. That is how it appears anyway. Just be safe and stay as far from the predators as possible. Don't be afraid to turn them in. Sending love and my caring, protective thoughts.

I don't really know how you think of me, or if you ever see anything of mine, or if you even care, but I do this to keep myself from feeling down and to show my support of you. You were the nicest part of life to me and you made me feel special and cared about. Maybe you don't need it from me, but It is all I want to do. I want to give to you, care for you and make life lovely for you. I want you to know that you will always have someone who cares about you, no matter how you feel about me. You never have to feel alone, or lonely, or sad, scared, or under the thumb of anyone. You are the one to me who will always have a special place in my heart and I will do anything for you.
That will be your forever promise from me.

All the cruel things done to me (both of us, really) was an abuse of our Legal and justice systems. I am sure you know who did it. It was someone who was afraid they might lose you....and I doubt that love had anything to do with it. Love doesn't act like that. 
I don't care about what you have, I just want to see you, talk to you and keep you safe and happy. They don't need to beat me up to keep the status quo, but they need to allow a person to live like an autonomous human being. I doubt if they would want someone controlling THEIR life. That is just creepy, illegal, narcissistic and cowardly, what they have done to us both. Don't they understand that what they have done is in no way legal? So money defies law? If you defied them, they would be screwed. But, you are nice and stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I am stuck worrying that they might hurt you and no way to help. Do you know how awful that feels?

Someone actually agreed with me that we need a veggie garden here! I FINALLY feel like there is a bit of a crack in the resistance to me.

I wish you were here.

Dreams

Tranquility

You always made me feel so cherished. It was so lovely. No one has ever done that for me. I want to make you feel like the most loved and important person in the world.....because to me....your ARE!!

I could not have made it this far without prayer, help from my guardian angel and my love for you. I got/get terribly down, but love is strong and the memories of your kindness and thoughtfulness gave me memories that made me smile, and the embrace of your sweet eyes kept me from complete despair.
I know that I will always love you.

Please be safe.

I am not going to get mad at anyone, unless they try and keep it going. I will hold everyone harmless.
All I care about is seeing you again.

My dream, should I be so blessed, would be to have some concentrated time with you, so I could know all about what you wished to share and to blend with you on a spiritual level. (although, I think I have already somewhat reached that spiritual stage...) and to savor....you.

All I know is that being near you was the most fulfilling, exciting time I ever knew. And that when I was around you I never wanted to be anywhere else, or needed anything else. 

Words are not enough....my heart is much more eloquent. 

I found something I had written about you awhile ago. I thought I had lost it. It brought me to tears.... the truthfulness of it. 

If you don't want to be around me, if you would just see me and then I would go away.

It has been such a long time since I have seen you.

Please be safe.

I will always help and be kind to anyone, no matter what they may have done to me.

I am far from perfect.

"What did it look like when I was happy?"

~ "Eat, Pray, Love"

I am
grateful

for having
had cancer.

Without
cancer
my
veins
would not
have been
ruined

and

I would
have

never
met

the most

lovely

amazing
person

in

Life.

~Haviva

I have written my anger.

I think I am responsible
for the destruction of
a rain forest.

I have to stop.

Anger does nothing.

Bad people are
always going
to be bad people.

Now matter how much
I tell them they
hurt me

If they cared
they wouldn't
have
done it
in the first place.

Just promise me
you will be okay.

I love.

They hate.

I am the lucky
one.

I have wasted
too much time
thinking about
them

when thinking
about
loving
you

feels so much
better.

Always.

~Haviva

I am thinking about your eyes....and melting.

I never prayed so much as I did during this time. Mostly for love and safety
for you.

I always think about what you might enjoy.

I just got, "Eat, Pray, Love" and am watching it. Reminds me of Amma. You have to meet Amma.

All I want is for life to be beautiful for you, because making your life beautiful, would make my life beautiful too.
Seeing you happy is the best.

I so enjoyed speaking with you. I miss that so much. I miss your unique, fun sense of humor. I miss you.

I think about your kindness and the nice memories a lot, because they keep me going. I am a mass of emotions.

People love to gaslight and even though I know it's being done, it nags at me.  People who utilize that kind of tactic aren't nice people.

I must say that looking at your picture never fails to make me smile, no matter how down I am.

Being taunted and told it could go on forever isn't nice and it has made me depressed since it was  said in July. It is inhumane. I get told all kinds of weird crap, but I believe nothing unless I hear it directly from you. Their criminal activity should cancel any time restraint to this. It should be over now. The entire thing was abusive and false. 

They broke the law. They were abusive. You were shown no respect. They tried to make us hate each other. They do not deserve to have either one of us adhere to the rules of criminals who tried to make me die with all of the stress they inflicted! They deserve to be sued by both of us, but all I want is to be able to see you and talk to you again. I love you, but I want whatever you want. I just think this is time to stop this ridiculous travesty. I want to only do what you ask, not what criminals want! Please help me. I trust you. I believe in you.

I don't like the ugliness of what is being done by the terrible people, but I can't help but think it is all being done as a distraction from the real motive, which is to steal your identity and harm you. If your friend would just call off the R.O. then it could be discussed like adults, not have other people be involved, but who knows who all is involved? What bothers me is all the corruption. People don't go to these lengths unless they feel they could have something to gain, or something to lose. Mr. G is not acting impartial. I feel I cannot rest until you are safe and people stop yanking at you.

But the bad people need to be exposed because they will just continue their evil ways against others. Telling me that I can be restrained forever, not even caring about your wishes is scary, because he has taken over your everything, not caring at all what you want. No one should run another person's life. That bothered me when that little weasel security guard was so upset about the birthday card I sent to you that had the quote, "Live, Travel, Adventure, Bless and Don't be sorry". He acted like I had said some horrible thing instead of my wishing you wonderful times ahead. That gave me the creeps. He acted like he owned you. Mr. G does too. Why?

It is like they all want to feed off of you. Don't let them steal your freedom. Live the way you want. Anyone who truly loves you should feel that way. You owe no one anything. You only owe yourself your freedom and happiness. Please, stay safe. 

i have no hope.

it is strange how large, important rules and standards and decency were broken to enforce either smaller, false rules, or someone's desires at the expense of the life of a human being and no one sees the wrong, or hypocrisy in it....or if they do, money made them not care. if judges break laws, why should anyone follow them?

i feel as if i am fading away. no one should ever be treated this way. i know they always wanted me to die.

it isn't normal for someone to be sad for so long.

Not feeling well. No energy at all. Just feel like sleeping. I also feel sad.
I hope you are well.

I am not feeling well, I guess I have been up late too much. I need to get more sleep. I'll dream of you. Now that I am shedding my anger, it should make sleep better.

I don't care what part you played. You matter, the situation doesn't. I can handle anything with you.

https://brandless.com/category/food/beverages

The items here are non-GMO, organic....and inexpensive. Haven't tried them yet, but will.

It has been a long, difficult time, but all I can do now is think about you.
I am so very glad! This has been a journey to you...I hope any way.

So much!

I know everyone was told to be mean to me, but I don't care.

You always remembered everything I said.


I always remembered every look, every smile, every sweet gaze. I think my heart stayed in your gaze. I felt so warm and welcomed. I dream of those gaze times we had. It was the best time of my life. They have helped to sustain me during the long time away.

I wish I could see you sooner.

I want to see you, and if is okay, hold your face in my hands.....

I want to listen to you talk. It has been so silent, I need to hear your voice talking to me. I have missed out on so much time.

I find myself staring at your picture all of the time.

You are my hero.

Thank you for always being there for me and caring.

I never knew I would care about you so much. It was your fault.... :-) 

You have always been there for me. I love you so much for that and for so many things. I have kept you in my heart and in my life.

All I want to remember is the way you said my name and the way you looked at me.

My heart was beating so hard.

I am so sorry I ever gave you even a moment of upset.

Please don't let those evil Barbarians near you.

You work for a place that acts like they own you, body and soul. That is scary.  I hope you can retire soon. That isn't my business, sorry.
Also, a place that condones the terrorizing of people? Wow!
I will always want to take care of you.

I am sad and very tired.

Okay, I bought it all. Now, I am just going to relax and forget everything. But if you are ever sad, or in trouble, don't you dare suffer alone. You CALL me, if you have a need for a friend. I don't give a crap if I am put in jail, I am NEVER going to allow you to feel bad and if you allow me, I would want to soothe your pain.

It is because I love you and always will. I suppose someone wanted me to suffer and I did, so tell them that so they can be happy. They are obviously seriously disturbed, so they have worse problems than I EVER will have. They are not as much mentally is as just evil.

I will be here. I wish that sometime, you will too, but I guess all I can do is wait, wonder, pray and hope.

 After the end date, I will disappear.

I wish you could just be a normal person who could decide for yourself. Then, I  would not be thinking they might hurt you. 
The thing that bothers me is how much people enjoy being cruel. How creepy and twisted! Life should be nice and enjoyed and made nice for others too.  

• 
  

I am having things looked into. I am not exactly sure what will happen. It has to do with the cruelty and because that awful man said it could go on forever. It isn't right to be taunted and beaten up and abused. It leaves the door open for others to suffer in the future. There were times when it hit me pretty hard. I might not have made it. It was awful. If it were to happen again to someone else not as strong, they might die.  I am also very afraid for you. Maybe I am wrong, but I have to do what I feel is right. I could not live if someone harmed you and I had done nothing.

• 
  

1. 
   

• 
  

I know there is an official story that is going on with the legal thing, a cover story to keep people from helping and a greedy desire as a real reason for keeping me away from being able to help, or prevent predatory activities. They know I would give my life to keep my friend safe, so they are keeping me restrained. I have been telling so many people about my worry, that if anything suspicious happens, they will be the first to be suspected. I am doing whatever I can to keep my friend from being a victim. The people who did this are cold blooded. They may have even murdered. They don't combine well with anyone who has "gumption" and could rock their boat!

I love you with everything in me and more, but never should that be an obstruction to my knowing you. I would never expect more than I receive. I love you as a beautiful human being that I enjoy being around and being there for when a friend is needed. I feel close to you and feel grateful for any amount of knowing you I am blessed to have. I want nothing from you. I want to give to you. I cannot explain it, but I just want to make your life as lovely as possible. I never want you to be sad, or frightened, but if it is unavoidable, I would appreciate the honor of being someone who could soothe your pain. I feel so connected to you as if you were a part of me. I want you to feel always cherished and always supported and always loved...and always free to live your own life as you see fit. You are someone I look up to and respect. I never want to see you pushed around again, by anyone.

You deserve ONLY respect!


You have blessed my life over and over. I want to do the same for you.

I don't expect you to be anyone special to me. I have been beaten down and I am worse for wear. I have cried a lot, and slept very little. It has not been easy. That that horrible man claims he can keep this terrible thing going forever. He used old emails to extend it. It is ridiculous how easily the judges can be bought. No one tells me anything. No one will help, or do anything for me at all. I never expected my life to end this way. I was hoping to enjoy life, but I guess not. I am so tired and I am so sad.

I guess K paid a big pile of money to keep me restrained. I am just a piece of garbage no one cares about. I could die and I doubt if anyone would care. I have been so respondent.
I just don't matter.

“There could have never been two hearts so open, no tastes so similar, no feelings so in unison, no countenances so beloved. Now they were as strangers; worse than strangers, for they could never become acquainted. It was a perpetual estrangement.”

― Jane Austen, Persuasion

I hope not. I want to know you forever.
I want to take care of you forever.


Toward the end of the movie, when she is sobbing at the mail box, it is me. I have cried like that for over the last three years. My heart rips apart each day.

"The Lake House" is about waiting, like Jane Austin's "Persuasion" and they talk about it in the movie. It makes me ache with frustration. That movie takes you on a real emotional ride. It also makes me miss you so much....I always do.

This never happened before. I love you.

https://youtu.be/oxmQxiNPgDQ

I know you could read my mind. It made me feel so close to you. I felt like we could have a conversation just by being near. Sometimes thinking about you a lot, makes me sad. I could be alone in my feelings, but until I know more, I am there with you and you are here with me in my heart.

I have loved you for such a long time....and will forever...

It is late, but I just got the movie, "The Lake House" in the mail today, so I want to watch it.....again. It will make me sob. I know it will.
I miss you so much.

Hugging you would be such an amazing dream come true!

I hope you have a sweet Friday. I will be with you in spirit. (I would love to work for you).  I would stay out of your way, but it would be fun. (But believe me, I am a hard worker).  I told you about painting the walls in the haunted law library and shampooing the carpet. The attorneys said I made it nice there. That made me feel good. I was surprised at the amount of male attorneys said they appreciated the fresh flowers I would bring in.
I put in a new counter top at the coffee station at the law office, and I also brought in flavored coffees as well as the regular. I recycled all the paper and bought recycled stationary for the office with non-toxic dye. I tried to make things a little more pleasant. I just like doing it. 

I was looking to buy a meat grinder on Amazon....ugh, the other things that popped up too, disgusting! Who knew? :-)

I miss you so incredibly much.

I would never try and see you again, if it kept you safe, but I think keeping me away was what they want for their plan. If I am not understanding something, it is because I have been kept in the dark.
Nothing is what it seems, so it seems!

Just never become complacent. They smile with a knife behind their backs. All I can do is offer advice from what I have seen/experienced of those people. The attorney I spoke with was right. She said "they are very bad people, stay away from them!" (and I heard she was a very tough woman, who didn't turn down a fight. She turned my case down...)

That horrible man in the legal situation who taunted me and said he could "keep it going forever" is such an awful person! How does he live with himself? I know he and his buddies are up to something bad for you. Anyone who takes over a person's rights is not to be trusted. He forges signatures (he, or his friend does it, but they ARE forgeries!) cannot mean anything good either! That is identity theft! Even if you never want to be anyone to me, I am still going to make sure you are safe. You should be on guard and proactive too. Even if you need to get to safety and then figure things out, do. From what I alone have experienced from those people, they are far from nice, they are cold blooded. I think they plan on taking advantage of you and then what?I don't know anything for certain, but I can only judge from what I have experienced myself, and it is terrible. I am no one, so the only thing I can figure is that they know I would do anything for you, so I am in their crooked way. So, as I have said, my home is your home and I would like to give you half, but it is up to you. I could not abide by any of those cruel people being here, so that would be a deal breaker, but I think you are too smart to be taken in by any of those predators. The only reason I am involved in this at all, is to keep me out of the way, so they can have my protection out of the way. I would do anything for you and that scares them. Please be safe.

Hi. I hope you are well.

My friend, I hope you read what I wrote about the judge. This has been the type of strange/cruel behavior to which I have been subjected. It is why I have so worried about you, because I know that the people who have been in charge of this matter are ruthless. They would not hesitate to hurt someone to achieve their goal. It is further use of my being a scapegoat, but I believe you are the main target. I think there are many stories going on to satisfy whichever party needs a certain take on things. I believe you are the one they really want to harm.

I am thinking about you.....and crying.