I would really like to understand the cruelty of Judge Novak and the others, why she/they acted like I was some horrible person, when I wasn’t. I don’t understand the taunting and cruelty. I gave my doctor some gifts, that was all. Why all the extreme strange theatrics? I wanted to become a friend of his, so I dropped him as my doctor. Then all Hell broke loose and Marija M. Petrovic ramped up her attacks and made no secret about it.  She was hired by Kaiser to come after me and get rid of me. I know that. The security guard who was/is a part of the plan, confessed it. She did get rid of me, but I wonder what she was telling people I was supposed to have done, because Judge Novak’s comment, “No wonder the doctor is afraid of you", makes absolutely no sense. (He risked getting reprimanded by coming to my surgery at my request. He did get into trouble, because a week later he was forced to give me a TRO. It really was his punishment, not mine, but I have suffered so much, many times I wanted to die.)

Out of all her cruelty to me, and all the brutally mean things Judge Novak said, that hurt me the most. It was like she found my soul and tore it open and poured poison in it. It removed a large piece of me. Yes, something in me died. I am still alive but I do not have the same life I did before. Maybe the reason I haven’t killed myself, is that I am already mostly dead now anyway.

Throwing me in jail was a nightmare. She looked at me like she had just captured the biggest criminal on Earth. I really want to know if people seriously thought I did something bad, or if they were paid a lot to pretend I was terrible. To see someone crumbling in pain, and crying so hard, I could not have been a part of it. I just wonder how the people involved did it. No amount of money could make me terrorize anyone else. Hurting someone else, hurts me too.

I can’t even think about someone else being subjected to it. It scares me for them. People must have to tell themselves that they feel vindicated for being so cruel, but what did they believe, or is there something in people that if they have a chance, they will hurt another person no matter if they deserve it, or not. I was so confused by the intense anger that came from the judge and the way Charlie Smith screamed at me. Judge Novak made me take him as my attorney, just for him to keep me quiet and treat me like dirt. Strangely, it still hurts me and I feel like I don’t deserve even the smallest of kindness.

The inhumanity of man astounds me.

Can you imagine how a loving one like Jesus must have felt? How it felt to be so reviled for no reason, but for having a loving heart? I think about it all of the time.

Why do people do horrible things to each other?

Cheryl