Re: Tassajara
Mon, Sep 26, 2016 at 4:29 AMI want to find again, the warm poetic person who spoke of Prague and the young people seeking redemption...
the one who loved the old cemeteries, and the beauty of the dead poets, and the wise one who lives still...
Do you know where he went? I'd love to talk to him again. If you see him, could you tell him to please call me? His friend misses him dearly.
Maybe I will run into him on the Charles Bridge, between the vengeful, angry ghosts, or at the Pere la Chaise cemetery in Paris, while having a chat with Oscar Wilde, as a Chopin nocturne lulls restless spirits back into a relaxed peacefulness.
He was so unique and beautiful in his quiet way, and his seeking, and enchanted spirit. I do hope he is okay. I worry so much about him. I hope he isn't gone forever. Not just for me, but more importantly, for himself.CherylDear Professor Snyder,That was something I penned for a dear friend I wrote to you about. Cruel people took him away. They lied about me, and mentally tortured me, to be able take him away from me...and it is killing me.You are the wise one, he loves and respects so much. He is being held under threat and his life is extremely limited and watched now. It is all because he dared to be my friend, as well as my doctor. Life is so sad now. I can barely stand it,I wanted to give him another of your signed books for his birthday; so I brought it to the place where he works. It was intercepted by the cruel psychiatrist who tormented me for a jealous person who wanted me to stop being his patient and friend.They don't understand our poetic beauty, and were threatened by it. I knew I could go to jail for daring to make his special day beautiful with your words. I have seen his torment. It breaks my heart. I do love him; but it was only ever a love of the mind, and the soul. I am afraid for him. He is a free spirit; and being caged puts his life into a subhuman category. I think he would be biting his own foot off by now, if he were an animal in a trap. I know he is that miserable.I am so very angry, but even with all that disgraceful behavior, and the terrible things done to both of us; pity is the more prevalent emotion in my heart. I wanted to write to you, because I feel that by doing so; I am feeling a blessing in return.Be well, beautiful wise poet.Always,Cheryl (aka, Haviva) and Greg(I really wasn't being presumptuous with that, just wanted to have it be a birthday greeting from both)
From: Cheryl Chapin <cherylchapin@yahoo.com>
To: Gary Snyder <gssnyder@ucdavis.edu>
Sent: Monday, June 1, 2015 12:35 AM
Subject: Re: TassajaraThank you for the beautiful response! I am very grateful! (thrilled, actually!)Be very wellalways,Cheryl
From: Gary Snyder <gssnyder@ucdavis.edu>
To: Cheryl Chapin <cherylchapin@yahoo.com>
Sent: Sunday, May 31, 2015 10:15 AM
Subject: Re: TassajaraDear Ms. ChapinGS thanks you for your warm and exciting letters, and wishes you most well in your practice at Tassajara!best,Ediza Clinch, Assistant to GSOn May 26, 2015, at 6:39 PM, Cheryl Chapin wrote:Hello, Professor Snyder,I am so excited! I am going to Tassajara in a few short days! I will go twice in June. I am looking forward to it, and to learning to be more centered. I have been letting the stresses of the world get to me, and I have recently been diagnosed with MS. I have had a lot of struggles in life, and I keep moving on as best I can. It isn't easy. I have been expressing myself more in Haiku form, and I have gotten some nice feed back from friends. I am just so grateful for the fact that my doctor led me to a knowledge of you, and the Zen way of life. I am so very new at it, and it will take a lot of work for me to stop being on a treadmill of bad habits and ways.I saw online that you recently had a birthday. May I extend to you wishes for a lovely year of beauty and promise. You add a lovely light and spirit to a world that can be so harsh and ugly. Thank you.Cheryl
From: Cheryl Chapin <cherylchapin@yahoo.com>
To: "gssnyder@ucdavis.edu" <gssnyder@ucdavis.edu>
Sent: Monday, April 27, 2015 11:29 PM
Subject: Your blessing to usDear Professor Snyder,I am so moved by your work, and your ethic of caring for our Earth. I wanted to tell you about a wonderful doctor whom I have met, who introduced me to your books and poetry. His name is Dr. Gregory Lukaszewicz. He is a vascular surgeon at Kaiser South San Francisco (and travels to other Kaisers in the area), and from Harvard. He absolutely lights up when he talks about you. He has a caring and kind heart, and he has led me to desire a path of Zen enlightenment. Even the smallest movements he makes seem to have a Zen gracefulness and intention. He has been open and eager to hear about whatever he can about your thoughts and feelings on the subjects you have as an interest.I read about how dedicated you have been to meditation, and I am endeavoring to become able to have it become second nature to me too. The other day, I was thinking about Haiku, and how it is such a part of Zen thinking. I was walking around my small vegetable garden, and distilling what I saw and felt, into the most important essence of Haiku poetry. I hadn't thought about the connection to Zen before. You have opened up to me, a part of lovely poetry that is also a prayer, because of your influence.Dr Lukaszewicz has been such a great influence on my life, as you obviously have been on his. I had a rather rare form of cancer that came after working in a nuclear pharmacy in Dallas, Texas. I was even learning how to make the medicine as part of my job there. Precautions against toxic levels of radiation there, were not good at all. The type of cancer I got was one that can come about from excessive radiation exposure. Nearly at the same time I was diagnosed with a pPnet tumor, my husband drowned. He drowned when he went sailing alone in the bay by Coyote Point, in San Mateo. It was a terrible time. The intense, experimental year long chemo treatment did a lot of damage to my veins and created many problems, such as lymphedema. Dr. Lukaszewicz has been not only helping my body to return to more of a normal state, but he has become a mentor and a friend. He is patient and kind, even when I feel frustrated and depressed, and he hung in there for me, when others would not.I just wanted to have two great people know about each other. It is a beautiful thing when someone like a doctor, who is in a position of helping another person in need, not only cares about their patient's physical needs, but also for their mental well-being and enlightenment of their soul as well. He has encouraged me to read your books, and to go to the San Francisco Zen Center, so I can feel more at peace. It has been quite a difficult time in life, so going will set me on a more positive path in life. Recently, I was thrilled to find a book signed by you to give him as a gift. I know he treasures it, and it is in a place of prominence in his home. I truly wish there were a way for you to meet each other. My doctor sent out the tiny ripple of enlightenment that you provided to him, and I have been fortunate enough to have had it radiate out, and bless me too. Thank you for your work, and for your beautiful stewardship of our precious home.I must also mention, that my son is also a devote of yours, and like you, loves to hike and climb mountains. He even helped rescue a woman who had fallen into a crevasse, on Mt. St. Helens. He has also traveled to Japan, and loved it. My godson was a student of art in Japan as well. My son recently gave me a special, beautiful Japanese tea set and special tea for my birthday. It is such a cherished gift.Be well, be blessed and always happy.Cheryl(Petrovich)1 Millbrae CircleMillbrae, CA 94030
I meant each and every sentiment I wrote to GS and about my caring friend. I have been so blessed to have known you both, even for a short time, but I hope to know my friend much more and longer.I do so love him!
ReplyDeleteMy friend needs to be free and be able to live the life that would make him happiest; not be imprisoned like a criminal!! I told the woman who called me about the refusal of my outside second opinion, your dilemma and the people doing it to you, but while she listened intently, she slammed it at the end. K is barbaric!
ReplyDeleteI feel so close to you, no matter how we end up; I will never refuse you help, or any request that is in my ability, but I will always try. I will always love you.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry we did not seem to connect much, but I love the GS connection and you. It was beautiful. Each day is an emotional rollercoaster. I guess I need to be used to getting very little. Maybe it is quality more than quantity. You are loved!
ReplyDeleteI feel the magic in us knowing how to find each other. I feel that it is actually wrong to try and stop the connection, because I feel lost when I think you are gone, absolutely gone, but when even a small touch/connection happens, my cells relax and I go on a different sort of fight that is what the cruel world wants to be satisfied one day. I feel you on a cellular level, like it is a way that there can be a connection w/o usual means. Some days it feels psychic. Then, when I feel something is wrong, I completely panic. I just need to know you are okay. That is my first priority. Sometimes I feel I unintentionally block bad from coming through, because I am helpless to do anything and my horror would be too great. I want you to be okay, always. Please be safe. Love.
ReplyDeleteI want you to be all good now, but I feel bad because I try so many ideas and they all flop in one way, or another, or they say, "we need $1,500 per day expenses on top of our fees." and I try and get a loan and it is so expensive, I would be homeless. I have spoken with people who were P.I.s, but they turned me down when they found out about my faux restriction, so I thought "okay, I get that dropped and I will have better chances hiring help." To me, it isn't YOUR problem, it is OUR problem. I have been in contact with agents who called me at 3 am and they were flying out to a foreign site to rescue someone, but it always came down to money. I apologise for being poor. I would sell my house, but it needs work to sell. I just wish you would tell me a day and time, we meet and go to safety, make demands and make your freedom unbreakable. I want a hit and run and make all this negotiating a moot point. I am scared upset and frustrated. I think, "just do it!" It could have been over a long time ago; that just grinds me. It was the perfect opportunity!!! I kind of went into a funk after that nightmare! I felt like a nobody and hated. Now I have a criminal record, for what? It is INSANE! Just because a spoiled, violent, cowardly, crazy woman is too upset someone will discover her crimes, so everyone else must suffer, because she is such a self-centered asshole, she wants it that way. But, truly, I cannot have my main witness cave on me. I am sure those responsible figured that I would do what I wanted to do, kill myself, but I am too curious to do that, plus people/my dog, my son need me. Life is full of responsibilities that keep us alive. My heart is too full of love for you and need to keep trying to help too; even if you fight me about it. DON'T! PLEASE!
ReplyDelete