I seem to merely be a supernumerary in this thing where others are concerned, except I am still attacked, harassed and tormented and I get to worry about my health at the same time. I don't even dare to think I may see my friend again for one reason, or another. I know people will lie, or throw some cog in the works. I haven't been able to enjoy life for ages. Seeing his face and hearing his voice talk to me will mean everything to me. If my health is bad, I don't know.

• He is the one I love forever, but it could be a moot point in the end.