I do feel as if I have been in a very stark period of mourning. It has been extremely difficult for a number of reasons, but emotional pain of the heart is the most excruciating. I feel as I have been through the terrible searches as in the film, "What Dreams May Come." I felt such agony of the loss and holding hope as a means of holding on and not sinking into despair, but still finding turmoil and disappointment at every step. Pain has been my reality and happiness a vague memory.