Agony

 Not many people would want my life.

It is not desirable.

It is boring at its best, then  every so often I get beaten up in one form, or another, when I don't even deserve it.

I have been mentally tormented and I get so angry, but I find a way to let off some steam without drugs, or drink. I do get "somewhat" down on occasion it is all mental will. How long will it last? I have no expectations. My life has not expectations, just hopes....and maybe dreams, but they are too close to expectations, so I don't allow them much.

Sometimes I just go into neutral and do nothing. 

That is not helpful.  I cannot explain it. I just go day to day. Sometimes it feels like I'm climbing up Mt. Everest by pulling myself up by my fingernails alone 

and it is agony.

My bright spot is thinking about the one I love. My sad spot is thinking about the one I love.

If I say I hate you....do I get to see you? 

I suppose I will be dead before that happens.