Do you want me to forget you exist?
How can I do that?
You mean life to me.
Wednesday, March 31, 2021
Tuesday, March 30, 2021
Sunday, March 28, 2021
Vacuums
I admit, I love vacuums and carpet cleaners! I may not get to them all of the time, but I want to....
Saturday, March 27, 2021
Safe
I just wish l could see you again. I am not interesting right now, but I would love to watch SNL with you. Do you like it? I do sometimes. I would love to snuggle. Then I would like anything.
I am sorry I have said some kind of snarky things. I am getting them all out. I just don't understand. If I get to see you, I am not going to bring it up again. I don't want to ever see you sad, or upset again.
Please come see me, or just come to be safe.
Eat
I wish I could speak with you. It is a quiet evening. The scallops were very nice. I cannot eat as much as before, which is good, so half my food is left. l presume I will want the rest tomorrow.
Hopefully you had a nice dinner and are having a good evening.
The news is making me sick. The violence is rampant. Everyone is a target.
And
Lately, all I do is mope around.
I think I may be recovering from the kidney issue. After my birthday I had no wine at all, before not much at all. I put a bottle of Sherry in my wine club basket in December and it is still there. Anyway, cannot tax the kidneys. Taking stone crushers on a regular basis and drinking lots of spring water. Once in awhile, I get a MF'ER stab of pain that doubles me over, but lying down seems to shorten the frequency.
I ordered some scallops on Amazon. They arrived. Cannot remember when I last had them. I have to decide when to cook them. I remember how much I used to like them.
My friend in Southern California is working on helping to save our wetlands. They are such a big part of the environment. Some asshole Republican shut her down at a town meeting and said, "we don't have time for this!" Yeah, no time for the only place we have to live! All the Republicans have time for is to stuff their pockets, disenfranchise voters and pretend terrorists are patriots!
The world will always have its massive share of assholes!
Anytime you want to come here, do. It won't be picture perfect yet, but it is a place to feel safe and welcome!
(And loved!)
Advantage
I am so tired of cruel people taking advantage of nice people and feeling justified in destroying their lives.
I was taken from a rather naive woman who wanted to see someone who was kind to her, look happy, into someone villified and torn down to the lowest denominator. I have had my caring, kind life so casually dragged down to garbage, merely because a selfish woman decided that I harmed her by thanking my compassionate doctor for his dedicated work on my behalf. When it became her business, I have no clue.
This has been where decency and law came to die. To allow people with money to smear a good person just so they can feel better about themselves is wrong.
If they think that by destroying someone else transformes them into someone good and decent:
THEY ARE WRONG!
IT JUST MAKES THEM PATHETIC AND SAD!
Friday, March 26, 2021
Thursday, March 25, 2021
Sad
A friend from high school died and I feel vulnerable and sad. I feel like my life is drifting away.
Ever
I hope things were okay for you today. I was feeling somewhat better today. I find that if I lie down for long periods the pain lets up quite a bit. Never thought I'd miss moving around so much. I think I will be all well soon.
I wish you would come here; do you think that could ever happen?
Away
I would love to go off somewhere nice and relaxing with you and just be around you for awhile and get re- aquainted for awhile. I mean, I know how much I think of you, but years were robbed away. I miss you incredibly.
Warm home
Are you able to do things on your own? Can you do normal daily tasks like go to the store, or post office, drive home? If so, couldn't you just drive away? You have a right to keep yourself safe.
You seem to be losing weight. Is it from being upset? I guess your clothes no longer fit. Your face looked taut. I know everything was stressful. I would have enjoyed seeing you otherwise, but for the situation.
I didn't know how much it hurt me until later. They have beaten the crap out of me. They have done it to keep her happy, but how can anyone be happy knowing they are forcing someone to be with them? The entire point of being with a particular person is the compatibility and enjoying spending time with them. If they are always sullen, or sad, or frightened, where is the fun, or enjoyability? I want to see a smiling, happy, relaxed, caring face looking at me, or I would say "forget it, they aren't happy, time to part." Isn't that normal? Does she just figure it will be better after time? I care too much about people to knowingly make them suffer. It seems not to bother her. I think it could be competition. She senses someone else cares, so it got her interest going. It is insulting to you and it is insulting to her. She could be enjoying life and so could you. What good is a nice place to live without love to warm it up? Otherwise, all it is, is an investment, not a home.
You deserve a home full of love.
Sunday, March 21, 2021
🐟🐠 fishy
Time to make dinner. There are some fish fillets. I will make cole slaw. Nice combo. Just got some scallops online, I haven't had those for ages! There was a nice restaurant Palo Alto that had great scallops. I forgot the name. Guess it isn't important.
I miss that area, but love the ocean. I do like to go to the Church of the Nativity when I am in the area of Menlo Park. My grandmother lived there for awhile and took care of Nan Wood. It aged her to have Nan live with her, but they were nearly sisters, having known each other all their lives. I took care of Nan sometimes to give her a break. Nan was sweet, but a tiny bit demanding. Since she became blind, I helped her edit her book. It was enjoyable.
I have neglected washing dishes, I will eat and then get to it. Back later.
In my thoughts!
Died
I went to the house where they took Lincoln and where he died. There was a plastic box over the bloodied pillow. Such an eerie place to be.
Saturday, March 20, 2021
Need To know
You know I would do anything to help you, right? You don't even need you feel the same back.
I just need to know.
Only
I can hear the waves crashing around. They are going wild.
I hope you get good rest and enjoy the day. I got the paint I ordered, so if I feel well enough, I may prepare to paint the floors. Take good care of yourself and know you are in my heart.
Bless you.
Tough woman
I heard that the woman who beat up her attacker got over $600,000 in a gofund me account. That is so wonderful!
Friday, March 19, 2021
Harp
My son sent a lot of lovely birthday gifts! How sweet! 1 was a 10 string lyre harp! Sounds fun! I should make an effort to learn it! Comes with a great back pack. A leather journal, a fountain pen, and chimes! They are all so earthy and beautiful! I feel grateful and blessed.
But missing you so much.
A-holes
It angers me that the sneaky con artists can set up the con, but don't care if their patsy is found guilty of going along with it. As usual, criminals care only about themselves.
A-holes.
Cry
So happy to hear that an elderly Asian woman in SF kicked the ass of a man in his mid-thirties who punched her in the face! How wonderful for her standing up for herself! That man should be held for attempted murder! He could have killed her! I would love to send her a get well card and flowers! She is a heroine by letting other people in her situation know they can stand up for themselves. Those cowardly attackers strike by blindsiding the older citizens. It is barbaric.
It breaks my heart that people can be so cruel. I saw an older Asian man with two black eyes on the news. It made me cry. What human being does that to another person, especially a precious older one? They don't, but a monster does!
https://www.dailykos.com/story/2021/3/18/2021722/-76-year-old-Asian-woman-is-attacked-Beats-the-s-out-of-her-assailant-with-a-wood-plank
Yay.
🌞
🌅 A very Happy Day to you!
Please don't believe bad things they may say about me. They are not true and their motives are not honorable.
Not
You have left me in a severe depression.
Why did you do this to me?
I did nothing but try and help you. Why did you turn on me?
I guess I am a fool, since it has not killed my love.
Available
I know I have not been in the best frame of mind, but I have been through a lot of mental cruelty and felt like the one who has had my heart treated unfairly and badly as much as they have treated him. But, I saw him looking thin and my heart reached out to him. I loved him even when he said awful things about me. I carry him in my heart and I get over bad things and go on loving him. All I want is to take care of him and be affectionate. I did nothing to deserve bad treatment. I know that my desires are merely a dream of mine. I did nothing improper, but bad people prevail.
I wish he loved me, but I understand if he does not. They probably do mental torture. Who wants kindness and love, when mental torture, murderers and scammers are available......?
Could it ever be?♾️❤️
Thursday, March 18, 2021
Apart
They figured that I lasted this long they would let me see you run me down to the lowest degree and I would fall apart.
No, I survived. It hurt a lot, but I survived.
How am I supposed to appeal this w/o saying you lied? I could say you were forced by threat.
I can't do that. Help me.
I wish we were together, then it would be over and I could not testify against you. I cannot hurt you. Wish you could say that same thing about me.
The edge
Future Tense~
You are my walk on the beach
The dance of my soul
The spiritual call of a
vast Universe….
Answers to questions
that had
forever plagued
my pondering mind
When I met
you
love was too
small a word for
my emotions
Days rushed by so fast...
Until you were gone….
Then time became
as languid
and lingering
as
molasses on
a hard frozen
day
Thoughts of distant
travel
would
begin with you
and end with you
No views of the Seine
or the Louvre
could compete with the
intensity
of your
locked-in-compassion
eyes….
Melding
with romantic
dreams of
my heart….
and that slow
cocky
smile
nearing the
slender edge
of
mockery
lying
askew
on your proudly
sensuous
lips
That burn a
hole
through
my trembling
Present
and non-stop
into my
hopeful
but tenuous….
Future
~Haviva
© HVM 2019
Blessing
I told you before that I apologised for being in love with you. But I lied. It was the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me. It was the greatest blessing of my life and I will never have another.
Forever
You don't want to see me again. I want to see you more than again. I want to see you forever.
Beautiful
I no longer have a life.
After I met you and you became a part of me, that was my life. I no longer have my life. You knew my thoughts. I had talks with you without speaking. You were so happy to hear from me. I was so happy to hear from you. Why do those people have the right to be cruel?
I cannot stand to be away from you entirely. Everything inside me crumbles when I think of you and I sob.
You are such a part of me.
Remember when you called me right after a long day? You said I was the first one you thought of to call.
It was the most precious thing anyone ever did for me. Nothing could ever be better. Don't denigrate our sweet times with ugly words against me. It tears down the beauty that is you. I resent it. I will not allow you to run down that beautiful person I love so much.
So, stop it.
LY
Please do what you want, but tell them to remove legal restraints from me. You have messed up the chances you had to get away from them. I don't know why you did that. I don't understand any of this.
You know if you need me to help rescue you, I will. Stay away from that woman who is an obvious murderer. Stay in your room and keep the door locked.
I love you and your family in Heaven loves you.
Sacrificing
Please stop them from hurting me! I am a good person, why did you make me sound obsessed? Everything was a lie! You were sacrificing me to save yourself! Is that who you are?
I don't understand I was so proud of you.
😢
Away
No matter how bitter I may sound, I will never desert you, if you need me. I will always love you. Please get away from them.
Besides
I am an innocent person being beaten up on so your insane partner, lesbian lover, wife, whatever, can feel more secure. She will do this to anyone you are friendly with. Who else has she attacked, anyone, oh, besides your mother? Turn her in to the police. Is she going to rip more parts off? She is a monster.
Too
Please don't hurt me. I love you and have always been loyal. I would never hurt you. I have been treated like garbage and even been put in jail.
Did they do that to your mother too before they killed her?
Happy
Sometimes I am left happy, but others, I am just twisting in the wind. I spent so much time trying to help you, but I guess there is no good deed that doesn't go unpunished.
Wait until I get my story out to the public! That should make the assholes happy
Monster
I guess if you want to see me, you will, if not you won't. My suffering will have possibly been for nothing. I will however keep trying to put that monster in prison for all the things she has done to me.
I have no idea what is meant.
My life is just fucked.
LF
MP said you were crazy. Do you want to stay with people who think that way about you, or with someone who loves you and will be there for you, no matter what.
I would never make you sad, or frightened. I would do whatever you wanted and make life sweet and centered around you. You are my delight. I love you so much and forever.
Yet
Do you want to stay with those people who hurt you?
Has she given you a lobotomy yet? That will be next.
See
Do you want me to fight to be able to see you? I will fight like Hell, as I have been, but if you keep shooting me down, what can I do?
Do you want to see me?
If you don't want to see me, drop the legal thing and You will never see me again.
I need to be certain. Do you want to see me again?
Sometime
I had written another lament about how nothing will ever change, unless the captive revolts.
Sneak me in sometime.....
I think one way is to be the most miserable housemate ever. Don't be good company, live a solitary life..... Be unfriendly.
More
I get to look at a picture of you all of the time. It keeps me happy. No mystery, I found it in a magazine online. So cute!
You are modest.
You are the nicest looking person I have ever known and the nicest and the most interesting and fun too. Don't stop eating, you are getting so thin. I worry about you, dear one.
Wednesday, March 17, 2021
Support
I hope the email I wrote was a good one. I try to be reasonable, but persuasive. I think I deserve some fairness too. I sure could use support.
Monday, March 15, 2021
Dignity
My son said that his friend, Isao, from childhood, told him his uncle, David Tsang, recently died. He was an amazing presence in the tech and philanthropy worlds. He opened many schools. Isao told my son that his uncle asked for fatty tuna, a Sapporo beer and then died. There is such a dignity in that ending.
Stunned
Terrible, cruel way I live. No one should have to go through the mental cruelty and the rest I have had to endure. To see someone I care about act like I am filth, when I thought it was going to be a time to rejoice, cut me so low, I am surprised I survived. Then, all I could do was wander the streets with no phone, no credit/debit card and very little cash. But then to have a dying man just somehow know my plight and pay for an Uber for me, with basically his last breath, was beyond magical....it was a gift from an angel. He looked at me with the eyes of a suffering Jesus. He really did. I am still stunned.
Saturday, March 13, 2021
Which?
I don't understand what the difference is between someone who says they are my friend, but hurts me like an enemy. Doesn't that make them also my enemy? Isn't that a case of actions speaking louder than words?
My friend seemed like he was in need of help, so being a caring, loving friend, I did. Then, I was falsely harmed legally and he gave witness against me. I was a good friend to him, but what was he to me? His actions said enemy.
My heart knows him with love. All my heart wants to do is love him. My heart wants to be right. So do I, but what will happen to me?
Is my own heart betraying me? I think of others first, but does anyone care about me? Sometimes I'd rather be dead than have to decide what to do.
Like now. I love him, even at my own expense. What does that make me?
Loyal? A fool? I wish I knew.
Sensational
I would just like to have a nice, calm life from now on. I want a nice companion in life and just enjoy the little things and love. To me, just being in love and sharing good times warms my heart. It makes even the mundane sensational.
Friday, March 12, 2021
Out
The "Out of Towner's" is on. The one with Goldie Hawn and Steve Martin. I liked the one with Jack Lemon and Sandy Dennis. Jack Lemon did the best job of talking with a broken tooth. They were the most pathetic looking stranded people ever.
Travel
Found Rick Steves on this new system. He is in Egypt. I never knew it had such beautiful areas. I needed this show to get the bad thought of weirdness out of my mind from my "birthday" greetings. I do enjoy Rick Steves programs. He is a nice person, helps good causes and he always respects the Holocaust in his programs. He also has a good sense of humor and enjoys a little aparatif too.
This is a very colorful edition.
I hope you have an enjoyable evening.
TV
The tech could not get the Internet going! Weird! All day he worked like mad. At least I now have TV.
Believe
Nice warm sun today. I am getting my vit d and it feels good.
I usually take it in capsule form. I wish I were hugging you. That would make everything great.
I do believe in you.
Roadblocks
The tech is having trouble getting the Internet going. It is weird. Naturally the jerk HOA was buzzing around acting important and throwing up road blocks.
Amazing
I'd give almost anything to be on your call list. I want to lie back and talk with you for hours.
That would be amazing....truly amazing.
Pull
I know that awful man does pre-emptive strikes against people he thinks are going to sue, but I most certainly do not fit into that category, so he just uses that same technique to hold me back. I really wish I knew what fueled that warped brain of his. Putting me through this must be just part of the revenge crap, or punishment for him. I am just a side car to the festivities. Why do they feel they have the right? Why get education out the ears, only to have others rule their lives? NO ONE HAS THAT RIGHT!
They cannot blame me for anything! All of the accusations were BS.
Look at
For my birthday I would love to have a picnique by the ocean with oysters & champagne, pate and French bread and some grapes and strawberries and your gorgeous face to look at. What fun! Pure delight!
To do
I feel sad today. I don't know what to do.
I wish .....
You always cared. I felt protected and cared over. I felt the same way back. I still do, but I get so harshly rebuked. There were times I wanted to die. I suppose it would make people happier, if I did. I just wanted to be able to know the person who made life sweet and made me feel like I was in Heaven and was so fun and had eyes that made me feel loved and welcomed. I am so tired of people saying ugly things about me. How did I deserve any of it?
It is up to you what you want. I am just here, hoping and praying.....and loving. You are my everything. But, I am no one.
Here
I want you here so badly.
Please? It has been so long, I have been so beaten up. Nearly murdered to now with possible kidney damage. But, I want to take care of you.
Wednesday, March 10, 2021
Eye out
The Sheriff deputy I spoke with said he would have them keep an extra eye out for my place.
I have been worried about unwanted people coming here. Now, I am prepared.
Tuesday, March 9, 2021
E=mc2
My birthday is on Sunday. Will you send me a nice wish? I know there is another special one soon too. I just need good thoughts, they mean everything to me.
I don't care about birthdays except that mine is the same as Einstein's b'day.
Monday, March 8, 2021
Nan
The painting of our family friend (from their childhood) is up for sale. Grant Wood's "Portrait of Nan"is expecting to sell for 15 mil. She was my great aunt's best friend her entire life. Sometimes I took care of her. I sang for her 90 birthday. She wanted.....wait for it...."Home on the Range".....and "There's a Long, Long Trail A' Winding".
Altar-ations
"My knight without the armor", my heart would proudly say
He took away the pain I felt and cast it far away
The miracles he worked were not the usual kind
He cured the body and the heart, especially my mind
His independent spirit threatened traditional conformity
Establishment who want lines toed made straits of real enormity
"How dare you buck our system", they grilled with open fire
"We'll make you turn her in to us and say she is a liar"
Her mind was gagged her hands were tied, her life was in a truss
She went to jail and got no bail and told her not to fuss
A kindly cancer widow who suffered with MS
She had to leave her clothes with them and change her mode of dress
They only called her prisoner as if she were a whore
She had a cell of brick and glass and blood down on the floor
It felt like in a movie or some outlandish game
"I know my life has lost a part and will never be the same"
They want me to feel hate for him, my knight without the glow
Their rigid rules make them the fools, but they will never know
The love they try and conquer will never fail, or falter
I'll be the sacrifice of love and die upon their altar.
~Haviva
(c) HVM 2017
Offer
Dear Dr. Isaacs, I am writing about the attacks upon my life by Dr. Moayeri and her group of doctor associates who have provided me with a false breast cancer diagnosis for the purpose of shortening, or impairing my life by surgery in relation to the false breast cancer scare she and her colleagues manufactured against me. She initially had her colleague, Dr. Moon, attack me with sinister gestures while berating me using complaints only Dr. Moayeri would have had in her unhinged mind about me that are not true. She waved a long needle in my face, past my eyes, then roughly pulled 5 large core samples from my right breast and then had me get a mammogram on my bleeding breast immediately afterward. The blood ran like a river to the floor and hurt like Hell. I screamed from the horrible pain!
Special
It would be great to think about fun things at least occasionally. I mean, fun with you. It is the only fantasy I have.
Of course, my ideas of fun are pretty mild, picnics by the ocean, hikes in deep nature, sleeping under the stars, singing by a campfire and looking for shooting stars and giving thanks for those who have blessed us and cared about us.
I am grateful for what lovely times I can have with someone special.
🌟
Any point to an appeal? It should say KP in blue letters on the courthouse.
I wish I weren't such a natural born fighter.
I can fight for others better than for myself. I am fighting for human rights. No one should live someone else's idea of living. I think it is keeping down some greatness from shining. Not me.....
Tiring
The pain gets really bad. I would love to try the electronic stone breaking using vibration. The pain is getting really old.
Certain
---------- Forwarded message ---------
From: Haviva von Martinitz <countessprague@gmail.com>
Date: Sun, Mar 7, 2021, 10:12 PM
Subject: Dear Dr. Isaacs,
To: <Richard.Isaacs@kp.org>, <mark.zemelman@kp.org>
From: Haviva von Martinitz <countessprague@gmail.com>
Date: Sun, Mar 7, 2021, 10:12 PM
Subject: Dear Dr. Isaacs,
To: <Richard.Isaacs@kp.org>, <mark.zemelman@kp.org>
I am writing about the attacks upon my life by Dr. Moayeri and her group of doctor associates who have provided me with a false breast cancer diagnosis for the purpose of shortening, or imparing my life by surgery in relation to the false breast cancer scare she and her colleagues manufactured against me. She initially had her colleague, Dr. Moon, attack me with sinister gestures while berating me using complaints only Dr. Moayeri would have had in her unhinged mind about me that are not true. She waved a long needle in my face, past my eyes, then roughly pulled 5 large core samples from my right breast and then had me get a mammogram on my bleeding breast immediately afterward. The blood ran like a river to the floor and hurt like Hell. I screamed from the horrible pain!
Mr. Mike Guasco has further impacted my situation in life by filing multiple false restraining orders against me and for the recent final order made it for 5 years so that he could be certain I could never have help/support from Dr. Lukaszewicz. I think you do a great disservice by allowing Mr. Guasco to obviously have free access to Kaiser's "petty cash" so that he could "grease" a few hands along the way. You are also keeping Dr. Lukaszewicz a hostage and not allowing him to a free voice. He had a script he memorized against me, so he bore false witness under pressure in court. The last time he said how nice my gifts were and expensive. Mr. Guasco never brought him back to court and the recent contempt charge came off of the extension hearing that he claimed Dr. Lukaszewicz did attend, but my grown son did attend and wrote a statement to that fact, but Guasco marked on the court filed form that Dr. Lukaszewicz had been present and also forged Dr. Lukaszewicz's signature. My hands were so tied, I was not allowed to give the evidence that would have exonerated me. No point in having having a trial, if it is all a lie. I am tired. Mr Guasco has been beating up an innocent widow, cancer survivor for doing nothing wrong. It is indecent to force Dr. Lukaszewicz to lie against me. It isn't right to compromise his integrity. It is no doubt that Guasco enjoys making those superior to him dance to his tune, because he is is jealous of someone of higher intellect and quality of character, since Guasco has none. He is taking his power and building his ego with it in an ugly, sadistic, megalomaniac type of way. He is tormenting lovely people. Please stop his harm if innocent people and get rid of his services.
What has been done to me over the years has been severe and deadly and worth millions in lawsuits. Mr. Guasco is violent and hurts people. I am worried for my safety and the safety of my property. I have been apprised that he might very well likely have been behind a home invasion wherein an innocent man, Jeff Lusk and his brain injured son were roughed up and his medication, etc, was stolen and thrown from his home.
That is not the "Thrive" side of Kaiser! Mr. Guasco does not belong as a part of the team of positive humanity for the welfare of others. There is no place for cruelty and bullies in the world of caregiving. Mr. Guasco is a predator and an opportunist. Please tell him to give Dr. Lukaszewicz the freedom afforded other human beings. Mr. Guasco is holding him hostage. The things Kaiser has allowed to be done to me and to Dr. Lukaszewicz have been beyond criminal; it is the stuff of horror movies. I was given a false breast cancer diagnosis and when one false restraining order was over, I was hoping to have Dr. Lukaszewicz observe any surgery I might need for breast cancer, but Guasco slapped a 5 year restraining order on me. He lies to judges, but they already seem to be on the payroll. Please stop giving him carte blanche to hurt people and defile our sacred and precious institutions. The money he must use to buy his victories is only harming our system of justice. Mr. Guasco is a terrible attorney, he is also a criminal. Don't you feel better knowing truth is being told and honesty is prevailing? He does none of that. You also indulge Dr. Moayeri, who has twice attacked me with deadly attempts on my life. She is not worth that indulgence. She is not normal, because normal people don't make plans to try and kill other people. Please, if she does end up killing me, or anyone else, like Dr. Lukaszewicz, it will reflect very badly on Kaiser and it will implicate you, since you ignored the warnings. I could get awarded millions of dollars and she could be given a prison sentence, but I have been so saddened by the terrible ways Dr. Lukaszewicz has been treated and manipulated and held as a prisoner, I will make you a deal: give him his freedom to live as he sees best, remove all the false legal restrictions from me and I will sign a Hold Harmless agreement for Dr. Moayeri and not make public statements about her treatment of me. She could face serious incarceration time and I will pursue it vigorously unless we can come to an agreement. I will do nothing, if Dr. Lukaszewicz is given his guaranteed freedom. It is wrong to keep him under the thumb of criminals. Please consider my offer, otherwise, all bets are off.
Mike Guasco should be relieved of, removed from his employment with Kaiser. He has only caused pain to innocent people. Kaiser will be a much better place without him.
Thank you!
Sincerely,
Cheryl Petrovich
Sunday, March 7, 2021
Smile
You are the most beautiful person I've ever met. I want to know you forever.
Please let me take care of you and make you smile.
I did not like you looking so serious and under pressure.
It hurts to see someone you love in such agony.
Weird
My Internet has been out for 2 weeks. Something is fishy. My Driver license was also taken away under strange circumstances. It has been a weird ride.
I tried to put a bug in Andy Cohen's ear about this. I hope he reaches out to me. I want all to be well.
Rise
"What defines us is how well we rise after falling."
"-Maid in Manhattan"
If I need to say good-bye to you forever, I will, but I need to know you are okay. It has become my life. You have become the part of my life I love the most.
Best
I try and remove things I write from view once in awhile.
Please do what makes you happy. Don't let people hold you back. That is not right. You know what is being done to you is for themselves. They have no respect for you, nor anyone but themselves. How you got stuck like this, I have no idea, but you don't deserve it.
Of course I love you, but to call it an obsession denigrates it. Why does it have to be ugly, not romance? It has been many years. It is real. I am here. Come when you can.
I realized that I have never been in love before. Anything else was merely practice for you.
Just don't come and ever see me, if you do not feel the same.I am not much anyway, so I would understand, but I will die for you, if you need. It would be the best end of my life.
After
This is the weirdest thing ever. Please, take your time, be prudent, but get the "f" outta there! Get safe and then work things out after. Please take a chance.
Deny
Peter says to Him, “Even if it may be necessary for me to die with You, I will not deny You”; in like manner also said all the disciples.
Safe
If you come here, I will protect you. Anytime. I have been getting ready to paint, so I have messes, but you will be safe.
Friday, March 5, 2021
Fell asleep
Fell asleep and knocked my plate of food all over the floor! Eeek! What a mess! Good I was more tired than hungry!
Hmmmm
For some reason, I find the humor in many situations.....and yet, I have never tried to murder anyone. WTF?
"Tonight, tonight...."
All kinds of protectiveness from me, but it was turned into something mentally ill. I had 2 attempts on my life and the world turns just fine, with a 🎶 show tune in the background. Go figure!🎶
Face
Remember, I was thrust into this situation. I never said I was good at it. I never thought I was going to be facing such traumatic times and legal threats. I very nearly went to jail and it is hanging over my head. I adore you, but threat of jail is not a great birthday pressie......it doesn't come in my color palate. I'm a spring.
Good
I have been getting ins. payments at my local clinic. That is good news. It was from the blood infection I had. I am surprised since the first turned me down.
"Justice"
When did this stop being "The land of the Free......?"
And instead become, "the land of "get a great education and throw on the shackles and leg irons?" Those work places are an opportunist's delight and predator's playground.
I am ashamed of our system of "justice!"
Keep moving
Sf seems like a better place for a rendezvous. Go there and keep on going. That's better than an appeal.
Net
I am writing to the CEO and just feeling my way around. Did "she" leave her job? Seems as if she had a few unhappy "customers". When is the net coming?🤪
New additions, like a house
I am contesting it.
I was pressured, so I thought, "why not?"
If I ever come after you, don't take it personally just like I don't (😢) it is just to bring you out and get info. I don't do much good trying to help. I just end up looking like a crazy. I was being skewered royally. Still treating my wounds with bandages with your picture on them. It is all that soothes..... I got quite a paint job. I think the Titanic had the same artist.....
So much weirdness. I hope it isn't all hinging on money, because that can be gotten back later. Someone told me we have a great story. I think so. Whoever heard of anyone in such a position? This is all her doing along with an opportunist?
I want to go to the clinic here, but I get none of it covered. Maybe they will since it is an emergency of sorts. You would make me better with a touch of your hand. Can you make a deal and reason with her? She can't be happy and fulfilled. I would hold no grudges for her trying to kill me twice....(I have a hard time with grudges, but don't tell...) I don't want what she has, monetary wise. I would even cook her a Thanksgiving dinner, you carve.....just lightening the mood....maybe horrifying it, who knows, Stephen King is a bad influence. (He's a hoot.) Anyway, hungry as Hell, in pain and cold. Please eat more, gorgeous, but thin!
Thursday, March 4, 2021
Flowers
Will you ever be my friend? Will just keep going along with them?
If you remain where you are, you will never get out. You already spoke out against a friend in a serious setting, that is pretty low. I was brought down to the lowest.
I know, it is weird. We need to figure things out. I love you.
Home again.
I hate the drive back home. It is windy and tedious. In the day, it would be nice.
How are you?
I don't like complaining, but my kidneys have revved up the pain.
Loser
So, I guess I was supposed to lose. You know time is more precious than money to me. All the time stolen away for what reason? Do they own you? Who all has the right to keep you from freedom (caged)? You are an independent human being! If you just don't want to see me, that is your business, but just let me know. Do you?
Doesn't anyone care how much this hurts me? How much it might hurt you? Please, this is not right.
W/o
I had to have the room under my renter's name, because of a SNAFU with my DL. (I am pretty sure who was behind it.) Cheryl....... Michael levine 241
Come get me......! Please? I am so excited to see you again.....forever.
I miss you so much. Life is terrible w/o you.
Wednesday, March 3, 2021
Doesn't it
Doesn't it bother you to be treated like a non-human with no independent mind, or thinking? That is not respectful.
Tuesday, March 2, 2021
Better Angels
“We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.”
― Great Speeches / Abraham Lincoln: with Historical Notes by John Grafton
Entire
I wish I didn't have to face the people who want to hurt me all alone. It makes me feel like crap. That is what has been done to me the entire time.
Monday, March 1, 2021
A Chance
The truth is what we should always seek; not who can out maneuver and fool the other the best. Life is not a game, it is a chance to take care of each other.
requirement
Your truth is my truth too. It should set us both free, right? That has always been my own requirement.
I wish
I wish I did not have to go tomorrow. I wish you weren't busy. Kind of important......maybe it was just said to make it seem like you don't care.
No more +
I wish you would just say, "This is over" and walk me out. It has been going on so long, it needs to be over. It has been at least 6 years+ of being beaten up and you, maybe more. I cannot imagine the horrors you have suffered. No more suffering for anyone. I beg you, free us both. I need to know you are safe and free.
Wouldn't want to
Tomorrow they are going to have 2 police officers in the courtroom saying ugly stuff about me. I am not sure I can take it. They won't let me say anything about the entire reason I called. I was worried about the forgery situation and them cleaning out assets and killing the witness. It was getting to the end of the R.O. and I was not just going to let my doctor die. How could I live with that? I could not live. I wouldn't want to.
Thinking
It is funny, it sounds like someone is blowing through a conch shell next door. Could it be voodoo? 💀👻
Reminds me, I have wanted to go to New Orleans for ages. I lived only 400 miles away from New Orleans when I lived in Dallas.
I feel like you attract spirits.
I remember that you knew what I was thinking. That was fun.
Respect
Do hidden court papers say I violated you, or something? People keep treating me like shit, so I just wonder if that attorney made something up. I don't violate, you know that. I respect people. I however, have had people behave very disrespectfully toward me.
Special
When you took care of me, I knew I was being in your care. I felt like the most cherished person in the world. It was lovely beyond words. I never had that before. Anyone who does not treat you like a king, is crazy and does not know what they are missing out on. It would be an incredible joy. I would enjoy to just plan ways to make you happy and feel special and so loved.
Memory
I remember your soft, gentle hand on top of mine. How beautiful was that small gesture, but it has been a sweet memory to sustain me.
Weird situation
I got so stressed from having to hear me talked about like some awful criminal. I got dizzy and nauseated and had to use the facilities often. I had to go back to the hotel. I could not call the taxi, no phone, and no Internet service. It was like they were talking about a stranger when they talked about my doctor. They could not say his last name to save their souls. The attorney was just out and out mean. I said I was sick and had to leave and he said, "oh JESUS CHRIST!" No compassion. Not a speck. What ungodly thing do they think I did?
I wish I could see you. I would never feel bad again. I had written I love you yesterday, but removed it, not to make you uncomfortable. I slip at times, which I will do, since I mean it. They said my doctor is busy tomorrow, but will come Wed., I guess. I am not going to ever get any help from my own attorney. I have thick skin, but it bothers me on a level I don't understand. You need to use the opportunity to let the truth get out. Otherwise, I will be in Prison and you will stay in yours. You are everything to me.
Care
Please keep me in your thoughts. I am getting nervous. I did nothing wrong, but no one seems to care.
Why I don't believe it....
I always rejected that it was a real R.O. because my doctor was the most caring, compassionate, respectful person I ever meant. He supported me and made me feel like I was no different than any
to improve myself that any new doctor I went to see for an appointment treated me with respect and wanted me to feel comfortable and not embarrassed for my body size that was of a chronic disease of which I was afflicted. It was not
not his style to give me a R.O. He knew my life had been difficult, and as the compassionate one that he is, he nurtured me back to health, mentally and physically, just as does an excellent physician.
These 5 + years of cruelty and threat and demeaning behavior toward me that was piled upon me, was an obvious answer as to who was behind the restraining orders was the Kaiser contract attorney. He yelled at me, jeered at me and once even said to me, "I CAN KEEP YOU RESTRAINED FOREVER", no word of Dr. Lukaszewicz at all. ..... (to be continued)
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