I am still looking at places to live in Oregon, a place without an HOA. It would be nice to have the extra money. I just have to consider my mother. Her husband is in his 90's and she says she has a hard time getting him to his appointments, because it is hard to get him in and out of the car. She doesn't like to have a service do it, since it is expensive. I wish I hadn't moved so far away, I just did it out in a rush. I should be there to help her.  It was during a difficult time. I ran away, basically. I miss my house. It was so connected to my family, since they built it. I am trying to stay upbeat, but it is hard. If people in this complex were more friendly, it would be nicer, but they were mean from the moment they met me. I think they may have been instructed to be that way....but the woman next door brought me the books and asked about having some wine while sitting outside. It was nice, but I am leery about getting too friendly. I would get into this mess and I am too ashamed.

My renter had to go work, so he used my car. It is more his than mine. I never go out.
I spoke with my mother this morning, since it is her birthday. I am always nervous, because she usually has a lot of complaints, but this morning was different, so that was nice. She told me that the gardening shoes I sent her came just in time, because hers were worn out. She said they were just a bit big. It is annoying because my brother never sends her anything, so I put his name on things too. I don't want her to think anyone is forgetting her she had a hard life growing up. Her mother wanted to have fun, so she foisted my mother off on relatives, but her father said he didn't want her, but she worshipped anyway. I met him only one time. He was an obnoxious Florida racist. I had always thought he was dead. He never did anything for my mother. I take that all into consideration when my mother is not too pleasant. She is a product of her upbringing....aren't we all...
I guess we either become like the people who raise us, or the opposite. I am the opposite. I love people and feel sorry for them, if they are sad, or in need. Often it makes me a sucker, but I would rather be taken as a fool, than be somone who hurts people. I will never need redemption for that at least.

It is ironic that I am painted as a bad person during this whole thing; I could never purposely hurt anyone, yet I hear ugly things directed my way since this thing started. Other people don't mind being cruel. At least I know who I am, I have no worries that way. Those people who attack, though, I don't know how they live with themselves.

Have a lovely day.