I feel my role is to make things smooth for you. It isn't for me. I adore you and I would love to be your friend, but what do I have going for myself? Not much, compared to you. I only have endless love. I am in awe of you, but I guess I am in a subservient role. I was never aware of that, because of my own love blinders, but I suppose I need to be aware. I have been taken down a lot and made to feel like I was scum, so I expect nothing. I do not understand it and I have been hurt. No words have been very available; I only drew my own conclusions and resources. I had to find my feeling of self respect and it was not easy. I am not a person who keeps grudges, but others sure do. I always thought I was just a nice, caring person; what would a grudge be for?
I hoped to have a best friend out of the wait, but it will not be my decision, I suppose. It sure seemed like we were as close as two people could be and managed understand each other. I even took lie detection to prove it. I felt worn out. I almost never slept fully. It has beaten me up, but I always had you in my heart and mind, so I was lucky.
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