Near

 There are days when I feel pretty good and days that just feel like a day that could have arisen from Hell. 

Any day that doesn't have you in it, is from Hell. 

I was seeing Sharon Stone talking about having a near death experience. Her experience was so intense.

I had only a small similar thing, but it was my not waking up from anesthesia after a procedure. It seemed like the nurse was getting a kick out of slapping the shit out of me. I could hear her, but I just could not respond. It seemed like I could see them getting all agitated and saying they thought they were going to lose me, but somehow, I managed to come back. I don't remember that they ever told me anything about it afterward, but I know it happened. I have wondered after that if I needed to find out if I could be allergic to the anestesia, but I had surgery for my cancer and all was well, except I found out I am allergic to morphine. It is funny that my surgeon was Dr. Goodnight. Lovely person, strange name. That was at UC Davis. 

There is only one person I would ever want for my surgery, or to have there along. I am very serious about that. It is one of the reasons I have not gone in to K, because I am afraid they will say I need surgery. I have gone through times of terrible kidney pain and while my breast was hurting, but I refused to go w/o the only one I trust with my life. 

It is him, or God.