I guess I'm pretty used to "staying in place" after basically doing it for a long while. It was a difficult time and the worry was enormous. As I said waiting was not the issue, but all the threats and manufactured contempts and being screamed at that I was hated was a worry to me and also ate away at my heart. Both of those horrible people said such ugly things about me and they wore away at me about my barely existing self-esteem. I know about my failings and less than lovely appearance, but you never seemed bothered by it. You were always kind. I have been accused of ugly things and being forward and salacious. It wasn't nice. I lost people I knew, including Dave Pine and other people I had been working with on traffic and airport noise. The people attacking me had/have a fixation on calling people unstable, then they would "spread the wealth" and accuse others of mental illness. It really pissed me off. They tried everything. It was insane. How can such a large organization put up with this kind of absurd and worse, treatment of important and decent people? I know who instigated it. It was wrong for it to have been taken to such a degree. It should have also been questioned as to the stability of an individual who wanted such a thing to happen AND of the people who carried it out. I saw that MP picked up and ran far away, even with so much family still here. She is not normal and is an opportunist and sly. She is a spy. No one else makes up cruel plans like those against other people without any remorse and not be called a spy. And he buys the court with K money. He hurts people who have no way to fight back. They are the cancer. They are the problem. You put up with years of attack as much as I, but the disrespect shown you was abysmal. I know everyone is important, but you were shown in a bad light and had identity stolen, put words in your mouth and had to suffer seeing someone else being hurt. It was not fun and games, it was seriously cruel. I just want to know about the books. It was a bit of comfort in the dark time. It was a kind of hug. I just feel very close to you and want you to enjoy life; it is all that matters to me.  I have been treated like a very cared for person by you. I appreciate all you did. I always knew. I enjoy what you say, your insight, openness to suggestion, amusement when I might say something funny and when you playfully did the same. There was so much more. You made me feel lovely. As I penned: "you wrote  me a poem each time you smiled at me."

(I love your smile. )