I am a bit dull recently. I am emotional, but trying to continue with a pleasant attitude. I am truly worried, but hopeful. I know things are difficult, but the time they steal away, cannot be given back. It is exceptional cruelty & unforgivable.
I knew when I met you that you were going to be special in my life, but I later worried that I had been wrong and I felt so confused and sad. I understood that I was supposed to ignore what was obvious and hang in there for the hidden truth. So I did. I had felt so awful; I nearly made a terrible, huge mistake. I am glad I did not; the dying Jesus I was blessed by at the hospital brought me back to normal thinking. The selfish actions of those awful people nearly ended me. I would have played right into their hands and my help would have been gone. I truly need to know that my actions are blessed and wanted. I never want to let you down, or make things worse for you.So, let me know when I ask.
I will try and show you some things later. If you hate what I have written; then give me a 9 and I will look at it and ask which might bother you. If it is rather minor and it can slide, please do. I wrote that you cannot (not allowed) to write, or use the phone personally. And you even needed to have help filing things. That way, if mistakes are made you can blame a helper who took too much license.
I found again the letter from David Horowitz who was thanking me for a self-help kind of book I sent to him about grieving after his wife was horrifically murdered. He thanked me for reminding him of the good in people too and that he should not turn bitter. It was an inspiring letter. I felt more proud of causing a difference in someone's life than anything else I could have done. That is how I feel about you; relieving you of despair and pain, is what would make me happiest. I just get a bit nervous when my renter tells me what I do is a risk because of what happened prior. I appreciate the reminder, but it also makes my stomach hurt and and lack of sleep. I just say, "I cannot let him down; he has been there for me when I needed it." Then, I pray.
All I can do is think how nice it would be to just spend some lovely time with you. I see a beautiful sunset and you come to mind, or I see a new, relaxing place that would create conversation and bring back past admiration and a closeness that life needs; I think of you. I would just love to be near you again.
I am a bit dull recently. I am emotional, but trying to continue with a pleasant attitude. I am truly worried, but hopeful. I know things are difficult, but the time they steal away, cannot be given back. It is exceptional cruelty & unforgivable.
ReplyDeleteLove.
ReplyDeleteI really don't want to lose you, no matter what my relationship to you. But, I want to keep you in my life forever.
ReplyDeleteI knew when I met you that you were going to be special in my life, but I later worried that I had been wrong and I felt so confused and sad.
ReplyDeleteI understood that I was supposed to ignore what was obvious and hang in there for the hidden truth. So I did. I had felt so awful; I nearly made a terrible, huge mistake. I am glad I did not; the dying Jesus I was blessed by at the hospital brought me back to normal thinking. The selfish actions of those awful people nearly ended me. I would have played right into their hands and my help would have been gone. I truly need to know that my actions are blessed and wanted. I never want to let you down, or make things worse for you.So, let me know when I ask.
If I don't specifically get an answer; I won't do it. I cannot end up like that trial; alone and guilty. Please?
ReplyDeletePlease be understanding w/me; I am trying to overcome my fragility and blasting away at being tough and stopping the bad and helping the good!
ReplyDeleteI love you; never forget; I work from that energy.
ReplyDeleteI will try and show you some things later.
ReplyDeleteIf you hate what I have written; then give me a 9 and I will look at it and ask which might bother you. If it is rather minor and it can slide, please do. I wrote that you cannot (not allowed) to write, or use the phone personally. And you even needed to have help filing things. That way, if mistakes are made you can blame a helper who took too much license.
I found again the letter from David Horowitz who was thanking me for a self-help kind of book I sent to him about grieving after his wife was horrifically murdered. He thanked me for reminding him of the good in people too and that he should not turn bitter. It was an inspiring letter. I felt more proud of causing a difference in someone's life than anything else I could have done. That is how I feel about you; relieving you of despair and pain, is what would make me happiest. I just get a bit nervous when my renter tells me what I do is a risk because of what happened prior. I appreciate the reminder, but it also makes my stomach hurt and and lack of sleep. I just say, "I cannot let him down; he has been there for me when I needed it." Then, I pray.
ReplyDeleteAll I can do is think how nice it would be to just spend some lovely time with you. I see a beautiful sunset and you come to mind, or I see a new, relaxing place that would create conversation and bring back past admiration and a closeness that life needs; I think of you. I would just love to be near you again.
ReplyDelete