AM I JUST GOING TO BE ALLOWED TO DIE?

I have no idea if I have breast cancer, or not. My close friend just died of cancer after just appearing to have beaten it. It returned like a bolt of lightening and struck her dead within a matter of hours after arriving at the hospital. I am devastated.
I have been beaten up for nearly 5 years. My only way to hang on was thinking of you. All I have ever wanted to do was see you and see you happy. Nothing could ever top that. After this elaborate show that was put on by the K group of collaborators and I was yelled at, physically treated like a pinata and berated at by an insane sounding doctor who tried to sell me on the fact that I had emotional problems; it was a Stephen King version of a circus. Nothing really makes sense, so how can I trust them? How can I trust any of them around you? They have been stealing your identity for a long time and I worry that plan is waiting to be carried out. I don't know if you are okay, or what. I am trying not to be frantic, but there are so many unanswered questions. This entire plan of cruelty has MP written all over it. That person is a troll monster from Hell.

There are bad people doing bad things and we are merely victims and puppets. I have been forced into prayer, speculation, "keeping a good thought", journaling, researching, pretending all is well and creative thinking and writing. It is about as satisfying as smelling dinner, but not being allowed to eat, or only being able to "pee just a teaspoonful" when your bladder feels bursting.