I am feeling so alone and too much going on. I am supposed to believe in things that seem too much of a coincidence and people who have agendas being cruel. Why attack me? I have no control over anything! What do they want from me? To die? To look weak? To announce them as winners? Of what? I am far away and have nothing! Why do they frighten me and then beat up on me? I don't get to see the one I care about, or talk to him, so why continue to beat up on me? This is just cruelty for cruelty sake. How insane and just vindictive they are to be like this! I am the scapegoat for their own problems! I am limping along with all sorts of problems and yet they, with all the money and power just put the screws to me as if I have made their life bad! Maybe if they were nice and not assholes, life would be better for them! I like to show my appreciation and am nice to people and they hate that because people like that better than cruelty! Well duh! Screw them! I was not born to take their frustration because they don't know how to be decent human beings! I have been so considerate of everyone's feelings, even when I am treated like shit! Forget it! If I can understand how to be a normal, kind person, why can't they? They just DON'T WANT TO BE A GOOD, DECENT PERSON AND WANT EVERYONE TO BE KIND TO THEM AND SYMPATHETIC TO THEIR FUCKED UP PERSONALITIES! I have been living in a smoke and mirrors world for 5 years, been attacked, and can still manage to not be an asshole, or die!  That pisses them off! They deserve what they get! They are not " too big to fail!" People deserve autonomy, have nice lives! Have love  and security and feel cherished and supported and protected. If they do not have that, they deserve to find it.
Do what you need to be happy. Don't let anyone stop you. I just want to assist it by being here and supportive. No one owns another person. They need to be happy. Keep up what is obligated, but find happiness too. People who are cruel should not have money, because they do terrible to things with it and feel they own people because they can buy who every they want. Why not be nice and then people will like them? I have been treated like a nothing for 5 years. They have had all the advantages, yet still behave like jerks. They get what they deserve, but I will still defer to what is wanted. I have been beaten like a rabid dog, but I still have compassion. I may be a fool, but my compassion is who I am.