Mountain Lion on my fav trail

 https://www.pressdemocrat.com/article/news/mountain-lion-with-fresh-kill-closes-popular-san-mateo-county-trail/

That place holds a lot of memories for me. It was where I taught myself the Kerouac method of meditation of listening to my own footsteps to clear the thoughts from invading my mind. It was really enjoyable. 

You gave that beautiful gift of the knowledge of that trail to me. I need another one here. 

The people were really friendly on that trail and it was nice that I was actually able to give a "pep" talk to a distraught woman I met on the trail who seemed visibly uplifted by the end of our association. That was one of the best things I felt I accomplished in a chance meeting with someone (of course, my neighbor who had tried to kill himself and I for some reason had felt compelled to go check on him at 3 am. I had not even met him before). It shows that if we stay open to feelings and don't shut them down for fear of looking like a fool, we can accomplish helpful things. Of course, some people like you do it all of the time and make people so much better for it.

Then, of course, there was the lizard.....and little Alexander the fanciful "knight" vanquishing the evildoers. (I sure could use his help now....)

I just get beaten up and have mean, untrue things said about me. I really do not know how those people live with themselves knowing they are destroying a life and not enhancing one. That cannot be a good feeling. If I were destroying lives at an emotional level, my life would erode away along with theirs. 

It is terrible to have your own self-worth and goodness in doubt. It hurts more than anything else. What is more important than how we view ourselves? I guess it is why abuse is not only physical. Emotional abuse is invisible, but runs deep and deadly and can take a person down as sure as a mountain lion can take down a deer.

I feel as frightened and as low as prey.

I need to stop letting my despair stop me from living. But I do and it does. 

Those sweet memories though, can never be taken away. By anyone. Sometimes they are all we have to sustain us. If they can.