Why would a narcissist go from stalking you to keeping their distance?
Why would a narcissist go from stalking you to keeping their distance?
The simple answer is: fear of a consequence.
If they think the stalking is being noticed by someone who might get the police involved, he’d stop. It’s easier to move on to a new supply than spend months in jail.
If he thinks someone in your life (read father, brother or male cousin) will literally beat him stupid, he’ll move on. Why get beat up over a supply. There’s always another one right around the corner.
He might have found someone easier to intimidate and scaring her is more fun. In that case, don’t worry because he’ll w
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Yes—trauma-bonding is powerful.
Not all victims will stalk, but, some will.
The perplexing narc raises utmost curiosity.
- How and why would someone behave in the ways they do?
- How do their actions effect them on the daily?
- Is the way I’m feeling unique?
- How do I make sense of this?
Victims often question their own sanity and wonder what may possibly be wrong with them for such behavior and actions to be cast against them.
In this way, victims may check their abuser’s social media, etc… to look for cues of closure. They’ll look for signs that, they’re in fact not the crazy one.
Narcissists do not give cl
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Yes. They could be mutual friends, family, people from work, relatives… Abuse by proxy as they say. Or another term “Flying monkeys”. It could be as simple as your friend telling you that your ex says you can pick up your things you left. And this happens just as you’re getting over them and you’re no contact. Then they contact another and another for different things you left that would have value for those people and they say “Why the fuck did you leave that cd I gave you, that’s really thoughtless of you!” See how the narc comes off as nice and you come off as an asshole to your friends. Th
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A narcissist goes from stalking you to keeping their distance because, something new has been found.
Think of a shark stalking prey, the shark disappears after seeing a new easier🐠 to catch piece of prey.🐠
Or the narcissist is bored, and, lost interest, again.
They stalk you because they miss the things that you used to provide which is Narcissistic Supplies(Admiration,Attention,Adulation,Validation,Love,Drama,Excitement).
A Narcissist rarely discards,they like to shelf the victim,most of the victims never get the chance to find the Closure because they never provide closure,leaving the victim even more confused and searching for answers.Every reaction from the victim trying to get closure feeds them fuel anything positive or negative.
A Narcissist might discard you for 2 reasons:
- They are simply bored since they possess low levels of boredom tolerance,you give them stability while they crave for drama and excitement,they sucked you dry out of supplies.
- You started rising your voice up calling them on their actions/lies/manipulations and asking the relationship to be a two way street.Basically with one word you saw through that mask/facade and they see you as threat to their safety.
Keep in mind they rarely discard,most of the times prolonged Silent Treatments are confused with the Discard.They will give you their Silence since you called them on their actions punishing you and taking no responsibility for their actions.Once you drop the guard down and once they know that they won’t have any effect on your emotions they will be back with the Grand Hoover trying to rekindle things.
The Hoover might take place from 1 day to 1 century whenever they feel like they can suck you back in,most likely when you are the most vulnerable.They learned your vulnerabilites so they will manipulate you once again no problem.
The only way out is to go completely No Contact this will save you a heartbreak and your sanity.You don’t need to find a closure because they will never give you the Closure,the only closure that you can get is within you.
Wish you the best of luck and a strong recovery-AS.
To get information on them, to destroy their lives and to terrorise them.
Stalking is about the need for power and control.
It’s an easy an effective way to instil fear in someone and difficult to prove. The victim basically lives in perpetual fear never knowing if and when they will be harmed.
The key word is 'seem". If he/she keeps showing up where you are and 'talked to you', it would 'seem' to others that he/she is 'stalking you'. When he/she keeps showing up where you are, doesn't talk to you, but 'seems' to be there to talk to everybody or anybody except you, it would not 'seem' to others that he/she is stalking you. When he/she 'seems' to make a new 'friend' at pretty much every place you go and just happens to want to spend time with his/her new 'friend' when you are there, it would 'seem' that he/she is there to spend time with his/her 'friend'. By showing up where you are a
… (more)The minute he sees that you are NOT rushing in to “do better”. To “fix what he made you feel was broken”, when he sees you have stopped trying to please him, when you stop noticing him, stopped reacting to him.
And the “new target” does not shine as he thought- he looks over his shoulder and the covert stalking begins.
Does a narcissist Stalk the person who goes no contact (in all circumstances)?
No one , not even narcissist’s always do something. Many will stalk but not all of them. It depends on the narcissistic injuries inflicted and the patterns the disordered person uses to stumble through life. The abuser will often view the establishment of no contact as a removal of the power and control they thought they had, and view the loss of the hold they had as a challenge. They may approach re-gaining control with zeal and determination, of course they alway have the choice to just walk away. It depends on wha
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Be careful when you choose to stalk the narc. Be aware that in most cases they post things that they want you to see. Sometimes they have a hidden agenda behind what they post to purposely hurt you. They know which buttons to push and which cards to play.
Remember that no contact means no contact with their social media as well. Not just by not speaking with them but also no contact with their social media and anything related to them, because it’s a quick downward spiral after that. This is the only way no contact works.
I feel your pain, when I was with him for the first 4 years, I constantly
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This question…. right away all I can picture in my mind is a narcissist serial killer with his whole bedroom wall covered in pictures of his victims and a map connecting the dots. Maybe with some locks of their hair for souvenirs.
Narcissists function on benefits. So, applying a generalization about the impact of No Contact is not applicable.
Think like a fisherman. If you get your hook into a ‘big one’, you will spend the hours and hours out in deep waters in the hot sun that it takes to wear it down, reel it in, and hoist that treasure! If you hook a ‘small fish’ that’s easy to reel in and there’s not much to brag about or consume, what will you do? Throw it back and move on.
The point is that No Contact is irrelevant to whether the narcissist will “get the picture”. The real question is, ‘Are you a big fish or a small fish?’ for the narcissist?
A narcissist wants control, safety, comfort. If you are perceived as top supply and serve their needs, the narcissist will keep trying to ‘reel’ you in. They will do what it takes if motivated, regardless of no contact.
If you were a pit stop, a dalliance, or a temporary bridge to stay pacified between supply, you are the small fish. You were boring, or needy, or annoying. They will throw you back and never think about you again. No Contact has no impact.
No Contact is for your recovery. If someone uses No Contact to teach a lesson or get revenge, that’s the same as a narcissist using a silent treatment.
No Contact allows you to heal from narcissistic trauma bonding. By cutting off all contact, you can rebalance your mind, your goals, and your life.
Contrary to popular belief ; Psychopaths and narcissists are not typically stalkers.
In some rare cases psychopaths and narcissists can of course stalk, this is what is called “revenge stalkers” ; the kind of people can when offended want to retaliate, they’ll be waiting in a bush with a baseball bat to beat the person up when they gets home from work.
But those are rare causes, a narcissist or psychopath will in most cases just move on and forget about their ex due to low emotional attachment. The only time when this is not true is if you have done something that greatly upset them and they seek revenge to correct the balance sheets.
Most stalkers are according to studies either : Autistic, schizophrenic, borderline.
The schizophrenic stalker is refered to as the “celebrity stalker”, the type of person that stalks celebrities and shows up in their home, thinking they are in an actual relationship when the celebrity does not even know them. Keanu Reeves for example have had two schizophrenic stalkers that broke into his home after the Matrix, one of them he found in his own kitchen cooking dinner for him. The psychotic person thought she was married to Keanu Reeves. He quickly called the police and the sick lady was arrested. It’s theorized that Keanu Reeves dislike for public attention is because those two incidents really spooked him.
Julia Roberts also had a schizophrenic stalker that broke into her own and she called 911 while hiding in the closet.
Then you have the autistic stalker , many people with autism struggle with unwritten social codes and unwritten rules, they also struggle with understanding other people.
These autistic people tend to stalk people from the workplace or school. They might fall in love with a lady then obsess about them then start to call them hundreds times a day and show up on their door over and over even if the lady says “I am not interested, do not contact me”.
The most famous stalker in Norway that have over 100 court cases for stalking women he falls in love with online is diagnosed with autism. He just dont understand that these women dont want to talk to him.
Then you have the borderline stalker.
They are sometimes called “bunny boilers”. From the dictionary : “bunny boiler noun; a woman who acts vengefully after having been spurned by her lover”
Alot of people with BPD have an extreme fear of abandonment, so during a break up they go into survival mode and try to cling on as hard as they can. They will go from hot to cold , then cold to hot over and over and may stalk their ex in hopes if getting him or her back. They can threaten, intimidate, yell, flirt, be seductive and everything in the book.
So that is the most common stalkers. NPD on the other hand is not really associated with stalking according to the studies I’ve read, in cases where narcissists stalk it’s typically due to a narcissistic injury and they want revenge.
That revenge can even include murder. Inflicting a narcissistic injury upon someone that has NPD is extremely dangerous. I’ve read some Quora stories from american correctional officers and they said that the inmates they were most afraid of was people with NPD and not ASPD. Because psychopaths dont hold grudges , so even if they threaten you, they will probably have forgotten it the day after. But with a narcissist, if he threatens you it means you have done something that upset him, which means the narcissist has a grudge that they will never get over - which mean that this inmate might one day when he is released visit the correctional officers family and harm them.
So when I read on Quora when “abuse victims” talk about planning to hurt their ex narcissists on purpose I am thinking to myself “That’s a quick way to get yourself killed and you will win no darwin awards by actively harrass someone with NPD, NPD is built for conflict and they can go further then you can”
Like how on earth could it possibly be a good idea to deliberately harrass someone with a bad temper, zero empathy, emotional dysregulation and a vengeful desire for revenge, rage problems and an incapability to let grudges go?
It’s like walking into a lion cage at the zoo then blame the lion for eating your arms and legs.
Narcissistic rage and narcissistic injury - Wikipedia
“ This may be the case when the narcissist experiences a "fall from grace", such as when their hidden behaviors or motivations are revealed, or when their importance is brought into question. Narcissistic injury is a cause of distress and can lead to dysregulation of behaviors as in narcissistic rage.
Narcissistic rage occurs on a continuum, which may range from instances of aloofness and expressions of mild irritation or annoyance to serious outbursts, including violent attacks and murder”
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