Petals

 I wish you were here. I wish you were anywhere I was going to be.

I have been sleeping a lot in the day and doing a few things during the night. 

I am backing off of some supplements to not complicate kidney function. The weird pain in my right rib cage is strange. I need to hire help, but cannot find it. (No surprise) too much stuff in the garage and the house, especially after closing the Millbrae storage units. Boring stuff. 

I had to spend some "quality time" alone in the small room, and picked up my Tolstoy book and begin looking for stories I could reread. They always seem so dire. I don't know if they are to make you grateful for what you have, or beaten up as if you just lived through their pain. But of all the depressing writers to me was Theodore Dreiser. "Sister Carrie" was a tough one. The abject poverty was excruciating. I always felt worn out after reading books like that. I think that an outlet for a person who likes to shop is for them to go to the local library. When you check out books, it is like buying something and helps the urge. I found many unusual thing to check out. One had old flags of various types, one had paintings, etc, it is a lot of fun. I also miss the local theaters. I have not been to anything at the local center here. I loved the old Los Gatos movie theatre. It is/was, all wood and had a musty smell, like an old book. They had herbal teas and banana bread and lemon muffins as their snacks. The floor squeaked as you looked for a prime spot to watch a foreign film, or Indie selection. The same wooden floor squeak I had at my Millbrae home and at the Church of the Nativity in Atherton/Menlo Park. (The church with the great 24 hr. bathroom.) Those sounds and smells are comforting for some reason. The church would often have people (usually women) doing what I call, a tandem rosary. It was beautiful. I usually stayed long enough to meditate, pray, light candles for everyone in need, and always for you. I would say hello to the Infant of Prague and then The Little Flower, St. Therese de Lisieux. Then, put holy water on my legs and on my head. Afterward, sit in the garden and look at the stars.  It was a peaceful place, there in the garden and it always made me feel more at peace. Each time I had to go down to San Mateo area, I rarely missed a "pit stop and a prayer". 🙏

I miss you so much.