Sometimes I just need to vent by listening to music and singing.

I am so tired of people.

I do feel your kindness.

I have gone through such a range of emotions. They never thought I'd be so tough. I think most of it was worrying about you.

I had to learn how to soothe myself.

It really was "one day at a time."

It really was hard having people scream in my face, saying cruel things. They said things I knew weren't true. People treating me like I was garbage. No one wanting to help me. I had to find ways to keep my self-respect. I am already hard on myself, but having people run me down made it more difficult. I froze. I stayed isolated. I felt guilty. Having judges act like I was the worst person they had ever seen was really awful. I knew they had been bribed, but it didn't make it better. I used to blame myself for everything. I was ashamed about how I felt. It terrified me that the horrible people might hurt my friend. Once I got that in my head, nothing made me feel better. I begged everyone to keep him safe. He always kept me safe and still does in ways. Love has tenacity. They tried so hard to shake my faith and it annoyed them when it didn't happen.

I won't "Drop through the cracks." But, I don't want another stranger poking at me.
I have odd things that go on with my health, but trust is important to me.
All I want to do is be able to talk to my friend again. Hear what he has to say and go on from there. This is not my world. It is foreign to me. I did not know people could be so self-centered and devious. I guess it shocked me. I don't trust people, only my friend. I was an open book. I still am, but worry that they will ramp up their cruelty.

Anyway, I have to deal with my health weakness. I had  been unable to walk well, but doing better. I push myself and then rest. I hate being in a mess, but I need to stop letting it bother me. I do what I can. I cannot find help to hire and I have to work hard on my "renter" to pitch in. He has a good heart, but he does not like to do housework. I have to stop caring, but I hate mess. Anyway, there are more important things in life, like a horrible man running this country who wants to destroy our Earth. It terrifies me.

Be well. You are on my mind all of the time. That is lovely.