Please wear a mask, or stay home......that is my gut reaction, but I want you safe. Maybe I am wrong to say it, but I don't care. I would want to take care of you, if I were allowed, or you wanted no matter what. I don't want to appear to have any desire to care for you since they make it something sinister, but they smeared my name and intentions. I am more worried about you than myself. I would take care of you no matter what. Screw those with nasty minds.

They say the Devil goes after the good people, since he already has the bad. I try and brush off the cruelty they deliver, but it still hurts. If you think well of me, I can survive anything.
Thinking of you has kept me mentally alive this far, worrying about you so much got me cancer. Telling people to keep you safe may have been annoying to them, but I could not have lived with myself, had I done nothing. I cannot imagine doing nothing. You were always there for me. You touch my heart. 

I just don't understand. I am scared and feel so alone.

I have no idea of anything going on, even with my health. It has been frustrating, sad, frightening, scary, cruel, worrying and heartbreaking. I have been treated like vermin. I have been dehumanized to such a humiliating degree, yet all I could do was "suck it up!" People at K say rude things to me and I say nothing back, just like I had to do in court. Yes, I held back, but worried about you. 

I only want what you decide. Help me get well, please?

All I want is to see you happy.

I will do whatever you say. I used to resist, but if I exercise an stop all the stress, my health will be better. I need an MRI, I think, after I load up on ALA for awhile. (It would be nice to get an Rx for LDN.) I will do whatever I need.

"Not everything in life makes sense."

~"Tales From the Loop"

I know my A1C is wonky, but I have all kinds of reasons for it outside the norm. I was taking a s-load of aspirin for a period of time and I have other issues too. They should ask about them.

I made a mushroom and spinach omelet for dinner and had some of the raisin bran muffins I made yesterday (no sugar, Stevia). It was very nice. Pretty scintillating, huh? :-) 

My Demise~

I believe in miracles
I've seen them in 
your eyes
I know that you believe in 
me and listen to 
my cries

I feel that you might need me 
too
my comfort 
and 
protection
I want to always be 
for you 
the first of your 
selection

For me the past came 
rushing 
back 
from distant times 
to present
You were the one I 
deeply loved
and made 
my life 
so pleasant

I could be facing 
my demise 
without
your intervention
Those with black 
and 
evil hearts
have death 
as their 
intention.
  
 ~Haviva

(c) HVM 2020

I keep your picture close by to make me less sad. But it also makes me miss you. All I can do is pray and stay as positive as I can.

I will never feel safe without you.

They know I am not financially able to get a second opinion, so for all I know, they are lying to me. I don't trust a place that allows thugs to beat up on innocent patients under the guise of authority.

Maybe I was gullible and fell into traps made by a-holes, but at least I am not the a-hole making the traps!

I am tired and very sad. I guess I am done.

I wonder if the type of cancer has been pinpointed? My leg aches so much.
Good time to go to nature.

Maybe it is a good time for you to go on a leave of absence.... I don't mean to sound terrible, just concerned.

I feel anxious.

I don't know what to think, or what to do. I feel empty.

Fight Breast Cancer With Unmatched Precision
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Please be there. I need you.

Feeling fairly good, so getting a bit of housework done. Just my leg aches. 

When may I see you?

I want my decisions in your hands.

I chug my supergreens powder. I put some natural Stevia in with it to make it taste less heinous..... :-)

My goal is to stay alive long enough to see you again. One of the things that makes me feel happy is knowing when I am gone, you will have many of my things. I owe you everything, but that is all I have. I will keep you safe as your other guardian angel.

I am Dr. Berkson's Linked-in contact. He is the ALA expert and who wrote to me saying he would cure me of Dercum's, if it is what I had. I told him maybe ALA could help against the Corona Virus. He is a consultant for the CDC.

I could handle anything, if I knew I had you in my life. I had to hold that thought to get through this rough time. You make my heart sing.

I just love the fact that I have been in love with you all this time. The day I spoke with you on the phone and still now. It is so delightful. I loved your hand over mine and looking into your eyes. If I could have those again, I could be in Heaven on Earth and invincible. If you had that too....but I cannot hope for that much....could I? I am not so special, in fact...much less.
:-(

I called Dr. Burt Berkson's office and said that Alpha Lipoic Acid might work to help those with Corona Virus. I want to have it infused for fighting breast cancer. Right now, I take it orally and another route.... I want to buy the liquid to inject, or infuse.

• Please don't think I am weird saying all the things I do. I just need to do it because I miss you so much and it keeps me from being too sad, although, not 100%. When I don't realize it, tears will just come rolling down and sobs sneak out. 

I sleep when I can, so I sleep at weird times. My leg hurts and stops me from sleeping during the night. I was also thinking of taking Benedryl to help me from stressing out and make me too drowsy to notice the pain. I lost my bottle, so must order another.

I am reasonable. I can be in love, but not act like it, if necessary. I just enjoy being around you.
I try not to be jealous of those who can.

I want to see you so much, but only when it won't ruin things. It should be over anyway. I need your strength, moral support and protection....and knowledge.

If friendship and love were possible too, I could beat any foe. You were my strength, and my feeling of so much Joy! I never knew such happiness existed, or the strongest love.

I need this! I need a doctor to write an Rx for this for my breast cancer! The pharmacist will help with writing the Rx. It will give me the best chance at beating it. I think ALA could be used against the Corona Virus. It needs to be used for that possibility. It is a powerful antioxidant!

ALPHA LIPOIC ACID INJECTION | Compounding Pharmacy - Empower Pharmacy
https://www.empowerpharmacy.com/drugs/alpha-lipoic-acid-injection.html

Dear friends, old and new: Things are really lively here at the Tassajara reservations office! Our online reservations are now open and we're busy filling reservation requests for the 2020 Tassajara Guest Season. If you're planning on joining us this summer you may want to book soon as we are filling up unusually fast this year. Take a look at our online brochure for details on rooms, retreats, and other important information for your visit. Our phones will be live on March 14 but in the meantime we are happy to answer any of your questions via email at tassreservations@sfzc.org. The mountains, the hot springs, the sound of the temple bell ... Now more than ever, the quiet contemplative atmosphere of Tassajara is a refreshing antidote to the chaos of these modern times. Please come! Warmly, The Tassajara Community • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Wildflowers and Birds of Tassajara May 11 - 15 Diane Renshaw and Zenshin Greg Fain Investigate the natural world through intimate looking; learning the names of what is seen; opening to scent, shape, song, and call; and enjoying the whole body-mind experience of being immersed in the wilderness surrounding Tassajara.  Find out more ... Coming Home to the Body: Cultivating Joy, Connection, and Renewal May 11 - 15 Lisa Marie and Shinchi Linda Galijan By coming home to our bodies through Hatha, Restorative Yoga, and Zen meditation, we will cultivate joyful ease and openhearted connection with all beings.   Lisa and Linda will share Yoga and Zen practices to support awareness and embodiment, deep relaxation and resilience, patience and vitality. The true heart of our being is always available right here, right now. Please join us! All levels welcome! Find out more ... • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Tassajara Summer Work Practice Program Perhaps you or someone you know would benefit from time spent at Tassajara on our work exchange program. Perfect for college or gap-year students, teachers, retirees, or anyone who would like to deepen their meditation practice with the support of the Tassajara community and wilderness setting. Come for 5 days or stay the whole summer! Find out more ... • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •  ‌  ‌  ‌

San Francisco Zen Center300 Page StreetSan Francisco, CA 94102 Unsubscribe countessprague@gmail.com Update Profile | About Constant Contact Sent by tassreservations@sfzc.org

Forging someone's signature is considered identity theft. A victim could file a police report.

I haven't been able to sleep. Many reasons....

Dear friends, old and new: Things are really lively here at the Tassajara reservations office! Our online reservations are now open and we're busy filling reservation requests for the 2020 Tassajara Guest Season. If you're planning on joining us this summer you may want to book soon as we are filling up unusually fast this year. Take a look at our online brochure for details on rooms, retreats, and other important information for your visit. Our phones will be live on March 14 but in the meantime we are happy to answer any of your questions via email at tassreservations@sfzc.org. The mountains, the hot springs, the sound of the temple bell ... Now more than ever, the quiet contemplative atmosphere of Tassajara is a refreshing antidote to the chaos of these modern times. Please come! Warmly, The Tassajara Community • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Wildflowers and Birds of Tassajara May 11 - 15 Diane Renshaw and Zenshin Greg Fain Investigate the natural world through intimate looking; learning the names of what is seen; opening to scent, shape, song, and call; and enjoying the whole body-mind experience of being immersed in the wilderness surrounding Tassajara.  Find out more ... Coming Home to the Body: Cultivating Joy, Connection, and Renewal May 11 - 15 Lisa Marie and Shinchi Linda Galijan By coming home to our bodies through Hatha, Restorative Yoga, and Zen meditation, we will cultivate joyful ease and openhearted connection with all beings.   Lisa and Linda will share Yoga and Zen practices to support awareness and embodiment, deep relaxation and resilience, patience and vitality. The true heart of our being is always available right here, right now. Please join us! All levels welcome! Find out more ... • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Tassajara Summer Work Practice Program Perhaps you or someone you know would benefit from time spent at Tassajara on our work exchange program. Perfect for college or gap-year students, teachers, retirees, or anyone who would like to deepen their meditation practice with the support of the Tassajara community and wilderness setting. Come for 5 days or stay the whole summer! Find out more ... • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •  ‌  ‌  ‌

San Francisco Zen Center300 Page StreetSan Francisco, CA 94102 Unsubscribe countessprague@gmail.com Update Profile | About Constant Contact Sent by tassreservations@sfzc.org

I feel as if I were meant to keep you safe. I said before that finding you felt like finding you again, not for the first time, but reunited.

Maybe it is just me, but I felt so comfortable with you from the start. Being away from you has been extremely difficult. I was dragged away from such a feeling of contentment and actual bliss, that I feel actual pain now.

Life only began when I met you.

I don't want to lose you.

Are you happy?

It is my dearest wish for you.

I don't think I can have anything done if you aren't there. I am dead.

I think those doctors purposely frightened me. Why do that? They hear ugly made up rumors, but they could be professional. they frighten me. I may not be able to find people who want to help me.

I would go wherever is thought to be the best.

The radiologist said to me, "If you were my mother, or daughter, I'd be really, really worried about you." That did not make me feel good. Maybe it is a trap....?

Listening to Elton John, "Too Low for Zero" Album

I used to play the album, "Ghost Stories" by Coldplay on my trail walks.  Makes me think of you. "You're always in my head...." You went with me everywhere. 

"Because I'm still in love with you.. "

I love you with all my heart.

Can't this stupid thing be over? I pray for you each night, but maybe I am old news.

I need you there.

I only trust you.

I need you. I don't want to die without seeing you first.

• I guess I should have gone there. Now, I hear nothing.

My leg hurts so much.

Something weird going on.

I don't want to sleep. I just want to think about you.

I guess a broken heart poisons the rest of the body too. 

I feel so alone.

Is it possible that I could die before I see you again?

Neil Young - Harvest Moon

"Because I'm still in love with you....."

I bought an anti-virus mask for my renter and myself. Good to have for my compromised condition, right?

You know I would never put my safety above yours.

I want to find a way to help this old doggie! 

Fights4Them (@KimEverett1) Tweeted:
17-years-old and her family deserted her at Los Angeles animal shelter https://t.co/oban2iMoBA https://twitter.com/KimEverett1/status/1232847159441141760?s=20